Laiken

Euphoria wraps me in its warm embrace. I don't shake it off. I can't, or I'll realize I've come undone by the desperate words of a man I'm afraid to trust; someone in a mask who peels it back when he sees fit. Someone who thinks he can whisper sweet words, telling me he admires my strength, my candor, and my steadfast promises... all while he makes me break the one I made so recently.

I promised not to give in to him, not until I understood his wounds. Then I kissed him, and the promise unfurled until weaving it back into something solid became impossible.

“Dominic,” I whisper, tracing his name with my tongue. He pushes me under a canopy of thicker trees. The rain is reduced to erratic, occasional splashes here. That's good, but it's too late; I'm already overflowing.

“I love when you say my name.” He fans his hand on my jaw, forcing my head back into the tree bark. I see the orange leaves, the determined green pine needles above. His lips glide over my throat where he's stretched the skin tight to draw out the sensitivity. The sensation of his warm, wet tongue, moving ever so slow, makes my lungs squeeze. Hot flashes dart through my blood.

He blocks out my view of the foliage. He's taller than the trees, bigger than the world. “I need you so badly,” he says. Rain has turned his brown hair shiny, shaded it and the rest of him darker than ever. “Laiken, I've thought about this so many times. Every night, imagining it brought so much hurt... and then, when I realized it could happen, it hurt even more.”

I'm light headed. I can't break his stare. “It doesn't have to hurt.”

He hesitates. “That's what I'm supposed to tell you.”

Pulled back to the reality of his hands on my cheeks, his body flattening me on the tree, I shiver. He went from discussing emotional pain to the literal one he might cause me by taking my virginity. “Dominic, I'm not scared of this. Not anymore.”

He moistens his lips. “You should be.” He looks away quickly. “But I'm glad you're not.”

I struggle to understand him all over again. He's so confusing, but am I any better? I'm weak to him in ways I didn't expect. Then, at times, I remember my goals and shake his claws from my skin. It got harder after he kissed me. Every sign of desire—every hint of affection—that he graces me with erodes another layer of my strength.

Dominic leans away from me. His expensive clothes are drenched. He shrugs out of the black jacket; it hits the ground with a wet slap. The gray dress shirt beneath clings to his chest, leaving nothing to my imagination. It's so shear I can see the ghostly shapes of his tattoos under the surface.

He's dressed so fine. I'm under-dressed in my tights and empire-waist top. Yet we're both soaked, laden with water and our invisible problems. The rain has unified us.

I lift my hands; they're trembling. “Right here, right now, let's have no secrets. Okay?”

“Laiken, I can't tell you anything about—”

“I'm not asking about your past,” I say. “Only new things.” Fascinated by the shape of his lips, I follow the contour with my thumb. His whole body tenses. “If we do this, I want it to be honest. I want to know what you're thinking all the way through.”

He pulls in a long, exerting breath. It's so compelling that I breathe in, too. “You don't know what you're getting into.”

“I can handle it.”

He searches my face and wraps my wrist in his hand. “Maybe, maybe not. There's no backing out now... for either of us.” His nose brushes mine. “I'll tell you every single thought in my head while I touch you, Laiken. I'll let you hear every single filthy word all in the name of truth. All for you.”

My mouth opens, but I'm wordless with anticipation. I'm vulnerable to his next kiss; he captures my mouth hard, his lips sealing us together. Fingers tangle in my hair then his other palm explores my hip. I shut my eyes, dropping my hands from his face to his chest. His firm muscles set my heart matching the rhythm of the storm above.

When the kiss ends, I gasp for air. Dominic's grip hasn't eased up. “I can't get enough of your mouth,” he says, watching me closely. He's looking for my reaction to his honesty. “I've never tasted something as divine as your lips. I—fuck.” He interrupts his own admission with another kiss.

I have to shove on him to get enough room to speak. “I want to undress you.”

The dazzling glow in his pupils encourages me. “Do it.”

