—Shelly—
I don't think I have ever known such pain as I am feeling when Charlie turns his back on me. My chest feels like my heart is going to beat straight out of it, but I am too hurt...too angry to shed anymore tears. The first cut was the deepest. When he said he wasn't good enough. He thinks he doesn't deserve to be loved. Not by anyone. Not by me.
He’s still that lost little boy in need of affection. I thought I could be enough to save him from himself. But he is dead set on destroying anything good that comes his way. I can’t save him if he doesn't want to be saved. I thought when he opened up to me it meant he was ready for the love I want to give him.
Only that’s not what it was at all.
It was goodbye.
Hugging my chest, I start walking. The cool night air whips around me as trucks breeze past me on the freeway.
How could he just leave me here?
I thought we had something special.
That I was special to him.
I hear the rumbling of a motorcycle and what’s left of my heart falls to my feet when I see that it isn’t him coming back to tell me he made a mistake. Every step I take I feel more distance being put between us. One step closer to losing my mind.
A truck slows to a near stop behind me. I turn, being blinded by the lights.
The silhouette of a man appears to lean out the window
“Need a lift?”
I try to shield my eyes to make out the man’s appearance.
It doesn’t look as though I have much of a choice.
I can continue to wander aimlessly, or I can take another stranger up on their kindness.
My mind flashes to Charlie and how he’s hurt me. I think I would rather wander on my own than to put any faith into another man.
“No thanks,” I call out.
The loud hydraulic sound large trucks make squeals, and the driver takes off to places unknown to me.
I walk some ways further when I hear the sound of another motorcycle. My heart beats rapidly in my chest until it blows past me with two riders. Another false alarm.
I bury my face in my hands.
He’s gone.
My tears fall as freely as the rain that has started to downpour on me.
I spread my arms and spin around in the rain letting the drops wash over me as I look up at the sky, hoping they will somehow cleanse me of him, because I feel him deep in my bones, in every breath I take.
It is almost laughable. My situation.
Here I am in the middle of nowhere.
Charlie has left me.
I can’t stop thinking about him though. He’s embedded himself in every fiber of my being.
His smile.
His rough touch.
Those dark eyes that captivate me completely.
That heart he tries to keep hidden away.
All the things that make him the man that I crave.
Lightning cracks in the sky, lighting up the road. There is an exit ahead that will take me to the police station. I don’t want to go there. I want to go back to that trailer in the woods. The one shut off from the rest of the world where there is nothing but Charlie and me.
A loud rumble sounds behind me but I don’t dare look. I don't need to. I already know it won’t be him. The sound fades. I hear my name. “Shelly!” The name he gave me carries through the sheets of rain. Maybe I am hearing things. I already feel a bit crazy anyway.
But his hand on mine, that I can’t ignore. Charlie spins me around.
He opens his mouth, but no words come out.
“What!” I yell over the storm.
The light from his motorcycle headlight illuminates his figure as he towers over me. Soaking wet and mad at the world.
His Adam's apple bobs as he swallows hard. “You remind me of Kristen. Of my shitty past. All the bad things I have done. Sometimes I can’t stand to look at you. I want to hate you. I want to punish you. I’m not supposed to care. You’re not supposed to mean a damn thing to me. But you do.” He pulls me in close. My clothes are heavy and clinging to my body. He stares down at me, holding my gaze.
“Come on,” he says leading me back to his bike and I climb on and hold on to him.
———
It’s been one week since the night in the rain.
Charlie has been distant. We haven't talked about that night. He stays gone and comes back late at night. He sleeps on the couch. I feel trapped. I can’t escape my feelings for him, but I can’t take the silence any longer.
We can’t go on like this.
It’s late and he’s been drinking. We both have. It helps to dull the pain in my chest. He barely looks at me.
I stand behind his chair and rub his shoulders. “You feel tense.”
“Got a lot on my mind,” he states coolly, and I am afraid of what he might say.
“Anything I can do to help?”
“Can you make me not want you?” He looks up at me and my heart stops. He’s serious.
“Charlie…” words seem to be failing me. “Do you want me to go?”
He shakes his head and pushes the chair back. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
“I think you did.” I try like hell to bite back my tears. I don't know why I am being so emotional. He’s been trying to tell me that he doesn’t want me to stay. I can’t take the hint. Maybe he thought I would be gone by the time he got home today if he stayed gone long enough.
Nothing. Charlie says nothing. He runs a hand through his hair and stays silent. It is all the answer I need.
I go to the bedroom and slip my stupid fucking rooster flip-flops on and start out the front door.
“Shelly!” His loud voice booms after me but I keep walking.
Someone is bound to recognize me. Fuck Charlie. Thick fat tears well up in the corners of my eyes as I walk faster down the driveway putting more distance between us.
I hear the front door slam shut but I don't dare turn around. I can’t face him right now.
Heavy steps sound behind me, growing closer.
I start to run but he lunges for me, tackling me to the ground, crushing me with his weight. I hit my head on the ground and stars dance before my eyes. My world is threatening to go black.
Charlie rolls me over and holds my head in his hands.
I stare up at him as flashes of him come rushing at me. Only they aren’t of Charlie. The flashes are of a biker named Boogeyman.
A savage and brutal killer.
A man who takes without remorse.
A name sewn on a black leather vest floats in my mind as Charlie, a monster in disguise, kisses me. It feels so right and yet so wrong. His tongue sweeps inside my mouth and I love the taste of him. His kiss as good as it is isn’t enough to make me forget.
I bite his lip hard enough to draw blood and he pulls back and wipes at the torn skin as blood trickles down his chin.
“Fuck, princess. You scared me.”
“Get away from me!” I shriek and push at his chest.
“Never happening,” he growls and rips my shirt open, exposing my chest. My heart shatters in two as the truth of everything slams into me at the same time as he shoves my shorts down.
“No!” I push against him and squeeze my knees shut, remembering him drugging me.
I remember the cold dead look in his eyes when he wore that mask to kill my friends. The fear I felt when he stuck the barrel of his gun in my mouth.
The same terror plagues me now as I stare into the eyes of Charlie wondering how they can be the same person.
“I need you, Shelly. I love you, baby. Let me show you.”
“No.” I shake my head again. “This isn't love.” I fight against him, but he holds me down. My arms are now pinned over my head and I can’t move as his weight presses down on me. Warmth pools between my thighs and I hate myself for it.
His mouth comes down on mine and his tongue presses through the part of my lips. My body is a traitorous whore because my tongue reunites with his and I moan.