-Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice.
Jesse Montgomery
I HAVEN’T MOVED. I hear the chair squeak as Bane pushes it back. I feel his warmth behind me as he draws closer. His callused hands come to my shoulders. His chest to my back. Why do I keep letting him touch me? He may have explained why he left. But you can’t erase two years of resentment with a good story.
“I’m sorry, Jess” he coos in my ear. His closeness feeling so familiar. His warmth making me feel things again. Things I don’t want to feel. The bastard knows what he is doing to me. Unresolved issues soar between us as our body heat smothers out any space between us. I spin in his arms and meet his stare. His mouth parts as his tongue licks the bottom lip.
But this can’t happen. I can’t let this happen. He hurt me and I can’t let him get close enough to do it again. My hands came up to his chest and push him away. A look of shock briefly appears on his face and is quickly replace with indifference.
“No” I whisper, “NO, this isn’t happening. I hate you. I’m supposed to hate you” I scream. I crumble to the floor in a pile of broken sobs. I have lost everything I ever cared about. Danny is gone, and now I must face the only person who can hurt me more.
Bane stands there unsure what to do, I don’t know what to do. This is entirely about him. My whole life has been upturned, not that it had far to go anyways. Seeming to decide, he pulls me up in his strong arms and speaking his own broken apologies. Not sure how I can go from telling him no to welcoming the comfort. But I snug into his arms and relax, tears soaking his shirt.
Once the tears had subsided, and the awkwardness of the situation set in, I pulled out of his arms to put some distance between us. I clear my throat, it's time that I leave. I no longer needed to be a burden on his life. He may want to protect me for my brother. But that is not his burden to bare. I am not his charity. He is free.
"I know you said you would protect me, but I'll be fine. I have been for all these years. They don't know I know. I'll go back and pretend everything is fine" I exclaimed.
"Like hell you will, you will stay here" He yelled, rushing up to me and putting both hands on either side of my face, "You think for one second I would let you walk out that door. You have another thing coming", he said more softly. I wanted to argue, but my body was too overwhelmed to try.
“I have something to show you”
He grabs my arm and starts to walk to the back of the house. Not understanding constant need to touch me, but not completely hating it either. He goes into a room down the hall and turns on the light. Inside I notice a beautiful cherry wood canopy bed with a matching dresser and two end tables. The large bay window with a reading nook adorned the far side of the room, overlooking the meadow. It was lovely.
"This is your room" he states "Danny designed it for you. He wanted you to have the room you never had. The closet is full of clothes I’m sure you will like. He had a personal shopper find them", he seems nervous.
“It’s beautiful” I breathe. Still mesmerized by the room they designed for me. I know this is partly Bane because I told him when I was fifteen, I had always wanted a reading nook with a bay window, he smiled and answered, “you will have the world someday kiddo” and he kissed me on the forehead.
“Yes, you are” loud enough I could barely hear him. The look of pain crosses his features and then a stoic look passes through.
“My room is down the hall, and my office is on the first floor” and with that he is gone, again.
I am alone now. I can't believe how much has changed since I woke up this morning. I thought I would be graduating, and Danny and I would be celebrating. Instead my brother's dead and my parents are pimps. Kidnapping pimps. I’m stuck at the one person I never thought I’d see again and I swear I can’t force myself to stay mad over it.
I walk around the room admiring the view from the window. I could get used to this. It's better than my "room" at my parents. Even though we had money, my room didn't show it. I had a twin bed a dresser and one lamp. The clothes I did have were bought by my brother and most likely from Goodwill, since Danny couldn't alert the parental on my "special treatment". He did this for me. He knew me, my likes, dislikes. He was the only person that knew me, other than him. Just like he knew I would be here someday. He just planned to be here too. Tears well in my eyes, when I noticed the stocked closet full of shoes and elegant articles of clothing. He planned everything. He was giving me the life my parents never thought I was worthy of. He just was supposed to be here, too.
Books adorn the bookshelves, all my favorite authors. From Jane Austen to Dickens. Even some modern fantasy from Laurell K. Hamilton. I find a Kindle sitting on the bench by the window. I will be able to get most of my darker pleasures there.
I walk to the adjoining bathroom and take in its splendor. There is claw tub in the center with a large rain shower head. Rock adorns the back wall. Giving the room a rustic aura. The sink is supplied with all the hygiene products every beautiful girl would use. Stuff I never could. The kindness in every gesture warms my heart, but it turns ice cold at the recent vacancy.
After exploring my new home, I make my way down the hall to the living room and kitchen area. Everything is well taken care of. I wonder how he got this house. I mean, without my parents noticing. Has Bane been here all along? So, close, but so far away.
