Ember – Two Weeks Later

 

I was happy I was able to roam about San Diego while Wheeler dealt with the issues plaguing the internal affairs of his MC. I didn’t know about all of that, and I wasn’t much help as far as fixing all of it went. All I could do was put my faith in Wheeler that he knew what he was doing.

 

At this point … I trusted him with at least that. And if I were honest with myself, even more.

 

I walked about the streets of San Diego, a new, shoulder-length blonde wig on my head and a pair of shades on. The blonde wig was easily the favorite out of the small collection that I was amassing. I had bought it on one of my (frequent) outings around San Diego and had surprised Wheeler at the bar we were meeting at. I had hit on him—he hadn’t even recognized me, and he hadn’t even hit on me back.

 

Well. At least not until I told him that it was me. I had enjoyed that.

 

So today it was out and about in that blonde wig. I wore a cute sundress, something that I usually wouldn’t wear myself, but Wheeler had figured that it would be a good idea to look as little like myself as possible. It had been almost two weeks since we’d been here, two otherwise amazing weeks.

 

Until I had woken up this morning.

 

And realized that I should have had my period by now.

 

The cute sundress was mostly a crutch to have something nice for myself and not completely lose my shit while I processed that.

 

I didn’t want to panic. That was something that I couldn’t afford right now on top of everything. So when Wheeler offered to drop me off in the city while he hit up another MC, I took it.

 

“You gonna be good?” he asked, looking around like he expected the police or some undercover cop to come running around the corner. His concern was endearing, and I smiled at him, waving him off.

 

“I’ll be fine, don’t worry. I’ll call if I want to get out of here early, but I’ve never been to San Diego and I want to get in as much of it as I possibly can for now.”

 

“Whatever you say.”

 

He sped off and the anxiety settled once more in the pit of my stomach. I almost wished that I had told him why I wanted to go out and about alone today, but I didn’t think adding more things to his plate when this was already a huge helping on mine would be a good idea.

 

One step at a time. Actually figure out if you’re pregnant or not. Then we can figure everything else out.

 

It didn’t take me long to find a drugstore. A generic store with everything from first aid to candy and snacks. Avoiding the inevitable, I loitered around the candies, taking my sweet time in choosing one for myself. Chocolate or gummies? Off-brand or name? Choices, choices.

 

Eventually I realized I was taking entirely way too much time to look innocent. One of the clerks came up to me, an older woman dressed neatly in the store’s blue and white uniform.

 

“Hi, dear, do you need any help?”

 

“Oh, uh, no, just looking.”

 

She smiled kindly at me. Knowingly.

 

“Is there something other than candy specifically that you’re looking for?”

 

I swallowed. It wasn’t like I needed to feel ashamed around this woman. This was what she was paid to do. She was paid to help people like me. Unbiased. No judgement.

 

“Um.” I grabbed one of the candy bars, just so it didn’t seem too much like I was intentionally trying to stall on this. “I actually also need. A pregnancy test? Or two.”

 

The woman nodded and put her hand gently on my shoulder.

 

“Right this way, dear.”

 

The woman led me out of the candy aisle and past a few of the other aisles before getting to the dreaded reproductive section with all the fancy condoms and preventative aids—and all the pregnancy tests.

 

“Now,” she said, “they say that you should take a couple, from different tests, just to make sure that you don’t have a false positive or negative. I would recommend this brand and this brand.” She leaned forward and picked up two of the brands mentioned and showed me. They both had pretty colors and depicted smiling babies and happy mothers. I wondered how many people had stared at them and felt dread.

 

I didn’t feel dread when I took the boxes from the woman. I didn’t really feel anything, but that slight calm that came before something big happened. Didn’t need to be something bad—just something big.

 

A baby was definitely a big thing.

 

Did Wheeler even want to be a father?

 

Would he even want to be a parent with me?

 

I had gotten to know him but … we hadn’t known each other for long. There was no denying the unbreakable chemistry that was between us though.

 

“Dear?”

 

I blinked.

 

“Hm? I’m sorry. I guess I just. Spaced out a little.”

 

“That’s quite all right, dear. Is this all you’ll be getting or do you need a little more time to look around or make a selection?”

 

“No, no, this will be fine,” I said. I followed the woman back to the front counter, where I paid for the two tests and the candy bar that I’d snatched up.

 

“You have a good day, dear, and good luck,” she said.

