I woke up with a playful bite of my nipple and a teasing hand on my thigh. I blinked and my surroundings slowly filtered back to me. I found it disconcerting. I was in my own bed again, back at the Ice Castle. Lucifer was spread out next to me, sitting up on one elbow.
“I slept?” Hysteria tinged my voice.
Luc stroked my arm and began to pepper my shoulder with fluttering kisses. I gripped his hand and squeezed it as tightly as I could to draw his attention away from my body.
“Please take off the cuffs.” I asked, numbly.
“I can’t,” Luc bit the side of my neck playfully but I was not in the mood for games. “I lost the key.” He joked with a mischievous smirk.
Tears burned behind my eyes as hurtful and betraying thoughts swam to the surface.
“Are you trying to kill me?” I whispered, my question at least got a response. Luc’s throat made a choking sound and his eyes widened in horror. Gone was the jester and in his place, was the stoic lover. Luc flipped through personalities like a rolodex.
“I wish for no such thing.” He said through clenched teeth. “How dare you accuse me of that?”
“What am I supposed to think?” tears dripped down my cheeks and I made no effort to wipe them away. Their harsh salt stung against my flushed skin. “Everything about being human is painful. Every day that I am disconnected from Hell brings me closer to expiration. I will die if you force my disconnection much longer.”
“I have my reasons.” Luc said.
“But I have no idea what those reasons are!” I grabbed the covers from the bed and pulled them over my face to hide my weakness.
“Will you trust me?” Luc gripped the covers and tried vainly to expose my tears.
“How can I trust you when you wish to abandon me?”
Luc stood up so quickly that he was a blur of chalk white hair. His eyes flashed and caught the light like a cat at night. His fists were clenched and his jaw was tight.
“I have had enough of your games, Dahlia.” He snarled. “Do not bring up your absence again, or so help me, I'll—”
“You’ll what? Force me into humanity and let me wither and die?” I interrupted with a hiss. “How dare you!?”
“How dare I?” Luc scoffed. “Everything thing I have done is for your sake. Every sacrifice I have made has been for you.”
“And yet you plan to kill me.” I replied numbly.
Luc cupped my chin harshly and gripped my face until I was forced to look at him.
Words surfaced on the tip of his tongue but he quickly bit them back.
Instead, Luc dropped my skin like it had burnt him and stepped back. He took a deep and unnecessary breath and calmly looked me in the eyes.
“The Ice Prison is a place without laws. Without time. It is not governed by the same physicality as Hell or the Human Realities. If you were to die, being imprisoned in the Ice could prevent your end from being permanent.” Luc explained though gritted teeth. “If you do die, the prison could save your soul.”
I clawed at the raw skin under my silver cuffs, wishing I had the strength to pry them from my wrists. “But the cuffs are going to kill me.” I whispered, I crawled towards him on my hands and knees. “Just take them off, Master. I'll do whatever you want. I'll do anything. Please.” I begged.
“You need to wear them a little longer.” Luc leant over and placed a delicate kiss to my lips. “Promise me.”
I couldn’t get them off even if I tried, so I nodded to placate him. It felt like something sickly had crawled inside of me. I was dizzy and exhausted. I was too confused to be able to form a coherent sentence. I wanted to scream at the Devil but I was numb.
“You’re not telling me everything.” I narrowed my tearstained eyes, but Luc looked tired. Defeated.
“Just a little while longer.” He promised.
I pursed my lips but nodded. Every muscle in my body rebelled against agreeing with the Devil.
I woke up again and saw that a tray of food had been laid at the foot of the four-poster bed with care. A surge of anger ripped through me, but the hunger won and I sat up and pulled the meal towards me.
Grapes and cheese, as well as a goblet of water. No Vinum; I noted. Although it would have been agreeable to lose myself in alcohol for a short while, perhaps it was for the best.
I had gone through the motions of putting food inside of my mouth before, but it had been clinical. My tongue dissected the materials objectively, as I had had no physical need for sustenance before.
The act of chewing and swallowing the food was disconcerting. I found myself stopping and starting without rhyme or reason. Halfway through the meal, I broke down into tears again. My emotional state was on a knife’s edge. It felt like the smallest hardship would push me to my limit.
The tarnished silver cuffs were heavier than ever and my wrists ached with their weight. Both physically and with their meaning.
