I was everything Able said I was as I felt the heavy stares of the shifters of Wild Lake on me. A killer. A monster. Able’s greatest creation.

The kid, Jonah...no, I couldn’t call him that. If I’d done what he said I had...in my heart I knew it was true...he became a man when he was eleven years old and watched his brother die at my hands. It would have been so much easier to pretend I didn’t remember any of it. Or maybe that made me even worse. The truth was, I did remember.

It happened near the Tennessee border. Able’s spies got wind of a handful of kids trying to make their way south before they were set to report for duty. We found them easily, hiding in the back of a convenience store. The owner had a daughter who had been mated off to one of Able’s generals. I don’t remember what happened to either of them.

Able let them all go except for Jonah’s brother. The others would go back north with a story to tell. This is what happens when you try to defy the Alpha.

Jagger should have told me. Surely Jonah had spilled his story to him when he found the kid and helped him finally get over the northern border. Jagger would have seen Jonah’s scars and asked. Yet, he never said a thing. And Keara, Jonah said Jagger’s wife had been with them. It meant Keara knew what I was. But, she never once treated me differently. My heart twisted with grief I hadn’t let myself feel in such a long time. Dear, sweet, Keara. Jagger’s agony took on new meaning. If anything happened to Lena, I would have a death wish just like him.

The front door opened and Pat Bonner came out. She had two other women with her. One was in probably her mid-forties with dark hair pulled back. Beside her, a younger woman wearing a white, flowing skirt emerged. Closer to me, Alec Martel made a move, putting his body between the woman in the skirt and me. So, she was his. Rage and jealousy flared through me. These men were free. Truly free. They had no idea how lucky that made them.

Then, Lena came out of the house. Her face looked gaunt, her color ashen. Her heart. I’d broken it. I’d never lied to her about who I was, but seeing my crimes on Jonah’s face had gutted her. I couldn’t meet her eyes and face her judgment too.

Derek stood beside Tinker Lyle. I’d learned what they were to each other. Tinker’s daughter had mated with Derek. It seemed all the Wild Lake wolves had gotten their fucking happily ever afters. I hoped they understood how rare a treasure that was.

“We’ll make this quick,” Derek said. After Jonah’s testimony, they’d taken me back to the barn so they could deliberate. I stood in the center of them all still wrapped in chains. Would they even let me go after this? Surely, I’d never get Tinker’s Wolfkiller ammo now. How could they possibly entrust it to me knowing what they did about my past?

Derek gestured to Tinker with his chin. The older man let out a gruff noise, but didn’t speak. He shuffled around the side of the house and out of view. Their silence after he’d left told me everything I needed to know. Tinker Lyle had no reason to be here anymore. As his mate’s father, Derek would protect him with his life in case I decided to lose my shit after hearing their verdict.

My wolf stirred. God, I wanted to shift. I wanted to run for the lake. I could scent fresh quarry from here. To be able to run freely, let my heart soar...hunt...live....take. But, that wasn’t for me. Not ever. I didn’t belong here. Derek had been right. Their treatment of me was nothing less than we would have done to him had we found him trespassing in Mammoth Forest.

I lifted my eyes, drawn to Lena’s scent. She stood slightly apart from the other women. She curled her fingers around the porch railing. Sorrow filled her eyes and I could feel her fight not to cry. I’d hurt her so deeply. She deserved better. I couldn’t be her fate. I wouldn’t let myself be.

Tinker Lyle came back around the side of the house carrying a small, wooden box in front of him. Another of Derek’s pack members, Cameron I think, carried a metal trunk right behind him. They came to the center of the circle and set the boxes down.

“We’ve decided to trust you to a point,” Derek said. My ears started to ring.

“You what?”

Derek squared off, meeting me eye to eye. His amber eyes flashed gold as his wolf simmered just below the surface. My own wolf clamored inside of me.

“Able Valent is a threat to all of us. We’ve already told you, he’s tried to make trouble for us up here in a number of different ways. He won’t stop trying. You know him better than we ever could. You’ve got a foothold down there. It’s in our interest to give your rebel fighters every advantage we can.”

