Sam and I couldn’t stop touching each other. Even as we took down our tent, he found ways to grab me by the waist and haul me up to kiss me. And as we said our goodbyes to everyone else, I didn’t—couldn’t—let go of his hand. It was that honeymoon phase I’d always heard of. Sam and I wouldn’t let go of this upon our return home.

I didn’t know yet what that meant for us, especially since no one at home knew anything that was happening.

When we were halfway back to Salt Lake, Sam received a phone call and answered it. “Hey, mate.” There was a pause and he cleared his throat. “She’s crazy. You know that. Just … don’t worry about it. I’ll deal with her when I get home.” He looked sideways at me and answered a series of yes/no questions before handing me the phone. “Ames,” he said, and I took the phone.

“Hey, Lots.” Ames sounded good, if a little tired.

“Ames.” I cupped my hand around the phone. It was the first time I’d heard his voice in a few days, and realizing that I was two days away from seeing him made the immediate homesickness more bearable.

“How are you?”

“Good. We’re on our way to Salt Lake right now. Balloon ride tomorrow.”

“Oh yeah? Sam’s actually, willingly, going several hundred feet up in the air?”

I glanced at Sam, who was drumming along to a beat across the steering wheel. “We’re going together.” Saying it like that made me wonder if Ames could hear in my voice what that ‘together’ meant. I glanced at Sam again, but he didn’t seem to notice.

“Okay. Well, take photos. We’re looking forward to having you home again.”

“That desperate for a dishwasher?” I joked.

“I’d be lying if I said no.” He laughed. “What have you done?”

I ran through the things we’d done; going to Arches and the campground and then said, “We’ve only been at this a couple days, so not much has happened.” Not much, except for everything. I reached across the center console and took Sam’s hand in mine. “I think we’re going to go to lunch and then have a quiet night before tomorrow.”

“Okay. Look, I know he’s right there and maybe he can hear what I’m about to say, but I just want to really make sure you’re okay. That you’re not … I don’t know. Unhappy, uncomfortable, whatever.”

“I’m great, Ames.” Great didn’t even begin to describe how I felt. Never had I imagined that great would be an inadequate word. I tightened my fingers on Sam’s. “Really great.”

He looked across at me for a brief blip of a second, but it was long enough for that smile to hit me right in the heart.

“Good. That’s good. I just worry about you.”

“I know. I’m lucky you do.” What was it about feeling romantic love that made all the other loves you felt much brighter, more poignant? It was as if I was feeling everything anew, realizing my late sister’s husband’s affection for me was such a blessing. “I love you, Ames.” Even though I was sure I’d said it at some point, I couldn’t remember the actual moment I had. And now felt as good a time as any.

“I love you too, Lots. We’re all looking forward to having you home. And that long-haired wanker, too.”

“I’ll tell Sam you send your love,” I said on a laugh.

“Okay. Have fun. Be safe.”

“I will.” I hung up and set the phone down in my lap.

“I’m glad he has you,” Sam said, squeezing my hand in his.

“We’re indebted to him.”

“He’s indebted to you, too. You guys kept his spirit lifted.” He ran a thumb across my knuckles.

“He’s lucky to have you too. He needed you.” I swallowed, feeling a surge of emotion right then. “When Mal died, you were our buoy. You kept us afloat.” Thinking of that night, and how things had come full circle since then, made me feel so much peace that I sent up a silent thank you to the heavens. If Mal was there, I had to believe she had a hand in all of this.

Sam’s phone buzzed on my lap and the sensation caused me to glance at the screen.

My heart plummeted right off of a cliff. The high I’d been feeling was immediately lost. I didn’t need to know what she meant in her text; just seeing her name itself was enough to make all the iron gates around my heart come shuttering down, protecting me from getting hurt. But the problem was, there was no way I could avoid it. In loving Sam, it was like I was setting myself up for heartache.

I didn’t let go of his hand, even though I wanted to. I didn’t want him to question me, question why I was pulling away. I knew he and I would need to talk about Della at some point, but I didn’t want her name in my head, much less in my mouth.

“You okay?” he asked, as we pulled into a drive up fast food place.

“Why? And, yes. I’m fine.”

“Because you’re pulling on your hair. Got an itch or something?”

I hadn’t realized my hand was twisting in my hair. I looked down at my leggings, where a dozen blonde hairs lay stark against the black. “Yeah,” I lied to him. I tried not to feel too guilty about it, not when Della was still texting him, hours after he’d told me he wanted to be with me.

We ate our burgers and fries mostly in silence. I just didn’t have it in my heart to be jovial with him, not when my heart felt so heavy. I hated that I hated Della. I wanted to be the kind of girl who could look past her text, not the girl who looked too deeply into it.

“You done?” I asked Sam. He had crumpled his burger wrapper and stuffed it in the bag with my trash. He nodded and picked up his phone, so I took the wrappers and bags and exited the car.

The boot, while a pain in the bottom, was something I was getting used to. I could even move more gracefully with it.

A song played over the speakers outside of the drive-up restaurant. It was a song I knew the words to, a song I’d danced to countless times in the privacy of my studio. My body moved along to the beat as I spun around and dunked our trash into the can.

It amazed me how music had such a direct line to my heart. No matter the heaviness I’d carried with me outside of the car, music erased it for that moment, making me weightless when I moved to the beat. I didn’t do any wild moves, because the boot was still quite prohibitive, but just letting my limbs feel the music and move fluidly with it was so very freeing, in a way I desperately needed.

I made my way back to the Jeep and buckled in. Sam pulled out of the restaurant and we made our way to the hotel for the night. I tried, uselessly, to keep my hands out of my hair, but by the time we pulled up to the hotel, I had ten fresh hairs in my lap.