Running with the Devil

(EMILY)

“You’ll figure things out with them,” Steel says.

“You’ve been right all along.”

“About?”

“I need to be my own woman and live my own life. Instead of doing what they want and expect me to do.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“My entire life is laid out in front of me, and it’s so boring. I’m twenty and drive a mom car. I want to do something fun for once.”

“So you’re serious?”

“Yes, I’m serious. Let’s go work at the carnival all summer. It’d be so much fun.” I need to get away from my shitty little small town and figure out my life. It’s difficult to think of a funner way to do that than by running away with Steel.

“It’s not all fun and games. You’d be working your ass off.”

“I don’t mind getting my hands dirty.”

“You sure about that? Those nails look pretty polished to me.”

Taking a step back from him, I say, “I didn’t just think of this today. I’ve been wondering about it for ages. Before you ever showed up in town again, actually.”

“I don’t buy it.”

“It’s true. When I was trying to find you, I wondered about taking off and joining different carnivals until I found you.”

Steel rolls his eyes and my heart sinks. I take the glass of water from the shelf and walk back to the bed. Why isn’t he excited by this? I thought he’d be all over it.

Plunking myself on the edge of the bed, I set the water on the bedside table and grab my purse. Unable to resist the urge any longer, I pull out my phone and turn it on.

It vibrates non-stop, and the room fills with the chimes of new texts messages and voicemails. From my mother, my father, my brothers and Courtney.

The texts are more of their shit. My mother begging me to be safe, my father accusing me of only doing this to hurt his precious reputation, and the others asking me what the hell is going on. I can’t be bothered to listen to the voicemails, I have a pretty damn good idea what they say.

I send a response to Courtney.

I’ve been dating Steel and my parents found out and flipped.

A phone call from my mother comes while the phone is in my hand. I hit ignore and set the phone on the table.

Steel pulls up the desk chair and places it in front of me. He sits and leans forwards, taking my hands in his.

“Remember the way your parents talked about me? That’s how people would talk about you.”

“People can say whatever they want about me. It’s not like it’d be any worse than the way my parents talk about me.”

“I ain’t kidding. You won’t believe the shit the public will try on you. They’ll look at you different than they do now. You’ll be a carny, and they think that means they can treat you any way they feel, because you’re scum and don’t deserve any respect. In their minds, you’ve had your trial, and you’re guilty.”

I’m quiet and stare at my hands in his while I contemplate Steel’s words. How bad is it? Is he exaggerating because he doesn’t want me to join?

“What about the other carnies? How would they treat me?”

“Other carnies won’t do nothing to you, they’d all know you was my woman and it’d be hands off. They’re good people, they’d make sure no townie did something to you.”

“What do you mean? Physically?”

“A pretty girl like you? Trust me, some of those townie folk think they have the right to get handsy with you.”

“I somehow don’t think you’d let anything happen to me.”

“Fucking right I wouldn’t, that’s why I’m telling you this.”

My phone rings again. My father this time. I pick up the phone and hit call reject. A half dozen more texts have come in while we’ve been talking, including one from Courtney.

That’s insane. What on earth are you thinking? Why didn’t you tell me?

Gee, I wonder, Courtney.

I didn’t tell you because you’d get all judgmental, like you are now.

Another text comes, this one from Barbara at the coffee shop. How the hell does she even know my number?

Emily, I just wanted to let you know that some friends and I are having a prayer meeting for your family, Barbara

How is this happening? It’s not even been an hour, and the entire town of Colmar is talking about it already. The gossips are out in full force tonight.

“You know what? Right now I want out of this life and this town so badly that I’ll put up with any bullshit the carnival goers want to throw at me.”

“You sure you want that?”

“I told you before that I’m being serious. This isn’t a spur-of-the-moment thing that I just came up with. I need to find myself as an adult, to get away from all the crap with my family and learn to be the person I want to be.”

“It’s a good life. We can go all over the country. See the Everglades, the Mississippi. And the best thing is, we’d be together all the time. But…”

“But what?”

“But you don’t have to decide tonight. This is a big decision to up and leave your family, and you don’t want to have any regrets.”

“You up and left yours.”

“That was my foster family, not my real one.”

I look up at his eyes, wondering if he’s finally going to reveal more about himself.

“And your real ones?” I ask softly, unsure if he’ll answer.

Steel stands and walks towards the TV, a silence hanging in the air.

“I never knew my father,” he says with his back to me.

My heart wrenches in my chest. He opened up. Do I dare push for more? I want to know everything about this damn man, but he never talks about his past.

Do I go up behind him and hug him? Or is it better to stay here, sitting on the bed. My phone beeps again, but I ignore it. I open my mouth to speak, but Steel interrupts me.

“You’d better check that.”

Sighing, I look at my phone. It’s a text from Courtney.

I’m not getting judgmental, but the guy has a neck tattoo. Don’t you see warning signs?

While the phone’s in my hand, I flick through some of the ones from my mother. She’s having a conniption fit about my safety.

I only manage to look at the top one from my father.

The whole town is talking about my daughter whoring herself to a scumbag

It fills me with rage, and I slam the phone onto the pillow.

I don’t care about answering any of them. I only want what’s in this room.

Steel’s still standing with his back to me. I wish I knew what he was thinking. Hopping up from the bed, I move to him and put my arms around him, pressing my face into his back.

“No regrets?” I say.

“Not a single fucking one.”

“Me neither.”

He spins in my arms to face me. Our eyes lock and I’m flooded with the warmth he always brings me. Always. That’s all that matters. Not that anyone else cares, but if I’m learning anything, it’s that what anyone else thinks doesn’t matter.

“If you’re serious, I’ll phone Papa Smurf and find out where he’s at. I’ve worked with him so long, there’s no doubt he’d want me back. But I have to find out if he’d take you,” he says, cupping my cheek.

On the one hand I’m buzzing with excitement. On the other, I hadn’t considered the idea that I wouldn’t be hired. I feel foolish assuming I could just expect them to hire me.

My phone starts ringing and beeping like crazy, all the vibrations move it to the edge of the pillow and onto the bed. The calls and texts keep coming.

Trying not to panic, I move back to the bed and grab it. Courtney is phoning. Do I answer it?

In the end I ignore it, and look through the most recent texts. My mother’s hysteria has reached new heights.

I won’t let that man take my baby’s innocence

I snort with laughter. Too late for that, Mom.

“What’s so funny?”

“My mother doesn’t want you to steal my innocence.”

Steel chuckles, “Too fucking late for that.”

“Should I tell her?” I say, laughing, ready to type.

The phone rings again. It’s Courtney. I let it ring until it goes to voicemail. Courtney instantly calls again. Have they put her up to something?

“Hey, what is it?” I say into the phone.

“Emily, I don’t know what’s going on with you and that guy, but you need to know your father rounded up a bunch of his friends to go out hunting for your car.”

Courtney’s words punch me in the chest and knock the wind out of me.