When I got home that night, I found Nicole sitting at the breakfast bar. She was staring at a bouquet of Morning Glories and an expensive bottle of red wine that sat untouched in front of her. A quick glance at the label revealed it was a 2009 blend from the south of France.

“What’s this?” I teased. “Do you have another secret admirer I don’t know about?”

She glanced up at me, and I immediately regretted my lighthearted joke. Her eyes were red and puffy.

“Nicole, are you okay?”

I moved around the breakfast bar to hug her, but she retreated backwards, holding her hands up in a placating gesture.

“I’m fine,” she croaked. “Sorry, but it’s been a long day. Would you mind… getting rid of that stuff while I take a shower?”

“Sure.” I nodded in confusion. “Do you want me to put it somewhere?”

“Just get it out of the apartment,” she whispered. “So I don’t have to look at it again.”

I picked up the flowers while Nicole padded to her room. The blooms were already drooping in the evening light of the apartment, and I found it a strange selection for someone to send Nicole. I wasn’t a flower connoisseur, but I thought I once read that these were a symbol of mortality or something along those lines.

When I stepped into the elevator, I bumped right into Ryland and nearly dropped everything in my arms. His lips tilted up at the corners as he helped me to regain my balance.

“Are you going to be popping up like this all the time now?”

The irritation in my voice was clear, but I couldn’t control it. I was still in shock from the big reveal, and the more I thought about it, the more questions I had.

He didn’t seem fazed though because he was too busy staring at the flowers in my arms.

“What are you doing with those?”

“I’m taking them to the trash. I think some creep sent them to Nicole, and she doesn’t want them.”

His gaze narrowed, and I wondered if he thought I was lying to him. Or perhaps he was upset someone had sent Nicole flowers. I still couldn’t figure out what the hell was going on between them, and it irritated me further to even think about it.

“What’s the deal with you two?” I questioned. 

“What do you mean?”

“I mean is there something going on between you and Nicole? Or anyone else for that matter?”

His expression softened as he took a step closer and tilted my chin up to meet his gaze.

“Would it bother you if there were?”

“Of course it would bother me,” I snapped. “I don’t know who else you’re playing these sick games with, and I think it’s only fair I know if I need to protect myself. You haven’t used a condom once since we’ve been together, and…”

“Brighton.” He smiled, completely derailing my train of thought. “Do you really think I’ve waited this long for you only to have someone else come along and distract me?”

“I don’t know.” I frowned. “I didn’t know that you had waited for this to happen. You acted like I didn’t even exist that first day you saw me again…”

Something occurred to me then. Something I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought of before. “How did you know I would come to San Francisco?”

“I arranged the apprenticeship,” he said. “I had no doubts you would take it, but even if you didn’t, you’d be here regardless.”

“So this whole time, you’ve been testing me?” I accused. “With Stacey and with… who else is in on this?”

He opened his mouth, but I didn’t give him a chance to answer.

“Oh God, was that thing with Tom at the bar a test too?”

His jaw tightened, and it was answer enough. “I had to be sure you weren’t like your family.”

“You mean like Norma-Jean?” I snapped. “Because I’m nothing like her. And neither is Brayden. He’s a good person, and I thought you were his friend. I don’t understand why you’re doing this to him!”

The elevator doors drew open, and he shook his head in clear warning. I knew what I asked was against the agreement, but I had too many questions, so recklessly, I persisted.

“Tell me why,” I demanded. “Tell me what happened between you two. Why were you at our house that night? Is that why you brought me into this?”

He didn’t answer, and it was infuriating me. So I kept peppering him with whatever questions I could think of.

“What about those initials you put on my back?” I asked. “They aren’t even yours. Are they someone else’s? A womans?”

“You don’t get to ask those questions,” he barked. “Remember?”

“Fine.” I tore my gaze away from him like a scolded child and continued my walk to the trash receptacles. He caught up to me within a matter of moments and waited until I’d discarded the flowers before pulling me into his arms.

“The only thing you need to know is that you belong to me. Everything else, it doesn’t matter.”

“It matters to me,” I insisted. “But you don’t care about that, do you?”

He answered by nuzzling into my hair and kissing his way down my throat while his hands explored my body. It wasn’t fair. He was touching me in all the ways he knew I liked, trying to weaken my defenses.

“You’re cold,” he whispered into my ear, rubbing his hand up my back to grip the base of my neck. “You should go back upstairs.”

“I should,” I agreed.

I didn’t move. I couldn’t while he was looking at me that way. As if he didn’t want me to go anywhere, and that right then, I was the most important thing in the world to him. It was a complete contradiction to everything he was doing.

