Chapter 12
Monday afternoon, I find myself boarding a plane to London. I have an afternoon flight so I fly mainly during the night and it will be Tuesday when I arrive in London. Even though I am tired, I hardly sleep because I am so excited about seeing Ryan and surprising him. Once I land and go through customs, I spot Leslie. She is jumping up and down, waving at me. Once I get close enough, she comes running to me and gives me a massive hug.
“I’m so glad you’re here, and not just for Ryan’s sake. I missed you, too,” she says. “I have to warn you, he’s been worse today because he’s been trying to reach you this morning. He even yelled at me because I was amused by his tantrum.”
“I talked to him for just a little bit yesterday before I boarded the plane. Told him I wasn’t feeling well and that I was going to bed. Then I told him I wouldn’t be available today because I had meetings starting early and that they would last all day. He must have thought I’d be able to call him back in-between meetings.”
“I can’t wait until he sees you. Just be prepared. He probably won’t let you out of his sight the whole time you’re here.”
“I’d be ok with that.”
She gives me a knowing smirk and we both laugh.
Leslie helps get my luggage to a taxi. She chats while I look out the window at my first glimpses of London. I’ve always wanted to visit, just never took the time to come. We go to the hotel and dump my things in Leslie’s suite for the moment since we can’t get into Ryan’s. I freshen up and reapply my makeup so I won’t look dead to everyone. We grab a quick lunch, then finally arrive at the set.
It is dreary and rainy, but perfect for the scene they are shooting. My heart is pounding; I am so excited to see him. We sneak into the view of the set and I am able to watch Ryan work for a while. He looks so good. I realize how much I did miss him. Leslie is right. Ryan goofs up a line and starts cursing like I’ve never heard him. I am shocked. I have never seen Ryan like this. He is so furious and upset. Some part of me is happy that I am not the only one who is miserable and depressed because we were apart.
Leslie lets the director know I am here and as soon as he can, he says he will stop for the day. They film for about another hour. The director yells at Ryan a few times to get his head on straight. Finally, they stop. Ryan still has not seen me. He starts to stalk off by himself with his cell phone up to his ear; my phone starts vibrating. I show Leslie that he is calling again. We smile at each other. She calls out to him; he mumbles something – I think I heard Olivia and more cursing somewhere in that mumbling – but grudgingly comes over.
When he finally spots me, his eyes widen. He has a look of disbelief on his face at first and then the biggest grin appears and his whole face lights up. He runs to me, grabs me, knocking Leslie back a few steps, wraps his arms around me and kisses me good and long, almost inappropriately. I can hear others laughing at his reaction.
“What are you doing here?” he huffs out as soon as he takes a break. His eyes devour my face.
I am flushed and have trouble catching my breath, but still laugh. “I came to surprise you. Surprise!”
“I love this surprise. You look so good. God I’ve missed you so much. I love you,” he rambles and kisses me again. “I’ve been trying to call you all day.”
“Sorry. I couldn’t answer my phone since I was on the plane. And well, since I arrived…I didn’t want to give myself away. Phone’s on vibrate. And I love you, too.”
“How long?” he asks, his eyes burrowing into mine. “How long can you stay?”
“A while,” I barely get out.
“What’s a while?” he asks hopefully.
“At least two weeks,” I reply, squeezing him and not wanting to let go either.
“Yes,” he exclaims. Ryan picks me up, swings me around and kisses me again. Then he brushes my hair back on both sides of my face. “I can’t believe you’re here. Thank you for coming.”
The director comes over then; Leslie introduces me. Ryan keeps his arms around me protectively and holds me close to him. The director tells Ryan he can leave and not come back until Friday – and he’d better have a much improved attitude. Ryan assures him that he will.
The crew is going to get together to grab something to eat and drink. I suggest that we go with them, but Ryan just wants to go back to the hotel, says he just wants some quiet time with only me. I catch Leslie watching us; she looks relieved. While Ryan goes to get his things, I walk over to Leslie.
“Thanks for calling me, telling me the truth and asking me to come over. He’s better now, right?” I ask.
“Ohmigosh. It’s a night and day difference. His sun finally came out. I’m so glad you came.” She hesitates, then continues. “You saw what he was like before he knew you were here. Although, I’m concerned with how much you affect him. He has to be able to work through any issues and do his job. I’ve never seen him this way. I don’t know what he’s thinking or if he’s not thinking. He doesn’t want to get a bad reputation.”
“I thought about that on the flight over. I’ll talk with him and see what’s really going on with him.”
