It had only been a few hours since my last fix and my body was already screaming at me for more. I checked under the mattress and pulled out my little baggy of gray powder. There was only enough for one last taste. I'd have to figure out a way to get more tonight or else I'd probably die. My money was all gone and I was too weak to try and steal more.
Tonight I'd have to use my womanly ways to get more smack. I didn't even want to know what I looked like anymore. My little room here didn't have a mirror and I didn't care to find out. I'd never been with a man before and I had kept my body untouched all the way through college. But now I was ready to throw it all away for just one more fix.
I emptied the contents of the baggy carefully onto my silver spoon. Had to make sure I didn't waste any by spilling it. I pulled out my lighter from my back pocket and tried to trigger it. My shaking hands were getting worse but I was finally able to light it. The heroin bubbled on the spoon and I knew it was ready.
Injecting was the best high—straight into the veins. It was the only way to fly. I took my syringe and soaked up all the smack from the spoon before piercing my arm. I didn't even bother taking the syringe out before I fell back on the mattress in a blaze of glory. Life never felt this good before.
Reality faded away and I found myself back at that same college party a couple years back—the first time I ever got a taste of drugs. My entire life I had been such a perfect student, always studying and getting good grades. Everything changed when I went to college and met my roommate, Sarah.
Sarah was the complete opposite of me. She didn't come to college to get good grades. No, Sarah wanted to party and fuck as many guys as possible. But that was her choice. It didn't have to be mine.
The first semester, I played the good student and kept to myself. Sarah would nag me to go out with her and I'd always said no. My parents had spent their entire savings to get me to college and I wanted to make them proud. That was all true but deep down I was scared to death. I never really had any friends growing up and I was terribly frightened of going to a party. What would I even talk about with strangers?
Once the semester was over, I didn't have anymore excuses left. It was the last night before everyone went back home for winter break and Sarah was talking about some huge party being thrown by Alpha Beta Kai—the biggest bro fraternity on campus.
“Tonight is the big night, Tempest. You're finally going to a party with me,” Sarah stated.
I laughed her off and shook my head. “I have a lot of packing to do tonight. My parents are picking me up in the morning.” I placed my neatly folded clothes into a suitcase.
“Not going to work this time. You're coming with me or I'll drag you there myself.” Sarah grabbed the clothes out of my suitcase and threw them back in my drawers. “You'll have plenty of time to pack. Now let's go.”
I stood there, my feet firmly planted on the ground. It would take a bulldozer to get me to move. But really all it took was Sarah's hand grabbing mine and pulling me out the door.
We came to a giant mansion with the fraternity letters nailed to the front door. The music was screaming from inside and there were already drunk people littered all over the front lawn. We walked inside to find the place filled to the brim with people. People squeezed through the crowds with their red cups raised above their heads to avoid spilling.
“Want something to drink, Tempest?” Sarah asked, swaying side to side to the music.
One drink, Tempest. That's all you get. I was a little nervous to try alcohol for the first time but I couldn't escape it the rest of my life. It was time to dip my feet into the pool. I nodded to Sarah and she ran off. I rested awkwardly against the wall and watched the students dance. A guy tried to come up and ask me to dance but I politely declined, my face turning an apple red.
Sarah finally found me and shoved a cup in my hand. “Whiskey and coke,” she said, grinning.
I took a sip and almost coughed it up. There was barely any coke in there. Sarah should never be trusted to mix drinks. I took another sip and it burned a lot less. The alcohol was already going to my head and my anxiety was disappearing. This partying thing wasn't too bad. I don't know why I had been scared for so long.
“You cool, here?” Sarah asked, “I'm going to go find John.” The name sounded familiar and then I remembered that he was the guy Sarah kept interrupting my studying to talk about. John was a senior and apparently God's gift to woman according to Sarah. I told her I'd be fine and she went off to find her prince charming.
The rest of the party was a blur as I continued to fall deeper and deeper into alcohol. I was full-on drunk from just one drink and it felt terrific. Turns out, I love to dance. I didn't even know my body could move in those ways.
After my feet felt like they would fall off, I went out to search for Sarah. She was probably having sex with John. I found her in one of the downstairs bedrooms sitting next to John and snorting powder off a coffee table. Every warning bell in my head went off telling me to run as far way as possible. But Sarah waved me over and my drunk self couldn't say no.
I plopped down on the couch and watched John snort the drug. I thought it was cocaine but later I knew it was heroin. John sniffed up as much as he could and wiped his nose back and forth, his eyes all big. He handed me the rolled up dollar bill and I sat there not knowing what to do.
“Come on, Tempest. It will make you feel like a million bucks,” Sarah whispered in my ear. I was too drunk to say no. Didn't all the celebrities do this? I bent over the coffee table and placed the money in my nostril. I didn't even remember snorting anything. Just a sudden rush of relaxation. I sat back on the couch with the biggest smile on my face. Sarah looked at me and grinned. I just chilled there for hours, staring at the wall. I'd never felt this at peace before. It was like I became who I always wanted to be.
But heroin was never as good that first time. In the beginning, I did it a couple times a week to get through the hardest classes. Then my tolerance began to build up. I had to use more and more just to get that same high. Soon I was using it everyday and selling my school books just to pay for it.
I dropped out of college and didn't have the courage to tell my parents. I just ran away. Ran away from everything. The only thing that mattered was the high.
And it felt so damn good.
Back on my piss-stained mattress, my high was hitting its peak. Every time I injected, I was reminded with why I could never go back to my old life. This was who I wanted to be. Life could never be this good without drugs.
My high was interrupted when a tall guy with bulging muscles came barging into my room.