He cradled my face in his hands and kissed me as if it were the last time he’d ever see me. I secretly wondered if he still thought it might be. That I might bolt at any given moment. And it was then that the truth of our circumstances really dawned on me. I already had the upper hand in this situation. He might have been holding the cards, but without me, he couldn’t win. Whatever this was, he needed me. And by the genuine emotion in his eyes, I wondered if that was a requirement of his game or his heart.

“You get one question,” he said. “I’ll try to answer it as best as I can. But it can’t be anything to do with Brayden.”

My brain jumped into overdrive at the realization of what he was offering. I had so many questions, and some were much more important than others. But the one I’d asked myself again and again was the first to roll off my tongue.

“Why me? Of all the people in the world you could have, why did it have to be me?”

He stared at the ground then up at the sky, as if the answers were up there, out of his reach.

“It couldn’t have been anyone else, Brighton,” he replied in a haunted tone. “Even if I hadn’t been looking for you, there was no way I could have missed you. There’s something about you I can’t explain. But whatever it is, it makes me want you in ways I can’t even describe. It wasn’t because you’re the perfect pawn, even though you are. It was because I wanted you, and nobody else would ever do.”

His words left a bitter taste in my mouth, and a strange ache inside of my chest. But there was warmth too. That was the way it always went with him. Pleasure and pain. They were never two separate entities, but one. And apparently, it didn’t matter to my reptilian brain.

It didn’t matter that he’d openly admitted I was a pawn, or that if I sat back and really thought about what he was doing, I would be able to see it for what it was. I couldn’t take a step back from this situation. I was wrapped right up in the midst of it. Somehow, some way, I had landed in Ryland Bennett’s sights, and now all I could do was hold on for the ride.

There was a deep sense of dread when I thought about what would become of me once this was over. Of what would be left. Because it would end eventually. And when the dust had settled, and Ryland had gotten what he wanted and taken his fill of me, I would have Brayden back. But a part of me feared I would be nothing more than an empty shell. Longing for a man who was the worst kind of wrong for me. The kind who would hurt me at any opportunity he got. And it was this very realization that gave me the courage to break from his hold and walk away. 

 

***

 

“Everything okay?” Nicole asked as I stepped back into the apartment. “You were gone for a long time.”

“Everything’s fine.” I gave her a soft smile. “How are you doing?”

She stared out the floor to ceiling glass windows of our apartment, taking in the view as she did so often. I wished I could pry whatever was bothering her out of her head, but if there was one thing I’d learned about Nicole, it was I couldn’t rush her. I had to let her speak on her own terms, revealing little parts of herself layer by layer. I used to think I was a guarded person. But now that I’d seen the likes of her and Ryland, I knew it wasn’t true.

“It’s just this day,” she explained. “It was the birthday of someone who was very special to me. I mentioned him to you once.”

“Your ex-boyfriend?”

She shook her head. “He wasn’t my ex. We were still together when he passed away.”

I wrapped my arms around myself and squeezed tight, unsure what to say. I’d never been good at comforting people. And I was even less comfortable with the subject of death. I wasn’t sure how to deal with it. The closest I’d come to losing anyone was having my father run out on us when I was a baby. But that was a choice, not a force of circumstance, and I didn’t even remember who he was.

“I’m really sorry, Nicole. I didn’t know.”

“We were supposed to get married.” She looked up at me with bleary eyes. “We were both young, but we knew that’s what we wanted. I know we would have too.”

“I’m sure he loved you very much,” I agreed. “I don’t see how anyone couldn’t, Nicole. You’re an amazing woman.”

She collapsed onto the sofa, and her entire body shook as she broke into sobs.

“He was my whole world,” she insisted. “I never would have betrayed him. But he’s gone now, and I still feel obligated… like I can’t move on. I know I shouldn’t be saying these things, God, I sound like such an awful person. But its how I feel. Like I’m standing still. The whole world is moving around me, but I’m stuck in a different time and place.”

“Nicole.” I reached for her hands and squeezed them in mine, putting as much conviction into my voice as I could muster. “You aren’t dishonoring him by moving on. I’m sure he would have wanted you to be happy. He would have wanted you to have a life, even if he couldn’t be a part of it.”

“He won’t let me,” she cried. “He won’t let me move on.”

I stared at her in confusion. “Who won’t?”

She snapped her attention back to me and bit her lip as though she’d said too much. I’d heard about how grief could really mess with a person’s head, and I wondered if that’s what was happening here. I wanted to ask her more about it, but before I could, she stood up and wiped away her tears.

“I need some sleep,” she said. “I’m tired, and I’m not even making any sense right now. I’m sorry, Brighton. I didn’t mean to put all of this on you.”

“It’s okay,” I reassured her. “That’s what I’m here for. I’m your friend, and I want you to talk to me. About anything.”

Instead of comforting her, my words had the opposite effect, and I wasn’t sure why. But Nicole gave me a tight smile as she said good night and padded off to her room.