CHAPTER ONE
Jake
“On your mark…”
I smiled as I watched the small group of children get ready for a race, big smiles covering their faces. The New York Beasts’ mascot sauntered to his “mark” too, wiggling his big red monster butt to the delight of the crowd.
Hot dogs. Baseball. All that was missing was apple pie, and this would be the perfect American day. A normal day. I took a long sip of my ice-cold beer. Normal. I hadn’t had one of those in a while.
“Get set…”
One little guy jumped his mark and took off toward first base. Everyone laughed as he was chased down by a staff member and brought back to the starting line to “get set” again. Even from where I sat in the plush box seat, I could see his pink tongue jut through the space where his missing front teeth were supposed to be. He looked like a happy jack-o’-lantern and had “little boy” written all over him. I could tell he was a stinker just from the way he wrinkled his nose as he laughed.
The Beasts’ mascot got in on the fun and plunked a big furry paw on the little boy’s sweaty head, clearly trying to hold him still. The announcer raised the starter pistol in the air while the children waited for their cue to run the bases, and—
Bam!
The children took off, and in that same instant, I was transported back to Afghanistan…
Boom!
The explosion came out of nowhere, followed by the distinct sound of AK-47s. Within seconds, our hostage rescue had turned into a baptism of fire.
Diving for cover, I brought up my SCAR to return fire to the enemy high above the alley. The rat-a-tat-tat of gunfire surrounded me from every side.
“We gotta move,” I yelled as I maneuvered to JTAC Mike, who was huddled in a doorway, manning communications.
Mike turned to me. “Apache’s in route. ETA six minutes.”
Shit. We didn’t have six seconds. We were totally screwed.
I began firing at the dark shadows above us again as my team started falling one by one. I was next, I realized. There was no way out of this alley.
Whoosh!
“RPG,” I screamed the warning as I dove for what little cover was available. Pain bit into me as the surrounding world exploded and hell’s fury showed itself on Earth.
In front of my eyes, the building housing our hostages was annihilated, leaving us nowhere to run. As the burning shrapnel fell around us, I realized we’d been setup. The intel was bad. We were wedged in, essentially trapped.
Trapped.
Dying.
Dead.
A hand clamped down on my shoulder, and I was on my feet in an instant. I reached for my nonexistent gun, and the beer in my cup burst all over my face, the cold liquid and the smell of hops bringing me back to reality.
It was Rhett Hamilton, the owner of the Beasts, looking at me like I was an out of control animal. Maybe I was.
He raised his hands, showing me his palms as he took a couple small steps backward. “It’s alright, Jake,” Rhett said in a soothing voice and lowered a hand to push the beautiful woman standing next to him behind his back. Protecting her. From me. “Everyone step back and give him air.”
I looked back onto the field. The children hadn’t even reached first base yet, so I knew I’d only lost a few seconds of time. But a few seconds was too much. It was all too much.
I need to get out of here.
Forcing myself to laugh, I cringed at how brittle it sounded as I took the towel someone handed me to wipe the foam off my face and hands. “Sorry. I…”
I what?
How did I explain to these people what just happened? How did I ruin their day explaining how many of my friends died beside me that day? How did I explain how I survived? How I walked away when so many didn’t.
Was it luck?
If so, I didn’t know if it was good luck or bad.
“We were just about to refill. How about another beer?” Rhett asked, navigating me around the need to explain. I nodded, thankful for the diversion. He smiled down at the lovely woman next to him, and she smiled back, love shining in her eyes.
She turned those unique hazel eyes on me. “I’ll go grab them. Be right back.”
Before I could stop her, she was heading toward the bar.
“You alright?” Rhett asked with a lowered voice when we were alone again.
“Yeah. Sorry. Just had a moment there.”
“Completely understandable. I heard from Ace that your unit went through hell.”
Hell.