 

I smiled and nodded, taking my things.

 

“Thank you.”

 

I headed back to the bathroom, intent on taking the test then and there just to get it all out of the way. I stopped about halfway back there.

 

I couldn’t find out if I was going to be a mother in a drugstore bathroom.

 

I also couldn’t risk Wheeler seeing these before I was able to get the tests taken, either.

 

Stricken, I went into the bathroom. I removed the tests from their boxes, took the instructions for each one, and popped them safely into my purse after wrapping them up in tissue paper. Wheeler didn’t look through my things—this was the safest way to get this done and kept from him, for now.

 

I felt bad about hiding this, but I felt that it was for the best. I would tell him when I knew for certain if I was pregnant. After all, if I wasn’t then there was nothing to tell, right?

 

Right.

 

I ducked into a little café, deciding that I needed to treat myself to something nice while I was out. The woman that seated me was a petite thing, young, fresh-faced. Her smile made me feel a little better about the situation.

 

“Hey, my name is Marie. What can I get for you today?”

 

“Um, just a mocha and a cherry Danish?”

 

“All right, sounds good, I’ll get that put in for you.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

Marie flitted off, and I was left to my own devices. I was jittery. I couldn’t sit still. I tapped my feet on the floor and fiddled around with my napkin. Thought when I got my mocha, I would feel better—it had whipped cream on it and everything; that was enough to make anyone feel better—but no dice.

 

I was wholly aware of the pregnancy tests that were in my purse.

 

They were going to seal my future for good.

 

“Oh, damn it.”

 

I needed someone to talk to. I thought about calling Wanda, but I had decided to try and keep her as out of this whole mess as I possibly could. That left … my mother. My mother would know exactly what to say, I knew it.

 

I dialed her up. It had been a couple of days since she’d called me after getting this new number. It would be a welcome surprise to her that I was calling her this time. As usual, it didn’t take long for her to pick up.

 

“Ember! What a nice surprise. Or—did something happen? Are you all right—”

 

“I’m fine, Mama.” In a manner of speaking. “I just wanted to call you and talk. Catch up.”

 

“Oh, well, there’s not been a lot that’s gone on the last two days. The boys are busy with work as usual and I’m in between shifts right now. Why, is there anything to catch up on?”

 

“Um … Actually, yeah.” I toyed a little with the blonde wig hair. I missed the feel of my own hair, and the synthetic wasn’t quite the comfort that twirling my own was, but I was making due with what I had, after all. “Mom, what was it like when you found out you were pregnant with me?”

 

“Huh? Oh. Hm.” I knew my question must have thrown her off. “Well, I was scared, of course,” she said. “I was very young, and your father and I weren’t married yet at the time. And while it wasn’t a big deal—well, it was a big deal. Your father was already working and out of high school but I was still in my senior year. Your grandparents weren’t very happy about it—but honestly, as scary as it was, it was excited.”

 

“You were?”

 

“Of course. There was a new life growing inside me. I was going to be a mother. It would be hard, hard work—it always is—but I was happy to take the responsibility.”

 

“And with the boys? Cameron, Jeremy, Felix? What was it like with them?”

 

“Oh, well. There was a little more fear with each of them. I had learned that motherhood was hard work, but also that it wasn’t easy, you know, with money. Just having a baby …” She sighed. “But I’ve never regretted having any of you, you know. I loved having each of you. I only worried I wouldn’t be able to, you know. Be a proper mother and provide for the four of you kids. Ember, dear, why are you asking, though?”

 

I sighed, and took a drink of my mocha. How did I answer that one?

 

Oh, you know, I just got knocked up by a biker, maybe.

 

“Dear? Are you … are you pregnant?”

 

I took a deep breath.

 

“I—I might be. I haven’t taken the tests yet. But I’m pretty sure that if I’m not, my period has a lot to answer for, I’m just saying.”

 

“Oh, honey. How are you feeling? Are you sick, scared? Have you—have told the boy? Wheeler?”

 

“I’m not—I’m not really scared. I’m waiting to figure out if I’m actually pregnant before I commit to freaking out, but I guess … I’m not upset? And, God, no, I haven’t told Wheeler yet. He’s got so much going on right now, you know? I don’t want to burden him.”

 

My mother chuckled.

 

“You’re just like I was. I didn’t tell your father until I was a good few weeks in. He was shocked, I’ll tell you that. I spent so much time avoiding him so I wouldn’t blab to him, he thought that I was cheating on him! He was quite shocked when I told him the truth of it, though. That poor man.

