Kit sighed into her palm, swinging her legs on the bar stool. Her set was over but she didn’t want to go home, yet if she stayed here any longer with these drunk idiots she’d be liable to hurt someone. She’d turned down countless drinks, and when one man in particular got insistent with her, she finally snapped, “I’m pregnant, asshole.”
She hated that she wished Bastard would show up again. He hadn’t been around that night, or the night before. She’d sorta come to hope his attendance would be a regular thing. And now with two nights off, she worried he might never come back.
Maybe that’s all his window had been: a couple nights of trying, and now he’d moved along, disappeared.
If that was the case, it was as good as not trying at all.
Part of her hoped he’d show up beside her, a drink in hand, that cool smile on his face. Give her some smooth line about the show or how pretty she was while he sank down onto the stool beside her.
But he didn’t show up. And the only guys filling these bar stools were guys eyeing her like she was a piece of meat.
Think about the positives. Things that aren’t Bastard. This was her mantra lately. Count her blessings and continue plowing forward. Now that she was facing life as a single mom, she’d begun to seriously look at her career and her future. How long could she continue to sing? Where might she want to have the baby? What about after the baby was born?
The sheer amount of questions to consider felt like a thick hand at her throat, daring her to scream.
But the positives were, as she forced herself to recognize, varied. Now she had a bigger impetus than ever to succeed as a singer. And her numbers were growing—had been ever since coming out to LA. If she was making it now, then she could count on upward growth by continuing what she was doing but also adding innovation to the mix. Her support network in LA, although small, was solid. Andi would be by her side every step of the way.
She didn’t need Bastard.
But she wanted him.
Someone brushed up against her forcefully, like elbowing his way into order a drink. Kit recoiled, scowling. The same dark-haired guy that had pushed her to take a drink with him twenty minutes ago leered at her, leaning against the bar.
“Hey there.”
“Dude. Watch yourself.” She straightened her back, the air around her tightening. This guy was familiar somehow.
“I’m watching you.” He sent her a creepy smile and leaned closer. “Now how about that drink?”
“I already told you, I’m not drinking.” She made sure to enunciate each word. Apparently this guy just didn’t get it. Or he’d drank himself into oblivion already. “How many times do I have to say it?”
His lips curved downward. “Why do you have to be such a bitch?”
“I’m not being a bitch,” she spat. “I’m telling you that I don’t drink, and I don’t want you to keep pushing me about it.” Her heart raced as she spoke. She’d never had a guy be so forceful before, especially in the midst of so many other people.
“You can’t even just, I don’t know, humor me?” His eyes blazed with something, an intensity that she could barely look at. His nose angle downward, steep and hawklike, and his whole face had an element of unpleasantness to it that resonated with her. I know this guy. But from where? She saw so many faces, constantly, it was hard to pinpoint exactly where she’d seen this man before tonight.
“That’s not really my job,” Kit said, sliding off her stool. If he wouldn’t leave her alone, then she’d have to be the one to go.
“Hey. Wait.” He grabbed her arm, his fingertips digging into her bicep. “Where you going?”
She frowned, trying to yank her arm away from him. “Let go of me.”
“Come on. Don’t be like that.” A sardonic smile crossed his face and he stood with her. She felt her control slipping away, her balance tipping toward him. Anger flashed inside her and she yanked at her arm harder, leaning toward the bar.
“Gary!” The manager was at the other end, serving a drink. She had to shout his name a second time before he noticed her.
“Don’t go tattling,” the man whispered hotly into her ear. Her skin crawled and she yanked her arm again, but couldn’t free herself from his grip. The other thing on her mind was the baby: she didn’t want to struggle and have him accidentally elbow her in the gut. Could he hurt the growing baby? All the websites said it was unlikely, but unlikely wasn’t the same as impossible.
“I’m not tattling, I’m ridding myself of a nuisance,” she spat. Relief swarmed her as Gary approached, his face wrought with concern.
“What’s going on here?”
“This guy won’t leave me alone.” She jerked her chin toward the guy. His grip finally loosened somewhat and she was able to move away from him. Her skin still smarted from where he’d grabbed her.
“We were just talking,” he said.
Gary murmured something into his walkie talkie, nodding discreetly at Kit. That was their sign—he’d called security. The guy swung back to look at her, leering again.
“Don’t touch me,” she warned.
He held his palms up at his sides exaggeratedly, and said in a mocking tone, “I’m not. Sheesh. You’d think you’d be a little more appreciative of someone who just wants to get to know you.”
“You think I’m that hard up for attention? Like I should grovel at your feet just because you wanna talk to me?” She scoffed. “You’re ridiculous.”
His eyes darkened and he stepped forward again. “Watch what you say to me.”
She gulped, her gaze darting over his shoulder as she saw the two burly guards from outside come up behind the guy. She bit back a smile as they clamped their hands on his shoulders, pulling him away from Kit.
“Hey! What the fuck is this?” He twisted around to look at who had touched him. His brow furrowed to a thick line.
“Come with us.” Hardy, the burlier of the two guards, basically snarled when he spoke. His bald head and beady eyes sent a clear message. Off duty he was a sweet guy, but he knew how to play the unimpressed security guard role well. “And you won’t be coming back in.”
“I didn’t fucking do anything wrong,” the guy insisted, his jacket rumpling as Hardy and the other guard carried him off. “I know her! We’re friends!”
She scoffed, turning back to face the bar. A few moments later, Hardy returned without the jerk. “He’s taken care of.”
“Thanks, Hardy. I don’t actually know him, either. No way he’s my friend.”
“Yeah, I figured. These nuts just keep getting nuttier.”
She laughed, swirling her straw in her sparkling juice. “I’m glad I have you around to take care of it.”
