Kit woke up bleary and disoriented the next morning. She felt like she had a hangover, but if anything it was a sex hangover. She and Bastard had fucked three times, but fucking didn’t seem like the right word. Each time had been tender and sweet, enough to push her to the brink of tears. Was that making love? Could they make love, if they’d only spent a week together in the entire history of knowing each other?
It sure felt like it. And maybe this baby was proof. Her hand went to her belly, a small smile gracing her face. She rolled over, looking for Bastard.
His side of the bed was empty, the sheets rumpled. She frowned, wishing he was there to spoon. Maybe he went to grab breakfast. Like last time. She pushed to sitting, rubbing at her eyes. This time, she’d give him a bit more time. The benefit of the doubt, at least.
But within minutes of being awake she realized she was hungry, and bad. Her stomach groaned as she fumbled with her phone. It was almost noon. When had Bastard left…and when would he be back?
She squinted around the room, searching for a sign, or a note, or anything. They still hadn’t exchanged phone numbers, like idiots, but how could they when all they did was fuck? She swung her legs over the side of the bed, frowning as she contemplated her options. Going home immediately seemed ideal. She’d just moved into a new place not too far from Andi’s. It was small but cute, and a work in progress as far as getting her shit together. But at least it had breakfast, which was step one in any event.
“Well, Bastard…” She tutted, looking around one last time to make sure she didn’t miss anything. “I guess we’re doing it like this again.” She took a quick morning pee and then tugged on her sweat shirt and leggings. There wasn’t even a pen and paper in the room to leave him a note with. She shook her head. Hopefully her ride share would recognize the Damned Devils headquarters to pick her up.
She opened the bedroom door slowly, peering out into the hallway. Coast was clear. Sauntering through a foreign clubhouse filled with god-knows-how-many scruffy, strange bikers was not her version of starting the day off right. She darted toward the back-door Bastard had brought her through, the light of day settling strangely on the clubhouse without Bastard as her guide. The door creaked open and she slipped outside, feet meeting uneven cement, tufts of grass breaking through.
Kit kept her head down as she went around the side of the building, her throat tight as she traversed unfamiliar territory. This felt wrong somehow, or tense—like maybe one of his brothers would see her and she’d get in trouble for trespassing. Bikers were weird, and she hadn’t met a single one of them last night.
She slowed when she heard a cackle. She jerked her head to follow the noise: a group of men were sitting out front of the clubhouse, perched on picnic tables. All eyes were on her.
“Hey there, little lady,” one said.
“You trying to sneak out the back door?” said another.
“Usually that’s where I like to sneak it in,” a blond guy added.
She scowled, burying her hands in the front pocket of her sweatshirt, hurrying toward the gates.
“Don’t run off so fast,” someone shouted. The attention sizzled on her, in the worst way possible. God, Bastard, why aren’t you here? After their sweet night together, this was an unsavory vulnerability. He could make this right with one quick remark, but no—she was left to the wolves on her own.
Footsteps thudded behind her; someone grabbed her arm. She gasped, spinning around, finding the blond-haired guy leering at her. “You’re Jezebel, right?”
She yanked her arm out of his, gritting her teeth. “Don’t touch me.”
“Hey. You’re in my house,” he said, his voice lowering to a threatening level. “I do what I want in my house.”
Fear sliced through her and she backed up a few steps. “I was here with Bastard. And he’s gone. I’m just going home now, okay?”
He tilted his head back, laughing. “Bastard’s fuck from last night.” He turned to his brothers, repeating his words.
Shame lashed through her and she ran toward the gate without waiting to hear what other mean things he might say to her. Their laughter echoed off the walls of the building as she slipped through the date, not even daring to look back at them as she raced down the sidewalk, tears blurring her vision. She made it a block and a half away before she slowed to pull out her phone.
She drew deep breaths as she pulled up the rideshare app, relaxing only when it said the car was five minutes away. Thank God. She didn’t know where the hell she was, what sort of neighborhood this was. Maybe the Damned Devils headquarters was the worst part of the neighborhood, and she’d barely survived that.
Bastard’s brothers were a brutish bunch. She dealt with misogyny every day, especially in her line of work, but something in their jeers was especially distasteful. It left a sick taste in her mouth, one that she didn’t want to taste again anytime soon.
Bastard, where the fuck are you? She swore at him as she waited. If he’d been so concerned to sneak her in, couldn’t he have snuck her out too? Didn’t seem right to leave her on her own in a foreign clubhouse…especially after the night they’d shared.
Confusion and doubt crept in while she waited for the car to pick her up. And when it arrived, she changed the destination to some place more practical: Andi’s apartment.
She texted her friend on the way over to let her know she was coming. “We need to talk!” After all, the news she had couldn’t be delivered over the phone. It had to be face to face. Kit nibbled on her bottom lip as she imagined Andi’s reaction. There was no telling. She was eager to get it out and off her chest. Last night, things had seemed so simple and obvious. But now, in the light of day…she wondered how simple things could possibly be with Bastard.
