Chapter 14

Bernard suggested that Kate meet him in St. Bart’s the week after the wedding. They hadn’t seen each other in five weeks and had been missing each other. She had a mountain of work to do at the store, especially with their online business now, and they had just hired another assistant whom Jessica was training, and Kate thought she should be there too. But she wanted to see him, and agreed to go. She had been feeling down ever since the wedding. And after St. Bart’s he had business in Miami and he wanted her to join him.

She told her mother she was leaving and meeting a friend and Louise thought it was an excellent idea. Kate looked exhausted, and her mother didn’t ask who she was meeting, since Kate didn’t volunteer it. Louise never pried, but she hoped it was a man. She thought it would do Kate good if it was.

She took a plane to St. Martin two days later, and a tiny puddle jumper from there to St. Bart’s. The second flight was bumpy and the landing frightening, but she was so happy to be meeting Bernard that she didn’t care how bad the trip was. He was waiting for her at the airport and held her tightly in his arms. He could see all the strain and sorrow of the past month in her eyes. And all he wanted to do now was make it better. He took her to the hotel where he had booked a villa with a private pool, and half an hour after she got there, she was in a bikini in the pool and he was with her. And it was as though they’d never been apart. They picked up right where they’d left off, talking and laughing and sharing confidences, and she told him all about the wedding, her fears for Izzie, and her qualms about Peter. He was not only her lover, but Bernard was becoming her confidant and best friend.

“I don’t think you need to worry about Julie’s new man. He sounds like he’s just trying too hard to impress you.”

“He’s so perfect he unnerves me, and he crawls all over my mother.”

“She probably enjoys it.” He laughed and Kate visibly relaxed from his reassurance. She needed that desperately. She had been carrying all the heavy burdens alone, as always. “I’d like to meet her one day,” he said about her mother.

“You will,” she promised him. “All in good time.”

“Does she know about me?” he asked, looking serious for a moment, and Kate shook her head.

“No, not yet. I thought it was too soon.”

“And I’m married.” He read her mind and finished the sentence for her. “She might not be as shocked as you think, from everything you’ve told me about her. She might just be fine with it.” But Kate thought it unlikely, knowing her mother. There were some things she didn’t tolerate and would never approve of, unfaithful husbands being one of them, and top of the list. And she was still Kate’s mother and worried about her too. It was instinctive.

“I’m not ready to find out,” Kate said. He nodded and didn’t argue with her.

The vacation in St. Bart’s with him was just what Kate needed, and by the time they left four days later, to fly to Miami, she felt like a new woman, or the old woman in better shape, emotionally and physically. She was no longer so upset about Izzie. Bernard was right. The deed was done. Now it was up to Izzie. And if she’d made a mistake, she would either have to live with it or correct it. It made Kate realize again that men were so much more pragmatic than women.

When they landed in Miami, they went directly to the Eden Roc hotel where he had taken a palatial suite, and she left him to go shopping while he worked. She had a good time at the high-end shopping mall at Bal Harbour, and enjoyed cruising all the stores, until she met him back at the hotel for dinner that night. And afterward they swam in the pool on the way to their room. The next day it was hot and sunny, and she lay on their terrace to soak up the sun. He came back to the suite at lunchtime to make love and have lunch with her. It was a piece of heaven whenever she was with him.

After four days in Miami, he flew back to New York with her and spent another week there. It was late May by the time he had to leave, and on their last night, Kate asked him what he was doing that summer.

“We rent a house in Sardinia every year for August,” he said casually. “The children come and go with friends.”

“You and the children?” she asked, trying to understand what the plan was, although she wasn’t trying to intrude.

“The family,” he said vaguely.

“How many of you?” she asked more specifically.

“It varies.”

“Will your wife be there?” Kate finally asked what she wanted to know and he hadn’t told her.

“Some of the time. And I’ll be there some of the time, with the kids.”

“Do you take turns, or are you there together?” She was frowning as she asked him. A cloud had just passed in front of the sun.

“What difference does it make? We’re not together even when we’re under the same roof. We’re separate people.”

“You still take vacations with her?” Kate asked, looking unhappy. “You never told me that before.”

