By the time he got back late that evening, she was asleep again, curled up under a blanket on the sofa. A sleep that was deep enough, evidently needed enough, that his presence didn’t wake her even as he stood over her.
The exhaustion had finally caught up with her, her body being given no choice but to relent again. And, for now, he’d let her sleep.
Nate rinsed off quickly under the gentlest spray of the shower so as to keep noise to a minimum; rinsed off any remaining trace of Stirling’s blood from his face and body. He’d been meticulous in cleaning up. Had actually been done with Stirling in a couple of hours but had given himself plenty of time to dispose of his body – of any evidence – properly.
Pulling on a fresh pair of jeans and a clean hoody, he poured himself a glass of water and headed over to the coffee table. He perched amongst the books, took a mouthful from his glass.
Absolution. That was what she had called it. Absolution from his past. And, in part, it had felt like some form of absolution getting Stirling back for what he’d done to Jasper. The rest was debatable, especially now having learned what he had.
They needed her. Whatever it was that they did, they needed a replacement for Aidan.
There was no way out for her. They would tear Lowtown apart to find her – further afield if that’s what it took. For all he knew, they’d have someone at the border. The Hordas clan had connections. Too many connections. The risk was too great.
There was only one logical option left.
Though how the fuck he was going to bring himself to do it, he had no idea. Already she was more to him than she should have been. There had been something about coming home to her that told him that. Something about walking through the door and the comfort of feeling her presence. That was the most alien feeling of all: comfort. A feeling he had long forgotten. A feeling he’d detected she’d been lacking too.
Ember flinched. Her eyes opened. She sat up abruptly, her gaze locked on his. ‘What did he say? Did you get anything out of him?’
He couldn’t help but admire her being instantly back on the clock, even though she could clearly barely even see him yet, could barely hold herself up on her elbow.
‘No,’ he said. ‘Not that was of any use.’
To the cause he set out for at least.
He headed over to the kitchen to make them both a coffee.
‘But he said something?’ she said, wrapping the blanket around herself that she seemed to have adopted.
‘There are only two people who know the full story: Antonia and Jonah,’ he said. ‘Even Stirling was kept in the dark.’
Certainly in the dark enough not to be able to give him the information they so desperately needed to be able to do anything about it. It had been a dead end. A literal dead end. And it would no doubt remain a dead end, just as his options were.
She wiped each eye with the heel of her hand, still trying to blink herself awake as she followed him over to the kitchen where he had discarded his glass. She raked her hand back through her hair in a way that had him forcing himself to break away.
‘So what did he say?’ she asked, resting her folded arms on the countertop.
‘That we’re right. That they can predict when they’re going to die from unnatural causes.’
‘What kind of timeframe do they have? How far back can they go?’
‘Stirling reckons it’s anything up to ten minutes. I think that’s why Antonia and Jonah entered the warehouse that night they were shot. I don’t think they knew until they were inside the building. It would make sense.’
‘Did he tell you how they do it?’
‘No. He doesn’t know. And I can believe that. What I do know is that, as they were the only three there, Antonia and Jonah have the skill themselves.’
‘Back to that story again.’ She sighed with impatience. ‘But he told you nothing else?’
‘Only that they go to a specific place every few months. That’s where whatever it is they do happens. But no one has ever entered except the family. Them and your brother and your father before him.’
‘Where is it?’
‘It doesn’t matter.’
‘But Stirling did tell you where it is?’
‘And I’ve been there, and found nothing. Nothing I could get to. It’s all barred off. Set right into the rock. There was no budging any of it. I tried everything I could.’
She checked her watch. ‘It must have been in Lowtown. Or thereabouts. You wouldn’t have had time to deal with Stirling and get to wherever this place is and back again if it was too far away.’
‘Like I said, it doesn’t matter.’
‘Take me there.’
‘Ember, we can’t risk you being out of this place – and you know why.’
‘Even for this? Possibly for the answer we desperately need? We can be quick. We need to know what’s beyond that gateway. If we know what we’re up against, we might be able to work out what it is I can do and how they’re using it. And the quicker we get there before they work out Stirling is missing, the better. They’re not going to expect us to know where it is, are they? That’s our biggest advantage at the moment. We need to act now.’
‘I said no, Ember.’
