HAPTER ONE
Six months.
That was how long Hayden had been hunting Carla, trying to get answers about why she’d tried to get me to kill him. It had long since started to feel like Hayden had an obsession.
On one hand, I completely understood it. We needed to find out why Carla had done what she had so that hopefully, we could prevent her from ever trying to kill Hayden again, by whatever means she might try. There was also the matter of simply satisfying our curiosity. Even though months had passed, we still couldn’t fathom why Carla had done what she had.
On the other hand, though, Hayden’s determination to get answers had cost him precious time with our precious baby daughter, and me. While traversing the country in his search for Carla, he’d only been able to come home six times, each time for about a week, meaning that out of the six-and-a-half months that baby Chrissy had been alive, Hayden had only been present for about six weeks.
He’d first left when she was about two weeks old, after having found no trace of Carla in or anywhere near the closest Warren settlement. Taking several of his vampires with him, he’d searched the Midwest for her, spying on numerous other Warren factions. When he still couldn’t find a trace of her, he’d broadened his search to the entire country, saying that he was nearly positive that Carla was in league with some coven of Warrens somewhere. He could just feel it, he said. Not to mention that it just made sense that two enemies would try to team up against him.
However, whether this was true or not, I was beginning to feel like it didn’t even matter. Carla hadn’t shown her face anywhere near Sweetwater or the farm in six months, and even the Warrens nearby had been unusually inactive. I felt like everyone was safe. And, as much as I wanted to find out why Carla had tried to make me kill Hayden, I was just about at the end of my rope about him being gone all the time. I wanted him home, and not just for me, but more importantly, for Chrissy. She needed her daddy full-time.
So, when Hayden arrived home for a weeklong visit, I sat him down at the dining room table after we’d put Chrissy to bed, telling him that we needed to talk. Surprising me, he said that we certainly did, but that he wanted to speak first, if I didn’t mind. I didn’t, and with his elbows on his knees and his gaze on the pine flooring in the dining room, he surprised me again with what he said.
“I haven’t been fair to you and Chrissy. I’ve basically made you live as a single mom, and Chrissy has had to live the first six months of her life with a father who’s absent more than he’s home. It’s not right…and I’m sorry. I haven’t been a good father, or husband.”
Hayden was my husband now, a fact that I could still hardly believe whenever I thought about it. It was just that my status as a married woman was still so new. It was still so jarring in a way, too, being that just the year before, I’d been a high school senior, and now I was a mother and a wife at only age nineteen. This wasn’t to say that I didn’t like being a mother and a wife; in fact, I loved my new life. I was still slowly getting used to it, figuring that I might be able to get used to things a lot quicker if Hayden was home more often.
In addition to him barely seeing Chrissy, he and I had barely even had a honeymoon since getting married three months earlier. We’d spent a few days together taking Chrissy on a family trip to an amusement park in Ohio, and then Hayden and I had taken a weekend trip to a resort on Lake Michigan alone. But that was it. The rest of our time together, we’d spent at home, with Hayden often distracted by his search for Carla.
In response to what he’d just said, I told him that he had nothing to be sorry for. “You have been a good husband and a good father, even though it’s been kind of from a distance. I know that you love me and Chrissy, and I know that part of what’s been driving you to find Carla is so that she can never try to hurt me and Chrissy. I get that, Hayden…so, I’ve never thought of you as a bad husband or a father, and in fact, the opposite. I think of you as a husband and father who’s been doing what he needs to do in order to protect his family, but….” I paused, swallowing. “I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t wish you were home more. It’s really been taking a toll on me lately, actually.”
Sitting with his chair turned toward me, Hayden took my hands with a frown. “I know. I can tell. And that’s why I wanted you to know that I’m sorry, and that I realize what I’ve put you through. I don’t want to leave you and Chrissy again….”
“Why do I think there’s a but coming?”
Probably because his mouth had already begin forming the letter B.
Hayden sighed, dropping his gaze from my face to our clasped hands. “I don’t want to leave you and Chrissy again…and I plan to stay home for good soon…but first, I need to make one more trip.”