It was an understatement, but I only nodded, appreciating the older man’s attempt at understanding and not throwing the crazy man — me — out on his ear. This was why I avoided crowds now. Avoided everything. I wasn’t a man who could be trusted anymore.
I glanced around to find everyone’s attention was back on the field. Except for an elderly lady heading straight in my direction.
Rhett groaned, then hid the sound with another sip of his drink. When I shot him a questioning look, he just winked.
“I don’t believe we’ve been introduced,” the older woman said, sticking a bejeweled hand out at me. I couldn’t help but smile into her twinkling eyes. Or at the jewel-encrusted Beasts’ baseball cap that sat sparkling atop her white head like a crown.
Rhett cleared his voice and draped an affectionate arm over the woman’s shoulders. “Jake Truman, it’s my pleasure to introduce you to Evelyn Steele, grandmother of our first baseman, Kane Steele. Nana Steele, Jake is Ace Newman’s guest today and is interested in supporting Ace’s housing initiative for veterans.”
I enclosed Mrs. Steele’s frail hand in mine, but then she wouldn’t let go. Instead, she stepped closer and gazed up at me with bright blue eyes, the lines on her face all pulled up with her bright smile. “Pleasure to meet you, Jake,” she said. “Are you married?”
Rhett Hamilton laughed and quickly raised his own cup of beer and drained it to stifle the sound. Mrs. Steele narrowed her eyes at him, gave a hmph sound, and turned back to me as she awaited my answer.
“No, ma’am. I’m—”
“Engaged?”
I cleared my throat. “No, ma’am.”
“In a relationship?”
I would have felt like prey being stalked by a lioness if those blue eyes hadn’t held such kindness. I liked Evelyn Steele right away and found myself wishing she was fifty years younger. “No, ma’am, but…” I winked and held out my arm to her, “I’m open to suggestions.”
She giggled, and it was such a soft, musical sound that I found myself relaxing even more, the horror of the flashback sinking even further into the dark depths of my mind. She took my offered arm and tucked her hand through it. “You are a scoundrel, Jake Truman. I can see that right away. I’ll need to introduce you to my granddaughters…”
Oh. Hell. No.
“…they are both such lovely creatures, I’m sure you’ll agree.”
I looked at Rhett Hamilton for help, but the fellow billionaire just raised both hands. He’d clearly surrendered to this tiny woman’s machinations long ago.
“If they’re anything like their grandmother, I’m sure they’re both lovely, but I—”
“Wonderful…” she interrupted, looking up at me. The lights caught one of the jewels in her bedazzled cap, nearly blinding me. Were those real diamonds? Surely not. “Hand me your phone.”
“Huh?”
She hmphed again and held out her hand. I meekly handed it to the old woman.
“Unlock the screen, young man.”
I felt like I was fourteen again, a decade slapped away with her withering look. “Yes, ma’am.”
I swiped and watched her wrinkled thumbs get to work adding her name and phone number. With the speed of a teenager on crack, Evelyn “Nana” Steele was in my contacts. She tapped the call button, and the Chanel purse sitting on the table beside us began to ring. “Now, we’re connected. I’ll be calling you soon with details. You will answer when I call, won’t you?”
Had anyone ever told this woman no?
“Mrs. Steele, I—”
Her eyes held mine, and she patted my hand. “You shall call me Nana.”
I swallowed hard. “Nana—”
“Nana Steele, there you are…” A gorgeous strawberry blonde wrapped her arm around Nana Steele’s shoulders and gave me a conspiratorial wink. “I’ve been looking for you.”
Nana’s arm snaked around the young woman’s waist. “Jake, this beautiful creature is my granddaughter-in-law, Eliana. She’s off the market, so don’t even think about it.”
I raised my hands in surrender. “I wouldn’t dare.”
Eliana cut in. “I was hoping to get your opinion on colors for the nursery, Nana.”
