Chapter Thirty
Mia
My eyes feel swollen and crusty. I stare at Mateo, eyes burning from exhaustion and excessive crying. I am too fucking tired for this shit. What the fuck kind of fucked up bullshit is he spouting right now?
“I let him out.” Since I’m still not speaking, he watches warily, but continues. “I heard you. I heard you when you asked me not to… I just didn’t want you to know. I wanted him to be dead to you. I wanted you to mourn him and move on. He’s not coming back. But I didn’t realize… I didn’t know you would carry this much guilt. I didn’t think of that.”
“What are you talking about? I saw you…”
“You saw me beat him up. Then I kicked you out and shut the door.”
Shaking my head, falling back against the chair, I say, “What kind of game is this, Mateo? Don’t do this. Please don’t make it worse. Don’t lie to me.”
“I’m not lying,” he says, rising again. He turns toward the desk, spreading out the pictures in the folder. He grabs one at random, holding it up for me to see.
I grab it, frowning at it. It’s a picture of Vince inside a McDonald’s. He’s sitting at a table, presumably by himself, but it’s cropped up close, so I can’t tell. He’s wearing a ball cap backwards, which looks really cute on him. He’s sipping from a straw in a beverage cup, his attention on something on the table. A paper, maybe.
Mateo reaches behind him and grabs another one, showing it to me. This one shows Vince walking up the stairs of an apartment complex. Only his profile is visible, but I recognize that profile.
“You’re not the reason Vince lost his life, Mia. You’re the reason he got one.”
I look up at Mateo, terrified to believe what he’s saying. I want to believe it, but I’ve been manipulated by him too many times before. If he realized I couldn’t handle Vince’s death, I honestly wouldn’t put it past him to manufacture a trail like this to show me, to put my mind at ease.
“I don’t believe you,” I finally say.
His eyes widen and he indicates the folder. “I have proof. Look at all this proof. I didn’t think you’d believe my words, that’s why I’m showing you this.”
“This isn’t proof of anything. These are pictures of Vince I’ve never seen before—so what? They could’ve been taken anywhere. Like Vince has never been to McDonald’s?”
He scowls at me, grabbing a packet of papers with a staple in the corner, holding it up for me to see. “This is his lease. This is his address. This is…” He trails off. “This is all proof. Look at all of it.”
“This is paper. You can print old pictures, you can show me anyone’s lease and say it’s his. This isn’t proof of anything.”
Sighing, he grabs the phone. “Well, I was hoping I wouldn’t have to do this. You can’t say anything to him, he can’t know you’re calling; he’s stayed away this long and I don’t want to tempt the little prick. Please don’t say anything, but you’ll hear his voice.”
Now my heart starts to pound. This is more like proof. Mateo dials the number and hands me the phone.
A little shaky, I put the phone to my ear. It rings once, twice, three times. I brace myself for disappointment, for this to be a trick—oh, he didn’t answer the phone? Weird, we’ll have to try another time.
And then I hear Vince’s voice. “Hello?”
I crumble. It’s hard to keep from crying out, but I clutch my hand over my mouth to stifle the sob that tries to escape, squeezing my eyes shut.
Oh my god, it’s Vince. That’s Vince’s voice.
Shock and relief pour through me in equal measures.
Now he’s annoyed. “Hello?” he says, a little more aggressively.
New tears leak out of my eyes, but Mateo carefully takes the phone out of my hand, ending the call and flipping the phone shut.
“You manipulative bastard,” I say between sobs, but they’re happy sobs. They’re happy sobs. I’m so goddamn happy right now, I could burst. Vince is alive. I didn’t kill him.
Mateo watches me warily, like he’s not sure what to expect now. “I just… I wanted to test you. I know it was brutal, but it seemed like two birds with one stone. I thought you would’ve had to mourn your relationship anyway, and I wouldn’t have many chances to test you like that—it all made sense on paper. I had it all worked out. Test one concern, resolve another. Vince is gone. He might as well be dead, for the purposes of this family. But he’s not; I just gave him the one thing he wanted more than you. Vince never wanted to be in this life. He always wanted out, I just wouldn’t let him. When all this happened, I decided I had to. It was the only way I could keep you. He would’ve been a problem if he stayed, but I was worried you really wouldn’t forgive me if I actually killed him. I wanted you to, but… I wasn’t willing to take that big of a risk. So I kept you, and let him go.”
I don’t know what to feel. So many different emotions tear through me—relief and anger, confusion and joy. I’m so overwhelmed, and the most horrible thing is the familiarity of this feeling. I’ve been here before with him.
He set me up. Again. He played me. Again. There wasn’t even an end date on this game, because he never intended to tell me the truth.
“You put me through all of this for nothing,” I state.
“No, it wasn’t for nothing,” he disagrees. “I had my reasons.”
“You always have reasons,” I say, faintly. “But they’re not normal.”
Cocking his head slightly as if to acknowledge that, he says, “Well, no. But I’m not normal.”
A wave of protectiveness moves over me—inexplicably, since no one is attacking him, he’s just talking about himself. Still, I feel the urge to protect him, even after he put me through all this shit.
I shake my head at myself, turning my gaze back to this gorgeous, manipulative mess of a man. “You were never going to tell me? You were going to let me believe Vince was dead because of me?”
He hesitates to answer that one, and I know it’s because yes, that was the plan.
I shake my head, not even making him answer it. “You’re emotionally exhausting, you know that?”
Nodding, he says, “I do know that. I don’t know how to be any other way.”
“When are you ever going to stop testing me? When will you start trusting me instead? You don’t do this shit to Meg.”
