Buenos Aires, Argentina
8 Months Later
I wake up in the dead of night, sweaty, hearing an incessant buzzing sound. My phone? Not ringing. Not a text. What the fuck sort of sound is it making?
I grab for it from the table beside my bed. It falls on the floor with a pile of change and my wallet.
I half crawl off the bed with the heels of my hands, my legs still in the bed, so I can reach it. I find it in the pile of discarded clothes from that day.
Acid rises in my gut at the same time as the words what the fuck leave my mouth.
ATTN-Holly -42.8821, 147.3272
I click on the string of digits. Hobart, Tasmania.
Eli and Natasha are the only ones I can think to call. The number isn’t in service. I call Wes.
“Is there any reason you know of why Holly’s panic button is registering in Tasmania?”
“Hello to you, too, fucker.”
“Wes. Fuck. Panic button!”
“She bought it from them. She called them up and made them an offer.”
“When?”
“Recently.”
“I need help. She hit the panic button in her necklace.”
I don’t have people. I don’t have anything. I’m living quiet. Tryin’ to mind my own fuckin business.
Fuck. What the fuck has happened to her on that island that she’s calling me for help?
“I’m already at Benito Juarez. Waiting on you in a charter. I’ll give you a ride.”
“What?”
“Trust me. You need to go to her.”
“She arranged this with you?”
“Maybe.”
“Wes. I’m tryin’ to move on. Tryin’ to let her move on.”
“Lex.”
“What? It’s three o’clock in the fucking morning. If she’s not in trouble…”
“Trust me. Come. Now.”
I text Rocco, who lives with his new wife, two minutes away, to tell him I’m out of town. I’ll let him know when I’m back.
***
Wes drops me off in a boat he borrowed from Eli.
“See ya in a bit.”
“Come with. I don’t know what the fuck I’m walking into here.”
“I do. And I’ll see ya in a bit.”
He pulled the boat away as I got onto the dock.
Fucking shit.
He wouldn’t answer any of my questions the way here, just kept telling me to trust him. It took every ounce of self-control to not wring his fucking neck.
I have a gun and a knife on me. No luggage. I just needed to know what the fuck.
It looks like nothing’s happening, but I have the gun drawn.
I see the light on from the little house and approach it.
The door swings open and there she is. In a white sundress, bare feet, her golden hair loose and almost to her waist.
My heart’s in my fucking throat at the sight of her.
“Who do I kill? I told you there’d be death if you pushed this button.” I close the distance between us and grab her necklace.
“Your demons. Your demons die right here. And I wanna be the one that does the killing.” The fierceness in her eyes is killing me. Even in the moonlight I can see how serious she is.
“I’d fuckin’ love to be the one who makes your dreams come true, but Holly… It’s just not…” I let that hang.
Fuck, she’s beautiful. Her hair is so long. I take a lock of her hair in my hand and examined the spun gold.
“I grew it for you,” she whispers, “Never cut it again if you don’t leave me.”
I let out a breath. Fucking killing me softly.
“I don’t like it without you. Life, I mean.”
“Baby…”
“Have you been with anyone else?” she demands, “because I haven’t. I won’t. Ever. And even if you have, I can forgive you. You’re still mine.”
“No,” I say. “Haven’t been with anyone.”
“I’ve done it alone for eight months. Eight long months, and no. I need you. You’re mine.”
“Princesa…”
“Come inside.”
In the dark, waves crashing against the rocks, I look around.
“Why are you here?”
“You said you could settle down on a place like this.”
“Never said that to you.”
“Said it to Wes. He told me. All I want is for you to let me keep my vows. To never stop trying. Even if you’re not happy every day. Even if some days are hard. Let me keep my vows to not stop trying. It almost killed me when you left. But I had to learn to be strong. And I did. I had to do things alone that I shouldn’t have to do alone. I need you. Don’t leave me again.”
“You’re strong, are you?” I challenge.
“Yes. I’ve had to be,” she says, “I’ve had to go it alone for eight months. A very long eight months! And I don’t wanna do it without you anymore. I shouldn’t have to. You made vows to me! I want you to keep them. I want you to let me keep mine. I can make you happy. We can be happy. Maybe not every day, but most days.”
I fall to my knees at her feet and wrap my arms around her legs. She feels so good. I’ve missed her every minute of the day, every time I breathe in, in hurts.
She puts her hands in my hair.
“Are you staying?” she asks.
“Fuck, Holly. I don’t know. I’m not good for you.”
“I need you. And I’m not the only one.”
I look up at her.
“Come inside.”
Horror washes through me. Not the only one? No. I start doing quick calculations. And the math? Fuck. No. Fuck no.
Holly
“I have something to tell you,” I blurt, feeling my face go red. His eyes are filled with horror.
I’ve pulled him by the hand and we’re standing in the living room. I look at the door to the bedroom.
“Rather, I have someone for you to meet.”
He goes stiff. He already knows. He knew outside on the porch. I know by the faces he made.
I take his hand and walk him to the bedroom that I’d stayed in when I was a prisoner here.
He stops outside the door and looks at me with disbelief on his face. His eyes are pleading with me. He already knows and is begging me to make it not be true.
Too bad. It is true. And it’s time he stopped making me do this alone.
Alessandro
She takes my hand and walks me to the room she used to be kept locked in. There’s just a nightlight on, but I can see that the walls were painted with her talented hands, like an enchanted forest. Bambi style. There’s a dark wooden sleigh crib in the corner and in it, is a sleeping baby.
No. Fuck no.
“He’s almost two weeks old. He’s so alert. He’s such a good baby. He was born here. Tash delivered him. We had a doctor come out and supervise. He’s perfect. Absolutely perfect. I named him Alexander. I call him Zander. I hope that’s okay? It’s the name you wanted to be, what your mother called you before she closed her eyes that last time, so I thought… I hope it’s okay.”
I move to the crib and look down at him and nothing has ever hurt this much. Nothing.
He’s a carbon copy of me. It’s as if I’ve spit him out, he looks that much like me.
He stirs and opens his eyes and they’re on me. Alert. Blinking. And then he starts to kick, impatient, and then his head turns to the side, like he’s seeking something. He’s hungry? His fists start punching out at the air and he starts to wail.
Holly turns the light on and reaches for him.
She sits in the rocking chair with him and pulls the bodice of her nightgown down and he latches on to her breast. He’s blinking and those eyes. They’re mine.
Fuck. FUCK.
Something washes over me. And it feels like a baptism, a cleansing. Seeing those eyes on someone pure and beautiful? It hurts so much I can’t keep my feet.
I’m on the floor, no on a rug, a blue, yellow, and red rug like the magic flying carpet in Aladdin. These two have brought me to my knees. I don’t know if all the demons are washed away at this moment or if they could come back any minute to taunt me, but for the first time in a very long time, I can’t feel them.
And for now, I’ll take it.