Evelyn Steele brightened and patted Eliana’s flat stomach. “Of course, my darling. I’ve already had several ideas.” Eliana began walking, steering the elderly woman over to a group of waiting women. The younger woman looked back at me and mouthed, Run.
Rhett Hamilton elbowed me with a grin and handed me a cup of beer. “Wise advice. I’ll text you when it’s all clear.”
He didn’t need to tell me twice.
Bursting out of the luxurious private box and into the crowd of people heading to the concession stands, I took in a deep breath as I began to walk the upper deck. Chugging the beer, I tossed the cup and kept walking, needing to get the pent-up energy out of me. The hot July air struck my face as I headed down the concrete steps. Below, the Beasts were taking the field. At another time and place, I might have been interested in watching the game, but today, I felt unsettled, even more than usual.
I’d come to the ballpark strictly out of a need to talk business with Ace Newman, the team’s infamous short stop. I didn’t normally like crowds. Maybe that was why I felt so anxious. That, and the flashback that had already regressed me back to a time I didn’t want to remember — I wasn’t exactly feeling jovial. It would have been better if I’d insisted that Ace meet me before the game, or even after, but I thought I’d be able to handle the owner’s private box.
Apparently not.
I didn’t think I would ever be able to handle anything ever again.
As I wound my way up and down the steps, going nowhere in particular, I ran over the questions I planned on asking Ace. I needed to have some prepared, but I honestly didn’t know what to talk about. I knew very little about the short stop, but what I had heard was impressive. I liked how much work he did with veterans and wanted to do something useful with my life. All I’d had to do was mention this desire to one of my old platoon buddies, and a day later I was connected, an email from Ace asking me to come and meet with him in my inbox.
Two months out of the SEALs, with no job or real hobbies, and more than a billion dollars in my pocket meant I had not only a lot of free time, but too many thoughts in my head. Mostly bad ones. I needed to do something with my days. Sitting around and being useless never suited me. Besides, if I stayed still too long, the demons were bound to catch up with me sooner or later. Correction, they’d already caught up with me. Now, I just needed to stop them from consuming me completely.
Yeah, I have it rough.
Poor little rich boy.
I know. I know.
But I wasn’t looking for sympathy or understanding from anyone. Hell, I wasn’t looking for anything from anyone. I just wished the world would leave me alone.
A horn blew, and I jumped, adrenaline dumping into my system again. This was a bad idea. I never should have come. I needed to get the out of here. I could always contact Ace later, set up a private meeting, or better yet, a conference call.
Hell, instead of trying to do my own thing, I could just do as I originally planned and donate a couple hundred million to Ace and let his team do all the work. After the kind of shit I’d seen, using my money to help out veterans seemed like a no-brainer. God knew, they needed more helping hands than they were getting. But that didn’t mean I had to personally oversee every detail. Or any detail at all.
A ball cracked off a bat, and adrenaline flooded me again.
Yeah. I needed out of there.
Looking around for the best escape, I threaded my way through the crowd of people on the upper deck with huge drinks and popcorn bags in their hands. Turning to the left, I found a back stairwell and headed that way, hitting the steps at a jog. The sound of a crying child made me skid to a halt and nearly trip over my own feet.
Just like that, another memory hit me. A hot, dusty road. A small child crying in the doorway to a house. I shook my head, desperately trying to dislodge the vision.
No, I told myself. This wasn’t a kid strapped to a suicide vest. I wasn’t in the desert. I was in New York City. At a damn baseball game for fuck’s sakes.
My heart slowed its hammering as I continued to reason with the monster hiding inside my brain. This was probably just a kid crying because his mom wouldn’t let him have cotton candy. That was all it was.
I kept walking, but then stopped after two more steps. On the landing below me, a little brown-haired boy was huddled, just a couple yards down the stairs. He couldn’t be more than six or seven years old, not that I was any good at guessing ages. His face was scrunched up, thick tears rolling down his cheeks. He clung onto the railing like it was his lifeline as he cried. When I looked harder, I recognized him as the little boy from the race.