We're shaking, but I can't tell if it's from the cold or our anxiousness. Both of us want this. Both of us are desperate for it. I can see it in how he fidgets when I struggle with the buttons on his shirt. I'm full to bursting, my limbs unable to work the hard discs with any skill. His chest flexes, stretching the materials; I see his skin through the gaps.

The first button splits away. His collarbone winks at me, then the deep groove between his pecs as I undo more of the shirt. Water has soaked through, making his lovely, inked skin slippery.

Grabbing his collar, I peel the shirt down his carved arms. He holds his hands out, helping me as he shrugs out of the clothing. The sight beneath makes me salivate. I try to look at all of him, all at once, but it's impossible.

I knew he was in amazing shape, yet witnessing it, touching it, is something else entirely. My fingertips skirt down his bare shoulder, exploring the curve of his deltoids, the ridges between each muscle. There's script on his skin here; it reads Faith. Outlining each letter makes my lower belly tighten.

Extraordinary feathered wings spread across his chest. I trace those next, following each individual feather. My eyes dart up; he's staring at me, his wonder matching mine. “You're beautiful,” I whisper. I think I should have said handsome, or sexy, but it doesn't sound right. Dominic is unquestionably masculine, but standing half-naked in the rain, huddled under the trees, he's something else. Beautiful is the closest word I can find.

His eyes widen. Then his lips part, and it sounds like all the air leaves his body. “Nothing about me is beautiful,” he whispers. “I don't need it to be. You're enough for both of us.”

I can't blush. I'm already as red as I can get.

Grabbing my shirt, he rips it over my head. It's so sudden I'm stunned. I stand there, my hands flying to my chest. It's automatic—a built in need to protect myself from being exposed. Dominic eyes my bra straps greedily, grabbing my arms, pulling them away to expose the rest. “Fuck,” he manages, swallowing the word. “I've seen your tits already, I thought that would make this mean less. But it doesn't. I'm more excited than ever, fucking hell.”

My nipples are hard from the temperature, and my arousal. They needle into the padding of my bra. Water drops onto the rounded tops of my breasts from the leaves, the perfectly clear droplets sliding over my skin, into my cleavage.

Dominic bends low, shoving his face between my breasts. I gasp out loud. He breathes in, then sucks, taking a drink of the raindrops pooling there. When he looks up at me, his hair sticking to his forehead, shadowing his eyes, he smirks. “Delicious,” he says. “Everything that touches you tastes better.”

I'm speechless. I watch as he reaches for his belt. I don't want to be a passive participant in this event; I want him, I truly do—even if my mind is slowing down my ability to stay in control. Be honest, I remind myself. Show him you're here with him, doing this WITH him. “Let me,” I say, reaching for his belt.

Dominic's grin is like a hungry wolf's. “Please,” he whispers, “it'd be my pleasure to let you undress me more.”

Grabbing the hard metal buckle, I slip the leather through the loops. I can't ignore the huge tent in his pants. Those slacks are as wet as the rest of him. And like his shirt, it clings to the length of his cock. I can see the shape of it—the girth. I stare, fixated, forgetting what I'm doing.

“The belt,” he says flatly.

Startling, I nod and pull the leather free. It drops to the forest floor, lost in the leaves. I go for the zipper but he beats me to it. Dominic fondles his entire shaft through his pants, breathing heavily as he undoes the metal zipper teeth. The noise is louder than the thunder.

His cock jumps free into the air, already halfway peeking from the top of his black boxers. The tip is maroon, the brightest spot of color in the overcast forest. I can't look away. Especially with how he's touching himself, jerking his own dick out of his boxers, gripping it erotically.

He pumps his fist along it once, twice. Each time, my pussy squeezes hungrily. I've never had anything inside of me, but my urge is instinctual. I ache for him to the point of pain.

“Do you want this?” he asks me, cruelly coy. His cock pulls through his thick fingers looking more massive the longer he plays with it.

My breath comes out in the air as visible steam. “Yes. God, yes.”

Reaching into his back pocket, he pulls out a foil packet. I've never seen a condom in person, but I know what it is. He tears the wrapper, looks me in the eye. He offers it to me.

