I don’t know myself. I can’t control myself, either.

As soon as Bram’s buttons go flying through the air, I know there’s another Grace alive

inside me. The one I’ve always been ashamed of. Who loves to touch herself and look at dirty pictures under the covers, who gets wet when another woman gives her a bath. Who loves to be spanked and licked and even slapped. Who loves every form of attention from this dominant alpha man.

And now I can’t live without his cock. He’s broken my mind, and I need him to break my body, too.

He pulls off his torn shirt, revealing his golden skin one muscular inch at a time. “Denial of our animal drives is as much a form of torture as pain,” he says. “It’s terrible when there’s no big dick to fuck your wet pussy.”

The words spill off his tongue as if he were born to say them. It’s like he’s stroking my mind with the sound.

“I recall one particular day when I walked into court,” he says. “I was wearing a striped shirt and tie, and you stared at my body. You were so curious about me.”

His heart pounds against my right hand. His skin is hot, and smooth as marble. “You were imagining things.” My voice comes out as a broken whisper.

“I was imagining things just like this. And so were you.”

I shrug. The side of his neck is broad under my thumbs. I stroke my fingers back and forth, just to feel how strong he is.

“What were you thinking of when you stared at me that way?” he asks.

My hands flatten as I draw them down toward his stomach. They glide smoothly over his corrugated muscles, sending silent signals to my pussy and nipples. A trickle of wetness drips down my thigh.

It takes all my focus to force out a half-truth. “I was thinking that…every word that came out of your mouth was a lie.”

“But you wanted to lick them off my lips, didn’t you?”

He smiles when I nod. His arms still hang at his sides. I’ve practically thrown myself at him, but all he’ll do is kiss me.

Spanking hurt. This is torment. Maybe ripping off his shirt was too subtle. I know something that won’t be.

My fingers shake as I unzip his pants and reach into his boxer briefs. Holding my breath, I lock my fingers around his huge, stiff cock. The veins pulse. His balls are full and heavy enough to flood me with come ten times over.

He’s so big and hard for me. Why won’t he take me?

I drop to my knees in front of him and raise my eyes. He looks down at me, his eyes calm but churning with lust.

“Please,” I say. “I need it.”

“Need what, baby girl? You’ve had your dirty talk lesson, so use your words.”

“I need…” I swallow and take a deep breath. “I need you to take my virginity.”

He crosses his arms over his muscular chest. “How, my sweet Grace?”

“With this,” I say, and kiss the thick, shiny head of his cock.

“How shall I take your virginity with my cock?” he asks.

“By, um…fucking me.”

He smiles. “In what position?”

My mind races through every sexual position I can think of. “All of them?”

His cock pulses like a dangerous animal in my hands. His chuckle is so warm and accepting, my blush vanishes immediately.

“And which would you like to start with?”

I shrug. He gives me a quick, brisk slap. “I didn’t teach you to be indecisive, or avoid a question,” he says, but his voice is coaxing and gentle. “So again, which would you like to start with?”

It’s the opposite of the training I had growing up. Hide what you feel. Pretend you’re okay. Go along to get along, even if it hurts.

I put back my shoulders and look him in the eye. “I want to be on my knees. The first time you fuck me, I want it to be from behind.”

His eyes smolder into mine. Everything else – the room, the rain, my fear – disappear. My whole world is him.

“Why?”

“Because I think…I’ll feel the most fucked that way.”

His mouth opens in surprise. “Listen to my girl, using her words so well.”

My heart soars at his praise. “Thank you.”

With the backs of his fingers, he strokes the cheek he just slapped. “Stand up.”

He takes my hand and leads me to the bed. Turning me slowly, he pushes the robe off my shoulders, leaving me in only heels. “Stay there. Don’t move.”

He goes to the closet and returns with a wooden box.

“Shoes off,” he says, in a cool monotone that makes me shiver. I’m not in charge anymore. I never really was.