In his defense, he doesn’t look pleased with himself. “It’s not the same with Meg. I already know the answer with her, no further testing required. You’re different. You offer me everything, so there’s much more to lose. It’s difficult for me trust people. There’s something about you that… it just feels different. But I’m hard on people, and I had to know, even if I did something you couldn’t accept, you would still love me. I trusted that without testing it once before, and I was wrong. The woman I invested everything in withdrew from me and there was nothing I could do to bring her back.”
“Beth?”
He nods wordlessly, letting that sink in.
I remind him most of the partner he murdered.
I need to learn more about Beth. I need him to tell me about Beth, so I can understand why she has him so convinced he needs to keep doing shit like this to me. I want to see every scar that’s been inflicted upon this complicated man. I want to understand every experience that’s made him this way, and I want to heal his every hurt.
There’s a noticeable difference between the first time he blew my mind wide open with his games at the poker game, and this time: now he’s giving me space. Last time he crowded me once he dropped the bomb, filling me up with him, kissing my neck, touching me, overwhelming me further. Maybe today he doesn’t think I can handle it.
I know I can. What’s more, somehow I still want to.
The reality sinks in—this is real. This isn’t a trick. It’s so hard to know with him sometimes, but I know this is. He’s given me proof. Vince is alive and well and free because of me. I remember sitting at the pizza place with him back when we were first not-dating, him telling me Mateo would have to let him out, and he never would.
But he did. For me.
It feels like I’ve been in prison awaiting rescue, and Mateo just brought in one of his supervillain weapons and disintegrated the bars. Warmth washes over me, like sunshine after a hellish storm. Maybe he’s the one who locked me up in the first place, but he came back to rescue me.
Now I’m free, too.
Free from the crushing guilt. Free to love this crazy asshole. I don’t have to feel bad about it anymore. He might still be a crazy, manipulative monster, but he didn’t cross my line. He respected the boundary I gave him—he just didn’t want me to know he did.
He loves me. He totally loves me. In his twisted, controlling, semi-scary way, but I’ll take it. He might ultimately drive me out of my mind, but he’s worth it.
I grin up at him. He looks a little wary. All of a sudden I have energy again, and I use it to stand and wrap my arms around his neck, sinking against him. His arms tentatively move around my body, holding me close.
“I’m not Beth,” I tell him. “I’m never going to be Beth. I love you more than anything. More than is even reasonable. I will never stop loving you. You could break my heart a thousand more times, and I would still be there the next day hoping you wouldn’t do it again. You want to trust me with your heart, so give me the same courtesy; let me trust you with mine. There’s nothing you could ever do to make me stop loving you, so please stop trying. I love you more than anyone ever has or will or could, and I don’t deserve to be tortured for it. All I ask is that as a personal favor, you try really hard to avoid killing anyone I love. That would be really considerate.”
A little laugh of surprise shoots out of him. He pulls back to gaze at me, running his thumb tenderly across my face. “I’ll do my best,” he assures me.
“Can I tell Cherie Vince is alive?”
His face darkens, his eyes chilling. “Fuck Cherie.”
I shake my head, running my fingers through his hair. “She wasn’t out of line.”
“She was completely out of line.”
“She thinks you killed Vince. We need to tell her you didn’t. That he’s living his life, free to find someone who makes him happy. She’ll feel better; she’ll know that would make him happy. Happier than I did, let’s be honest.”
Mateo rolls his eyes, but not with any real oomph. “Why do you care so much about people?”
Smiling faintly, I tell him, “I have to care for both of us.”
Tenderly running the backs of his fingers across my jawline, he says, “I know I don’t tell you often, but I really do think you’re incredible.”
His words fill me up, and I lean up on my tiptoes to kiss him. “Often? We must have different definitions of often,” I tease.
“Sh, take your compliment and don’t ruin it.”
“You can give me compliments anytime you want,” I inform him.
Pretending to consider it, he says, “I don’t know, I don’t want to spoil you.”
“No, you just want to break my brain,” I say lightly.
He loses his smile and I immediately feel bad.
“I was just kidding,” I add, quickly. “You’re not going to break my brain. Good vs. evil: you play evil, I play good. I have to win. All the books say so.”
“I don’t think good can win out over evil while fucking evil. I don’t think it works that way.”
I shrug. “I’ll have to accept defeat then.”
“On behalf of all good, you’re waving the white flag?”
“The alternative was unacceptable. I’m sure everyone else will understand.”
Grinning wickedly, he wraps me up in his embrace and kisses me. A tender, lingering kiss that melts my heart. “I’ll make it worth your while, I promise.”
“Oh, I do not doubt you,” I assure him. Then, seriously, I add, “Please don’t ever do anything like this to me again, though. Not this bad. I can handle your games, but this one was too far.”
“I won’t do this again,” he promises me. “I’m sorry I told you I’d make you leave. I thought I could force you over the hump. I didn’t consider that you would just internalize all the feelings and take the bump for me.”
I nudge him with my shoulder. “You should’ve. I take all the bumps for you.”
Tucking me into his chest, he holds me tight and sighs.
“You really did do a lot of work to get me here, didn’t you?” I realize. This must have been an enormous undertaking. Especially since he did it all in secret, and had to make Vince go along with it. And that’s just the Vince stuff—I have no idea how he convinced Meg to accept me.
“Yep,” he verifies.
“You must really like me,” I tease.
“What was your first clue?” he asks, dryly.
I come out of his protective hold so I can reach up and kiss him. “Well, I hope I’m worth all the extra steps.”
Cupping my face in his hand and gazing down at me tenderly, he assures me, “You’re worth a million more.”