I shook my head, trying to sort out what I was hearing. He was helping me? “You’re arming me?”

“We’re giving you four AR-15s, ten handguns, and enough ammo to hopefully last you a while. That’s all we can spare. There’s also an antidote to the neurotoxin in the smaller box. It wasn’t my idea to include that, but just in case.”

“Why?” I asked, my throat went dry.

“I just told you why,” Derek said. “Now do what you can to take that motherfucker out once and for all.”

“But,” I looked at Lena. Her mouth hung slack. She was just as shocked at the turn of events as I was. “Why me? How can you trust me after what you heard? I did the things Jonah’s accused me of. I am that man. I was Able Valent’s hitman.”

“Are you still?” The lone Alpha, Luke, broke through the crowd. Up close, he looked very different than what I thought. Something haunted Luke’s eyes.

“Am I? What? No. No!” I shouted the last word as much for me as the rest of them. “No.”

“So your loyalty is to the Mammoth Forest wolves? You swear it?”

“On my life,” I said.

Luke got in my face. He searched my eyes. My wolf woke and only the dragonsteel kept me from shifting. “I don’t think your life is the most valuable thing you can bargain with, Payne. Try again.”

My hands trembled with the urge to spring into paws. I clenched them and slowly turned my head toward the only thing that really mattered.

“I swear in front of my own mate, I will take your precious gift and get it to the men who fight with me. We’ll do everything in our power to take down Able Valent. Though, I can’t promise we’ll succeed.”

Luke put a hard hand on my shoulder. I couldn’t hold back a predatory growl. His own wolf eyes flashed green, but he gave me a solemn nod.

“Why?” I asked. I had asked Derek Monroe the same question, but something in Luke’s eyes told me he understood what I meant.

“Because I’ve fought against the same thing you have and come out the other side,” he said. “I was once under the influence of a Tyrannous Alpha too. He was my brother and it’s a very long story. But, I’m here to tell it if you ever want to listen. These men took me back because they knew the truth of my heart better than I did. They believed I wasn’t the things I was made to do. I’ve convinced them to put that same faith in you. You came here. You didn’t have to. And now you have something good worth fighting for.”

Luke’s gaze slowly shifted from me to Lena. She couldn’t hold her tears back anymore. Her pain twisted my heart. Pain that I had, in part, caused. I hadn’t marked her against her will. I never would. And yet, I’d been part of the machinery that had made it possible for Able to get to her. She might forgive me for that, but I could never forgive myself.

I turned back to Luke. I felt a kinship with him that went beyond words. He claimed to understand me. I doubted it. And yet, I also knew he alone was the reason the packs voted how they did. Without him, they would have probably thrown me back into the Ohio River still in chains.

“It’s settled then,” Derek said. “You’ll leave first thing in the morning. We’ll make sure you get safe passage through Ohio and all the way up to the border. You stay in chains until then. We’ll put you across and give you the guns and ammo. The rest will be up to you.”

“Thank you,” I said, though it felt woefully inadequate. “Is there anything else I should know about how best to use this stuff?”

Tinker Lyle stepped forward. “You know how to shoot straight, son?”

“Yeah,” I answered.

“Good,” he said. “Just don’t shoot yourself in the damn foot and you’ll be fine. I’ve made some improvements on this stuff over the last year or two. There’s the neurotoxin you seem to be familiar with. It’ll short-circuit a shifter’s central nervous system and maybe even kill him if he’s left without treatment. It’ll kill him straight out if you get him straight through the heart or the brain. These Wild Lake boys put me in touch with a healthy supply of dragonsteel.”

He reached forward and rattled the chains binding my arms. “Smelted some of it into bullets for the handguns you got there. Call it a double whammy. I know you said Valent is slowing down some. But don’t underestimate his strength. Not ever. You ever get close enough, you hit him twice. Once in the heart, once in the brain. Dragonsteel and my poison. I don’t figure any shifter, Super Alpha or no, could survive that.”