Kit thanked the driver as she hurried out of the car at Andi’s complex, racing over the familiar stone steps to her friend’s front door. Andi pulled the door open, looking bewildered.
“What’s got your panties on fire, babe?” They hugged briefly before Andi welcomed her into the apartment toward a breakfast spread in the kitchen.
“We need to talk.” Kit slid onto a stool, eyeing the scrambled eggs and toast laid out. “Did you make this?”
“No, I threw it up.” Andi rolled her eyes, smirking. “Of course I made it. You said you were coming over so I just made extra breakfast. Help yourself.”
“Thanks, girl.” Kit grinned, reaching for the toast. She took a bite before continuing. “So, Bastard showed up last night.”
Andi narrowed her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest. “He finally emerged from his cave of sorrowful man?”
Kit snorted. “Or whatever hole he was living in. He found me at the club. Swung by my dressing room after the show to talk.”
Andi’s eyes narrowed further, practically closed with how suspicious she was. “And?”
Kit sighed, giving her a recap of their reunion, door slam and all. When she recounted Bastard’s comments about her breasts, Andi rolled her eyes.
“Typical fucking men.”
“Right.” Kit paused, drumming her fingers against the countertop. “But he was right. About my boobs, I mean. They’re bigger…and more sensitive…” She licked her lips, meeting her friend’s gaze hesitantly. “He asked me if I was pregnant.”
Andi blinked once, and then again. “Well, are you?”
Kit couldn’t even squeak out an answer. All she could do was jerk her head in a nod.
Andi’s eyes went rounder and bigger than Kit had ever seen before. “Holy fucking shit! You’re pregnant!”
Andi squeezed her into a hug, then pulled back, assessing her with a severe look. “Are you keeping it?”
“I…I think so. Yes. I mean…” Emotion burbled up, closing off her throat. “I want to keep it.”
“Oh honey.” Andi squeezed her into another hug. “Of course. This is exciting news, even though it might not feel like it. I’m here with you every step of the way.”
Kit drew a shaky breath. “I hadn’t planned for this. With…him.”
“Well, we rarely do,” she quipped. “But life’s best surprises are just that: surprises. Did you tell him?”
“Yeah. I spent the night at his clubhouse.” She laughed weakly when Andi arched a brow. “I dunno, we talked about stuff. He’s the one who told me to take the test, even took me to buy one.”
“And he bought it?”
She nodded.
“Bastard isn’t totally a bastard then,” Andi remarked. “He’s got a sprinkling of nice guy, I guess.”
Kit sniffed, dabbing at the corners of her eyes. “Yeah, but then this morning he was gone. No note or anything, just gone.” She scoffed, shaking her head. “I dunno. It was so traumatizing, waking up alone in his clubhouse. I’d never been there before, plus all his brothers were just shitty to me as I was leaving.”
Andi drew a long sigh. “Right. Which is exactly how they will continue to be. Because you have to remember: Bastard is in a gang.”
“It’s not a gang,” Kit began.
“No, it is.” Andi crossed her arms, fixing her friend with a flat look. “It’s a freaking motorcycle gang. And gang members are not generally nice.”
Kit gnawed at the inside of her lip.
“I’m just saying: Bastard might appear to be helpful or involved, but you can’t forget his true nature. Who he really is.”
“You don’t know who he really is,” Kit said.
“But either do you.”
A heavy silence settled between the two of them. Kit picked at the corner of the countertop, avoiding Andi’s gaze.
“I’m not trying to be all mama bear on you,” Andi went on, “I just don’t want to see you get hurt. Bastard already hurt you once. If he hurts you again, it’s not just you anymore. It’s both of you.”
Kit sighed, letting her head fall into her hands. “You’re right. And I get it. But what am I supposed to do? He wants to be involved, I want to let him be involved. I want the help. I want the support. I mean, it’s sorta rare for a guy to want to be involved in a situation like this. I should let him be.”
“But when it comes out that he’s not prepared, and never intended to really stay? That’s gonna hurt even more.”
“I don’t know that he’ll do that,” Kit said.
“But you have statistical evidence.” Andi cocked her head. “I’m just trying to protect your heart.”
“So I should just…what? Not let him come around? Tell him he’s having a kid and then bolt?”
Andi shrugged. “I dunno, babe. You’ll know what’s best. But tell me this: are you sure he was planning on showing up today?”
The truth crashed around her, slicing into her with painful lashes. Andi was right. One night with Bastard had gotten her all twisted up into a hopeful, doe eyed reverie. It was time to come back to Earth. Get her feet back on the ground.
“No,” Kit finally croaked out. “I’m not sure. I just figured he had something to do this morning, but—”
“Exactly.” Andi grimaced. “Buying a pregnancy test doesn’t make a man stable. Hell, it doesn’t even make him nice. It just makes him halfway decent.”
Andi busied herself with cleaning up the plates while Kit sat lost in thought, feeling more despondent than ever.
Part of her had been desperate for Bastard, eager to let him back in, all too willing to take the plunge with him at her side.
But her best friend was right. She had nothing to go on. And taking the plunge was a dumb move now that she had a baby on board…and likely no parachute to catch them when they fell.