The pain that ripped through my stomach was enough to make me want to throw up as I eyed the crying child, remembering other children in a world far from this one. I surveyed the area around the boy, looking for signs of a parent. But no one seemed to notice the kid. Everyone was too busy watching the game or texting on their phones to notice his distress.
I slowly walked toward the boy. In front of him, I got down on one knee so that we were at the same level. “Hey there,” I said softly. “Where’s your mom and dad?”
He sniffled and wiped his eye with the back of his hand. “I… I… I don’t know,” he heaved.
I took in a breath that felt like fire. I couldn’t stand to see kids cry, even when it was over something trivial. It triggered something inside of me, made me feel crazy and helpless. “All right. Did they bring you here?”
“Yeah. My m-mom did, but I c-can’t find her.”
“Don’t worry. I’m going to find her for you. I promise.”
His lower lip trembled. “But what if she left?”
My heart cracked a little. “She wouldn’t leave you here. Trust me. If she’s your mom, she loves you and would never leave you.” I ducked my head lower and looked into his big brown eyes. “Do you believe that?”
He blinked away his tears and smiled just enough to show me the jack-o’-lantern teeth I noticed when he was racing the bases. “Yes.”
“Good. Now, listen. My name is Jake, and I’m going to help you find your mom. What’s your name?”
“Jagger.”
A shiver ran through me. That’s what I always said I’d name my own kid if I ever had one. “All right, Jagger. Do you know what direction you last saw your mom in?”
He looked to the left and the right, his face growing pale as he did so. “No,” he whispered. “I got my name chosen to run the race, and I ran it, and then I won and got my picture taken with the Beasts’ mascot because I came in first because I’m very fast because I really like to run a lot and then… then…”
“Whoa, slow down,” I said and smiled at the kid, swiping his sweaty mop of hair back from his forehead. “Take a breath and tell me what happened after you got your picture taken.”
His small forehead furrowed in concentration. “They gave me this t-shirt…” he pointed at the navy blue Beast of the Bases shirt he was wearing. He’d pulled it over the orange one underneath. “I saw a woman in a pink shirt and ran over to her, except she wasn’t my mom in her pink shirt, she was someone else’s mom. But I followed her because I thought she might take me to my mom, but then I came down here and then I couldn’t remember which way to go and—”
“Alright. I get it. So, your mom is wearing a pink shirt. That helps a lot. Great job, Jagg.”
He smiled, showing all the spaces where he was missing teeth. “That’s what my mom calls me. Jagg. Sometimes she calls me Jagg-a-lag when I won’t hurry up. Sometimes she calls me Jagg-a-lot when I won’t slow down. When I talk too much, she calls me Jagg-a-wag cause she says I have a wagging tongue, but I think that’s funny cause only dogs wag their tails. I want a dog. Do you have a dog? What’s his name? Is he a boy or a girl?”
Oh dear Jesus.
“I don’t have a dog. I—”
He looked stricken. “Why? Don’t you like dogs? Mom won’t let me have a dog cause we live with Aunt Cadence, but she said that one day when we have our own house I can have a dog, but not a cat cause she’s allergic. But also a snake.” Jagger started hissing, his tongue poking through the gap in his teeth. “I’m going to name my snake Slither cause, you know, they don’t have feet and—”
“They slither on their bellies,” I finished for him before making an attempt at getting him back on track. “I’m surprised your mom would let you have a snake. Most moms don’t like them. Want to go find her?”
His brown eyes practically glowed like they were lit from within. “My mom is really cool. She said she had a snake when she was little and that she really missed him when he died, and…”
My heart twisted as another memory hit me in the gut. This time, it wasn’t of death and destruction, but of my childhood crush with her python wrapped around her arm. She loved that damn snake and especially loved terrifying everyone with it. I could remember the mischievous glint in her eyes as she’d snuck up on some unsuspecting victim. Her musical laugh as they took off running. The way she looked at me when I didn’t run but instead stroked the snake’s smooth scales, “accidently” touching her skin as I did so.
