Chapter Eleven
Declan
Two days. That was as long as he was willing to give Lily to work through her emotions over what happened between them. The last two days had been pure hell for him because all he wanted to do was go to her apartment, take her in his arms, and make her see they belonged together. He knew if he pushed too hard she would close herself off emotionally from him, and he didn’t want that. Now that he’d gotten a taste of what it was like to be inside her, there was no fucking way he was giving her up. He would just have to find a way to get through to her.
He’d gone by her work earlier only to learn she wouldn’t be in until evening. That gave him time to do a little scouting out near Baton Rogue to see how many of the jaguars were near the border between the two territories. When he got there, it didn’t take him long to realize there was a significant number of male jaguars in the city. That didn’t bode well for the leopards because it could only mean one thing. The Red Moon Clan was going to try to take over New Orleans. There would be a hell of a fight if that happened. He made note of their location so he could fill Caine in before he went back to his hotel to shower and change. He didn’t want to go see Lily covered in sweat.
Lily
After Keith left, Lily decided a bubble bath and a good cry were in order. She needed to do something to get the pain out of her system before she made herself sick over it. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw the hurt in Keith’s eyes when she admitted she’d slept with Declan. She stayed in the tub until the water turned cold then dragged herself out and got ready for work. She managed to choke down half a bagel, the first thing she’d eaten in almost a day, then made he way through the French Quarter to Gathering Grounds. She paused just down the street from the shop to try and get herself together. If she went in there looking like she was going to burst into tears any second, Emile was likely to send her home, and she needed the distraction work would provide.
Lily plastered on a smile before she walked into work. Even if she was an emotional mess, she wouldn’t let it show. She glanced around, looking for Declan, and was relieved to find him not there. It was a small reprieve but she had no idea how long it would last. What was she going to say to him when he finally came in? Hell if she knew. She would have to figure that out when the time came.
“Bonjour, cher. Everting okay? You look like you haven’t slept nigh a wink,” Emile said when she slid behind the counter.
“I’ve had a lot on my mind lately, is all. You know, you’re not supposed to tell a woman she looks rough.”
Emile laughed. “Meebe not, but you wouldn’t want me to lie neither.”
“True, very true.” She settled into her work day and let the flow of customers distract her from the mess she’d made of things in her personal life. She was doing well until she looked up to see Declan walk in. She damn-near spilled a tray of coffees on herself that she was carrying to one of the tables. Did he have to look so damn good when she looked like shit?
Declan
Declan watched Lily through one of the windows at the front of the shop. If you couldn’t read body language, you would think she didn’t have a care in the world. Declan wasn’t fooled. He could see the tension in her shoulders and the strain around her eyes when she smiled at a customer. He hated that he’d put that strain there but, goddamn it, she played a part in it, too. He’d given her the chance to walk away and she’d stayed. She’d damn-near begged him to fuck her. He wasn’t going to let her turn what happened between them into something shameful. It was beautiful and mind-blowing. It was the best sex he’d ever had and he wanted more.
Opening the door, Declan took a deep breath of coffee-scented air before he slid onto one of the stools at the counter so he could put in his order for his coffee. “Black, strong as I can get it,” he growled and turned a little to watch Lily as she set several cups down at one of the tables. She was pretending to be nonchalant about his presence. but he’d noticed her stumble when he walked in.
Emile poured him a cup and set it in front of him. “Still got your eye on her, eh? You know she’s got a man, yeah?”
Declan shrugged. “I’m patient, when I need to be.” He and took a sip of his coffee and groaned in approval. “I gotta say, I’ve had coffee from places all over the world and this, right here, is the best damn coffee I’ve ever had. You could make a killing if you sold it on a larger scale.”
Emile shook his head. “Nah, I’m happy just livin’ my life and servin’ my customers.”
“Fair enough.” Declan took his coffee to one of the empty tables. “We need to talk,” he said to Lily as he passed her. He felt her tense and had to stop himself from reaching out to touch her. Up close he could see the shadows under her eyes, and he really had to resist the urge to pull her into his arms. Sure, he’d had some shitty sleep the last two nights, but he was used to that. He’d spent years getting little sleep while on a mission. Seeing the shadows under Lily’s eyes though had every protective instinct he had rising to the surface.
Lily glanced at him and sighed. “I get a break in twenty.” They really did need to talk about what happened between them and her reaction afterward.
Declan nodded at her and took a seat. He watched her through hooded eyes as he sipped his coffee. He had to admit he was impressed. Despite the fact she was on edge, she did a damn good job of not letting it influence her work in any way. It was admirable.
