The ripping fart sound goes on for a lot longer this time – and the blink of darkness is no longer a blink. It just stays dark. I consciously think it must be down to the distance I’m traveling and find myself wondering if Mr. J. could send me to the moon and back, when my feet touch down and the darkness explodes into a rainbow of fireworks.

Real fireworks.

Paulina Slim’s Circus says the fluttering banner, and beyond it, all manner of tents, large and small, are busy with people, music, laughter, and the mouth-watering smell of cotton candy is on the air.

A huge and formidable woman, easily the size of my car back home, dressed in a purple satin dress that looks more like the tent she waddles out of than a dress, comes storming up to us. Well, maybe not storming. Maybe more like a heaving stomp. She’s looking at me, directly at me. Then her eyes flick to Mr. J. by my side.

‘She can see us?’ I whisper.

‘Yes,’ says Mr. J.

‘Papi!’ the fat woman says. He leans his face to hers and they kiss cheeks.

‘Chiquita,’ says Mr. J.

‘Is this the puta?’ She looks me up and down.

The bitch called me a slut. I wish I fucking was. I need to get laid, but I know now that tonight is the freaking night. Slut suits me just fine.

‘Every divine inch of her,’ says Mr. J. The charmer.

‘Bueno,’ she says, ‘the show starts in just a few minutes. Mr Chimpy knows the deal.’

‘Very good,’ says Mr. J. and offers me his arm. I take it, swing my bat onto my shoulder and we saunter off into the crowds.

‘This is nice,’ I say.

‘Very.’

‘That was your daughter?’ I ask, ‘She looks way too old,’ I add.

‘My daughter?’

‘She called you Papi.’

‘Just a term of endearment. That’s all.’

‘And you called her chiquita, which means little girl, doesn’t it?’

Silence.

‘Isn’t that right?’

A sigh. ‘Ah, you got me,’ he says, ‘Paulina likes me to be Daddy.’

It takes a sec for the penny to drop. I burst out laughing. ‘Do you spank her when she’s naughty?’

‘As a matter fact, yes, I do.’

‘Wow! I mean, I read this Daddy stuff when I read my trashy porn, but…’ I’m lost for words.

‘I don’t like your tone,’ says Mr. J., ‘considering what you will be getting up to tonight, you are in no position to judge anyone.’

‘Sorry, Puddin,’ I tell him, ‘so, how’d you guys meet? Online dating? The book of faces?’

‘Paulina Slim, like you, once hit the jackpot.’

‘She made a wish?’

‘Yes.’

‘And you made it come true?’

‘I certainly did.’

‘She didn’t wish to lose weight? I mean, she’s…’

‘The size of your car back home, you really must quit with your judgments.’

I tell him I’m sorry again and he goes on to tell me that Paulina Slim wished for two things: the first was a harem of feeders – i.e. a dozen fit guys who would feed her up and fill her up – and, she also wanted to command a circus of freaks.

‘Wow,’ I say, ‘hot guys feed her cake?’

‘Yes.’

I wished that I’d wished for two things as well. I wouldn’t mind hot guys feeding me cake.

‘You did wish for two things,’ says Mr. J., ‘two cocks up your sweet ass.’

I wish you wouldn’t do that, I think to myself.

‘Do what?’ asks Mr. J.

Read my mind, I think.

‘Can’t help it,’ he says, ‘it’s a natural ability.’

‘Ain’t nothing natural about you, Puddin,’ I tell him. ‘What are you anyway? A witch? A demon? The Devil himself? Because I’m pretty fucking sure that you–’

‘We’re here,’ he says, cutting me off.

We’ve arrived at one of the bigger tents. Its canvas is decorated in silver stars, and strings of colored lights hang all around it. The sign above the entrance takes me by surprise, makes me laugh.

CHIMPY the CLOWN: The Two-Cocked Wonder

Underneath there’s a cartoon painting of a little guy in a monkey suit, and there’s two human cocks poking through the fur, both of them shooting cum.

‘What in the holy fuck is that?’ I have to ask.

Mr. J. explains that Chimpy is a dwarf – a dwarf with two cocks.

‘For real?’

Apparently so. Chimpy the Clown begins his act as a funny clown, gets flirty with the chicks in the crowd, before stripping the clown suit away to reveal the monkey suit, then he chooses one lucky lady to get into the ring with him and – do the monkey business.

And tonight, I’m that lucky girl.