I wrapped the silk kimono around my frail body. I tied the string tightly and held back the wracking sobs that threatened to overtake me. I would wallow for a short while. Surely I had earned that right?
My feet began to sting from the cold that radiated from the frozen floor, but I made no move to put shoes on. I no longer cared. I had stopped fighting.
I drifted through the castle until I found myself on the top of the north tower, eying the dead landscape without emotion. The sky was a swirling grey with writhing souls, flittering about. Far away enough that I could not make out their true forms. Dragonflies. Ravens. It did not matter.
Every so often, the winged creatures would startle from what I knew to be a piercing scream. The iron railings protected the air of the castle from the harsh sounds.
I placed my hand against the crook of my wrist, just under the cuff, and felt for my pulse. The tiny thump against my skin was a whisper. He wants you to die. Just give him what he wants.
Fuck him. I thought. I did not want to succumb to weakness. I was going to take my life into my hands before I became a husk.
Recalling his desperate face as he begged me to wait a little bit longer. The image layered over his defeated expression as he banished me from hell.
All for a woman that for all I knew wasn’t born yet.
A child of power.
What about what I wanted?
Looking over the edge of the tower, taking in the greyscale scenery and the glittering skyscrapers in the distance. The stagnant flat colour of the river. I felt like I had everything I ever wanted, and yet I had nothing at all.
I felt a small amount of pressure on my back. Just enough to make me lose my footing.
I tumbled over the edge, my arms clasped wildly for something to grab onto, but it was no use.
The ground rushed up to meet me. I kept my eyes open as I rushed to meet my end. Eyes forward and into the abyss.
An incessant beeping broke through the darkness and a sobering thought rushed through my mind. I was still alive. Still human. My eyes were dry and weighed down, but I fought the sluggishness until I was looking at the tiles on the ceiling.
I was in the hospital. I recognised the stark scent of disinfectant and the paper thin sheets. A sharp pain radiated from the top of my hand and I looked down to find myself attached to IV wires.
Pulling off the sheets with a sharp tug, I surveyed my injuries only to find there were none. My skin was pristine and free from bruises; none of my bones were not broken.
I felt nauseous but I guessed that was the remnants of drug I felt swirling around my system.
Did Luc bring me back to the Human Realities? I wondered.
If the Devil was aware of my location, then I had a good few hours until he could surface; that was if he would even venture to see me.
Luc could only spend sixty-six minutes and six seconds away from Hell at any given time.
I sighed and laid my head back onto the pillow. I occupied myself by counting the pitted holes of the ceiling tiles until a doctor knocked on my door.
“Miss Clark, my name is Doctor Porter. Do you mind if I take your blood pressure?” he was good-looking, young though.
I shrugged and let the man in scrubs do his duty. My blood pressure was high, but that was to be expected. It was a side effect of stress.
He shone a light in my eyes and deduced that I was in good health. Dr Porter stood up to leave but added a shocking revelation as if it was an afterthought:
“We'll have the sonography up shortly. We just want to check that the baby is okay.”
My eyes widened and I threw head over the edge of the bed, just in time to empty the contents of my stomach onto the floor.
I could not form words and I stuttered the beginning of every sentence. The doctor saw my distress and came to my side. He put a hand on my shoulder and I slapped it away.
“There must be some mistake.” I said. “I’m certain that I am infertile.”
Dr. Porter smiled softly. “Miracles happen, in my experience.”
I shook my head again and found I was unable to pull air into my lungs. “Run the tests again.” I demanded though gritted teeth. “You’re wrong.”
Running my fingers through my sweaty hair, I tugged at the roots until I felt a sharp pain. I repeated the words ‘no’ over and over. I had never had an out of body experience before, but it was unpleasant.
I could not remember why I had been on the top of that tower.
Had I tried to kill myself whilst carrying a child?
Or I been pushed?
I blinked up through tears, unable to see through my blurry vision.
I saw Luc’s outline in the doorway to my hospital room. Luc took up the entirety of the door frame, his face was devoid of expression as if he was gauging how to react to my emotions.
My eyes burned and I could not swallow the lump in my throat. I buckled under the weight of intense sorrow. Mourning and jubilation in equal measure.
What had I almost done? I had almost killed my own child.
One look at my master’s face told me all I needed to know.
He had known that I was pregnant from the start.