Now it was my turn to sigh, and I heaved a good one before speaking. “Why ‘just one more?’ Haven’t you already looked for Carla just about every possible place she could be? If she’s not with any of the Warren groups in the country—”
“She’s not. But just earlier today, I got word from a very reliable source that she’s been in hiding in Mexico, secretly communicating with the Warrens. And now she plans to come back up here to Michigan soon to connect with them, and probably take another crack at taking me out. My source says she’s already on the move, meaning that she could arrive in the Midwest any day. I want to be ready for her when she does. I want to get south of her and follow her up here, actually, so that I can see exactly where she goes.”
Surprised by this new development, I asked Hayden who his “source” was, and if they were trustworthy and reliable.
He said that she was. “Her name is Estella, and she’s a ‘lone wolf’ vampire who lives in Mexico City. She’s absolutely ancient…maybe six hundred years old or so. She mostly sticks to herself, but she and our coven have crossed paths many times over the past hundred-odd years. We have some history together, and because of this, Estella looks out for us MacGregors. She’s always ‘listening’ in certain ways, to all ‘chatter’ involving the supernatural world down in Mexico. This is how she was able to learn some information about Carla and her plans. Thank God, she did, too. Now I should have enough time to covertly intercept Carla and try to figure out what she’s trying to do without her knowing that I’m on to her.”
“But this is going to require you to leave Chrissy and me just one more time.”
Looking into my eyes while wincing almost imperceptibly, Hayden said yes. “Before I got the news from Estella today, I was planning on finally giving up the search for Carla. I was going to tell you what I did, that I’m sorry and that I know my absence has been hard on you, and unfair to you and Chrissy. I was going to finish my apology by telling you that I’m done leaving…done missing whole weeks of Chrissy’s life, and yours.”
“But now you can’t tell me that.”
Again, Hayden winced. “Right. I can’t. Not when it looks like Carla will finally be within my grasp. Not when answers about what she tried to do will finally be within our grasp.”
I sighed, disappointed that Hayden was going to have to leave again but completely understanding why he had to. In fact, I now wanted him to. I didn’t want him to miss the chance of getting Carla and getting answers. Not when it seemed that she was soon going to be practically in our own backyard. Of course, I knew this meant that she could try to hurt Hayden again, but even more crucially, she could try to hurt Chrissy. And unlike Hayden, obviously Chrissy couldn’t even defend herself.
I told Hayden he more than had my full blessing to leave again. “I don’t even care if you take off again tonight. Just go find Carla so we can finally put this all behind us and move on with our lives.”
Unfortunately, that wasn’t going to be happening any time soon. Instead, I was soon to learn just exactly why Carla had tried to get me to kill Hayden, and how diabolical her plans for him were.
*
When Hayden left that night around midnight, I got into bed, exhausted, although curiously energized in a funny sort of way. This will all be over soon, I told myself. And then Hayden, Chrissy, and I can really start our happy life together, as a family, with all of us under the same roof.
The mere thought made me smile as I snuggled under the covers in the dark, pulling Hayden’s side of the blanket up to my nose to catch just a faint whiff of his masculine, woodsy scent. I was sure that soon, I wouldn’t have to curl up with his side of the blanket every night, but would instead get to curl up with him. Nights sharing a bed together had come to feel like a rare, luxurious treat, which I didn’t think should be the case. I longed for the days when sharing a bed with my husband every night would simply be the norm.
After a few minutes, I began drifting off to sleep with images of Hayden floating around in my mind. However, before I could fully fall asleep, a loud squawk coming from the baby monitor pierced the silence of the room. Flicking my eyes open, I groaned inwardly, hoping that I wouldn’t be hearing a second squawk.
Normally, Chrissy was a fairly good sleeper, and had been pretty much since birth, usually only waking me up for a bottle feeding and a diaper change maybe once a night or every other night. The previous few weeks, though, she’d been a little more active during the night, waking up two or three times on average, seemingly just to play. After luring me into her nursery with loud squawks and cries through the baby monitor, she usually greeted me with grins and giggles, refusing her bottle when I offered it. I usually found her diaper clean and dry, too.
The baby monitor soon sounded with a second loud squawk, and then a third, followed by a prolonged, pitiful-sounding cry. Now groaning aloud, I threw the covers off and began getting out of bed, muttering something about Hayden “owing” me when it came to getting up in the middle of the night with our daughter.
