Chapter Seven

Emily

Pain radiates through my whole body and my skin feels like it's on fire. At least, until it starts to feel like it's being stripped from my bones. And that's a whole new level of agony. Ever since being taken, my life has been one long string of unending and nearly unendurable pain.

I've cried so much that I can't cry anymore. Nor can I scream. Nor can I even speak.

When the men come for me, I do nothing but stand up and let them put the silver collar around my neck. I'm compliant in stepping out of my box and allowing them to hook the collar to a long pole. Two men in black uniforms, carrying assault rifles, walk beside me – one on either side. My handler walks behind me, guiding me with the pole that's now attached to the collar around my neck.

As usual, they lead me into the operating room – or, that's what I call it, anyway. It's a medical facility, that much is obvious. Light boxes for X-rays are on one wall, everything is done in blue tile and stainless steel, and there's the unmistakably acrid stench of antibacterial soap in the air. Everything is sterile. Clean. Utilitarian.

I don't fight them as they strap me to the table, my arms spread out on other side of me like I'm being crucified. And in some ways, it feels like I am.

A moment later, a man in surgical scrubs with a white lab coat on over them comes into the room. Dr. Darvish. He's got almond shaped eyes, olive colored skin, and dark hair that peeks out from beneath the surgical cap he always seems to be wearing. He's a thin, slight man, with hands more soft and delicate than a woman's.

“And how are we this morning, B29841?”

That's my name. B29841. I haven't heard my real name in so long, I feel like it's starting to slip from my memory. I feel like I'm starting to lose my identity. And I'm terrified that I'm going to wake up one morning and not know who in the hell I am.

I say nothing to the man. I never do. But he carries on, a pleasant smile on his face, as if this is all routine. And maybe it is. But the fact that he acts like he's doing nothing more than giving me a flu shot makes me seethe with a dark, abiding rage.

Not that I can do anything about it. Whatever they're doing to me is breaking me down. I'm weak. Exhausted. The will to fight – let alone to live – is leaving my body. I know that whatever they're doing is killing me slowly and I'm becoming more and more convinced that I'm going to die in that goddamn plastic box they keep me in.

Darvish leans over me and smiles. “I have to say, of all the subjects I've worked with, you are unique,” he said. “Somehow, your body seems to build a nearly instant immunity to the things we've injected you with. It's quite amazing, really.”

I want to spit in his face. Claw his eyes out. Do something to him. But, I don't have the strength to do any of that. All I can do is lie there and let him do whatever the fuck he wants to do to me.

“You're special, B29841,” he said. “Which means that we have something special planned for you.”

Something special planned for me. Hearing those words sent a lance of fear and dread through me. I didn't think I had a single tear left in my body, but I feel one leak out of my eye and roll down my face. I didn't want to suffer through any more of their procedures or experiments. I just wanted my suffering to come to an end.

I open my mouth and tried to speak, but only manage a harsh rasping sound. Darvish leans closer to me.

“What did you say, dear?” he asks.

“P – please kill me,” I croak, my voice barely more than a whisper. “L – let me die.”

Darvish straightens up and looked down at me. “Oh, no, dear,” he says. “That won't be happening. You are much too valuable to waste that way. No, with your help, we're going to usher in a new age, dear. And you're going to help us wipe out the bears once and for all. But you're going to do far greater things than that. Believe me.”

“I – I want to die.”

“Well, like I said, that's not going to happen.”

Darvish pulls a syringe from his pocket that contains a black fluid. He looks at it almost lovingly and it sends a cold chill through my body.

“What is in this syringe is transformative, B29841,” he says. “What's in this syringe is the result of countless hours of hard work, research, and imagination. It's the single greatest thing I've ever done. And believe me when I say, it's going to make you absolutely transcendent.”

I open my mouth to say something. To object. But, nothing comes out. Not that he would have listened to me anyway. Darvish leans over and I feel the pinch when he slips the needle into my arm. A moment later, he stands up and I see that the syringe is empty. Whatever had been in the needle is now inside of me, coursing through my veins.