The whole night was foreplay, and I had no idea.

“A virgin body demands a little ritual,” Bram says raising the burled lid of the box. “Some preparation.”

“What do you mean?” I try to peek inside but he holds it away.

“Shoes off, Grace. I won’t tell you again.”

I bend over and unbuckle the ankle straps. Slipping off each shoe, I stand in bare feet in front of him. Now he’s even taller, even bigger and more commanding. I wanted him to take control and he has. This is my choice. But it still scares the hell out of me.

He takes out a small glass bottle and sets the box on the nightstand. “Lie on the bed. Face up.”

I lie back. I’ve never felt such desire, not just for him, but to leap into the unknown. Whatever he wants, wherever this leads. I’ll go there with him.

I feel a cool dribble across my stomach and open my eyes. The scent of coconut rises to my nose. “Oil?” I ask.

“Hush. Eyes closed.”

Slowly, with deep, rhythmic force, Bram begins massaging my body. Across my stomach and chest, up my neck and down my arms, my feet, my calves, my hips. He massages all around my pussy, but leaves it untouched. My whole body hums as he kneads and strokes, luring me down into a warm, hypnotic state.

After what feels like an hour, he turns me by the hips and shoulders, and massages by back. He gets closer and closer, massaging my ass and upper thighs until each stroke makes my cunt pulse. He parts my legs as wide apart as they’ll go.

“That’s what I want to see,” he says. “My sweet girl ready for her first cock.”

First and only, I want to say. I can’t imagine ever wanting another man this way.

I need him. I need to belong to him. Touch me, I scream in my mind.

I hear the lid of the wooden box open and shut. A moment later, a soft buzzing noise fills the air. The sound of it makes my ears tickle.

He leans close to my face and kisses my cheek. I breathe in the nectar of his breath and lips. “Do minister’s daughters use vibrators?” he asks, his voice sexy and amused.

“Not this one,” I admit.

“No sex toys for Grace? Ever?”

I blink at him. “It must seem silly to you.”

“No. Being your first for everything is perfect.”

I jump a little as he traces the vibrator over the back of my upper thigh. “Keep your legs apart. Wide open.”

I spread them even further. I can feel sticky strings of wetness stretch as my pussy opens to him. I’m soaking his sheets again, showing myself for the needy slut I am.

“What does it feel like?” I ask as he gets closer to the lips of my pussy.

“You’re going to tell me.”

The second I feel the vibration in my pussy, I stop breathing. My cunt and ass are alive with the sensation, as if the pleasure is coming from inside me. I squirm under the feeling. It’s almost too intense.

He puts his hand around my neck and squeezes lightly. His fingers nearly touch across my jugular vein.

This is too much. Too much pleasure, too much fear, too much trust. I try to squirm away but he holds me tight by the throat.

“You’re mine,” he says, buzzing the vibrator closer to my clit. “You know that?”

I nod.

“You don’t belong to your father. You don’t belong to James. You belong to me.”

A desperate moan rips from my throat. I have to feel it now. I’ll die if I don’t.

Bram kisses me as he touches the tip of the vibrator to my clit. His hand is tight on my neck, making my ears pulse with blood. His soft tongue, his firm hand, the tremoring in my cunt – I’ve never felt so alive. It’s as if I were just born.

“Thank you,” I whisper into his mouth.

“We’ve only started.”

He glides the vibrator from my clit to my ass and back again. Just when I think I’m going to explode and cum, he slides it away. Tears of frustration trickle onto his sheets.

“I’ve never felt such a wet slit,” he says, between nibbles of my lower lip. “You really need to get fucked, don’t you?”

I swallow against the firm grip of his hand. “Yes.”

“My cock is too big for a tiny thing like you.”

I gush even more. “That’s what I want.”

“Good girl for telling me. I want to know everything.”

He buzzes the vibrator up my spine until I feel it in my teeth. I feel it in every nerve, my heart, the center of my brain. He has total power.