Lily
“Emile, do you mind if I use your office for a few minutes? I need to speak with Declan about something that doesn’t need an audience.”
“It’s all yours, cher.”
“Thanks.” She kissed his cheek, removed her apron, and motioned for Declan to follow her to the back of the shop.
Declan left his now-empty coffee cup on the table and silently followed her to the back of the shop.
Lily led him into Emile’s office and moved Emile’s chair around so that the desk wouldn’t be between her and Declan. It might have been smarter, and safer, if she’d kept it between them, but she didn’t think about that until it was too late. When he closed the door behind him and turned, she noticed he had an erection and arched a brow.
Declan smirked at the look on her face. “Can’t blame me for enjoying the view when you sway those hips so seductively while you walk, doll.” He took a seat in the other chair. “I’m surprised you didn’t fight me on talking about what happened the other night. You have every other time.”
Lily rubbed her temples. “Yeah, and that’s gotten me nowhere. What happened the other night, it shouldn’t have happened, Declan. I’m not blaming you, not entirely, because I was the one who was stupid and drank whiskey knowing damn full well it would lessen my control on my wolf. We aren’t just our animals, we’re people, and we can’t let the beast control us but that’s exactly what I did.”
“Bullshit. Don’t give me that fucking line, Lily. That wasn’t your wolf wanting me; that was all you. You keep telling yourself it’s all animal instinct, but if that was true, you wouldn’t have to fight your attraction to me so fucking hard when you don’t have a drop of alcohol in you. I get that you’re upset because of the guy you’re dating. I get that you feel guilty because you’re not the kind of woman to sleep around when in a relationship. You’re loyal to a fault and faithful to your partner, and what happened the other night goes against everything you believe in. I get that, Lily.” He reached out and ran a finger down her cheek. ““I’m sorry I put you in that position, doll. As much as I loved the sex, because, damn, woman, it was the best sex I’ve ever had, I’m sorry I pushed when I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to fight the desire I feel for you. But most of all, I’m sorry I hurt you. When you bolted the other night, the look I saw on your face, it gutted me, Lily. I don’t ever want to see that look again. Whatever you need from me, you’ve got it. If you need me to back off, as difficult as it will be, I’ll do it.”
Lily was shaking by the time he finished talking. “I’m not dating him anymore. I told him everything. He knows I’m a shifter—he was okay with that—but he wasn’t okay with me cheating on him. You don’t get it, Declan. I broke his heart when I betrayed him and part of me doesn’t care. The part of me that was in control the other night is happy to have one complication gone. And I hate myself for feeling that way. It should matter to me that I hurt him so deeply. He loved me and I betrayed him. I just don’t understand why it doesn’t hurt as much as it should.” When she looked at him, her eyes were filled with the confusion she felt. “I mean, it hurts; it feels like a little piece of my heart has broken off and shattered on the ground, but why aren’t I devastated? I should be. I miss him but…at the same time, part of me is relieved.” Her voice broke and a tear slid down her cheek.
Declan
Declan couldn’t stop himself. When he saw that tear, he had to hold her. He went to her and pulled her into his arms. “I know you do, baby, and that’s on me. I should have given you more time to work through things and end your relationship with him in a less painful way. I’m sorry I wasn’t that strong.” He buried his nose in her hair and breathed in her honey and vanilla scent. Her body molded against him, but even though he was aroused, she was so distraught that his protective side was in control. A sob escaped her and his arms tightened around her. He held her as she cried, and when the tears finally subsided, he let her pull out of his embrace.
Declan could feel where her tears had dampened his shirt. Fucking hell, her pain tore at him. He’d been the one to cause it, but it wasn’t like he could go back and change things. When she pulled back he released her then reached up and wiped the tear tracks from her cheeks. “I’ll back off, give you a little time, let you work through things in your head. But I’m not leaving, Lily.”
“Thank you. I just…You’re right, I do need time,” she admitted. “I need to get back out there; my break is almost over.”
“I know you do; that’s why I’m backing off a bit. I took advantage of the situation, and that wasn’t fair to you. I’m sorry for that, doll. Here, give me your phone.” When she gave him a confused look, he held his hand out for it. “Your phone, so I can put my number in it. How else are you going to let me know when you’re ready to talk, doll?”
“Oh, right.”
“I’ve got some things I need to take care of anyway, so this gives me time to focus on that and gives you time to sort through things in your head.” He reached out, tipped her face up, and pressed a soft kiss to her lips and then he left.
