I took one last look at her asleep in my bed before turning away and grabbing my bag off the floor. I debated whether or not to wake her for the tenth time before thinking better of it.

I didn’t look back as I crept quietly from the room because if she opened her eyes I knew I wouldn’t be able to leave her. Fucking pathetic.

Each step I took away from her felt like I was ripping out little pieces of my heart and leaving them behind. I even stopped with my hand on the doorknob giving serious thought to saying fuck it and just staying here with her.

In the end I knew I had no choice, I’d put it off too long as it is. But if shit was going to be like this, this would be the last time I leave her behind. The sense of responsibility was all new to me, something else I’m gonna have to get used to.

I was quiet on the ride out to the airstrip, my mind still back there with her. I could almost feel her weight on my chest the way it had been when I woke up this morning. I should’ve woken her up to say goodbye, damn.

Tony seemed to guess my mood because he didn’t give me any of his shit after the look he gave me when I first got into the car. “I’ll look after her, stop worrying. You know I won’t let anything happen to your girl.”

He watched me in the rearview as we sat on the airstrip. “I’m giving serious thought to going back. Don’t leave her, and at night make sure she locks up and turns the security on before you leave.”

“I know, you told me like ten times already bro. Now get out. The sooner you leave the sooner you’ll be back.” I ignored his snarky ass and got out.

I dragged my feet like a toddler all the way to the plane, not believing how hard it actually was to leave her behind. I didn’t even know I had this shit in me.

I got the biggest fucking grin on my face when I got off the plane hours later and saw that I had missed a text and a voicemail from her. I called her right away and just that easily, at the sound of her voice, I felt settled.

I got up the next morning and he wasn’t there. I knew it even before I opened my eyes, his warmth was missing. Rolling over I felt his side of the bed, his bed, and it was already cool to the touch.

Then I remembered the night before and my face went up in flames. I buried it in his pillow, inhaling his scent and it all came rushing back. His hands, his tongue, his lips and all that he’d done to me and me him.

I got up and headed into the shower, his, after debating with myself whether or not I should go back to my own room. That was before I found the note he’d left me.

“Sorry baby, I didn’t want to wake you, you looked so peaceful. Plus I liked the idea of leaving you in my bed. I want you to sleep here while I’m gone. It might be the only thing that keeps me sane while

I’m away from you.” The note was short and sweet and went a long way to lifting some of the sadness left by his absence.

I took a nice long shower before making myself breakfast. As I sat looking around his fancy kitchen loneliness hit me like a physical ache in my chest. I missed him.

I didn’t think twice before picking up my phone and calling him, just to hear his voice on the recording. I left a bright flirty message, then I sent him a text.

The only thing that brightened my day was the fact that I was going to be busy getting the school ready. After breakfast I grabbed the full set of keys he’d had made for me and headed out the door.

I had Tony’s number of course, but felt a little bit off about having him at my beck and call. “Going somewhere?” I screamed and jumped a foot in the air at the sound of his voice coming from right behind me as soon as my feet hit the sidewalk.

“Where were you lurking?” He pointed to the car as he led me over. “I figured you’d pull something like this and since I know you have to get to the club I knew it would only be a matter of time.”

I allowed myself to be placed in the backseat, what was the point of fighting? He’d only get his way just like his friend.

“Do me a favor.” He looked back as he turned the key in the ignition. “Take it easy on me. If Max knows you went out on your own he’d have my ass. Don’t make my job any harder than it needs to be.”

I nodded my head and pretended to be searching for something in my bag. It’s true I’d come to know Tony a little bit, but we’d never really interacted with each other and it felt kind of weird without Max here.

That feeling didn’t last long as he struck up a conversation about his sister and his new niece. Next thing I knew I was accepting her number and we were pulling up to the club.

I kept busy until around mid morning when I finally heard from Max. “Hey baby did the guys show up?” I looked through the door at the men who were installing the bars.

“They’re almost done. Why didn’t you wake me up this morning?”

“Didn’t you get my note?”

“I did, but next time wake me.”

“Next time. There isn’t going to be a next time.”

“How come?” I felt warmth suffuse my chest and that giddy feeling I suppose all women get when having this kind of conversation with their significant other.

“Because I miss you. It feels like I left a limb in New York. I’m very tempted to come right back.” Just hearing those words gave me an immense feeling of power and eased the ache in my chest.

“You’ll be back soon, besides I’m going to be busy the next couple of days, so I won’t have time for you.” I said tongue in cheek.

We stayed on the phone a few minutes more and neither of us wanted to hang up. I didn’t feel as empty this time after we rung off and went back to work much happier.

I called Tony’s sister later that evening and made a date for her to come over the next day. It had been ages since I’d been around a baby and she had some interest in the school. I was thinking that if she was anything like her brother she just might become my first friend in the city.

That night I could hardly get to sleep alone in the empty apartment after talking to Max on the phone. It was then all the old fears came rushing back, now that I was alone with my thoughts, with nothing and no one to distract me.

I felt nauseous and my body broke out in a cold sweat that had me grabbing the covers closer. It hadn’t bothered me before that he owned the clubs. In fact in the days leading up to his leaving he’d told me a lot about his life.

He hadn’t shared much of the hardships from his childhood, but talked more about the game and what it felt like to live your dream. I noticed that he didn’t dwell too much on the negative, which only highlighted the fact that I do.

I learned all about how he won the clubs in a poker game and somehow it didn’t enter my head that I should worry about the exposure to all those beautiful women he had working for him. Until now.

I kept comparing myself to the women he’d been linked with in the past and coming up short. Then of course I kept imagining him doing to all of them the things he’d done to me and my self esteem level just kept getting lower and lower.

I tried to hang on to the things I’d overheard him say to my brother and that seemed to help, but not much. Funny, that was the very thing that had got me to relax and open myself up to him.

Now I was back to worrying if it was all just a game with him. What if he’d felt this way before only to have the relationship come to an end? I felt strong anxiety as I tossed and turned, my poor mind fighting to hang on to anything that would make these feelings of self doubt dissipate.

Tony had spent the day by my side or close enough that he could see me. It’s said you’re known by the company that you keep, and Tony is a complete gentleman. It’s hard to explain, but somehow I feel I can trust him.

It’s obvious that he loves Max like a brother, but he didn’t try to sell me on his friend, not once. In fact he treats me more like I was already part of their little family. I’d watched him around the

women at the club that day, saw the way they all treated him with genuine respect.

All those things had made me feel less worried, but now I was taking everything out and reevaluating and with no outside noise, it was easy for my mind to go back to the dark.

I almost jumped out of my skin when the phone rang and my eyes flew to the clock. It was just after one in the morning. I answered without first checking the readout.

“Why are you still up?” It was Max and I felt like crying.

“Why are you?” He didn’t say anything for the longest time and then.

“Open the nightstand on my side of the bed baby.” Since I was already on his side, using his pillow, I just reached over and pulled open the drawer. “Take out the iPad.”

I did as he asked and followed his instructions on how to logon with his password. “Now hang up the phone.” I did and two seconds later he Face-timed me on the iPad. “Now sleep.”

“I can’t sleep with you watching me.”

“You did last night.” My cheeks grew warm at the thought of him watching me while I slept.

I fixed the device on the other pillow and settled down thinking it was going to be a while before I fell asleep, but the last thing I remember is him telling me to close my eyes.