‘So what’s our alternative?’
He hoped his silence and steady gaze were enough confirmation.
Her breathing snagged. She exhaled tersely. Her eyes flared in disbelief. ‘You’re giving up. You’re giving up on me. You’re giving up on us.’
‘I keep telling you: there is no “us”.’
‘Tell your heart that!’ she exclaimed, her otherwise steady tone cracking slightly. ‘You’re not capable of this. You’re not capable of spending all these months working towards keeping me alive only to kill me.’
‘As I keep trying to tell you, Ember: you don’t know me.’
‘I think I know you better than you want me to. I think you’re stronger than this. I think you can fight harder than this.’
‘I can’t fight the invisible, Ember,’ he said, uncharacteristically raising his voice; irritated that he had felt the need to do so. ‘Neither of us can fight the invisible.’
‘And I’m not just any target for you, Nate. You care about me. You couldn’t hide the evidence of that. You can’t deny it.’
‘How I feel makes no difference.’
‘Bullshit! It makes every difference. You have lived with what you did to me every day. This is your path to absolution. If you go back on it, it will destroy you and you know it.’
‘Caring about you will also destroy me, Ember. I’m fucked either way. I was fucked from the moment I didn’t drag you out of that wardrobe and hand you over. All I’ve been doing these past few weeks is putting off the inevitable. The Hordas clan are impossible to beat and that’s only been confirmed now. You’re only going to increase that infallibility.’
‘Unless I’m just as much the key to changing that.’
‘We don’t have time to deliberate and find solutions. We don’t have the resources or the information.’
‘How long have we got?’
‘Not long enough.’
If he’d made his mind up – truly made his mind up – she would have been dead already. She had to cling on to the hope of that.
He still didn’t trust that if they caught her, she wouldn’t drop him in it. And why wouldn’t she? He’d seen that vengeful side to her. He’d seen her try to hire him to kill the Hordas clan. He knew she had it in her. He had no reason not to believe she wouldn’t turn that on him if she didn’t get what she wanted.
But her focus needed to remain on getting out of there and across that border, and the only way she could do that was to find the answer he was seeking. Somehow she had to persuade him to trust her. To trust the kind who had already betrayed him and cursed him with the life he now led.
‘I have no intention of telling the Hordas clan about you,’ she said. ‘I wouldn’t do that. You gave me a chance that day. You gave me a fair shot of getting out of this district instead of already being with them. Amidst all of this, I owe you for that. And if you help me get across the border, I will owe you even more. And what about you? What are the consequences for you if you don’t see through on this deal?’
‘I’m more than capable of looking after myself.’
‘But you’re going through all this because, either way, you’ve already made up your mind they’re not getting me.’
He sat on the edge of the sofa, his knees spread, his elbows resting on them.
She stepped over to join him. She perched side-saddle on the sofa beside him.
‘So let us put our heads together on this. As much for you as for me, you want a way out, so let’s find it. Together.’
‘Working together requires trust, Ember. I might feel something for you, I can’t deny that, but trust is a different game.’
‘I know you claim I don’t know you and maybe you’re right. But I know about your actions, your decisions and your choices up to this point. I know that they’re more telling than maybe you intended them to be. Just by getting close to me, you let me in without even knowing it. And I guess that’s why I started to care back. That’s why I’m sat here now, trying to reason with you. We both have history with our respective kinds, with each other, but we can move on from that.
‘Take me to that place. I am swearing to you right now that if something goes wrong, if we’re found, I will say nothing of what has happened between us. You said yourself they have no connection to work on, that they don’t even know I was there that night, let alone that you ever saw me.
‘Is it not worth trusting me, taking this one risk to see if the answer is right there? Surely it’s got to be worth a try. It has to be. Or if you truly have no hope, if you categorically don’t believe there is any way out, end this right now.’
He could see in her eyes, in her composure, that she knew it was a reckless challenge she had laid in front of him, but she was not going to keep arguing with him. She was not going to agonise for hours to come over the decision he may or may not make.
Her curt breathing told him she was bracing herself, told him she remained smart enough to be prepared for the worse despite her convictions, despite her greater faith in him than he had in himself.
Ember who he now knew was totally alone. More alone than she knew yet.
Fuck, he cursed in his own head.