“I don’t even think about it. We hardly speak to each other. It makes no difference to either of us.”

“It makes a difference to me. I don’t like the idea of your going on vacation with her.” As she said it, something Liam had said rang in her ears. That married men never seemed married, until you realized that they were more married than they claimed. It was beginning to sound that way, for the first time, and a shiver ran through her.

“We do it every year,” Bernard said again, as though that made it okay. But it didn’t for Kate.

“But you didn’t have me. Now you do,” she said pointedly, and he didn’t look pleased.

“You can’t expect me to give up time with my children. You of all people know how important that is. That’s one of the reasons I love you, because you’re such a good mother.” It sounded like bullshit to her.

“Do your children know about your ‘arrangement’ with your wife?”

“We don’t need to discuss it with them. They live it, and have for many years. They understand.” But how much could they understand if their parents still took vacations together every summer? Maybe they just thought he was busy the rest of the time, for work.

“Since you lead such separate lives, wouldn’t you rather have separate vacations with the children? It must be stressful being together.”

“We’re very polite.” He smiled at Kate. And very French, she thought. It was the first time he had seriously upset her, and she was quiet for the rest of the evening, which disturbed him too. He didn’t want to spoil the time they had together, especially right before he was leaving, and he had no plans to return until late June. “Don’t think about it. What are you doing this summer?”

“Working.”

“You don’t go on holiday with your children?” In France everyone had five weeks off, by law, either in July or August. In the States, most people worked, except for a week or two, just as she did.

“I used to go away with them, when they were kids, until they finished college. Now, none of them have time. They can’t get time off from their jobs. And they have their own plans, for a few days here and there, over long weekends, like on the Fourth of July and Labor Day, which they don’t spend with me.”

“How sad,” he said sympathetically. “Maybe we could meet somewhere in July.” Because he went to Sardinia in August with his wife. That was clear to her now, and she didn’t like it.

“I don’t want to be part of a shift, Bernard,” she said pointedly. She had never felt that way before, but they had only been together for three months, since February. She had never been through Christmas with him, or a summer. She wondered if he spent Christmas with his wife too, and suspected now that he did. It was part of the “arrangement.” He could do what he wanted and lead his own life as long as he came home for major holidays and summer vacations. It was an arrangement she didn’t like.

“You’re not part of a shift,” he insisted. “You’re the woman I love.”

“And she’s your wife,” Kate said with a determined look, and there was anger in it.

“Why are you making trouble about this now when we’re so happy?” He looked like an innocent victim as he said it. And she was the culprit and attacker. He seemed wounded.

“I’m not going to be happy in August when you’re with her.” In fact, she was going to be miserable and she knew it.

“I can arrange to be away for a few days when the children aren’t there,” he said, trying to mollify her.

“I can’t get away then, and that’s not the point. I don’t want to share you with her. This isn’t joint custody.”

“I have to do the best I can in the circumstances,” he said firmly. And it was obvious that he was not going to change his plans for her. He was going to do what he did every year, and vacation for a month in Sardinia with his wife and family. And there was no part for her to play in that. His wife had the upper hand in August. That was her time with Bernard, not Kate’s. “We’ll work something out,” he said placatingly, but Kate had understood, and it did not work for her. She was chilly with him for the rest of the night, and they did not make love before he left. She couldn’t. She was too upset about his plans for August.

He kissed her when he left for the airport the next day, and neither of them mentioned their conversation of the night before, but it had taken a toll, and she was still mulling it over after he left. She didn’t tell Liam when she saw him. She didn’t want to admit to him that he was right. But in her heart of hearts, she knew he was, unless something changed. Bernard was still more married than he admitted. And that changed things for her. She loved him, but not enough to share him with another woman. Maybe his wife did, but she didn’t. And she wasn’t French, she was American, and the theory that half of someone else’s husband was better than none didn’t work for her. She had been a willing participant until now, but he hadn’t explained the situation to her accurately, if he was still vacationing with his wife for a month every summer. And she knew now that August was going to be hell month for her, knowing where he was and with whom.

It was a heavy weight on her heart when she went back to work when he was gone. He had done wonderful things for her business, but she realized now that sooner or later, he would break her heart. And it was a price she was not willing to pay, for him or anyone else, no matter how much she loved him.