Ryan comes up to us then. He puts his arms around me from behind. “Ready to go?”
“Yes, I’m ready. Leslie, call when you get back and I’ll come get my things.”
Leslie says she will call and gives both of us hugs and winks at me. Ryan leads me to his car, kisses me before I get in and we are off to the hotel.
As soon as we get into his suite and the door closes, Ryan pushes me up against the door and attacks me, not that I am complaining. I do my own attacking of him. My need for him makes me rip the buttons off his shirt because I am too impatient to unbutton them all. Clothes are strewn all over the entryway. There is nothing slow about our love making this time. Lips, tongues and teeth wrestle together. I realize as much as I like it when he takes his time and slowly draws me to the edge, I like this animal side of him, too. It seems like he just can’t go slow, like he needs me too badly now.
He pulls me down on my knees to the floor, lays me down. As he pushes into me, he apologizes for going so fast, but he needs me desperately. He pumps faster and faster. I explode which in turn causes him to lose control and come. After he is spent, he collapses half on, half off me. We are both sweating and breathing hard from the exertion.
I am staring up at the ceiling, grinning like a fool, when his hand nudges my head so I will turn to look at him.
“Welcome to London, Sweetheart. I still can’t believe you’re here. You can’t know how happy your visit has made me.”
“Well, I know how happy I am to be with you, so I kind of know. It took all my strength not to say something to you all the times we’ve talked since I made the plans to come.”
“How long have you known?”
“Well, Leslie called me last…let me see,” I say as I think. He raises his head and gives me a confused look.
“Wait. Leslie called you?” he interrupts, a little confused and irritated.
“Yes. I need to talk to you about that, too. But she called last Sunday, so I’ve known since then and not said anything.”
“Why did Leslie call you?”
“She called to beg me to come here for a visit. She told me how bad you were struggling thus delaying the filming.” I yawn. “Don’t be mad at Leslie. I’m glad someone finally told me what was going on.”
“She shouldn’t have called you.”
“No, she shouldn’t have had to, but you weren’t telling me what was going on.”
“I didn’t want you to know how missing you, how being away from you, was affecting me. I was afraid I’d scare you. And I didn’t want you to worry about me.”
“I think that’s my decision whether I should worry about you or not.” I yawn again. “You need to think about what kind of reputation you’re going to get if you can’t work if I’m not around. You want me to be open and honest with you; I expect the same from you.”
“Let’s talk more about this tomorrow. You need to sleep.”
“No. I’m fine,” I say, yawning again. “Stupid jet lag. I want to stay right here with you.”
He gets up and picks me up, carries me to his bed.
“Olivia. You need to sleep. I don’t need you to get sick on me. Get rested, then we can have fun together.”
And that is all I hear before I pass out on him.
When I wake up, the sun is out. I look around the room now. I was a little preoccupied when I got here yesterday and then of course I passed out before I could check out the suite. The king size bed has a beautiful chocolate brown and cream comforter on it. The curtains on the sliding glass balcony doors match the bedspread. On the opposite wall from the window, there is a dark brown, 3-drawer chest of drawers. The chair and table all coordinate with the bedspread, too, with deep brown and cream strips and mahogany wood. How gorgeous. Maybe I need to copy this in my bedroom. In the chair and just in front of it are my suitcases. Ryan must have gotten them for me.
I stretch and wonder what time it is. Ryan’s arm snakes around me and pulls me to him.
“I love you, Olivia Sterling.”
“I love you too, Ryan Paxton.”
“I still can’t believe you’re here.”
“I know. Can’t believe I’m in London. I’m so glad I came.”
“I’ve been laying here thinking and wondering when you’re going to wake up. Debating whether I should wake you up or let you sleep. I was good and let you sleep because you’re going to need to be rested,” he grins at me. “And I’ve come to the conclusion that you can never leave.”
“What?” I ask puzzled and wiggled my body around so I can face him.
“You can’t leave me again. I can’t deal with you being half way around the world. As Leslie told you, and well, you saw for yourself yesterday, I was grumpy and depressed and horrible to work with.”
“Yes, I did see that. But you have to figure out how to work well when things aren’t going as you planned in your personal life.” I gently trace my fingers over his face. “Because I do have to go back…but, not for two weeks.” I kiss his nose.
“So you’re my prisoner for the next two weeks. And I get to do anything I want to you.”
“Oh, no!” I fake being scared. “What are you going to do to me?”
“Well, now. That depends on how bad you’ve been. And I think you’ve been very bad.”
