It’s after ten in the morning when I wake up. I’m alone in the bed, but I knew I would be. Cilla slipped away a few hours ago.

Last night was the first time I slept next to a woman in a long time. Ever maybe. No one spends the night. Not me, not them. I fuck and I leave. Period. What she said about not sleeping with anyone, she meant that exactly. I’ve had Hugo look into her past. I know how she fucks. I know she’s like a man in that regard. She goes to a bar called The Black Swan. I wouldn’t set foot in it, personally. It’s a shit hole. There, she picks up a guy, fucks him and walks away. She doesn’t take anyone home, rents a hotel room in advance. I’m not even sure she bothers exchanging names.

When I made that comment about her being damaged, about something having happened to her, she confirmed what I suspected without words. The truth was in her eyes. She looked like someone desperate to escape. To make a run for it.

So later, when I felt her stir, I let her slide out from under my arm and disappear back into her own room. She can act like she’s safe there. Like I don’t know her secret. Pretend she’s not as fucked up as I am.

But there’s one thing I still don’t know. Why did she do it? Why did she offer herself in exchange for her brother? She knew what I’d require. What I’d take. She had to know this would be different than what she’s used to.

I turn my head, close my eyes again. Her scent lingers here, just beneath that of sex. I like watching Cilla come. It’s like she gives everything up when she comes. Gives herself over completely. I want to think that’s me. That she isn’t like that with those other men.

The thought of them pisses me off and I throw off the covers and get up.

After a shower, I go downstairs to find the study door still ajar, my keys still in the lock. Helen comes around the corner and smiles.

“Good morning.”

“Morning.” I glance up the stairs and Helen seems to read my mind.

“She hasn’t come downstairs yet.”

I nod. “I’ll just have coffee in the study.”

“I’ll bring it right away.”

On my way in, I notice the mud’s been cleaned up. After Cilla had left the library, I’d sat there with my bottle of whisky for too long. Although I didn’t take a coat with me, I’d had my shoes on when I’d left the house and gone out into the woods. Gone to the barn on the edge of the property.

I close the study door and sit behind my desk, not bothering to open the curtains. I rub my face and take a deep breath in.

I hadn’t been back to the barn since they took Ginny away. From the state of things last night, no one had. Maybe a mouse or two, but even the animals knew to stay away. Dust carpeted every surface, disturbed only by the weather blown in from the hole in one of the walls. Back when the house had first been built, it was a greenhouse, but by the time my family had moved in, it had been used more as a storage space. All I saw last night though was the chair she’d stood on as she’d slipped the noose around her neck. Saw her shoe. They hadn’t taken that away when they’d taken everything else. The rope. The knife. A steak knife. She’d used that to try to cut out the baby.

Fuck.

I shake my head, clear the memory. The image of her trying to hide the pregnancy, trying to terminate it. The bloody mess on the floor. My baby sister all alone.

Fuck. I feel like I’m going to choke.

If she’d come to me, I could have helped her. If she’d come to me, she’d be alive today. God, she was fifteen. Fucking fifteen years old.

A knock at the door interrupts my thoughts. “Come in.”

It’s Helen and I find I’m disappointed. She sets the pot of coffee down, eyes the vodka and tumbler sitting on the edge of the desk.

“You can take those back to the library. I’m not to be disturbed for the next hour.”

“Yes, sir.”

She walks out and closes the door behind her. I pick up my cell phone and dial Dominic Benedetti’s private line.

“Kill,” Dominic sounds like he’s just waking up.

“Morning, Dominic.” We’re business associates, not friends, exactly, but I do like the guy. He’s a man of his word. “Something happened at the club last night I thought you should know about.”

“What is it?”

“A few of Rossi’s men were in there.” I wait, but he doesn’t speak. I can imagine his face though. He’s always been a little hot under the collar, and I know he’s pissed hearing this. “Nothing happened, but they did have a van full of soldiers parked outside.”

“Antonino among them?”

“No. He’s an idiot but not that much of an idiot.”

Dominic chuckles. “Don’t overestimate him.”

“Listen, my cousin—” Dominic doesn’t like Benji and the feeling is mutual. But still, he’s my cousin. “You know he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed.” And I’m already covering for the bag of coke incident.

“Did that piece of shit bring them into Benedetti territory?”

I bite the bullet. “Yes. I took care of it and I don’t think he’ll do that again, but—”

“Fucking—how in hell are you two related?”

“I ask myself that all the time.”

“The boy needs to learn a lesson, Kill.”

“Let me handle it. If he pulls shit like this again, I’ll teach it to him.” And I will. Better to get his ass kicked by me than have his knee caps blown out by Dominic Benedetti.

“You know I respect you,” he says. I know there’s more so I don’t speak. “But if you don’t teach it, I will.”

“Understood.” Benji’s safe, for now. “How’s Gia?” I ask, changing the subject. “How many months along is she now?” I know exactly how far Gia Benedetti, Dominic’s wife, is. And I know they struggled to get pregnant for two years so he’s handling her with kid gloves.

“Five months and two weeks. It’s a boy.”

I hear the pride in his tone. And even though I know this isn’t his first kid, I pretend like it is. “Congratulations. Pass that on to Gia, will you?”

“I will. Let me know when you talk to Ben.”

“Will do.”

After we hang up, I finish my coffee and get up. It’s early, but I head to the club. I need to bury myself in work today. I need to do it to forget. I leave word with Helen that one of the boys should drive Cilla to the club tonight.