With reverence, I take it. It's somehow warm in spite of the cold water infecting everything else. I slide it fully from the foil as I glance at his terrifyingly tempting cock. I want to touch him. I'm afraid to do it. Both emotions mix, and in the end, the unsatisfied pulsing between my legs wins.

I kneel on the wet ground, carefully gripping the base of his cock. He watches me with turbulent eyes. He's worked up by the sight of this, maybe more than I am. His skin is deliciously hot in my palm. Guided by curiosity, I slide my fist up his length until I bump the ridge of his cock-head. He pulls in a strained breath through his teeth. The sound makes my clit throb.

Steeling myself, I unravel the condom from his tip to his base, just above his heavy hanging balls. I can hear him panting eagerly. I glance up, meeting his wild stare—glimpsing the beast swimming in his galaxy-dark pupils that wants to eat me alive. I recognize it for what it is; the part of him he said to be afraid of.

And for a second, I am.

He crashes down on me, kissing me without remorse. “Fuck,” he growls, spinning me so my chest goes flat in the slick mud and leaves. “I can't wait any longer, Laiken. I need you so damn bad.”

The ground is cool under me. My excitement leaks outward, and soon, even the earth is searingly hot. Dominic's weight settles on my hips. I'm panting, anxious—rigidly expectant. His voice is a smoky whisper in my ear canal. It heads for my brain and fills the cracks. “Tell me you need me, too.”

“I need you,” I sob. What will that word mean after we're through?

My knees scrape on the rough path as he lifts my hips from behind. His firm fingers reach beneath me, digging into my soaking wet yoga pants. I feel him take hold of the material; it stretches, the tugging sharp and sudden. He rips a hole into the crotch of my pants with a single twist of his forearm.

Cool air rushes over my inner thighs. My muscles knot up, I brace myself in the mud. He runs his fingers down my spine, stopping at my bra strap. “Breathe, Laiken.”

I draw in a shuddering gasp. “I'm fine, I'm really fine.”

“You're not, you're trembling.”

He's right; I'm quaking all over. But he's got the wrong idea. “I'm not scared, Dominic.”

“Of course you are. What else could make you react like this?”

I twist in the leaves, bending so I can glance at him behind me. I force back overwhelmed tears. “I'm shaking because of how much I want you. I never thought—I hoped, but to be doing this with you, after all this time, I feel like I'm about to turn inside out. I don't know how else to describe it. It's just... I just really can't wait to have this moment with you.”

His jaw clenches, his eyelids joining in. “I've wanted this, too. I really did. I just never thought I deserved it.” His words drive a heel into my heart. I wish I could turn around and hug him, erase whatever pain is written all over his face. Then his eyes open, and the wild heat inside of them scalds me—reminds me of who he is.

Spreading my legs, he peels my pussy open from behind. “So god damn fantastic,” he whispers. “I could stare at your cunt for hours. Look, your little clit is twitching.” He reaches down, rubbing me there until I groan.

“Stop teasing me,” I whimper.

“I want this to hurt as little as possible,” he says. But his hand leaves me, in its place is a warm, solid object: his cock. He nudges me along my seam. Up, down, a gentle pressure as he tests how my pussy receives him.

I bury my fingers in the dirt. I can't hold still; my head turns, cheek to the leaves, and I taste the rain-sodden earth. My taste buds are alive. Everything is delicious right now.

An inch of his dick pushes inside of me. The condom might as well not be there, his warmth radiates through the latex and into my skin. My walls clench around him, pulling him deeper, begging him to come inside.

He kneels on either side of my thighs, squeezing my middle with both hands. He's holding my steady, grunting with the effort of guiding himself into my pussy without going too fast. I appreciate his kindness, but I'm torn between wishing he'd go slower, and desperate for him to slam his cock into me balls deep.

I've never felt this before—this insane lust. “You make such perfect sounds,” he says, inserting another inch of his cock. I didn't know I was making any sounds, but I hear them now that he points them out. I'm moaning like an animal in heat.