“What? I have not,” I argue.
“Let me name some of your transgressions. Didn’t tell me you were coming to London. Wouldn’t answer your phone when I called. Went out with your friends and got hit on.”
His hand unexpected ly comes down on my bare butt, making me jerk forward into him. He actually spanked me! I am so shocked that I can’t think of anything to say. I look at him, his eyes sparkling with mischief. I squint my eyes at him.
“You did not just spank me.”
“Oh yes I did.” He keeps grinning at me mischievously.
He presses his mouth to mine; his teeth grabbing my bottom lip. But I can’t enjoy it. Nausea hits me at that inopportune time and I think I am going to throw up. As I push Ryan away, I see hurt flash across his face for just a second before confusion takes its place and run for the bathroom. I make it just in time to throw up in the toilet. Ryan is right behind me, rubbing his hand up and down my back in a soothing motion. After I am done, Ryan grabs a wash cloth, wets it and hands it to me. Then he gives me a glass of water.
“Sweetheart, are you ok?” he asks concerned, squatting down beside me. His hand brushes the damp hair off my face.
Still feeling weak, I lean against him. “I think I’m ok. Sorry. I’m not sure why I threw up.”
“It’s probably just jet lag. We’ll take it easy today. Have you eaten since you got here?”
“I had lunch with Leslie after I got here, but that’s it.”
“So you need some food, too.”
Ryan helps me up and we take a shower together. Since I still felt queasy, he helps me wash and rinse off. While I get ready, Ryan orders room service. After I eat some toasted bread, I feel a little better. After resting a while, I feel much better. Ryan proceeds with his plans to have me see his London.
As we get ready to leave, there is a knock on our door. Ryan opens it and there stands Jeremy, Ryan’s bodyguard. I grin and greet him.
We walk around the south bank of the river Thames and go on the London Eye. What a view of the city I can see from it! Awesome! Ryan takes me to an art gallery; we spend hours there. I have a wonderful, relaxing afternoon. And Ryan looks so much happier and relaxed than he did when I first arrived.
We decide to go to dinner at a restaurant that is close to the hotel. Then we spend the evening in bed, talking and making love. I wake up to another beautiful morning. My stomach is a little upset but I don’t throw up. Maybe I got a little bug that is now working its way out of my system.
“Good morning, Beautiful.”
“Mmm. Morning,” I reply as I stress my arms above my head.
“I was thinking. How would you feel if I make dinner reservations tonight for us, my brothers and their girlfriends? I can’t wait for my family to meet you. You’ll meet mom and dad another time.”
“Of course. I’d love to meet your brothers, and their girlfriends. What are their names again?”
“My eldest brother, Steven, has been seeing Sophia for about a year and a half now. We’re expecting an engagement from them soon. And Jake is currently seeing a girl named Audrey, she goes by Drey. They’ve only been dating a couple weeks.”
“I can’t wait to meet them. Do they know about me?” I am curious if he told them how serious he is about me.
“Oh, yes,” he answers, looking a little embarrassed. “I’ve talked to my family about you. They know I love you. They might tease you a little.”
“Tease me? About what?”
“About being with me.”
“OK. I don’t see what there is to tease about that. Must be a brother thing,” I said confused.
“Yes, it is,” he confirmed. “Actually, they’ll probably tease me even more.”
“Alright.”
“Don’t worry about it. It’s nothing. I’ll make them behave. So, what would you like to do today? Is there something you’d like to see?”
“I’d love to see Buckingham Palace?” It came out as a question.
“Sure, we can do that. Let’s get going.”
Jeremy again greets us to accompany us on our outing. Even though it is the wrong time of year to tour the palace, we have a wonderful time there. We go to St. Paul’s Cathedral and Westminster Abbey. Everywhere we go there are so many people interrupting us for pictures and autographs from Ryan. He is such a trooper. But thank goodness Jeremy is there to help us get through the crowd.
We go back to the hotel in time to freshen up and change for dinner with Ryan’s brothers. I start getting nervous about meeting them, hoping they will like me.
When we arrive at the restaurant, his brothers and their girlfriends are already there. Ryan, knowing I am nervous, takes my hand and gives me an encouraging squeeze and leads the way to the table.
“Hi guys. Olivia, this is Jake and Drey. And that is Steven and Sophia. This is Olivia Sterling.”
I shake their hands as Ryan introduces us. Hopefully they can’t tell how clammy my hands are. Ryan pulls out my chair for me then pulls his chair closer to mine and puts his arm around me for support.