It doesn't take long for the burning inside of me to start. At first, it's subtle. A slow warmth spreading through my body. But, it doesn't take long for that subtle warmth to turn into a raging bonfire inside of me. I press my head back against the table I'm strapped to, my eyes wide, my mouth open. The pain is so intense, I want to scream, but no sound comes out of my mouth. Nothing but that same harsh rasping sound.

My body is spasming so hard, it feels like I was having a seizure. And it feels like literally everything inside of me is melting. I lock eyes with Darvish and he stares at me with the rapt intensity of a zealot. He is fascinated by what he's seeing.

Fascinated by watching me die.

At least, the fire burning inside of me makes it feel like I was going to die. But, I know that I'll never be so lucky. As long as they can keep me alive, they're going to keep experimenting on me. Shooting all sorts of shit they've cooked up in their labs into my veins.

I have no idea what their goal is. What the purpose of these experiments are. All I know is that day in and day out, I'm in agonizing pain. And day in and day out, the desire to die only grows stronger.

As I lie there, racked with pain, I feel another sensation rolling through me in waves. It's nothing I can describe in any substantive way. It just feels like whatever he'd injected me with is not only making me feel like I'm burning from the inside out, but like something inside of me is changing. Physically changing.

It might be crazy and just a side-effect of whatever he'd dosed me with, but the feelings within me are intense. Overwhelming. Powerful.

And then a pain unlike anything I've ever felt before grips me. It feels like my body is being torn in half and that my insides are being torn out by hand. Something's wrong. Something is most definitely wrong. Given the pain gripping me, I can't imagine this is supposed to happen.

But Darvish merely stands there, his gaze focused on me. His eyes blazing with interest and curiosity.

I press my head back against the table even harder and open my mouth. And when I do, the loudest, most raw, primal, blood-curdling scream of agony fills the room...

~ooo000ooo~

I sit among the burned-out ruins of the building that used to house me. The morning is gray, cold, and dreary. Which seems to fit my mood perfectly. Every once in a while, when my mood turns sour and black, I come out here. I don't know why. The only things out here are the ghosts of terrible memories. Reminders of the pain and agony.

Maybe, it's to remind myself that I survived it. That I'm alive. That I made it through that pit of hell and am somehow, still standing.

Picking up a rock, I throw it at the remains of one of the walls of the structure. They'd said it was a cargo plane crash that had destroyed the building and left the massive crater in its wake. That's the cover story and one most people accept to be fact. But, I know the truth. I know the evil that happened in this very spot.

So, maybe me coming here when I feel despair filling my soul is a gesture of my defiance. I try to take heart in that. Despite everything they did to me, all of the torture they put me through, they didn't destroy me. They didn't break me. At least, not entirely.

“Screw you!” I shout to nobody in particular. “I'm still here!”

My voice echoes around the woods, eventually fading out in the distance. Beer bottles, food wrappers, newspapers, used condoms, and a wide assortment of other trash litters the ground around me. Today, it's a place where rowdy teenagers come to drink, get away from their parents, and quite obviously, screw their brains out.

They live a carefree life. An existence that doesn't know the pain and torment I'd endured in this very spot. They still have their innocence and wonder about the world around them. I would give anything to have those things back. My innocence and wonder were stripped away from me. They're just gone, and I know I'll never get them back.

For months, I did nothing but exist in that eight by eight plastic box. I did nothing but wait for either food or the next round of experiments they were going to perform on me. It went on so long that eventually, I started to grow numb. I'd started to become desensitized to it.

Eventually, the fact that I was living in a plastic cage with a dirty, foul-smelling blanket in the corner for a bed and a bucket in the other corner to piss in, stopped bothering me. The fact that I was fed the same gruel day after day for months on end, stopped bothering me.

Eventually, I just gave up.

And when I did, I lost the fear in me. The pain they inflicted upon me began to dull. But, the world around me began to lose its vibrancy. Its vitality. When I gave up and abandoned all hope of coming out of that place alive, I became nothing more than a shell of myself. A ghost. Somebody who drifted through life from one day to the next, just waiting to die.