Lily
Lily hadn’t meant to cry, not in front of him, but the moment he wrapped his arms around her, the tears fell. She was a wreck; she wasn’t sure how to wade through the emotional upheaval she was dealing with, but for just a moment she let herself give in to the need to be held. She was surprised by how gentle, and how understanding he was being. When he got up to leave, a part of her wanted to beg him to stay.
Lily watched him go before she collapsed back in the chair. She buried her face in her hands and tried to get herself under control. She knew she looked like a hot mess; she was sure her eyes were red and puffy from crying, but there wasn’t much she could do about that. When soft footsteps reached her through the door, she knew it had to be her friend and coworker, Shelli. Emile was leaving soon and she and Shelli would be closing together. Shelli must have seen Declan leave Emile’s office and decided to come check on her. “Lil? You okay?”
Lily lifted her head from her hands and gave Shelli a weak smile. “Define ‘okay’.”
Shelli stepped in and closed the door behind her. “I just saw sex on two legs leaving, and it looked like he’d been holding someone who was crying. Judging from your eyes, that someone was you. What happened?” She took the seat Declan had been sitting in before Lily started crying.
“Gods, where should I start? Keith and I broke up. I cheated on him, Shelli, with Declan, and a small part of me doesn’t care that I hurt him. What kind of person does that make me? What kind of person hurts someone they care about and then doesn’t feel the remorse they should?”
“One who is confused about her feelings. Lily, honey, you told me about the connection between you and Declan. That has to have really thrown your emotions out of whack, and if you really were unaffected by hurting Keith you wouldn’t have been crying. What this tells me, though, is that as much as you cared about him, you weren’t in love with him. You’re feeling guilty and beating yourself up; you’re trying to convince yourself you’re a horrible person because you’ve realized you’re not perfect. Welcome to the real world, girlfriend,” she teased and winked at her. “You’re only human, well, okay, you’re a shifter, but the theory still applies. You’re not perfect. The important thing is you were honest with him, and yeah, it’ll hurt for a bit, but you can both move on from this and find the happiness you both deserve. I mean, really, Lily, can you honestly tell me that being with Keith filled every need you had?”
Lily glowered at her before she reluctantly sighed. “No, I can’t. I couldn’t share my wolf with him. If I went out for a run in the bayou, I had to go alone. Gods, if I hadn’t told him I was a shifter, and we’d gotten married…that might have turned into a huge mess if we had kids and they were able to shift. It’s not a guarantee when only one parent is a shifter but it does happen, and if the non-shifter parent is unaware…things can get ugly.”
“Well, there you go then. In the end it might have caused even more pain.”
“I suppose you’re right. Hey, what are you doing tomorrow?”
“Not much, why?”
“Well, for once we both have the same day off, and I’d love to introduce you to my other bestie, Emelise. The three of us need a girl’s day out. What do you say?” Lily really needed some ‘girl time’ to help her get her mind off things for a few hours.
“That sounds awesome. We could go up to Baton Rouge, to the Mall of Louisiana, for some shopping and then hit Red Stick Farmer’s Market.”
“That would be perfect. I’ll call Eme; we can all get together at Cafe Fluer-de-lis in the morning and have breakfast before we head out.” Lily rubbed her face. “We should get back out front so Emile can get home. I’m sure Marie would like to spend some time with her husband.” Several years ago Emile had charmed a woman fifteen years his junior, and the two had finally decided to make their relationship ‘official’ a few months back by getting married. They were still in the ‘honeymoon’ phase, and it was downright adorable to see them together. It was obvious they loved each other.
As soon as he saw them coming back out front, Emile headed around the counter. “Ever’ting okay, cher?” He could obviously see Lily had been crying.
“Not really but it’ll get there. Go on home, Emile. I’m sure Marie is waiting for you. Shelli and I can handle the rest of the night.” Lily made a shooing motion at him that had him laughing.
“Get on wit’ choo,” he said with a chuckle. “Adyeu, mon cheries.” He winked at them and left.
Lily shook her head and watched him go. Emile was certainly a character. In the time she’d worked for him, he’d become like a father to her. Maybe, if she ever got married, she’d have him walk her down the aisle. Goddess knew she and her real father butted heads so much it would probably be a chore if he did it. With a disgruntled groan she pushed that thought out of her head and focused on finishing up the night on a happy note. She had a full day of ‘girl time’ planned for the following day; there was no room for disturbing thoughts in her head tonight.