Izzie and Zach had a blissful honeymoon in Aspen. The house was enormous and very luxurious, and had a large staff. His father lived well off the family trust, a lot better than Zach did, who had nothing. It angered Izzie when she saw it. Why were they unkind to him? It wasn’t fair.

They went for long walks, made love all the time, fished in a stream, went on hikes, and browsed through the shops in town. The restaurants were excellent, but she had to pay for every meal, and she thought it was embarrassing for him, so they cooked at home most of the time, when the help left at night and they were alone in the kitchen. Sometimes they ate naked after they made love.

They came back from their honeymoon happy and relaxed, and Izzie had to leap straight into two big projects and work late almost every night. The honeymoon was over and Zach complained about it every night when she got home. But there was nothing she could do about it. She had to work. She used it as an opportunity to try to convince him to find a job, but he didn’t like that idea either. He wanted her to stay home and play and she couldn’t.

“We’re married now, but I never see you anymore,” he said plaintively, and as the days went by, he got more and more bored and restless, and he was beginning to worry her.

She was in an important meeting with the managing partner of the law firm on one of their big projects when Zach called her one afternoon. Her secretary said it was urgent, so she left the conference room and took the call. It was Zach, in tears. He’d been arrested, and was in jail. Her heart started pounding the minute he said it.

“I’m still on probation. They’ll send me to prison for a probation violation. You have to do something.”

“I can’t right now,” she said in a low voice so no one would hear her. “I can’t leave the meeting I’m in. I’ll come as soon as I’m through. Have they set bail?”

“No,” he said, crying like a child on the other end.

“What are the charges?” She hoped it was something minor, or he was going to be in serious trouble, and there would be nothing she could do.

“Possession,” he said in a choked voice.

“Of what?”

“Coke.” He was still crying.

“With intent to sell?”

“I think so,” he said miserably. “But it was very little.”

“For chrissake, Zach, what did they book you for? You know damn well what the charges are.”

“Okay, yes, with intent to sell. I never see you anymore. I was bored. I bought some coke from a guy I know. I wasn’t going to sell it.” No, he was going to use it, out of boredom, which was almost as bad.

“How did you get caught? Did someone squeal?”

“No, I ran a red light, and they stopped me. They ran my license and saw that I’m on probation, so they searched the car for drugs and weapons. And they found it. I had it sitting on the front seat.” He had driven one of the cars his grandmother kept in the garage.

“How could you be so stupid?” she said in a tone of pure fury. “You know that you risk prison if you get in trouble again. Shit, I don’t even know if I can get you out this time. I have to go back to the meeting. I’ll be there as soon as I can. But they may not let me bail you out until tomorrow if they haven’t set bail yet, and if they put a hold on you because you’re on probation, we’re screwed.”

“Get me a lawyer, then,” he said, starting to get angry.

“I am a lawyer, you idiot. I represented you last time. I’ll see you in a while,” she said and hung up and went back to the meeting. It lasted until seven P.M. and as soon as it ended, she flew out of the building and got a cab, and went to the jail. And just as she had suspected, they hadn’t set bail, so he had to stay there for the night. She saw him in a little cubicle, and told him she’d be back in the morning. But she had a client meeting at eleven and had to prepare for it. This was a nightmare in her life.

She lay awake all night, thinking about him and wondering what they could do, so the court would keep him on probation. She’d have to pull out all the stops, call in every favor, and try all the bells and whistles she could think of to keep him out of jail, and she was not sure she could. She’d been able to pull a rabbit out of a hat before because it was his first arrest. This was different.

She was at the jail at eight o’clock the next morning, and a hearing had been set for nine A.M. to set bail. She put down her name as the attorney of record representing him and disclosed that they were married to be totally aboveboard, and they allowed him to walk into court with her. They had different names, since she hadn’t had time to change any of her ID yet, so that helped her seem more credible. And thank God they hadn’t put a probation hold on him yet. She was hoping to bail him out before they did.