By the time I’d made it down the hallway to the nursery, Chrissy was wailing; however, the moment I opened the door, she stopped, and when I clicked on a tiny lamp in her room, I saw that she was sitting up in her crib, squinting against the low, golden light, but with a big grin spreading across her face.
Figuring that I’d once again fallen for a “night-time playtime” scheme, I wanted to be irritated. Looking at Chrissy’s big grin, though, which was a grin that looked so similar to her daddy’s, I just couldn’t manage it. Instead, I grinned a little myself, fighting it at the same time because I didn’t want Chrissy to think that waking me up at night for no good reason was okay.
After going over to her crib, an action that made her shriek out some gibberish that sounded something like, “Yay, yay, yay!” I tried to give her a firm sort of look.
“Nighttime isn’t for playing, sweetheart. Remember? It’s just for sleeping. It’s just for night-night time.”
Frowning, Chrissy said “oh,” a word I wondered if she’d intended to be no.
Once again fighting a grin just because of how cute I found her, I asked her if she was hungry. “Do you want your bottle?”
Clearly recognizing the word bottle, which I thought was so smart for her age, she immediately gave her head a wild shake, saying “oh” again, which I was becoming certain meant no.
“Well, are you wet, then? Did you go pee-pee?”
A quick check of her diaper told me that she was just as clean and dry as she’d been an hour-and-a-half earlier when I’d tucked her into bed late, which I’d done so that she could visit with Hayden.
Exasperated after checking her diaper, I set her back on her bottom in her crib, giving her another firm sort of look. “Just what I thought, little missy. You squawked me in here just because you want to play.”
Proving my thinking correct, she pointed up at an animal-themed mobile that hung above her crib. I’d bumped it with my shoulder, setting it spinning.
After pointing at it, saying, “Oh!” a few times, Chrissy began clapping her chubby little hands together. “Oh, yay!”
Her yay had come out as more of an ay, which most of her yays did, which I found almost unbearably cute. At the moment, however, knowing that I had to be firm, I didn’t even crack a smile.
“No, Chrissy. No ‘yay.’ No playtime. We can play with your mobile in the morning, but right now, it’s time for sleep.”
Behind me, someone entered the room stifling a yawn, and I turned to see Jen stumbling in with her bright red hair in a bun so messy that it was falling off one side of her head with a bobby pin dangling off it, seemingly held by a single hair.
Stretching with her arms above her head, making a loud groan, she crossed the room and came to a stop next to me by the crib. “She up for playtime?”
I looked from Jen to Chrissy, then back to Jen. “How’d you know?”
After stifling another yawn, Jen shrugged. “She’s been getting up for playtime a lot lately. See, I think you must sleep through some of her first squawks on the baby monitor, because usually, being that I’m right next door, I hear the very first ones and get in here first. Then, I just shut Chrissy’s end of the monitor off while we’re playing so that we don’t wake you up. Then I just turn it back on before I go back to bed.”
I just looked at Jen for a long moment, incredulous. “So, you’ve actually been coming in here at night just to play with her?”
“Yeah. That’s what I just said. She wakes up in a mood to play in the middle of the night sometimes, and so do I. So, we’ve really been making the perfect playmates.”
“But, Jen…you’ve basically been training her to wake up in the middle of the night just to play. Don’t you see? You’ve been rewarding her each time she does it, and basically telling her that it’s okay.”
Frowning, Jen caught the bobby pin hanging off her crooked bun and began securing it back into place. “Well, what’s so wrong about that? Shouldn’t a baby and an aunt be able to have a little fun playing in the middle of the night, as long as they don’t wake anyone else up?”
Right then, arms extended above her head, Chrissy let loose with a gibberish word that sounded like Ah-Zhen, which she repeated.
Smiling, Jen picked her up and out of her crib. “That’s right, smart niece. I’m Aunt Jen.”
Being that Jen was Hayden’s cousin, Jen and Chrissy were actually second cousins, but considering the age difference, Jen and I had decided that maybe she’d go by “Aunt Jen.” Besides, Jen pretty much felt like a sister to me by this point, albeit a slightly irritating one at times, so the title of aunt really seemed perfect. I’d just never expected Chrissy to start addressing her as such yet. Still several months away from when her pediatrician said she’d really start to be verbal, she didn’t even say Mama and Dada yet.
