I returned to the nursery and closed the door softly behind me, leaning against it while I waited for my heart rate and body temperature to return to normal. From embarrassment or desire? Likely both. No, not likely. Definitely. My breasts tingled with the memory of the way Joel’s eyes had lingered there, sending a new jolt of warmth into my nether regions.

I was shocked at myself. I hadn't felt any sexual desire since before Ethan had been born.

Plus, this didn't bode well. On top of my guilt at fooling Joel was now the inkling that he might be attracted to me. Was he the jerk that Kelli had made him out to be? Would he make a pass at me? And what if he did? How would I react?

While I'd admired Joel's handsome features since the moment I laid eyes on him, I’d tried to put out of my mind what lay beneath those polo shirts and khakis — such a hard, well-sculpted, and highly desirable physique. I shook my head, still clutching Ethan's bottle of formula, while I pressed my other hand to my belly, trying to calm the jittery sensation of freshly awoken butterflies flitting around in there.

Ethan had fallen back asleep, so I waited for several moments, for my pulse to slow, for a knock on the door. I'd seen the look that flashed over Kelli's face, recognized jealousy when I saw it. She’d hidden it almost immediately, but I caught it. Would she feel threatened now? Now that she'd managed to move in, would she decide to fire me?

No, just yesterday afternoon she had acted desperate to continue with her plan. A plan I was now kicking myself for entering in the first place. Would she fire me for endangering her plan? Joel's history of playing the field must still be fresh in her mind.

My musings were distracted by the sound of Ethan's low fussing. I quickly pushed thoughts of Joel, his body, and my own surprising reaction to his near-nakedness to the back of my mind as I smiled and stepped toward the crib, murmuring softly. Picking him up and cradling him in my arms, I sat us down in the rocking chair and fed him his bottle, relishing the noises, the smell of his skin, the softness and warmth of his flesh.

I had to be ready. If Kelli said something, I would assure her that my reaction to Joel had been nothing more than startled surprise. Nothing more. I wasn't interested in Joel, not that way. I certainly wasn't interested in getting involved with any man, and that was the truth. Hadn't I gotten into enough trouble?

Yet, no matter how hard I tried to convince myself otherwise, the image of Joel's sculpted chest and those abs kept returning. Not only that, but the way he had gazed at me too. Those blue eyes of his had lingered just a second too long on my breasts.

I glanced down. They were still plump from my pregnancy, even though I didn't nurse. I had made that decision after two weeks of trying to breastfeed, during which Ethan hadn’t managed to gain much weight. Not wanting to take any chances, I’d opted for the bottle. Though I’d stopped producing milk, my breasts were still a bit larger than they had been pre-pregnancy.

The memory of that lingering look, the way his gaze had taken in my waist and the thin straps of my tank top, elicited another surge of heat that coursed upward from my chest, into my cheeks. He couldn't possibly… he hadn't been flirting, had he? Then again, why wouldn't he have, given his history? The thought made me uncomfortable, but at the same time, I certainly couldn't deny the pleasure I’d gained from having a guy who was as good-looking as Joel check me out. Other than my drunken evening with Ethan's sperm donor, I had never paid attention to how guys looked at me. In fact, I purposely avoided direct contact.

Still, since I’d always felt that I was never perfect enough or good-looking enough, the look on Kelli's face had also given me not only pause, but a brief surge of pleasure. I could understand her immediate distrust of Joel in the presence of another woman in the room, especially with both of us scantily dressed, but seriously?

For the first time, I wondered if she'd been completely honest with me. I hadn't once seen any unacceptable or lascivious behavior from Joel since the day I arrived. He didn't have women over and he stayed home every night. I wouldn't ever know for sure if Joel really did cheat on her and then kick her out, not without blatantly asking him, which I certainly wasn't going to do. But it did give me a glimpse of maybe another side to the story.

Kelli had bad-mouthed Joel, but at the same time acted like she was desperate to get back with him. That was something I still couldn't understand. She appeared to make enough money on her own — a supermodel, popular in her own right. Why would she need to latch on to Joel? Yes, he was rich. Filthy rich. But the more time I spent with Joel and the more I got to know Kelli, I couldn't help but become more aware of the differences between the two. Joel seemed to want emotional connections. In the short time they had been together, he'd become devoted to Ethan and his needs. Kelli, on the other hand, seemed more interested in shopping, party planning, and the attention she gained from her reconnection with Joel.

I couldn't understand it. I gazed down at Ethan, fast asleep now, his hands still lightly clutching the now empty milk bottle. I knew then that subconsciously, I’d begun to switch sides. Or at least my allegiance. How could I not? How could I not favor the person who showed my son nothing but unconditional affection and concern?