I lifted my arm. The chains rattled as I extended my hand to shake his. Tinker Lyle gave me a wink as he shook my hand. His skin was like crepe paper, but his grip strong as iron. He patted my shoulder and moved back toward the house.

“Thank you all,” I said. “I know I alone don’t deserve this. But, the men I came to speak for...you can call them friends for the rest of their lives.”

“Counting on it,” Derek said. “And I pay my debts. You tell Liam McConnell and Mac Morris that. But the slate is clean now.”

I dropped my head. “It is,” I said. “But I do have one more thing I have to ask.” Slowly, I lifted my gaze and met Lena’s eyes. She shook her head and tiny lines of worry creased her brow. Of course she knew what I was about to say.

“No!” she shouted, coming off the porch. She charged me. “No, no! Don’t you dare…”

“Lena,” I said, my voice was even and calm. It did not match the storm brewing inside me.

Derek had the decency to look a little embarrassed. He gestured to his pack. They quickly moved off. The rest of the Alphas took his lead and started to disperse. Luke went back up to the house and led Pat and the other humans inside.

“The barn’s yours,” Derek said. “And you already have our word on the other favor I know you’ll ask.”

Lena’s eyes swirled with fury as she looked from Derek to me then back. Derek shifted. His wolf was massive and gray. He had a white patch along the left side of his snout, following the path of the scar he bore on his face.

When we were alone, I turned back to her. Lena’s nostrils flared and her red-rimmed eyes widened with fierce anger.

“You don’t speak for me,” she said, jabbing a finger into my chest. “Don’t presume to know what I’m thinking or what I need.”

“Lena,” I said, refusing to let my emotions show. I’d never get through this any other way. “This is what we came here for. The ammo, yes, but you know what I promised your brother.”

“Fuck my brother,” she yelled. “He doesn’t speak for me either.”

“You belong here!” I said, struggling to keep a conversational tone. “Lena, you know you do. This place...these people. They can be yours. You’ll be safe. The Bonners have given you sanctuary. The Wild Lake packs will honor it and fight to protect you if it ever comes to it. You will never have to face Able Valent again. You’ll be free.”

“Free?” She shook her head back and forth almost violently. “Free? I will never be free. I’ll never be like these people. Shelby’s mark...Able’s mark will always be a part of me whether I like it or not. And I belong with…”

She took a staggering step back, unable to finish her sentence.

“No,” I said. “You don’t belong with me. Maybe in another lifetime you could have. But, Able’s ruined that, and you know it. I am what he made me. You know what I’ve done. You don’t deserve to be reminded of what he’s done and what happened to you. That’s what I am, Lena. I can do my penance. I can take these weapons to Mac and die fighting. But I can’t change my past. And...I don’t deserve to be with you.”

She slapped her hands against her thighs. “So that’s it? You get to decide all of this?”

“Fine,” I said. “So you decide. Right here. Right now. You’re mine. You know how badly I burn for you. I promised you I’d never touch you...never mark you unless you wanted me to. But, I want to. God. Lena. I’m half-crazed with wanting it. If I take you back with me...if I stay with you without...claiming you...it’ll twist me again. I’m not that strong.”

“Yes you are,” she said, reaching for me. She tried to put her palm on my cheek. I jerked away. I couldn’t bear to have her touch me. That’s not true. I couldn’t bear to stop there.

“No,” I said, catching her hand. Electric fire arced between us. Her passion. Mine.

“So you’re giving me an ultimatum?” she said. “Either I let you mark me or you abandon me?”

“I’m not abandoning you,” I said, though my fucking heart ripped in half. “I’m keeping you safe. Wild Lake can give you what I can’t. The only way I’ll have the strength to keep my sanity and fight against Able without claiming you is if I know you’re safe and far enough away.”

I dropped her hand. It was my turn to take a faltering step away from her. I hated myself. I hated this. But, I knew it was the only way either of us would survive.

She stood still as a statue, the color draining from her face as I turned and walked away. Derek and Alec reappeared, waiting to lock me back in the barn.