In response to what Jen had said, Chrissy squealed, grinning, and repeated Ah-Zhen three times in rapid succession.
Jen beamed. “That’s right! I’m Aunt Jen! You’ll get better and better at saying it, but right now, ‘Ah-Zhen’ is just fine. In fact, I even think I like the name Zhen better than just plain old Jen. It sounds fancier. More unique. I think I might have everyone else start calling me Zhen, too.”
Grinning again, Chrissy went into a frenzy of sorts, saying “Ah-Zhen” over and over rapidly, squealing in between strings of “Ah-Zhens.”
Now I couldn’t help but crack a little smile, shifting my gaze from Chrissy to Jen. “Figures ‘Ah-Zhen’ would be her first word, and not ‘Mama’ or ‘Da-da.’ Just with how much she resembles you and everything.”
Chrissy really did resemble Jen, even though she also resembled Hayden and me. Chrissy had her daddy’s grin, and his piercing blue eyes, too. As far as resembling me, she had my nose, I thought. This was as far as parental resemblance went, though. In just about every other way, Chrissy resembled her Aunt Jen, from her face shape, to her pale alabaster skin, to her tiny chin, to her flame-red hair that was neither curly nor perfectly straight.
Like Jen’s, Chrissy’s thick hair was wavy in places, straight-ish in others, and cowlicky in all places in between. Chrissy even had Jen’s eyelashes, which were thick, dark, and perfectly curled, just like a doll’s or something, despite the fact that Jen never used an eyelash curler. Chrissy would never have to, either.
When Chrissy had been maybe two or three months old, all her similarities with Jen made me begin to feel a little paranoid. Paranoid about what, specifically, I wasn’t even quite sure. Except that in my heart of hearts, I was sure, but I just didn’t dare utter it aloud. It was Mel who finally did one day, watching me while I watched Jen slowly dancing around the living room, gently bouncing Chrissy in her arms.
“So….” Mel said to me. “You’re starting to wonder if something went terribly wrong with whatever spell made you get pregnant with Hayden’s baby. You’re starting to wonder if something horrific could have happened…like, if somehow, Jen could be Chrissy’s biological mother or something.”
Feeling like a boulder had been lifted off my chest just to hear Mel voice my concerns out loud, I turned to her and spoke in a low voice. “You’ve gotta help me get a test done…a test to make sure that Hayden and I are both actually Chrissy’s biological parents.”
Mel said she was sure that we were, and I asked her how she was so sure.
Reclining back on the couch with her arms folded loosely across her chest, she shrugged. “I know Chrissy’s still practically a newborn, but she already seems far too smart to be any closer family relation than a second cousin of Jen.”
At that moment, it was clear that Mel was forgetting that she was actually Jen’s twin.
I made an attempt to defend Jen’s intellect, pointing out that she’d been smart enough to figure out that Carla was bad news when nobody else had, but in my heart, I was extremely relieved by what Mel had said. Even at her age, Chrissy did seem to have a bit of a different personality than Jen, often seeming able to focus on different things and objects for longer than Jen could.
Cutting off my defense of Jen’s intellect with a wave of her hand, Mel once again said that she was sure that Chrissy was biologically Hayden’s and mine but that she’d help me find out for sure anyway, just so that I could have peace of mind. However, she insisted that I tell Hayden first, which I did that evening. The next day, Nora collected DNA from Hayden, me, and Chrissy via cheek swabs, then drove the samples to a lab in Sweetwater to be tested.
For about six weeks, I tried, with varying degrees of success, to put the whole thing out of my mind. But when Nora said that the lab had called her with the results, I nearly grabbed her by the shirt, begging her to tell me that second. Seeming to sense that I was about to grab her by the shirt, she didn’t waste any time in telling me that Chrissy was definitely Hayden’s and my biological daughter. Nothing had gone haywire with the spell that had made me pregnant.
Exhaling in a rush, I asked Nora if she was a hundred percent confident in the lab results, and she said that she was. “The lab didn’t pick up on Hayden being a vampire, either. Like I told you weeks ago, vampire DNA shows up in lab work as identical to human DNA.”