I can definitely tell Ryan, Steven and Jake are brothers. Steven has the dark, dark hair like Ryan, although his is long, just past his shoulders and pulled back into a low ponytail. Jake’s hair is a lighter brown, shorter like Ryan’s. All of them have the same nose. However, Steven’s and Jake’s eyes are more hazel than Ryan’s bright blue eyes.
“Hi. It’s nice to meet all of you,” I reply feeling very unsure of myself. I am so nervous that I unconsciously wring my hands. Ryan notices and puts his hand over mine. I look at him and he gives me an encouraging smile.
“Well…we finally get to meet the infamous Olivia,” Drey yes snidely.
Jake nudges her with his elbow and throws her a disapproving look.
“Sorry,” she continues quickly, backtracking a bit. “It’s just that we’ve heard so much about you. Seems like Jake is talking about Ryan’s girlfriend nonstop.” She tries to joke and lighten the dark mood she previously set.
I force a smile and study her since she refuses to look directly at me.
Drey has platinum blonde hair on top with dark brown hair underneath. She also wears lots of makeup. I would describe her as semi-gothic. There is something about Drey that I’m not sure I like, but cannot put my finger on it. Then I tell myself I am being silly and that I just need to get to know her.
“How are you liking London so far?” Steven asks.
I turn my attention away from Drey, who has yet to look at me after her comments, and give it to Steven.
“From what I’ve seen of it so far, it’s wonderful. I’ve wanted to visit here for years now but never took the time to come.”
“What have you already seen?” Sophia asks. Sophia has very pretty, strawberry blonde hair. She has the infamous freckles all over her skin, and seems to have a pleasant personality.
“Yesterday, we just strolled around and went to the Tate and the Eye and wondered around some shops. And today we went to the Palace, Abbey and St. Paul’s,” Ryan answers for me, putting his arm around me, squeezing.
“That’s it? You could have seen a lot more than that. Ryan’s being a little bit selfish, I think,” Jake says laughing. “You guys know that you have to get out of the hotel to sight see, right?”
Ryan pretended to punch Jake in the stomach.
“Be nice Jake,” Sophia scolds. “Don’t worry about anything the guys say,” she tells me. “They are constantly teasing and trying to embarrass each other.”
“Hilarious, Jake. You know that going anywhere for me takes about double the time. Getting stopped to take pictures and sign autographs. Jeremy is even here tonight. Luckily, Olivia is very patient and completely understands my obligation,” Ryan says, and kisses my temple.
“Yeah, yeah. Looks like your head’s getting a little big there. You might need some help getting it shrunken down again,” Jake laughs.
He tried to grab Ryan around the neck, but Ryan ducks out of the way.
Sophia gives me the “see” look. I laugh.
“Has Ryan taken you to meet mom and dad yet?” Steven asks.
“You know we haven’t been there yet.” Ryan answers for me, sounding a little annoyed.
“Can I be there when you do?” Jake asks.
“No. I’m thinking we’ll go see them this weekend.” Ryan leans to me so he can kiss my cheek.
“Ugh, the dreaded parents,” Drey says.
“There’s nothing wrong with their parents. They are lovely,” Sophia interrupts. “I think they are great.”
“Sure, if they like you,” Drey mumbles.
“Cut it out, Drey. You’re going to scare her. She’ll think they’re mean. They are not mean.”
“Honest, they aren’t mean at all. I was teasing. They are just a little more protective of Ryan,” Steven explains.” It’s because he’s the baby of the family and because of the business he’s in. I guess we all are protective.”
“I have to say, you are nothing like any of the other girls Ryan brought home,” Jake says with a gleam in his eyes. “Ow!” Jake exclaims as Ryan punch him in the arm.
“Uh, oh,” I reply. “Other girls? Recently?”
“No. Don’t listen to Jake. He just likes making trouble for everyone. Don’t worry about meeting mom and dad. They’re just fine. There’s nothing to worry about at all,” Ryan assures me.
We eat our dinner and enjoy an engaging evening together. I am asked tons of questions about what I do, what Kansas City is like and of course Las Vegas and how we met.
I like his brothers. Sophia wants to get together again during my visit, take me shopping and do more sightseeing. Drey eagerly says she would like to go, too. So, we make plans to go in a couple days.
Sophia is great. She is a warm, positive person and so easy to talk to. Drey is cordial but I still have a feeling that she is putting on a false front. I cannot quite figure out what bothers me so much about her, but I have a gut feeling that says not to let her get too close to me. It is a very uncomfortable feeling.