 

I laughed.

 

“Well, I don’t think cheating is going to come up. I just don’t know how to bring it up. If they’re like that.”

 

“Just be honest with him. That’s all you can be, honey. Open and honest. The rest of it all will fall into place where it needs to, you know?”

 

“Yeah, I know, Mama.”

 

“Now. With everything that’s going on, if those tests are positive … will you be able to take care of the baby? Will Wheeler? You’ve been helping out a lot since you joined that fire dancing troupe, but with the ways things are now, you’re not going to be doing that for a while.”

 

“I know. I think—I think I can figure something out,” I said. “This chapter of the Sons, where we’re staying right now? They offered Wheeler and me a place here, in case things don’t work out well, you know? So I have options.”

 

“That’s good, that’s good … You know, Ember. You’re always welcome to come back here, too. Always.”

 

“I know, Mama. I couldn’t imagine burdening you like that though.” That was the last thing that I wanted to do to my mother.

 

“Honey, it would never be a burden. Besides, you’re telling me you would deny me the right to cuddle and spoil my grandchildren as much as possible?”

 

“Okay, okay, that’s fair.”

 

She chuckled. “You’re right it is. Now … as for Wheeler … Honey, do you want this to be a permanent thing? Children or not? If you’ve been with him for such a short amount of time, and you’re already pregnant—”

 

“Having sex doesn’t mean I want to marry someone Mama—hold on.”

 

Marie came over with my cherry Danish. I thanked her, ordered a second mocha, and went back to talking quietly with my mother.

 

“Having sex doesn’t—”

 

“I know what it does and doesn’t mean. I was a young’un once too, you know! What I mean is, the last time I asked about him, you said that you thought you liked him, honey. And I can hear it in your voice when you talk about him. When I ask about him and you give me that little sigh and eyeroll—”

 

“You can’t see if I’m rolling my eyes from all the way over there—”

 

“A mother knows, Ember. Anyway, you give yourself away so easily, I don’t see why you’re trying to play coy with me. Tell me. Do you want him? Long term? As a family?”

 

I thought about it. I hadn’t thought that … perhaps the reason that I hadn’t begun freaking out yet was because this was something that I wanted as opposed to something that was going to end up getting in my way.

 

“I think … I do. It’s crazy to say it Mama, but yeah. I really like him. I think I could—”

 

“Fall in love with him? You say that as if you haven’t already.”

 

“It’s barely been a month, Mama!”

 

“So? Love works in mysterious ways, my dear.” I could practically see the warm smile that she would be giving me if she were speaking to me right now. “Just let things happen. Don’t stress it too much. Let me know if and when I’m going to be a grandmother, all right?”

 

“All right, I will. Tell the boys and daddy that I love them and I’m thinking about them.”

 

“I will, honey. You’ll get through all this. You’re strong. Love you.”

 

“Love you too, Mama.”

 

I drew in a breath. Boy oh boy. I sure was in for the ride of my life.

 

I finished up at the café and left, deciding to do some walking through San Diego before Wheeler picked me up. I was passing by a clothing store when my phone buzzed.

 

Wheeler: Hey, you ready?

 

EA: Yeah, I’m ready. You want the address? I’ll stay put so you don’t have to hunt for me.

 

Wheeler: You say that as if I wouldn’t love to hunt you down, pretty ;)

 

Wheeler: But yeah. Send over the address.

 

I did.

 

Wheeler: Fancy. I’ll be there in ten.

 

I decided to walk around the clothing store and wait for Wheeler that way. The clothes weren’t really my speed—high end stuff that rich people wore, really—but it didn’t hurt to look around and pretend like I had business there. I knew Wheeler was here when a deep rev sounded outside the store, and I looked out the window, seeing Wheeler sitting atop his bike. He grinned at me through the window and I trekked outside.

 

“You look mighty fine today, pretty lady,” he said.

 

“You saw me when you dropped me off.” I slid onto the back of his bike, wrapping around him instantly—a little tighter than usual, just for security.

 

He patted my hand.

 

“Yeah, and you just got prettier in the time that I was gone. Come on. I wanna take you somewhere.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“Yeah. You’ve never been to the beach here, have you? It’s great. We’ll stop back by the club and we can get some more appropriate clothing on. What do you say?”

 

“I say amen to that.”