I was so relieved that I didn’t even care about any of that right then. All I cared about was that my beautiful daughter was indeed mine. Regardless of the fact that she resembled her Aunt-slash-second-cousin Jen more than anyone else in the family.
Back in the present, in Chrissy’s dimly-lit nursery with her and Jen, Jen said that Chrissy had been calling her “Ah-Zhen” for a couple of days. “Which means that ‘Mama’ and ‘Da-da’ will come along any day now. I just know it.”
Smiling, I took one of Chrissy’s pudgy hands and asked her if that was true. “Are you going to say ‘Mama’ soon?”
Grinning, Chrissy gave her head a shake, swishing her half-wavy, half-straight-ish hair. She then babbled something like “oh,” which I was pretty sure meant no. This was followed by an exclamation of “Ah-Zhen!”
Looking uncharacteristically embarrassed, Jen gave me a small little smile. “‘Mama’ probably would have been her first word, but I kept saying ‘Aunt Jen’ and pointing to myself one night while me and her were playing, just to experiment and see if she’d say it. I really didn’t think she would. Sorry I messed up her first word, though.”
Unexpectedly touched by Jen’s apology, I smiled at her. “Please don’t feel bad at all. A baby’s first word is special, but I think it’s pretty special that Chrissy obviously loves her Aunt Jen so much. We are going to have to discontinue these nighttime play sessions, though, Jen. Chrissy’s got to get out of the habit of waking up at night just to play. And you have got to get out of the habit of encouraging her, no matter how fun it is for both of you to have some playtime at night. Whenever she squawks or cries, just let me get her. Or Hayden.”
Jen glanced down at Wanted, who’d entered the room and was now standing beside her, gently wagging his golden tail. “Well, what about Wanted? Can he still play with Chrissy at night? See, he’s gotten used to our nighttime playtimes, too. When I line up all Chrissy’s stuffed animals on the floor, Wanted likes to trot through them to knock some over, which always makes Chrissy giggle.”
Just slightly exasperated, I told Jen that I was sorry, but Wanted couldn’t play with Chrissy at night, either. “After Chrissy is put to bed at night, Hayden and I are the only ones allowed in here until morning, from now on. Okay?”
Jen said okay. “When is Hayden even home to come in here, though, anyway? Didn’t he already take off again after only being home today for like, three hours or something?”
Truth be told, he hadn’t even been home for that long. It had been more like two-and-a-half hours.
Taking Chrissy from Jen, I told Jen that Hayden would be home full-time very soon. “Hopefully, anyway. He just has to deal with the whole Carla situation first, but it won’t be long now. He found out where she is today, and where she’s going, so now, he can easily hunt her down.”
I hoped.
After giving Chrissy a brief cuddle, telling her repeatedly that it was “sleepy time,” I put her back in her crib and left the bedroom with Jen, closing the door behind us. I hadn’t even let go of the doorknob when Chrissy began wailing, and Jen said she’d go back in.
“She probably just wants one more nighttime playtime before we stop the habit for good.”
Blocking Jen from the door, I shook my head. “No, Jen. You can’t. No more nighttime playtime with Chrissy. Not even one more time.”
Folding her arms across her chest, Jen made a “harrumph” sort of noise. “So, you’re just going to let her cry in there?”
I answered in the affirmative. “In a minute or two, she’ll probably stop, having learned that nighttime playtimes are over, and no one is going to come in when she’s just crying to play.”
“Well, one of us has at least got to go back in to get Wanted. We left him in there.”
I cringed, realizing that Chrissy’s crying had suddenly stopped. “Well, now I really don’t want to go back in there since she’s not crying anymore.”
Not seeing any way around it, I went in anyway, soon seeing what had made Chrissy stop crying. Standing with his muzzle between the bars of her crib, Wanted was comforting her by licking one of her chubby little hands, which she’d extended for him to reach.
Feeling like a cold-hearted, evil mother, I took Wanted by the collar and began gently guiding him out of the room, separating him from Chrissy, making her wail.
Frowning, Jen began protesting. “Oh, come on, Syd. Can’t we at least leave him in here overnight with her?”
