Prologue
Looking for that special someone. Someone made, just for you? Then look no further. Here, at ‘Eternal Mates,’ we can match you to your Soulmate. That certain special someone, guaranteed to complement you through eternities’ trials. Also, if you are unhappy with your chosen date, we offer you a no quibble, money back guarantee. So, what do you have to lose?
“Ooh Jill look, this site looks promising,” Amanda giggled as she read the information on the screen of her tablet while she sipped her white wine. Jill rolled her eyes and flopped back against the sofa, cupped hands dropping into her lap, as she morosely cradled her own untouched glass. She was already depressed; and horny, she didn’t need reminding that her love life was a joke. “Come on Jill, what harm could it do?”
“How about, me not being matched to a single eligible male within five-hundred-miles.
“Don’t exaggerate…”
“No, I tell you, I’m sick of dating sites, they never
produce what they promise,” Jill sniped. Amanda rolled her own eyes as she took another sip of her drink, staring at the screen before her, reading through the details.
“Lies, what about Giles?” Jill crossed her eyes, stuck out her top teeth and Amanda snorted, eyes lifting above the screen. “Philip?” Jill tucked her chin into her chest and squinted,” again Amanda snorted. “Lance was okay, right?”
“Sure, if you didn’t mind sharing him with his wife and boyfriend,” she shrugged.
“Boyfriend?”
“Oh yes, Lance was already in a ménage relationship. Apparently, the boy wanted to add a little spice to it.” Amanda just blinked, then frowned and Jill rolled her eyes yet again as she could well imagine what was going through her friend’s mind. She watched as she put the tablet in her lap, glass in hand as she moved her head from side to side and squinted. She would be trying to imagine exactly what went on in their bedroom. Well, she could tell her that herself, without her having to pop an aneurism as she tried to work it out.
It was also nothing she was interested in being a party to, if that’s what they were doing. Nothing of interest. She had no interest whatsoever in sharing, none, zilch, zip.
Was it so wrong to just want a nice guy? She thought dismally, one that wasn’t too good looking, nor too arrogant or full of himself. She’d also like it if he could be faithful, that would be a definite bonus. The last wanker she’d dated probably had frost bite on his balls his pants were off so often. She’d also like a man who was under forty but over twenty-five, therefore not looking for a mummy substitute.
I mean, was it too much to ask? she didn’t think so, but it was like searching for the holy, fucking grail, trying to find an unattached, half decent male.
B.O.B. would be getting a work out later, again, she thought, sulkily.
Twenty-eight-years-old and she was still on the bloody shelf.
Now, how depressing was that? It was alright for Amanda, she had Polly, she didn’t have a clue how hard it was to find a semi-decent, unattached male.
Maybe she should look for her own Polly? Then Jill shook her head at the thought. Not that she had a problem with it, no, not at all, it was just that she already had her own vagina, where was the fun in playing with another. Then there was the monthly hormone overload, two women in one house, nope. It just didn’t do it for her.
She looked up again as Amanda shook her head, obviously deciding that she didn’t like the idea of a ménage or more, especially with males. Jill snickered at this one, imagining Amanda trying to figure out what to do with a penis that had a male attached to it.
“What’s so funny?” Amanda looked up.
“I was just trying to imagine you with a man.”
“And that would be funny, how?” she prickled.
“Because it would be a male at the end of the penis you’d be sitting on, and not Polly.” Jill burst out laughing as Amanda shuddered. “See, so not your thing.”
“No, they have body hair and weird odours. So, no, it’s most definitely not, but it’s yours. Now, come on grumpy pants, if you want a penis with a male attached and not long-life batteries, fill in the damn form,” Amanda growled, holding up the tablet and glaring.
“Fine, but if he turns out to be yet another loser, you can date him yourself.”
Amanda squealed, jumping up from the sofa, wine and tablet in hand, then plonked herself down on the floor between Jill’s knees.
“This is going to be fine, you’ll see. We’ll find you a perfect mate,” she snickered, and sighing, Jill downed her wine in one gulp. Then leaning forward, began to read through the questions so Amanda could input her information. Seeing the first question about what she wanted in her perfect mate, she groaned and leaned back.
“I just need a man who knows how to give me a tongue lashing,” Jill mumbled.
“Ha-de-ha-ha, I take it you mean in the literal and not the proverbial sense, because I can’t imagine you wanting a man who’s going to give you grief?” Amanda laughed as she went through the questions.
“How about a man who’s mute, but knows how to use his tongue. That would be a definite bonus,” Jill grumbled, eyeing the ceiling.
“I’m not sure there’s a box on the form for that,” Amanda told her dryly. “How about I fill it out and you just wait for the replies?”
“Good idea, that way I can just be surprised, instead of disappointed,” Jill sighed.
“I’ll find the perfect man for you, you wait and see.”
“Yeah, you do that, how about another drink?” Jill asked, leaning over and grabbing the bottle of sauvignon blanc from the end table.
“Fill it up, I’ve got my work cut out for me,” Amanda laughed, holding her glass out as she read through the questions on the tablet.