Hardy squeezed her shoulder before he went back to the front doors where he was normally stationed. She stared at the bubbly drink in front of her, her own words echoing in her head. Yeah, it was good that Hardy was there. But what about outside the confines of this bar?
You don’t need anyone. You’re fine on your own.
No matter how many times she repeated it to herself, she couldn’t shake the wrench in her gut. She wanted to believe it. And at one point, she had. But life had a way of beating confidence out of someone. Between having a legitimate stalker in Olympia to the unwanted, unwelcome advances of pretty much any man around her at any time…where was the room to feel safe?
Kit sat, lost in her own world, until she was one of the last people left in the bar. Gary looked over at her with an eyebrow raised.
“Everything okay tonight?” Glasses clinked while he pulled them from the sink.
“Yeah, Gary. Just thinking.” She sighed, smoothing her palms over the bar top.
“Hopefully that Devils biker isn’t the one on your mind,” he said.
“Why would you say that?”
Gary shrugged, rolling up his shirt sleeves before continuing with his dish washing. “He’s been after you a lot here. Just don’t want him harassing you.”
“Well, he is on my mind,” Kit said, “But he’s not harassing me. Just making me think.”
“That a good or bad thing?”
“I dunno yet.” She twirled her glass around between her fingers. “Just confusing.”
“Those Damned Devils are a decent bunch,” Gary said. Chairs scraped against the wood floor as Hardy moved tables aside for the cleaning crew to come in the morning.
Kit scoffed. “Are they? I met some of them personally, and I wasn’t impressed.”
“Yeah, they’re good. Trust me, I’ve gotten to know a few groups in this area.” Gary let a bitter laugh as he wiped down the back of the bar. “They’re solid dudes. Some of them can be…rough, sure. But on the whole, I like ‘em.”
“Well. I’m glad you have such a positive review.” She downed the rest of her juice concoction. “I’ll be leaving them one star on Yelp, however.”
Hardy came over the bar, rapping his knuckles against the service. “Okay, boss. I’m done. You guys need anything else?”
Gary waved him off. “Have a good night.”
Hardy turned to Kit, his small eyes soft with concern. “You want me to walk you to your car or anything?”
“Nah, I’m good. You go home. I’m just gonna call a car to come get me.”
Hardy waved and let himself out of the bar. It was just her and Gary left.
“I guess I should probably start heading back.” Kit pushed back from the bar. Gary hung the dish towel he’d been using, wiping his palms off on his pants.
“All right. You sure you’re good? I still gotta head back to the office and do my counts.”
“Yeah, I’m fine. I swear.” She offered a small smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”
She slung her duffel bag over her shoulder, her footsteps echoing strangely in the empty bar. It always felt like a discarded shell, an outgrown exoskeleton left behind in the gaping wake of the chatter, the music, the enraptured audience. Most nights she didn’t stick around to feel the strange absence of joviality, but tonight it hit her harder than normal, reminding her of the ways in which her insides felt similarly gaping and empty.
In the wake of Baylor.
Every time she thought of his real name it brought a smile to her face. Maybe she would name the baby that. But no, that seemed taboo. She hadn’t decided if she wanted the baby to know about Bastard. She might not even have a boy. Hell, she hadn’t even had a prenatal appointment yet.
One step at a time: that seemed wise. And the first step required getting home and getting rest. She pushed out of the main doors into the small foyer of the bar. She double checked her purse for her phone, fishing it out before she stepped outside. It was already after two a.m. Hopefully she wouldn’t have much trouble getting a rideshare at peak drunk taxi hour.
She sighed, pushing out into the cool night air. Traffic hummed from the nearby freeway, and the landmark huge palm tree rustled beside the bar in the breeze. She hummed to herself as she swiped through the phone, heading around the side of the building where an alleyway connected to a busy street corner. She normally had the best luck intersecting the ride shares there.
Her steps scuffed along the cement path, darkness shrouding the alley. She stumbled over a crack in the path, too distracted by her phone screen.
And then an arm slid around her neck, hooking across her mouth, muffling the scream that escaped.
“I waited for you,” came the low, raspy voice. “I knew you would have wanted me to.”
Kit threw her elbow back as hard as she could, connecting with a man’s body. Though she couldn’t twist around to see who had attacked her, she knew who it was. She didn’t need to see.
Her stalker was back.
“I just don’t understand why you act like you don’t know me anymore,” Andrew hissed, dragging her toward the wall. “After all I’ve cared about you?”
She struggled against him, panic flooding her as she failed to gain any ground against his strength. Every time she thought she could slip from his grasp, he doubled down on his hook.
“Having them throw me out tonight was so embarrassing,” Andrew went on. Kit’s mind reeled, wishing she had placed his face earlier when the warning bells were going off. How could she not recognize him? Even though she saw what felt like a billion faces a week…still, she should have known somehow.
“I just don’t think you understand how that makes me feel.” Andrew tutted, slamming her up against the wall. She whimpered as he dug his forearm into mouth, holding her in place. Tears pressed against her eyes and all she could think about was the baby. Please don’t hit me. Please don’t do anything to hurt me and my baby.
“And you say you’re pregnant, now?” His sneering face came into view through the blur of tears. “So that means you’ve been cheating on me.”
She shook her head, unable to contain the tears. Confronting this level of delusion was terrifying all its own. She didn’t know how to combat this, how to handle anything like this. Her heart hammered between her ears while she prayed for him to loosen his grip enough for her to bolt. To kick him between the legs. To shimmy out of his iron grip and run for her damn life.
“You really wanna have someone else’s kid?” Andrew sounded genuinely confused. He leaned closer, his sour breath reaching her skin. “I should make sure you don’t have it after all.”