“Hey, I’ve got an idea,” I interrupted, blinking that memory away too. “What if I picked you up? Would that help? You could ride on my shoulders. That way, you could see above all the other people. And your mom might be able to see you better.”
His eyes lit up. “Okay. Yeah! Then she can see me waving at her!”
I couldn’t stop the smile that stretched across my lips. “Exactly, buddy. It sounds like we have a great plan here. Come on. Climb aboard.”
I turned around and crouched lower so he could clamber onto my shoulders. “Hold tight,” I instructed as I gripped his legs and stood up. “Let me know if you see her.”
“Okay,” he gleefully said, his little hands grabbing my hair. I winced at the pain as he took out a few strands by the root, but didn’t say anything. If a little bit of discomfort was what it took to find his parents safely, I was more than happy to step up to the plate.
“Just look all around,” I instructed as we climbed the steps. “She’s probably looking for you right now.”
“Okay, Jake, I’ll look real hard, just like an eagle going after a rabbit,” he responded in his slightly squeaky voice. A laugh bubbled in my chest. I was glad I’d left my box and gone for a walk. Helping a lost kid find his mom was a much better use of my time.
Suddenly, Jagger’s legs kicked excitedly against my chest. “There! There! I see her!”
“Which way? Right or left?”
“Right. No. Left. Um, which way is left?”
I chuckled and looked up, holding onto Jagg’s legs tighter, to see where his little finger was pointing. Apparently, his mom wasn’t in front of us because no little finger was in sight. I did a three-sixty, looking for someone who might be looking for us.
Woman — check.
Pink shirt — check.
Frantically looking around — check.
“There!” Jagg squealed. “She’s there!”
“Alright, buddy. I’m gonna put you down. Take me to her.”
I bent down and Jagger jumped from my shoulders. He took off like a shot, weaving around people’s legs like a professional running back heading for a touchdown.
“Jagger!” I called after him. “Wait!”
I scrambled after the kid, afraid that he would end up getting lost in the crowd all over again. “Jagger!” I rounded a group of teenagers, keeping my eyes on the little blue shirt.
“Mom!” Jagger catapulted himself along the concrete and flew into a woman’s open arms.
“Jagger!” she gasped, pulling him tight. He wrapped his legs around her waist and she stood up. With her face buried against his little shoulder and her dark chestnut hair falling around her cheeks, her features were hidden. She turned her back to me, continuing to hug her son close. “Where were you?” I heard her ask.
“I tried to find you,” Jagger said. “And then I couldn’t find you and… you were gone!” His voice broke on his last word, and he started crying again.
“Oh, Jagger,” she exhaled, the terror evident in her voice. She sounded close to crying herself. “You can’t go off like that. I was so scared. Do you get that?”
“Yes, Mommy,” Jagger sniffled.
I stayed where I was, feeling frozen in place. There was something familiar about Jagger’s mother’s voice. It was like a voice that came to you in a recurring dream. Every night it greeted you, but by morning, it was nothing but the faint memory of a whisper. I felt like I’d been thrown back in time as my world tilted on its axis. What a fucked up day.
Jagger pulled back from his mother’s neck, and I could see his face over her shoulder. His eyes shone, and two deep dimples appeared in his cheeks as he grinned that adorable gap-toothed smile. “Jake helped me find you. I rode on his shoulders, like a horse. Yee-haw.”
“Jake?”
Jagg’s mother turned to face me, and just like that, all the oxygen in the universe was gone. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t move. I could barely think. The Earth shifted, tossing me upside down and kicking me off the face of the planet. I was falling through space, flying at a million miles an hour.
“Jake,” she repeated, but this time the name came with a tone of familiarity. A tone of shock. A tone of pain.
“Skye,” I whispered and knew my voice sounded the same.