And although I'm recovering, although I'm getting better and am finding my way back to life again, there are still days when the despair and bleakness that remains inside of me is overwhelming. Days I feel like I can't go on. Even worse, days I feel like I don't want to go on.

Early on, after my rescue, there were days I wanted to die. I just wanted all of the memories and phantom pains that sometimes racked my body to end. And the only way I could see that happening was if I just felt no more. The only way I saw that I could make it all stop was to end it all.

And the day I decided that I'd had enough, I grabbed a bottle of the only liquor at hand – tequila – put on some music, climbed into a warm bathtub, and drank for a little while. Luca and Olivia were out and I remember there was a twinge of guilt that passed through me. Not guilt that they were going to find me like that, but guilt that I was going to leave such a terrible mess behind.

Luca and Olivia had done everything they could for me. They'd honestly tried their best to help me. But, back then, the pain and the despair were too great. I was at rock bottom in my life and I didn't see a way out of it. I loved them both, appreciated everything they did for me, but they could never understand what I'd endured. They could never understand the pain and grief that clung to me, wrapped its greasy arms around me, and refused to let me go.

Once I got to feeling a little lightheaded and numb, I knew it was time. Time to release myself from the bondage of the pain once and for all. I remember picking up the razor blade and looking at it. Remember the way the light slanting in through the window gleamed off the edge.

But then, as with just about everything else in my life, nothing went according to plan that day.

~ooo000ooo~

“What's going on, Emily?” Jasper says, looking at me from the doorway of the bathroom. “You okay?”

I sit up in the tub, trying to cover my breasts with my hands, feeling awash in embarrassment – not just for my nudity, but for what he might have seen. I unobtrusively drop the blade into the tub, so he can't see it.

“Don't just stand there staring at me, you pervert! Get out!” I shriek. “I'm taking a bath. Get out right now!”

But Jasper doesn't move. He just stands there looking at me with a knowing expression on his face. He's not looking at my naked body though. Rather, his eyes are fixed on mine and I can almost see the wheels in his head turning. He knows.

Jasper is always around Luca's place. They're cousins, but act more like brothers. And I have a feeling my sister asked him to keep an eye on me given the fact that he always seems to show up when I'm alone.

We've talked a lot and although to most, he seems gruff and sometimes even unapproachable, once you get to know him, Jasper is a really nice guy. A good guy with a good heart. He's well read, more perceptive, and a lot smarter than he lets on. He sees and understands things a lot of people don't. And yet, he always seems to downplay it. I don't know why, but he seems to prefer being thought of as little more than a meathead jock type. Maybe he likes people underestimating him, I don't know.

“Talk to me, Emily.”

“Talk to you about what?” I ask. “About you creeping in here to look at me naked? What the hell, Jasper? Get out!”

“And let you use that razor you're hiding to slash your wrists?” he says. “I don't think so, Em.”

“I – I don't know what you're talking about,” I mutter.

Pursing his lips, Jasper walks over to the bathtub, reaches in, and pulls out the razor blade. He holds it up for me to see.

“Jog your memory at all?” he asks.

I look away from him, my eyes stinging with tears. I try, but can't hold back the flood of emotion washing through me and my body is racked with sobs. Unable to do anything else, I bury my face in my hands and let it all out.

The next thing I feel is Jasper's strong hands lifting me out of the tub. He sets me down on legs that are trembling and week. Wrapping a robe around me, I let him lead me out of the bathroom. He sets me down on a chair in the kitchen and then sets about making tea.

A few minutes later, he sets a mug of tea down in front of me. Wrapping my hands around it as I pick it up, I absorb the warmth and inhale aroma of peppermint. I look up at him, the ghost of a smile touching my lips, and he shrugs.

“I wasn't sure what kind of tea you'd like,” he says.

“This is good,” I say. “Thank you.”