“No. Chrissy needs to learn how to go asleep and stay asleep by herself. That’s what her pediatrician says.”
That was true, which was why I couldn’t figure out why I felt so terrible about doing what I was doing.
Once I got Wanted and Chrissy out of the room, I again shut the door. Chrissy wailed. Wanted lowered himself to the floor and began whining piteously, as if he wanted to direct his whining beneath the door so that Chrissy would hear him and know that she wasn’t alone.
Glancing from Wanted to the door to me, Jen suddenly began sniffling and spoke in a trembling sort of voice that made me think that full-tilt tears were just around the corner. “You know, Syd…I don’t even mean to say it like this, but sometimes, I think you’re a little bit mean to Chrissy.”
Maybe because I was feeling like I was being a “little bit mean” to Chrissy, I suddenly felt my own eyes fill with tears. Where are you, Hayden? I thought, covering my face with my hands, even though I knew full well where he was, or at least full well what he was doing. All that mattered to me at that moment was that I felt like I needed him, and he wasn’t there. I probably should have been used to this feeling by now, but I wasn’t. And the fact that I’d actually wanted Hayden to go out after Carla again earlier that evening didn’t make me feel any better.
Not a moment after I’d covered my face with my hands, Jen began full-tilt crying, saying through choked sobs that she was so sorry for saying that she thought I was being a little bit mean to Chrissy, and that she hadn’t meant to hurt my feelings. “Look. I’m even going to punch myself in the face to show you how sorry I am, and also to punish myself for saying such a stupid thing!”
I caught Jen’s little fist when it was about an inch from her face and told her to please stop. “You don’t need to punch yourself. I accept your apology, and I forgive you for what you said. I only started sniffling because I’d already kind of started thinking the same thing…that I’m being a little bit mean to Chrissy.”
“I know you’re just doing it for her own good, though.”
“That’s right. I am. I’d just feel a little better, though, if maybe Hayden was home to back me up and tell me that I’m doing the right thing for Chrissy.”
Just then, Carol, who was now Mark’s wife, came out of their bedroom, shutting the door behind her, and came down the dimly-lit hallway to Jen, Wanted, and me. “What’s wrong, girls? Why is everyone crying?”
Jen and I both had tears on our cheeks; Wanted was still whining and pawing at the crack beneath the nursery door; and inside the nursery, Chrissy was still wailing. In fact, her volume was steadily increasing, weakening my resolve to not go back in there.
Wiping her eyes, Jen answered Carol before I could. “Oh, everything’s okay. Me and Chrissy are just dealing with having our nighttime playtime taken away; Wanted is sad because he couldn’t stay in the nursery; and Sydney just wishes Hayden was home so that she doesn’t have to be a single mom all the time.”
Something about hearing the phrase “single mom” made fresh tears rise in my eyes, and I hastily wiped them away, telling Carol that I was fine. “Really. We all are. Sorry if Chrissy’s crying woke you up.”
Wearing an anguished expression, Jen turned her gaze to the nursery door. “She just wants to play stuffed animal lineup with me so bad!”
“All right.” Carol gently took Wanted’s collar in one hand, and one of Jen’s hands in her other hand. “Let’s get you and Wanted back to bed, Jen.”
Seeming a bit reluctant, Jen said okay, and Carol began leading her and Wanted away, glancing over her shoulder at me.
“No need to be sorry about Chrissy’s crying. Just come get me if you need anything.”
Once the hallway was quiet, it only took about a minute for Chrissy’s cries to taper off into feeble whimpers. When her feeble whimpers stopped, I finally returned to Hayden’s and my room, grabbed my phone from the nightstand, and flopped on our bed to send him a text.
I figured out the reason that Chrissy has been waking up at night sometimes just to play. See, someone’s been practically training her to do it.
Hayden immediately responded, asking who. I quickly typed and sent my response.
Oh, I’ll give you one guess. Hint: she’s the original family redhead. And, like our baby, she also likes to get up in the middle of the night just to play.
This time, it took Hayden a little longer to respond, and when he did, it was less of a response and more of a goodbye. Gotta go. Will contact you soon with Carla info. Love you.
With tears rising in my eyes once again, I typed out, Love you, too, sent the text, and then snuggled beneath the covers to cry.