Chapter Eighteen
The whole time Nikki had shopped, her mind had been whirling. Doubts upon more doubts overwhelmed her until she felt she couldn’t breathe. Somehow, she had managed to finish her shopping and buy the doll that Sarah wanted, but now she was wandering aimlessly around the mall, trying to figure out what she was going to do.
The sight of those parents earlier had triggered something in her. What, exactly, she couldn’t say. She tried to analyze her feelings to sort out what was going on in her head and her heart, but all she found was pain.
The pain that Sarah would never see their parents again.
The pain that their father had loved their mother so much that he had chosen to die with her rather than stay with them.
Nikki couldn’t deal with these types of pain again. And that was what Joe represented. Everything that he made her want and hope for was just one more thing to lose. She couldn’t risk it because she wouldn’t survive the loss. She sure as hell wasn’t going to put Sarah through that again. Enough people had abandoned her already, either by accident or by choice.
Decision made, she turned and headed back toward the long line of kids waiting to see Santa. When she heard Sarah’s voice raised in anger and calling a much bigger kid a big ol’ meanie, Nikki blinked in surprise. Sarah generally didn’t do conflict. When things got hard, her thumb went in her mouth and the kid just shut down.
Moving around the line and to the corner of the dais, she saw the instant Joe scented her. His head turned and, while it should have looked silly to have Santa Claus giving her the sexy eye, it didn’t. Instead, it made her hot all the way to her toes.
“Nikki!” Sarah squealed. “A boy was mean to J—Santa! But I told him!”
Nikki sucked in her cheeks to keep from smiling. “I did hear that. But I think Santa’s big enough to fight his own battles, don’t you?”
Sarah shook her head and even rolled her eyes, like a teenager in miniature. “Santa can’t fight a kid, Nikki. That’s just silly.”
Joe laughed then. “She’s always got my back.” He turned to the line of kids and said, “Santa will be right back! Just need to have a little chat with my youngest elf! Don’t go anywhere.”
He slipped away from the crowd, down to the side of the dais and Nikki stepped closer to him. They were concealed by the large, prettily wrapped stacks of gift boxes that made up most of the display.
“She had her lunch, obviously,” he said, pointing to the smear of barbecue sauce on her face as Sarah tried unsuccessfully to stifle a yawn.
“Well, right now she needs a nap… and a bath. Sweet Lord! Did you eat any of the barbecue sauce or just roll in it?”
“Oh, she ate it,” Joe said. “All three of the little plastic tubs that came with it.”
“One comes with it,” Nikki corrected. “Asking for extra gave her license to swim in it. Come on, Sarah, let’s go home and get you cleaned up.”
“Then the wights!” Sarah said, and immediately popped her thumb into her mouth as her eyes half-closed with exhaustion.
It was tradition, one of the few true family outings they did. Every year, they’d pile into their Dad’s old SUV and drive through town looking at all the Christmas lights. “Fine, then the lights. Come on. Let’s go.”
“I’ll see you later, right?”
Nikki glanced up, meeting Joe’s concerned gaze. She wouldn’t dump him in the mall. Shifters didn’t take kindly to dumping anyway. She sure as hell couldn’t do it when he had a line of kids a block long waiting to tell him he what they wanted for Christmas. “Yeah. You’ll me see later. Nothing’s wrong. I’m just tired,” she lied.
“I’m through here at four. They’re shutting down early. But I have some stuff to do first. It’ll be late when I come over.”
That was even better, Nikki thought. She couldn’t fight him and Sarah at the same time. “I’ll see you then.”
She didn’t kiss him. There were too many prying eyes around. And it would only make it harder to do what she needed to do later on anyway. Instead, she scooped her sleepy sister into her arms and headed out of the mall and to her car. The little bit of Christmas spirit she’d mustered had fled entirely. All she wanted to do was cry.
“Don’t make Joe go ’way,” Sarah said sleepily as Nikki lowered her into her car seat.
“Honey, I made you a promise. Just me and you, right?”
Sarah’s eyes popped back open enough to focus on Nikki’s face. “Why can’t it be you and me and Joe? I like him, Nikki.”
“It just can’t.”
Sarah’s bottom lip stuck out in a petulant pout. “But why?”
Nikki closed her eyes and prayed for patience. She had learned to hate the word why. “Because I’m not going to lose anybody else and I’m not going to let you either. You’re already too attached to him.”
“Joe says it’s better to love someone and lose them than not love them at all.”
“Well, he’s wrong. Now, if you nap in the car on the way home, all we have to do is get your bath taken care of and then we can go get hot cocoa again and see the Christmas lights.”
The little girl’s eyes widened for a moment. “Okay.” She nodded enthusiastically before squeezing her eyes shut again so tightly that it made her little face wrinkle up.
Nikki’s frustration vanished and her heart melted just a little bit. She loved that kid. Nothing and no one would ever get in the way of that.