We sit in silence for a long while as I sip my tea. Jasper's eyes never leave mine and the look of concern on his face doesn't waver. Feeling a little saner and like myself again, I set my mug down and clear my throat. As I stare into the tea water, I feel the bleakness that had gripped me begin to lift. My mood is no longer so dark. It's still there, hovering in the background like some malevolent spirit, but it, at least, has retreated. For now.

“Please, don't tell my sister,” I say. “Or Luca. Or anybody, actually.”

“On one condition,” he says.

“What's that?” I ask, though I have a feeling I already know what his condition is.

“You tell me what's going on with you,” he says, confirming what I suspected. “I want to help you, Em.”

“You can't help me,” I say. “Nobody can. You weren't there. Didn't go through what I did.”

“No, I didn't. Nobody has,” he says. “But, that doesn't mean we can't help. If nothing else, we can listen. Getting things off your chest might actually do you some good.”

“And if I don't want to talk about it?”

He shrugs. “I can't force you,” he says. “But, I'm not going to let you hurt yourself either. I – I care about you, Em.”

I feel the heat rush into my cheeks and I have to look away from him. I'm not going to lie. Jasper is a handsome man. A very handsome man. And if I were in any other headspace than where I am at the moment, I'd probably be into him. But, all I am able to focus on is my own pain right now. There's no room for anything else.

Knowing he isn't going to relent, I launch into my story. And as I speak, the strangest thing happens – I feel compelled to tell him more. Once my mouth started to move, it was like a runaway train I couldn't stop. I tell him my innermost thoughts. Everything I feel and everything I've felt from the time I was rescued to the minute he found me in the bathtub. I go on and on, and through it all, he never interrupts. He never looks bored. He never tries to hurry me along. He just sits back and listens to every word I say – and refills my tea as necessary.

And when I'm done – nearly two hours and three mugs of tea later – I'm spent. I have no more words. But, I can't deny that I feel lighter. That the burden on my soul has lifted – even if only a little bit. I can't say I feel entirely happy and am refilled with a zest for life, but at the same time, the darkness I've been wandering through ever since my abduction, for the first time, doesn't seem quite as dark anymore.

Jasper then does something that I don't expect. He gets to his feet, pulls me to mine, and pulls me into a tight embrace. He just holds me, and I find the warmth between our bodies comforting. I find that it makes me feel safe. And I never want to let go.

“Thank you,” he says, finally taking a step back from me. “Thank you for sharing your story and not locking me out.”

I'm awash in emotion and before I even realize what I'm doing, I close the distance between us and plant a ferocious kiss on Jasper. He's shocked and starts to pull away, but I grab his face and keep him where he is, my lips pressed to his, sliding my tongue into his mouth.

It takes a moment, but Jasper finally starts to warm up to my kiss. His tongue swirls and dances with mine, taking my breath away as our kiss deepens. His hands circle my waist and he pulls me tightly to his body. I run my hands across his chest, feeling the hard planes and angles of his toned physique.

Our kiss grows more intense. More passionate. And, as it does, I feel the fires burning within me ignite. Fires that have been dormant for longer than I can remember suddenly burst into a raging inferno. Jasper runs his hands through my hair and plants soft kisses along my neck.

I can feel him pressing against my stomach, so long and thick. And so hard. I can't resist and slide my hand down, stroking him through his jeans. A low, throaty moan passes his lips as I grip and rub his hard cock.

Stepping back, I untie the sash holding my robe closed, letting it slip from my shoulders and fall to the ground at my feet. Jasper looks at me with pure desire, pure hunger in his eyes. And as I stand naked before him, I recognize the look on his face. It's a look he's had ever since we met. He looks at me like I'm the only woman in the room. The only woman in the world, perhaps. And seeing that look in his eyes only adds fuel to the fires already burning within me.

Jasper licks his lips, looking me up and down, drinking me in. As he does, the need and desire I see in his eyes deepens. Grows more urgent. But then he gives his head a small shake and I see the veil dropping over his face.

