Welcome to the Jungle

(EMILY)

I can’t believe that just happened. The way Steel took that guy down was crazy. He was serious when he said he wouldn’t let anything happen to me. But are the other people here really in need of a physical threat? He told me they were all cool, and that it’s the people who come to the carnival that I have to be careful of.

“We’ve got twenty minutes, let’s go get you some clothes,” Steel says, arriving back at the trailer door.

“I can’t buy clothes in twenty minutes.”

“Sure you can, we walk into Walmart, you load up the cart and we leave. There’s one just down the road, we passed it on the way in.”

Looking down at my Burberry dress, I remember the last time Maddie, Courtney and I went shopping. It took all day, and we each ended up with two outfits, not including shoes.

That life is over now. Somehow it doesn’t even seem to matter. I’m here, I’m free to do whatever I want without being judged by all my neighbors, and I have Steel at my side.

Even if he did just go a bit psycho on that guy and everyone else here, he’s never done anything even remotely like that before. He seems stressed about making me feel comfortable here, and I’m grateful for that.

I give him a half smile, “Okay, we’d better go now.”

We drive the short distance, grab a cart and enter Walmart. The smell is the first thing that hits me, it’s plastic or something. Not like the perfumed boutiques I’m used to.

The only other time I’ve been to a Walmart was when I had to buy camping gear. I’ve never been anywhere near the clothing section. It’s kind of exciting, discovering something new.

Steel leads me to the women’s clothing area, and begins pulling summer dresses off the racks.

“What size are you?”

“It depends on the store.”

“In this store.”

“I’m going to have to try it on.”

“Ain’t got time.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Let me see it,” I say, and grab the dress from his hands.

I walk over to a mirror and hold it up to me, pulling it across my hips.

“This looks good,” I say and fling it into the cart.

It’s actually a cute dress, a floral design with a skater skirt. Steel starts pulling more off and putting them in the cart. He doesn’t even look at them to see if they’re nice or not. Oh well, they all look pretty similar anyway.

“How many do you need?” He asks.

“I don’t know, seven? Plus some shorts and T-shirts, plus some leggings, and some sweaters.”

“My shit fits in one backpack,” he says shaking his head.

“So what, I’ll put it in the trailer. Or my trunk. Whichever, we have room for it all,” I shrug.

“And you can afford all that?”

“I’ve had a job for years,” I say screwing up my face. I remember him saying the same thing to me. Besides, all this is going to cost less than my dress anyway.

“Fine.”

“Anyway,” I hesitate, “that was pretty extreme back there, attacking that guy like that.”

“He was fucking asking for it.”

“Yeah, but still, you jumped on him.”

“That’s my buddy Razor, he was trying to get a reaction out of me.”

“Your friend?” I say, raising an eyebrow.

“I hope it didn’t upset you or nothing.”

“It’s just a little freaky, is all. I’m not used to seeing such physical violence.” I struggle to keep down the volume of my voice.

“I had a strong message to send. I sent it.”

“Should I expect to see a lot of fighting?”

“By me? Only if someone touches you.”

“And others?” I ask, cocking my head.

“Not much. Sometimes if someone does something stupid. Usually because a townie starts something.”

I trace his face for truthfulness. I’m not sure if I can handle a lot of violence around me. His face is full of concern, and he strokes down my arm. He says it’s the case, and I trust him.

It’s not like I’m about to run home now, when I haven’t even been gone twenty-four hours. My life would be worse than it was before. The town would never stop talking about me, and my parents would criticize me all day long, forever and ever.

“And you promise me you’re not going to be violent and start attacking people, your friends or otherwise?”

“I can’t make that promise. If someone disrespects you, you’re damn straight I’m going to beat in his face.”

“But I’m telling you, I don’t want you to. I don’t want you fighting. I can’t handle that. It’s a step too far for me.”

“A step too far?” Steel makes a sharp intake of breath and looks at the floor. I remain silent, trying to let him know how important this is too me. “It won’t matter anyhow, no carny’s going to touch you after today anyway.”

“Fine.”

“Okay.”

“Let’s get the rest of the stuff,” I say. I need everything, a hairbrush, toothbrush, you name it. We need to hurry.

We walk past the underwear, and I grab several bras and a couple packs of panties and throw them in the cart. Speed walking through the store, I get all the toiletries while Steel stocks up on food.

The big pharmacy sign catches my eye, and I make a mental note to figure how I get the prescription for my birth control pills renewed. I’ve only been on it a couple of weeks so have enough on my prescription for a few months, and don’t need to stress about it yet. I have enough in my purse to last until the end of the month. There are too many things to think about as it is.

Back at the camp, I stand to the side while Steel and Razor get the trailer hooked up to my car. They’re working together without any drama, and seem to know exactly what the other is doing. How were they just fighting?

“Goldie, in the car. We’re ready to take you to your first carnival,” Steel says to me, one foot in the driver’s side.

* * *

I’m sitting on the edge of the bed in the trailer at the carnival site. Steel is setting up but I haven’t been told where to go, or what I’m doing yet. I think they’re still trying to figure out what to do with me.

I keep staring at my purse. My phone is in it. I haven’t looked at it since last night, but now the draw is too strong. I have to let my parents know I’m safe, at least. I don’t want them worrying about me. Not for rational reasons anyway.

When I turn the phone on, it goes through a crazy amount of vibrating and beeping as all the text and voicemail notifications come through.

After it’s finished, I brave looking at the screen. My mother responded to the text I sent her last night. Several times.

Don’t do this

Come home, please don’t risk trusting him

Your father is panicking. Please come home

I stop reading after that. What’s the point? The only reason I would read on would be if she apologized, and she wasn’t even close. You’d think she at least would have offered to give him another chance.

I type one last text to her.

I’m not coming home, we’re fine. You need to learn to accept us as a couple. I’m done with this phone now, I might phone in a couple of months when you’ve calmed down. Stop worrying about me, you’re being ridiculous.

Hovering my finger over the send button, and my heart stops when I finally push it.

I put my finger on the power button, before realizing I need to send Courtney something.

Thanks for your call last night. Steel and I are have gone traveling for the summer, your bff

The trailer door opens and I switch off the phone. Steel appears in the doorway.

“Good news, I’ve talked Papa Smurf and Cess into having you sit in on her basket toss booth.”

“What does that mean?”

“You’re working a game, paid hard cash every week, just like me.”

“What do I do?” They just throw me right in like that?

“Cess will show you everything. It’s just selling. You said you wanted to sell, and now you are.”

“Who’s Cess?”

“The carnival princess. She’s a friend, and she’ll take care of you while I’m working.”

My hands start trembling, and I sit on them to hide it from Steel. I’ve only ever worked in my dad’s office before, never in a store or anywhere that I had to deal with the public before. The idea is daunting.

Steel sits down beside me and pulls my hands out from under me. He takes them in his hands, and the strength of his fingers helps me find my own strength.

“You’ve got nothing to be nervous about. If you can make me walk away from my life of ten years, then you can convince some teenager to try to toss a softball into a peach basket.”

I smile and lean my head against him. He always knows how to make me feel better. There’s no question I’m happier with him. I don’t care about my parents, or his fight, all I care that he can sit here beside me and make everything better. Make me better.

“Let’s go toss some balls,” I say, standing up.