Before I’ve even fully pushed myself up, Jesse gathers me in his arms once more. He lays us down on the bed so our bodies press together from fingertip to toe.

So close. So safe. It’s like I’m finally home.

My fingers curl into the back of his shirt, pulling him that much closer. God, if I could crawl inside him I would. Right now he’s the only thing anchoring me. Without him, I’d drift away, succumb to the nothingness that my life has become.

I ugly cry into his shirt, marking the light blue fabric with a hideous stain, and I imagine all of my darkness—my mistakes, poor decisions, regrets—concentrated in that one spot. My body is not my own as the sobs continue. Sounds I didn’t know I was capable of making slip past my lips. All the sadness, the worry, the fear—I let him feel it all and he takes it. He is strong for the both of us. Minutes pass, bleeding into hours, and finally, finally my body has exhausted itself.

I lie nestled alongside Jesse. His arms band tight around me and his hands rub my back in soothing, small circles as his lips graze my forehead. He doesn’t say a word, simply holds me, allowing me time to grieve the loss. The loss of a child I never wanted.

It’s then, in that moment, I confide my darkest secret. “I had an appointment.” My throat is hoarse when I speak, barely a whisper. It might be possible he hasn’t heard me, but I know he has when his arms squeeze me tighter. I continue. “Monday morning.”

“Riley.” His voice soothes, but I don’t deserve the comfort. What type of woman kills her own child? What type of woman feels relief when she miscarries? Me, that’s who. A selfish, heartless monster.

He gently rolls on top of me, plants his palms on either side of my face. When I don’t immediately look at him, his fingertips guide my face back toward his. “Life is about choices, Ry. Some good, some bad. And maybe, just maybe someone—God, the universe, the spirits, whoever—knew you weren’t ready for this choice, so it was made for you. Everything happens for a reason.”

I nod my head, half-listening, half-amazed at the profound words leaving Jesse’s mouth. He’s far wiser than his nineteen years. “Maybe.” I shrug, not allowing myself to indulge in the comfort his words bring.

“You will be a great mother someday. An amazing mother.”

My eyes squeeze shut. “Thank you.” When I open my eyes, Jesse is staring at me with an intensity, a rawness, that causes my heart to skip a beat. My eyes widen and flick to his full, round lips, remembering the way they felt pressed against my own all those months ago.

He shifts above me, and something grazes my thigh… Holy shit.

His eyes find mine and shine with love and something else, maybe lust. He leans forward, and I’m certain he’s going to kiss me, and God I want him to, but at the last second he rolls back onto his side and places a chaste kiss on my temple. “Don’t ever hide anything from me again.” He pauses, then adds more softly, “Please.”

“I won’t,” I whisper, trying my damnedest to calm my racing heart. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.” He curls a lock of my hair. “No more secrets.”

I look at him, eyes searching when I say, “No more secrets?” My voice rises at the end. I’m trying to ask if he feels it, too. This connection, this pull between us that isn’t going away no matter how much I try to force it to.

His eyes narrow and a look of resignation masks his face. “I can’t lose you, Riley.” His warm breath dances across my skin. “You’re my everything.”

Disappointment hits low in my belly, but I try to explain it away. It’s been an emotional couple of weeks. He’s just familiar to you. He’s your best friend. I smile to hide my hurt. “Forever?”

“Forever.”

As he holds me, my eyes begin to drift closed. My body is spent, exhausted, and right here with Jesse is the safest and calmest I’ve felt in weeks. I’m somewhere in between consciousness and sleep, that fuzzy place where nothing seems real, when I hear Jesse whisper across the stillness, “I love you, Riley Ann.”

A smile stretches across my lips. I love you, too.