“Em,” he says. “I don't think we –”

I step forward and grab his cock as I kiss him again, deeper, more passionately than before. I can't explain it, but in that moment, I need to feel him inside of me. I need to be with him. It's as if maybe because I'd taken myself so close to the brink of death, I needed the life-affirming act of lovemaking to bring me back in off the ledge.

I don't know what it is, but it's a powerful feeling. Overwhelming. And I want to surrender to it totally and completely. Jasper pulls back and puts his hands on my arms.

“Em –”

“Ssshhhh,” I say. “Don't think, Jasper.”

Before he can react, I unzip his pants and push them down his legs. Dropping to my knees, I push his pants all the way down to his feet – and find myself staring at the longest, thickest cock I've ever seen in my life.

Looking up at him, I run my tongue around my lips as I grip him at the base of his shaft good and hard. I squeeze him tighter, giving him a few hard strokes. His hands are in my hair, gripping and pulling it. And although I can see the hesitance on his face, the desire in his eyes is unmistakable. I can tell that part of him wants to stop – but the part of him that's currently in my hand is begging him to press on.

Leaning forward, I take the head of his stiff prick into my mouth. I swirl my tongue around the head, licking and teasing the sensitive spot just underneath, making Jasper's body jerk and spasm. He groans and tugs harder on my hair, murmuring my name under his breath.

I know all of him won't fit into my mouth, so I grip his cock harder and start stroking him, moving my mouth up and down on his cock in unison.

“Jesus, Em,” he gasps.

My pussy is growing hotter and wetter as I suck and stroke him. I'm absolutely dripping, feel my juices running down the insides of my thighs as he starts to pump his hips and fucks my mouth. Jasper's body tenses and his breathing grows more ragged. I tighten my hand and mouth around him, sucking and jerking him even harder.

A moment later, Jasper's hands are on me and he's pulling me to my feet. His eyes are wild, and his body is trembling. There's still part of him that wants to resist, but I think he recognizes that we're too far down that road.

Jasper picks me up and lays me down on the kitchen table. He gets down on his knees before me, his eyes never leaving mine. He leans forward, running the tip of his tongue around my wet, swollen lips. I shudder and draw in a sharp breath as the sensation of his tongue on me sends shockwaves through my body.

Reaching down, I tangle my fingers in his hair and push him down into me. I'm so hot and so wet for him and I want more. Much more. Jasper obliges and sets to work on my most intimate parts with his mouth and tongue. He licks and sucks on my clit before slipping his tongue deep inside of me. I grind myself down against his face, trying to take his tongue even deeper into me.

My eyes grow wide and a gasp escapes my throat when he slips two fingers inside of me. He bangs me nice and hard while sucking on my clit at the same time. Jasper is working on my pussy with his fingers and tongue ferociously. And the sensations coursing through my body have me feeling like I'm filled with pure electricity.

“Yes, baby,” I gasp. “Oh, God yes, Jasper.”

The pressure inside of me builds strong and fast. With my clit in his mouth, Jasper drives his fingers deep into me and I cry out. It feels like a bomb went off inside of me. My body shakes and spasms, my pulse is racing, and I'm having a hard time catching my breath as my orgasm rocks me from head to toe.

Slowly, it begins to subside, and I sit up, feeling dazed and shaky. “Jesus, Jasper,” I croak. “That was amazing.”

He smiles and gets to his feet. Reaching down, I take his cock into my hand and stroke him, getting his rod nice and firm again.

“But, I'm not done with you yet,” I say.

Turning around, I bend over the table. Looking at him over my shoulder, I bite my bottom lip, the anticipation in my building once more. Taking his rod in his hand, Jasper steps up behind me, guiding the head of his cock until it's pressing against my dripping wet opening. But, then he hesitates.

“Are you sure, Em?” he asks.

As if to answer him, I push myself backward, taking the head of his cock into me. The sensation is instant and powerful. I gasp as I feel his thick, hard shaft sliding between the velvety folds between my thighs. I push myself back, desperate to have more of him in me.