“Did you have a good time tonight?” Ryan asks as we ride the elevator up to our suite.
“I did. It was fun seeing you with your brothers tonight. Makes me wish I had siblings. So why hasn’t Steven asked Sophia to marry him yet? She’s great. I like her a lot.”
“She’s perfect for Steven. I honestly don’t know why he hasn’t asked her yet. I’ve asked him before but he just said he has plenty of time. They’re still young, he said.”
We get back to our suite. I am preoccupied thinking about the evening.
“Want something to drink?” he asks as he pours himself a scotch.
I shake my head. I have too many things on my mind and don’t want them getting mixed up because of the alcohol. I am truly worried about meeting his parents. How will Ryan and I stay together if they don’t like me? I start pacing in front of the window.
“Ryan, tell me about your parents. Be honest with me. Do I need to be worried about meeting them?”
“No. You don’t need to be worried about meeting them.” He drinks the rest of his scotch in one gulp, sits the glass down and comes over to where I am pacing. He stops me and holds onto my shoulders so he can look directly into my eyes.
“My parents are very curious about you and have bugged me about meeting you. And… my brothers think it’s funny because my parents are slightly mad at me right now because they found out about you from reporters and not by me. Then they came by the set a couple weeks ago; I wasn’t in too good of shape. So now they’re worried about how involved we are and if you are as serious as I am about us.”
He lets go of my shoulders and turns to look out the window.
I think about that and can understand why they would be anxious to meet me and see how sincere I am. See if they can trust me.
“Ok. That makes sense, especially if you were in as bad of mood as I saw you when I arrived. Are they over-protective?”
“In a sense, yes. Really, they’re just worried about the girls I meet. They think most of the girls are only after my money and to be in the spotlight, which some have proven exactly that.”
Now I completely understand why his parents are leery of anyone who could have as much effect on Ryan as I seem to have on him. Ryan looked destitute when I arrived.
“Ok, ok. I can understand that,” I say. “But that brings up another question. Tell me Ryan. What kind of girls have you dated before, Ryan?”
“Obviously, the wrong ones,” he replies drearily.
I want to lighten the mood since he’s grown too serious. “Well… I would be worried about the girls you date, too. In fact… you should be worried about me - very worried.”
He turns and gives me a confused look.
“What? Worried? What are you talking about?” he asks, confused.
“Me? I’m only with you because I want the attention… oh, and I’m after your money,” I tease, giving him a playful grin.
“Oh really?” he smirks, catching on to my teasing. He tries to grab me, but I dance out of the way and run on the other side of the couch. “I’d better teach you a lesson then.”
“Only if you can catch me,” I reply laughing.
“Oh, don’t worry. I’ll catch you.”
He dodges around the couch and I take off into the other room, but he quickly catches up with me and tackles me onto the bed.
“Ah, ha. Now I will teach you to go out with me just for attention and my money,” Ryan says. He starts tickling me, and with me being extremely ticklish, I start laughing uncontrollably.
“Stop, stop”, I beg.
“No, I must punish you for being a smart ass,” Ryan laughs.
“You’re going to make me pee my pants,” I threaten.
This makes him laugh even more. However, he stops tickling me.
“There will be no using me for fame and fortune,” Ryan scolds. “But, you can use me as your personal love slave.”
“Is that right? Then come here, love slave,” I say and pull his mouth down to mine. “I love you.”
"And I love you, Olivia.”
And we make love over and over, all night long. I wake up during the middle of the night. Ryan is still wrapped around me, making me feel so loved, cherished. I still wonder how the hell I ended up in love with Ryan Paxton? Or rather, how did he end up in love with me? I am grateful that I almost ran him over in Vegas. I cannot be more happy.
I was never this happy with Craig. How did I not see that before I married him? Did I want to get married so badly that I settled for Craig? Maybe he did me a favor by cheating on me. I am still young enough yet to be able to start over. I wonder what Ryan’s thoughts are for our relationship? Would he want marriage? Olivia, I scolded myself, this is all still fairly new. Just go with the flow for now.
I am restless and cannot get back to sleep. I quietly slide out from Ryan’s arms and go out to the other room. I stand at the glass door overlooking London. I am so happy that I came here.
I think about Ryan’s parents. I want them to like me. I’m glad I now understand their concerns. I’m not like that, but obviously, they will not know that until I actually meet them and get to know them. Maybe I am worrying about nothing. I really like Ryan’s brothers. We all got along well, even Drey, although, I still have that weird, uneasy feeling about her. Wonder what is bringing that on?