I closed my eyes, swallowed a groan, and leaned my head back. A hard knot formed in my stomach. I was no better than Kelli. Maybe Kelli had some ulterior motive she was using Joel for, I didn't know, but the truth was, I was doing the same. The thought of him discovering the truth made me sick to my stomach.

* * *

That afternoon, Kelli appeared in the doorway of the nursery as I finished changing Ethan.

I smiled pleasantly, trying to ignore the memory of earlier this morning. "Hey, Kelli," I said, fastening Ethan's onesie and then lifting him into my arms. I settled him on my shoulder, cradling his head, his breath soft and warm against my neck.

Kelli stared at me a moment and then pasted a smile on her face. "How about you take a break for a couple of hours? Come shopping with me." It wasn't exactly spoken in a tone of an offer or request, more like an order.

"What about Ethan?"

She gestured toward the other side of the house. "Joel's working in his office for the rest of the afternoon. He can watch Ethan."

I was about to protest but then Joel appeared in the doorway behind her. "You two go on and have a little bit of fun. I'll lay the baby quilt on the floor next to my desk and Ethan can keep me company while I do some paperwork."

I glanced uncertainly down at my son. Though reluctant, I had no choice but to agree. "All right," I said with forced cheerfulness. "Sounds like a plan to me." I didn't want to go, but how could I refuse? I was only a nanny, right?

Kelli kept a pleasant smile on her face as I handed the sleeping Ethan off to Joel, who cradled him against his shoulder just like I had. Ethan seemed so small and tiny snuggled like that on Joel's wide shoulder, his large hand encompassing my son. Protective. Sheltering. The tug on my heartstrings nearly overwhelmed me and I had the sudden urge to confess everything, right here and now. A glance at Kelli stopped me. That and the fact that I needed more money, as much money as I could make in what I knew would be a short remaining amount of time before this game of hers likely played out.

I felt like a worm, a bottom-feeder, but for the sake of my son, I again convinced myself to continue with this plan. I would do anything for Ethan.

Kelli and I left the house, climbed into her fire-engine red Corvette and sped out of the driveway. I barely managed to fasten my seatbelt before we were zooming away from the mansion.

We didn't go far. She pulled the Vette over at a small park maybe a mile from Joel's place. I sat still, suddenly nervous, not sure what we were doing. I reached for my seatbelt, prepared to step out.

"Leave it on," she said, staring out the windshield a moment before turning toward me.

At that moment, I knew. Before she even opened her mouth, I knew.

"Just a word of caution for you, Sarah, that you keep your hands and your eyes to yourself when it comes to Joel. Is that clear?"

Gone was the smile. Gone the pretense of friendship. Embarrassment warmed my cheeks. So too did instant denial, but I clamped that back. A surge of anger hit me and I pressed my lips together, but gazed back at her as if confused. "Of course, Kelli, why—"

"I saw the way you two were looking at each other in the kitchen this morning." Her gaze narrowed. "I already told you that he fooled around on me once, remember? I won't have him doing it again, and especially not when I'm so close to reconciling our relationship completely. He's going to ask me to marry him, I'll see to it. But I'm warning you, if I have any indication or even sense that you're getting in the way, you'll be back at the shelter before you know it. Is that clear?"

"Yes, it's clear," I said, swallowing my anger, pride. "Honestly, Kelli, I'm not interested in Joel. I've got enough trouble on my own without adding more to it." I paused. "It was just that I was surprised to see him like that. That's all."

She stared at me for several moments and then finally nodded. "Alrighty then. Let's go shopping."

Several hours later, after a trip to numerous boutique shops, we returned to the mansion. To my surprise, Joel was out in the driveway, holding Ethan. It appeared that he was talking to him, pointing to a number of birds settled on a nearby bush. When Kelli pulled into the drive, the birds took flight.

As soon as the car stopped, I opened the door, relieved to find Ethan cuddled comfortably on Joel's shoulder. Kelli climbed out and reached into the backseat to extract several bags.

"Did he behave for you?" I asked, resisting the urge to reach for my son. I wasn't sure I liked the way Joel's hands cradled him, or the way Ethan's tiny fingers gripped one of Joel's fingers. My heart clenched, wishing I had someone like Joel in my life, someone who cared deeply for my son. Then disappointment hit when Joel didn't seem willing to relinquish my son back to my arms.

He glanced at the bags, then at Kelli as she brushed past him with a broad smile, entering the house. He grinned and rolled his eyes at me, then his eyebrow lifted in surprise. "You didn't buy anything?"

I shook my head, gazing at Ethan’s assessing eyes. "I have everything I need."