He vibrates my clit again, waiting until I’m tearing at the sheets to pull it away. Again and again, he tortures me. “Please, Bram,” I whimper. “Don’t stop.”

His face is so close to mine. I can feel his smile as he leans down to kiss my cheek. “You like that?”

“Yes,” I gasp. “It’s amazing.”

I’m in the palm of his hand by the time he hauls me onto my knees and positions himself behind me. I can’t resist, or even speak. I’m as pliable and docile as a little doll. His doll. Soon to be a virgin no more.

I feel the thick head of his cock opening my pussy lips. Sliding between them, taking possession. The pressure against my wet hole is intense.

I stiffen.

“Shhh,” he says. “Relax. It’s all right. I’ve got you.”

I let out a shaky breath. “You do?”

“Yes. Always.”

Teeth gently gripping the back of my neck, he slides himself into me. First he gives me the very tip, then the whole, swollen head. I squeeze him, and he answers with a soft moan.

“You felt it?” I whisper.

“I feel everything.”

His hips ease forward another inch. I gasp as his broad shaft stretches me open. I gasp and wince.

“Does it hurt, beautiful?”

“Um…yes.”

“Good.”

His response makes my clit throb. He’s big, it hurts, and I want more. I want all of him.

I point my toes and grip the sheets. He groans, his fingers firm around my hips. Millimeter by millimeter, my cunt expands, taking him until I feel a heaviness under my heart.

He’s all the way inside me. I’m being fucked. And it’s incredible. It’s so many things I’ve never felt before. Deep. Intense. Complete.

I was empty until now, and I never knew it.

“I love you,” I whisper into the sheets. Where he won’t hear me. Where it won’t feel so wrong.

“You love me?”

I hold my breath. He stops moving. The only thing I hear is his breathing.

He heard me. Fuck.

I can’t take it back. All I can do is own it.

“Yes.”

He wraps both arms tightly around my waist. “Say it, then.”

It feels like pulling my heart out through my mouth as I repeat the words. “I love you.”

He exhales a long breath that ruffles my hair. “God, Grace,” he says. “You don’t know what you fucking do to me.”

I’m oily and sweaty, and so excited I can’t catch my breath. Bram starts thrusting again, a slow in and out that feels primal. There’s pressure and pain, but soaring over it all is pleasure.

The man who shattered my life once is doing it again. And this time, I can’t get enough.

Thick cock deep inside me, he slides both hands around my throat. His voice is a whispery growl.

“Your pussy is mine. Your body is mine. Your life is mine. Understand?”

“Yes.”

“Always. Always mine.”

His rhythm picks up, and I start moving my hips. Bringing my ass up to meet his thrusts, I start to fuck him back.

“That’s right,” he says. “Give me your cunt. Show me you love getting fucked.”

As we fuck, I let go of everything.

The past, the future, everything except right now. And him.

I can feel him trying to be gentle. Such a big, powerful man, trying not to break me.

“I need to see you,” he says, and pulls out slowly. I feel empty and achy without his cock. Even a second away from him is too long.

Rolling me onto my back, he stares down at me. He sees my oiled skin, the hair stuck to my forehead, the streaks of blood on my thighs.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he says.

He plants his knees wide apart and forces my thighs open. His cock stands proudly straight up, slick and ribbed with thick veins. The head is dark with my virgin blood, and I’m proud of it. Proud of bleeding for him.

He leans back on his knees and ogles my cunt. “Look at that pussy. Do you know how perfect you are? Just like this?”

“But I’m not,” I say.

He props his elbows by my shoulders and covers my body with his. His face is half in shadow. The light plays over the sharp, angled planes of his face. He’s so impossibly gorgeous I lose my breath. He smells like hot masculine skin and clean soap. He smells like he’s been drowning in my pussy.

“You’re perfect,” he says, breath hot against my lips. “You’re God’s fucking gift.”