I woke in the morning with my heart pounding, limbs shaking at the sound of Kelli’s voice in the hall.

Breathe. I’d slept with Joel, yes, but in the end, I’d done the right thing. Telling him we couldn’t be together again had been one of the hardest things I'd ever had to do. It went against my true feelings, as I very much enjoyed my time spent with Joel. But I couldn't neglect the truth. This job was more important to me than my own happiness. I couldn't risk Ethan's future.

It was early, and I wondered what Kelli was doing back so soon when I knew she hated to get up before mid-morning. I laid there, listening, waiting for all hell to break loose.

But it didn’t. He wouldn’t tell her. Of course, he wouldn’t.

Even so, the situation would be more than a little awkward now, worse than before. Now I had a secret to keep from Kelli too. I wasn’t a secretive person, had always worn my heart on my sleeve. If I could just keep the secret hidden from Joel for another few months, I might have enough money saved up to start a new life with my son.

But along with that realization came the fact that I was destined to break Joel's heart. He had fallen in love with Ethan, was prepared to fight Kelli for custody.

Now what was I going to do?

I couldn't tell Kelli. Who could I go to for advice?

No one. Not even Joel.

This situation had gone from bad to worse. Not only was I desperate for the money, but I was selling out myself, selling out Joel to get it. Selling out my own baby.

Sleeping with Joel had been a mistake. One that I didn't truly regret, but a mistake nevertheless. Not because I didn't feel something for him, or as I had told him, I didn't want to be "the other woman." It was because if I slept with Joel again, there was no way I would be able to hide it for long from Kelli's sharp eyes. Ever since that morning in the kitchen, she had watched me, watched Joel, ever so carefully. It wouldn't take much to reignite her suspicions. Or her jealousy.

Ethan woke fussing in his crib and I quietly turned, opened the door, and peeked out. I didn't want to run into Joel or Kelli. Not now. I needed time to collect myself.

Everything in the house was silent and dim in the dawn light so I quickly hurried to the nursery and slipped through the half-open door, the nightlight plugged in near his crib casting him in shadow. I made soft, cooing noises as I approached the crib, then placed my hand on Ethan's chest. He settled immediately. I checked to make sure his diaper was dry and wondered if I should warm him up some milk, but in moments, he fell back asleep.

With a sigh, I remained standing at the crib for several moments, then left the room and headed for the kitchen. Maybe a cup of hot coffee would spur my brain into coming up with a solution I desperately needed.

When I entered the kitchen, I gasped at the sight of Kelli leaning against the counter, frowning down at the granite, lost in thought.

She glanced up, an ice I’d never seen in her eyes before quickly being covered with a brittle smile. Did she know? She couldn’t.

“Good morning,” I managed to choke out.

“Morning, Sarah. Rough night? Ethan not sleep through it?” Her eyes never left my face as she waited for an answer.

I chose the truth, but kept my gaze on the coffee machine. “Ethan slept fine, it was me who didn’t.” I’d have to scoot past Kelli to get to the machine, but I needed caffeine if I had any hope of keeping my ever-increasing lies straight. “Do you mind if I get some coffee?”

“Oh, I have something better. You’re never going to want coffee again after you try this tea.”

“Tea? I never drink tea in the morning. Really, I’d prefer—”

“I insist. It’s the least I can do since you give so much of your time to Ethan for me.” She smiled, and I wondered why she was keeping up the farce when we were alone, unless she was afraid Joel might walk in.

I was too caffeine-deprived to care. “Sure.”

Kelli went to the coffee machine and turned it on with plain water, and then reached into a cloth sack that was apparently from a shopping spree in San Luis Obispo. The dark green surface of the small can shimmered in the low light from the hood over the oven. She unscrewed the lid to the canister, and the exotic and soothing scent of the raw tea wafted through the room.

“I picked this up especially for you.”

“That was nice of you.” Now I felt even more guilty for what I had just done hours earlier.

It was something I couldn't undo, but I could prevent it from happening again. It was imperative that it never happened again.

I waited several moments while the water heated and then Kelli poured the hot water into a mug with about two tablespoons of the raw tea stuffed into its own strainer. She passed it to me and I stared at it for several moments, watching the water slowly darken as the tea infused, some of the tea escaping the strainer and settling toward the bottom of the mug. Tiny little bits of what looked to be powder rose to the surface of the mug, and I stirred the brew with the strainer and sat it in the sink.

It smelled delicious, and after I carefully took a sip, I marveled at its flavor. Light and delicate, although with a hint of bitterness.

“This is wonderful, Kelli, thanks. Where did you get it?”

A wide smile stretched her lips. “Oh, just a little shop. Don’t waste a drop. It was expensive, but you’re worth it.”

I nodded, the mug of tea cupped between my hands, warming them while my insides stayed cold with regret. I made my way back to the nursery. Leaving the door slightly open, I sat in the rocking chair, slowly sipping the tea, my mind spinning with uncertainties.

After draining the mug, I considered getting up and making another because it tasted so good and had me feeling so relaxed, but I didn't want to move. I felt sleepy, my legs and arms heavy and leaden, supremely relaxed, almost rubbery. It grew increasingly difficult to keep my eyes open as I gazed at Ethan sleeping in his crib. One of my arms slipped off the rocking chair, the mug dangling from my fingers. I almost smiled, thinking that despite my emotional turmoil, I had rarely, if ever, felt so relaxed.

Half asleep in that world between true wakefulness and dream state, I heard voices. Whispery voices. Kelli was in my dream, and so was the Joel's best friend, Eric. In the recesses of my mind, I remembered meeting him at the announcement party just a few weeks ago. I dreamed of Joel, corporate takeovers, and oddly enough, there was a cop in my dream too. At least I thought he was a cop. I struggled to open my eyes and wake myself up, drag my lazy ass to bed, but my body refused. Oddly enough, I felt myself being lifted, wrapped in a blanket. Was I sick? Finally, I succumbed, relishing the fact that I could slip into sleep, where I would no longer have to think, process, or feel. I sank down into the black darkness, welcoming it, hoping that when I woke up, I would know what to do.