Jasper grabs hold of my hips and drives himself deep inside of me with one hard thrust. I cry out as he stretches me open. I've never had such a large cock inside of me before and the feeling is intense. It's almost too much. Almost.

Given how wet I am, Jasper's dick slides in and out me with ease as he starts to move his hips. He drives himself into me slow at first, but then begins to pick up some steam, pumping his hips in a hard, steady rhythm.

I grip the sides of the table as Jasper starts to pound me harder and faster. I cry out as he thrusts himself deep into me again and again. The sound of our bodies slapping together echoes around the kitchen and blends with our moans and groans, making an erotic music that only serves to get me hotter and wetter.

I look over my shoulder at him. “Fuck me, Jasper,” I beg. “Fuck me harder.”

With one hand, he grabs my hair and pulls it nice and hard, wrenching my head back, as he pounds himself into me harder. A low growl escapes his throat as the fingers of his other hand press harder into the flesh of my hip. Jasper's hard prick fills me up so completely that it's unlike anything I've ever felt before. There's a slight pinch of pain when he drives himself deep into me, but that pinch only serves to make the pleasure that much more intense.

I barely have time to register the orgasm building in me before it erupts, blowing up inside of me like a volcano. I stutter, crying out as my body shakes and trembles. My pussy tightens around Jasper's cock as my body stiffens. The orgasm, even more intense than the first one, makes my eyes roll back in my head and makes my body feel like Jasper set it on fire.

Laying down flat on the table, I let the waves of sensation roll through me, feeling my Kegel muscles clenching and unclenching around Jasper's thick rod. His body stiffens, and his groan is loud, sounding almost like an animalistic roar.

With both of his hands on my ass, squeezing it hard, I feel his cock pulsing and throbbing as he shoots his hot come deep into me. I shudder as the sensation of his warm fluid floods my insides. Jasper's breathing is ragged, but he pushes himself even deeper into me as I feel his cock deflating. But it's still pulsing as he shoots the very last of his seed into me.

Slowly, he steps back, his cock falling out and I feel his seed running down my legs. And I feel amazing. Utterly amazing. I stand up and turn around, throwing my arms around Jasper. I pull him down into a long, slow, intense kiss.

“That was unbelievable,” I say. “Totally mind blowing.”

Jasper looks deep into my eyes. “Promise me that I'll never find you like that again?” he asks. “I don't want to lose you, Em. I can't lose you.”

I don't want to make promises I'm not sure I can keep. Especially when it comes to something like that. I feel good right now, but who knows how I'm going to feel in a day. A week. The darkness that's stained my soul ever since my abduction isn't washing out and there are some days when it just feels like it's too much. Like I'm in a hole I'll never climb out of.

As if seeing the hesitance in my face, Jasper gives me a small smile. “At least, promise me that if whatever demons you're battling at the time get to be too much, you'll come talk to me,” he says. “Maybe we can talk you in off the ledge, maybe we can't. But, I just want you to promise me that you'll at least try.”

I nod and return his wan smile. “I can do that.”

He leans forward and kisses the tip of my nose. “Good.”

~ooo000ooo~

If not for Jasper, I probably would have killed myself long ago. He's been my saving grace and the one thing I've been able to hold on to when things are rough. He's the lighthouse I can always find in the darkness. While I'm doing the work that needs to be done to pull myself out of this deep, dark hole I'm in, knowing that he's there to help lift me when I stumble has made a huge difference in my life.

Jasper, more than anybody, has made a huge difference in my life.

A soft drizzle begins to fall as I sit there. Turning my face up into it, I let the small beads of rain wash down over me. I'm tired of living the way I am. Tired of the darkness that sometimes overwhelms me. Tired of not being strong enough to fight it off. Tired of being a victim.

Something in my life needs to change. I need to make a change in my life.

But, even knowing that, believing it down to my very soul, I don't even know where to begin.

I know that I need to start somewhere though, so I head for the one place that makes any sort of sense to me anymore. If there's a place to start, it's there.