I find what would have been my brother room. It was all him. I start to shake, knowing he will never walk into this room. I sit on his bed. The room is very bland, but completely Danny. Only relying on the essentials, simple. The bedspread was a plain black variety with grey pillow cases. There was always something behind his eyes; like he was hiding something. Now I know the extremities of his secrets. I wish he would have let me in. I lay down on his bed and close my eyes and remember a time when Danny was here.
It was my thirteenth birthday, obviously I didn't expect presents or a party. But I knew Danny and Bane would do would do something, they did every year. Mother and father were at the club, per usual. Danny had just gotten off work, doing whatever it is Danny does for work. He smiles when he sees me curled up on the couch with a bucket of popcorn and our favorite movie ready to play in the DVD player.
"Let me guess Monkey, A League of Their Own and kettle corn popcorn" he sighed. Yep it was same every year. "Don't you think a new tradition is in order” I would have been hurt had I not known he was joking. He knew my love for tradition. It made me feel like I belonged somewhere. Danny always did that for me. He ruffled my hair underneath the hood of my hoodie and went to grab a beer. He joined me on the couch. Once he was seated, he pulls out a small box and hands it to me. Inside the box I find a gold heart locket with the picture Danny and I had taken at the fair last year. It was my first time at the fair. We tried to get mother and father to go, but they were to hungover from Saturday "fun-day" as they called it. But they always seemed happier on Sunday, like every Sunday was payday. They even surprised me with a gift every occasionally.
"Danny, can I ask you a question" I whispered
"Of course, brat, what's on your mind" He stated lovingly. He always had time for me.
"What do you and Bane do for father?”
“Monkey, you know I won’t answer, so why do you ask me”
“Because she loves to drive us both crazy” Bane interrupts. Walking in with a bag with a card attached. He comes up and kisses me on the head “happy birthday, Jess” and goes into the kitchen.
Knowing it was a moot point, I dropped the subject. Bane returns with a beer and slops onto the recliner.
Danny pushed the play button as League of Their Own started to play. But my mind was elsewhere. I wish I had normal. You know parents who dotted on you and planned birthday parties. But instead they rather party themselves, and get high. But I had this tradition with my two-favorite people. That will never change.
I must have fallen asleep in Danny's bed, because when I jolt awake, the smell of something cooking assaulted my nostrils. After stretching and waiting for my eyes to adjust. I stood and I started to walk softly towards the kitchen. When I turn the corner, his voice interrupts my movements.
"Your awake" he states without even looking at me. How did he know I was there, I thought I was being quiet?
"You were sleeping”, he states, “figured I’d let you sleep”.
“Thank you, can I help?”
"No, I got this. Just have a seat” I nod, the awkwardness tangible.
I take a seat at the small round table in the dining room, with an open view of the kitchen. The sound of feet trotting down the hall causes my senses to be on alert. When a medium sized brown lab comes up to my leg and licks my crossed hands in front of me. I pet the dog and smile at his friendliness.
"Her name is Angel, I found her in the fields about 8 months ago. Couldn't find it in my heart to get rid of her. She was spirited. Reminded me of you". Me? Spirited?
“Don’t look so surprised” he accuses.
He stirs the mash potatoes and puts the spoon aside. He turns and faces me with a look of pure desire. He struts the short distance to my chair. Pulling my chair closes to him, he places my head in his hands. Jesus, he is so hot and cold. I love it.
"God Jess, you have always been so beautiful, so irresistible. I never wanted to hurt you, leave you”, he lifts his hand to brush a stray hair away from my cheek. His touched scorched my skin, causing heat to form between my legs. What was he doing? He started leaning in closer, so I could smell him. He smelled of cedar and spearmint. So, woodsy. He was looking at my lips, as if they were the last fruit in the world. He was going to kiss me. Did I want him too?
"W-what are you doing" I asked.
"What do you want me to be doing, Jess" he questioned with a raised eyebrow.
My breath came out in wisps at his question. What did I want him to do? I was nervous. I was scared. But why? He wouldn't hurt me, would he?
He brushed his thumb across my lips. I lean into his touch. Closing his eyes, he growled.
"What do you want, beautiful", he rumbled "I need to hear to you say it".
"I want you to kiss...." Before the words were out of my mouth his lips were on mine. He took control, grabbing me by the back of the neck to bring me closer to his body. I have kissed one other boy before this, but it was nothing like this. The heat that enveloped us was scorching and erotic. It was rough but gentle. My hands began to roam his sculpted body. His mouth tasted of beer and spearmint and his tongue played with mine. His hand came to my cheek as he guided my head back for better access. It was as if everything he wanted to say he said in this kiss. But maybe he said too much, because before I knew it he was pulling back.
"I need to stop" he gasped, "if I don't stop now, I won't stop ever".
Stepping away to catch his breath, he scanned my disheveled appearance. I was a mess, but the look wasn't of disgust, it was pure yearning. He didn't just want me, he wanted to possess me. And that terrified him.