Bearing down, I shove backwards. He stretches me out even more and I go dizzy with delight. My walls are milking him, greedy for more. Each time my heart beats I feel it in my clitoris. On the fringe there's some pain, but it's mild, numbed by the pleasure.

“Jesus,” he hisses, his weight settling on my back. He kisses my temple. His balls tickle my buzzing labia where it circles him at the root. He's all the way in. We're as close as we've ever been.

My whole body shudders; my inner walls flex. “You feel so good, I didn't know... I had no idea it could feel this perfect.”

Dominic's chest shifts on my spine. “Me either.”

He slides backwards, giving me the first full thrust of his whole length. The impact dazzles me. He does it again, his pace maintaining a strict rhythm that seems impossible. I can barely think, how can he control his muscles at all?

Heat flashes through me. My pussy thrums, hugging his rigid cock, crying out for release from the ever-growing pressure in my core. I'm working up to something so intense it frightens me. I've come from his touch before, and that was leagues ahead of what I'd ever done to myself in my own bed.

Climaxing with him inside of me... I worry I might die.

My heart could stop.

But mostly, it's concerning that I think all of that and don't care to stop him. My drive, this growing addiction, is greater than anything else. If I come and my world becomes one big white ball of bliss... what a way to go out.

“Laiken,” he says against my wet scalp. “I need you to come for me. I have to feel it or I'll break apart. It’s that fucking bad for me. Come for me, come hard on my cock, do it.”

I inhale until my ribs hurt. I'm tingling down to my toes, ready to burst. He keeps slamming into me, his movement getting erratic. His hard muscles scrape over my smooth skin. I'm naked except for my yoga pants, and they're getting torn apart from how rough we're being.

Above us, another storm cloud rumbles. It's how I feel—like there's thunder in my veins. I need the lightning. Once it strikes, I'll explode.

“I—I'm so close,” I whine. “Dominic, I'm almost there. I think... this has to be...” I close my eyes, smelling the rain, the electric atoms in the air, our sweat, our sex. There's a slight burning in my center, like something tore and salt is in the wound. But I don't give a damn if I'm being sawed apart. I won't stop until...

He fucks me once more, his cock-head so deep I swear he's in my throat. Every muscle in me tightens, balling up as my release hits. “Fuck!” I scream. The lightning crack is deafening, I don't know if it's real or in my head. I just know I'm trembling, squeezing his cock as I twitch and come. Nothing has ever felt so astounding.

I sense his hooks going further into my heart.

I'm doomed to love this man.

I just know it.

“Fuck, yes,” he snarls. His hands dig into my shoulders. His beard grinds on my cheek as he pounds me harder, riding out my orgasm, chasing his own. “Perfect, so damn perfect. Laiken, you're mine. Did you know that? All fucking mine. From now until forever.” He's rambling, his words slurring with his heavy breathing. My pussy is flexing madly with aftershocks. I'm sensitive enough to tell that his cock is swelling, just seconds before he groans into the open air, head arching back.

We stay like that, sheathed together, breathing in tandem. My senses are returning. They bring a sense of uncertainty with them. I wonder if Dominic is experiencing the same thing, the gravity of our actions... of our situation.

Turning my jaw, I let my opposite cheek settle on the wet dirt. I scan the area, spotting the garbage bag. The reason we came here seems like another lifetime ago. Like who I was when we picked up pinecones was a different person.

He rolls off of me, but he doesn't pull out. Dominic wraps his arms around my waist. I snuggle against his body, my ribs locking against his, as if we were meant to fit together. The prickle up my spine warns me someone is watching. I look over at the wall of tress.

There's a deer standing there.

It's the biggest doe I've ever seen, majestic with its elegant neck stretching high. It blends into the branches. Its round, soulful eyes touch on me.

I hold my breath. I'm captured by the power of the moment, waiting to see if the animal bolts or not. Dominic's heart beats comfortably alongside mine; I'm not sure he's noticed it.

The deer's knowing stare goes through my skin and bones and into my soul. It reminds me of the time I chased the fawn through the river with my sister and how the mother had gazed me down. That day, it had found me wanting.

This time, when it leaves, I don't feel judged.