Brighton

 

I fully expected to hold onto my anger and give Ryland a piece of my mind when I stormed into his apartment. But as I walked through each room, I came up empty.

I padded back through the living room, wondering if he could still possibly be at work. It was late though, and I doubted I’d be able to get into the building. Then another thought occurred to me. One that had been bouncing around in my head for a while.

I wondered if he’d found someone else since he’d given up on me. If he was out with her at that very moment. My heart stuttered, and my stomach churned.

No, he wouldn’t do that. Ryland always told me he’d waited five years for me. There was no way he could just move on so quickly. But as fast as he’d gone cold, I really didn’t know where his feelings were at. Just when I thought about giving up and walking out the door, something out on the balcony caught my eye.

I turned around and examined his profile in the moonlight as he stared out at the skyline. All of my irritation deflated when I saw him sitting there in the cold, looking more lost and alone than I’d ever seen him. I drew closer to him, unable to keep my head and heart from wanting the same thing. I pushed open the glass door, but he didn’t hear me. His skin looked ice cold, and his eyes were empty.

“Ryland?”

He turned at the sound of my voice, and something flared to life in his eyes as his gaze travelled over my face. He took a step closer on instinct, but then stopped short.

“Brighton? Are you okay?”

His eyes travelled down to my belly as I nodded, and he stuffed his hands into his pockets in an effort to control himself. I could tell he wanted to touch me, and honestly, I wanted him to touch me too. We were so close, but so far away.

“The nurse…” I stammered.

“Please.” He took another step. “Just give me this one concession. That’s all I’m asking.”

I shook my head. “It isn’t what I want.”

He rubbed the back of his neck and blew out a breath. He was heartbroken, but he didn’t understand. I wanted to tell him, but I couldn’t find the words. My pride and my heart were at war, and things with Ryland were never like this before. He usually took whatever it was he wanted, without question. And that included me.

But now there were so many different emotions between us. Emotions I didn’t even know how to deal with. This man before me was not the same man who’d blackmailed me ten months ago. He was not the same man who’d tried to kill my brother, or who had funded Norma’s addictions. This man was a broken, empty shell… and it was breaking me to see him this way. But he still wouldn’t let go of his anger over me hiding this from him. He seemed to be in the habit of taking his pain and twisting it into anger. And I didn’t know how to get through to him.

“Nicole said you’ve been tired,” he remarked. “I’m just trying to help, Brighton. In the only way that I can.”

It wasn’t the only way he could help, but again I was too proud to admit that.

“The nurse said something about a new apartment?” I asked. “What was she talking about?”

“That apartment isn’t going to work,” he said. “I think we both know that. I have a couple other places I’m looking into. I was going to text you and ask if you’d come look at them with me tomorrow.”

The way he said it was so business-like again, I hated it. But I nodded anyway.

“Please just give Emma a chance,” he continued. “Let her take some of your stress away, Brighton. It isn’t good for the baby.”

I frowned because I knew he was right. And when he put it that way, it sounded selfish of me not to take him up on it. Most women would probably kill to have what he was offering while they were pregnant.

“Okay,” I agreed. “I’ll give her a chance.”

“Thank you.”

Silence fell between us, and it was awkward. Things had never been this way before. I didn’t know what to say or how to act anymore. So I turned to go.

“I’ve been doing some reading,” Ryland said. “I think you’re supposed to start feeling some movement soon.”

I nodded because I’d read the same thing in my baby book.

“Have you?” he asked. He looked worried like he was missing out on something.

“Not yet.” I smiled. “But I’ll tell you when I do, I promise.”

“Okay,” he agreed. “And I made you an appointment for next week to have an ultrasound, so we can go together. I think you’re due for one.”

I bit my lip and nodded. No way was I going to tell him that I already had an appointment in my old neighborhood. Besides, I wanted him to be there with me.

“Thank you.”

He cleared his throat and tore his eyes away. “Anyway, it’s late. So I guess you should probably get some rest.”

“Yeah.”

I walked towards the door solemnly.

“I’ll have Ted pick you up at noon tomorrow.”

“Okay, Ryland.”

“Goodnight, Brighton.”

“Goodnight.”

 

***

 

“So?” Ryland arched a brow at me expectantly as my eyes wandered over the apartment once more.

It was a luxury loft that took up the entire top floor of an apartment building. Complete with a bay view and all the comforts that anyone could ever want. And the real kicker? It had been divided into two living spaces. There was very little in the way of privacy, with only a sliding partition that extended between the lounge areas. Ryland had calmly explained that he would have one side, and I’d have the other.

“You want to raise our baby here?” I clarified. “In this sterile apartment?”

He looked miffed, but I didn’t care. Technically there was nothing wrong with the apartment, but the realization that he was committing to us being separated for the next eighteen years upset me. I knew it was ridiculous. This was what I told him I wanted. And now I was completely contradicting that. I wanted to blame it on the hormones, but I couldn’t even do that.

“What’s wrong with this one, Brighton?”

There was an edge of frustration to his voice, but I didn’t care. I didn’t want to be here another moment.

“You can’t possibly think this would work,” I fumed. “What’s going to happen when you start dating again Ryland? You’re just going to bring your girlfriend back to the apartment while I’m sitting in the next room with your baby.”

He tore his eyes away from me and stared out the window. “It would never be like that.”

“You say that now,” I continued. “But you can’t possibly know that. You’re not going to be single forever.”

I didn’t know why I was pushing this. I was making myself crazy, but I wanted to hear his response. To see if the final nail had already been wedged into our coffin. If we were really over.

Ryland didn’t answer, and that was answer enough.

“What do you want from me?” he asked. “I’m trying to do the right thing here.”

“I don’t want anything,” I said weakly. “I just want to go home. I’m tired.”

It was a lie, but I knew Ryland wouldn’t argue with me on this point. Unfair? Yes. But I needed to get out of this apartment and everything it represented.

“Okay,” he agreed. “I’ll keep looking. Ted will take you home.”