I jump as Ryan’s touch startles me. His arms envelope me, kisses my cheek and nuzzles my ear.
“I woke up and you weren’t there. Scared me for a second. What are you doing out here?”
“I’m sorry. I couldn’t sleep. And I came out here to look out the window and think.”
“What are you thinking about?”
“You. Me. Your parents. Your brothers. Drey and Sophia.”
“You liked them, didn’t you?”
“Yes, I liked them a lot, well, at least your brothers and Sophia. I’m still not sure about Drey. Honestly, I’m just really nervous about meeting your parents because I really want them to like me.”
“I told you they will.”
“And… I was wondering about how I fit into your life.”
“Baby, you are the love of my life. You fit perfectly into my life. I am so much better with you around me. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.” He pauses and thinks for a moment. “Remember my acceptance speech at the awards show? I was serious about you completing me.”
“You took my breath away that night. About two weeks before that, I realized I was in love with you. And that night, when you made that speech, I knew I was lost to you.”
Ryan turns me around.
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I was so scared. Remember that night you called and I broke down crying?”
“Yes.”
“That’s when I first realized I loved you. Just coming out of a horrible marriage, I was scared out of my mind.” I laugh to myself even though it isn’t funny. “I still am scared,” I confess. “To give myself so completely once more and risk getting hurt again. Not to mention how fast I have fallen for you. But I know you are not Craig and our relationship is so much more that what Craig and I ever had.”
Ryan hugs me to him.
“No, I’m not Craig. Thank God.”
“I’ve come to the conclusion that I must have been desperate to have married him. That doesn’t make me sound too good. But nothing else makes sense.”
Ryan pulls me away from his chest again so he can look me in my eyes.
“No, not desperate. But he fooled you really good.”
“Well, I know that I love you like I’ve never loved anyone before.” I look down at my hands. “I am so lucky to have found you. I feel so blessed. Maybe God is making up for the big mistake Craig was by giving me you.”
Ryan’s hand lifts my chin until I have to look at him.
“Olivia, Love. You take my breath away. I love you. I don’t ever want to be away from you.” He pauses, looks like he is debating with himself. “Olivia, marry me; be mine forever.”
My mind goes blank. I keep blinking - like somehow that would rouse my brain. I can’t believe what he just said. Had I not just chided myself for thinking about marriage earlier? And here he is thinking the same thing.
“Wwwhat” I stutter.
“Marry me. Olivia, I love you so much. You saw and heard what I was like when you weren’t with me. I was miserable, grouchy and couldn’t concentrate. I want you, forever. I want everyone to know that you are mine. Marry me.”
“Ryan,” I whisper as tears slide down my cheeks. Ryan wipes them away.
“I love you, Olivia. So much.”
“I love you, too Ryan. I…I….” Ohmigosh. He really wants to marry me! Do I want that? Yes…maybe? I want marriage again if it is with the right person. And I am sure Ryan is definitely the right person. I know that I am both extremely happy and terrified at the same time. It is a very strange feeling. I have to make sure this is want I want, what Ryan wants. I have sworn to myself I will never again go through all the crap I did with Craig. I am not going to rush into anything.
“Can you give me some time to think about it?” I ask.
His smile falls away. Pain flashes in his eyes.
“No! Wait! Don’t be hurt. Listen to me.” I get him to look me in the eyes. “I’ve only known you for a few months – I know that’s not really relevant, but still, I need time to think. I want to be sure that this is what we both want. And I don’t want our marriage to turn into what Craig and I had.”
I can see him processing that and understanding my point of view.
“Ok. Yes, I see your point. Please. Take time to think. Be sure. I don’t want you to feel like I pushed you into marrying me. I will give you time to think and when I ask you again, I hope you’ll be ready to give me an answer. I want to tell everyone; shout it from the rooftops,” he laughs, hugging me tightly one more time. “Let’s go back to bed now. I’ve got a long day tomorrow.”
We cuddle in bed. Sleep still will not come. I lay there thinking. Do I really want to be married again? Ryan is a wonderful man. He loves his family. Tries to stay out of the news. I am pretty damn sure that I want to marry Ryan. He is not Craig. There is no reason this marriage would turn into what Craig and I had. Ryan has never lied to me and I don’t believe he will. We fit extremely well together.
I have my answer, but I want to talk to Taylor and Sarah. I value their opinion and want their take on this. Both will be able to think with a clear head, unlike me. Finally, I am able to sleep for a couple hours before we have to get up so Ryan can be on set on time.