He was established in court as not being a flight risk once again. Bail was set at fifty thousand dollars, and she had to pay five thousand of it in order to have him released, and then the judge noticed that he was on probation and asked the bailiff if there was a hold on him, in which case he couldn’t leave. Izzie held her breath while they checked, and miraculously they hadn’t issued one yet, and forty-five minutes later, she had bailed him out, and they were in a cab to go back to the apartment. She read him the riot act when they got there. She told him he couldn’t do it again, ever, and that he would ruin her life and his own if he did.

“I know, I know, I was stupid…I’m sorry. I won’t do it again,” he promised, and looked deeply remorseful.

“Great. I buy it, but the judge won’t.” Zach went to take a shower then, and she called the assistant DA assigned to his case before, and was straightforward with him and begged him not to revoke Zach’s probation. She thought it was best to be honest with him, so a sheriff didn’t show up at their door.

“You’re still representing him?” the assistant DA asked her, surprised. “I thought you were assigned to it pro bono last year.”

“I was,” she confirmed.

“So why are you back on the case? Are you a glutton for punishment?” He was laughing as he said it.

“Apparently. I married him a month ago.”

“Oh, God, and you’re acting as his attorney on the case?”

“I am.” They both knew it was legal to do so, although unusual.

“Tell me why I shouldn’t revoke his probation and send him straight to prison?” He was serious about that and not laughing anymore. He felt sorry for her, but he wasn’t going to get in trouble to help her. And whatever he did, he’d be doing for her, not the defendant. She was a straight shooter and a good attorney, and he liked her.

“Because I’m begging you not to,” she said in a choked voice. “Sending him to prison is not going to help anyone. He’s an idiot, not a criminal.” They both knew that was true too. There was a long pause at the other end. “He’s willing to go to rehab,” she volunteered in a moment of creativity, sounding desperate. “He’s never done that before. This was a slip. Give me time to find a program. He’ll stay as long as you want.” The DA was quiet as he listened.

“All right, I won’t make any moves on his probation for now, while you find a rehab for him. I’ll consider it, but you’ve got a mess on your hands.” The assistant DA had brought the charges up on his computer, and he could see that the amount of cocaine was small and probably for personal use. The charge of intent to sell wouldn’t stick. “They’re going to send him away this time, unless you can do some mighty fancy footwork to convince the judge,” he warned her. “You did a good job for him last time, getting him to plead and getting him probation. You’re going to need a sympathetic judge to keep him out of prison and send him to rehab.” Izzie fervently hoped the judge would let Zach do that. Rehab was their only hope.

“Do you have a time for the arraignment yet on your computer?” she asked him.

“Tomorrow. Four P.M. Can you be there?”

“I’ll have to be,” she said seriously. She wasn’t going to ask him to change it and annoy him further.

“Good luck, counselor. I’ll see you in court, if they assign me to the case.”

“Thank you,” she said, sounding very subdued, and when Zach came out of the shower, she told him not to leave the apartment, and that if he got in trouble again, she’d kill him, and almost meant it. She told him that he would have to go to rehab, if the judge agreed to keep him on probation and out of prison. Zach looked horrified at the thought.

“You mean like for thirty days?”

“Could be six months or a year. However long they want. It beats three to five years in prison for a second offense.”

“I can’t do that,” he said as tears filled his eyes again.

“You should have thought of that before.” She felt sick and livid, and she was about to be late for her client meeting. “And if you do it again, after this, they’ll put you away for good,” she told him. This was no joke.

He looked badly shaken, and she didn’t say another word to him. He lay down on the bed, and turned on the TV with the remote when she left. He hadn’t said a word, as Izzie closed the door firmly behind her and rang for the elevator. She just prayed the judge would agree to Zach going to rehab. If not, her husband was going to prison for several years. And she could just imagine what her family would say. She was half an hour late for her meeting, had a long day at the office after that, and when she got home that night, she expected him to be subdued, but he wasn’t. He’d been drinking all day, and he was drunk and surly with her. She was angry at him for the rest of the evening, and she stayed out of their bedroom, and when she went back in he had passed out and was sound asleep. She lay awake for hours, worrying about the arraignment the next day. She needed Zach to make a good show, and she wasn’t sure he was up to it.

She left for the office in the morning without saying goodbye to him, but she had already told him that she would pick him up for the arraignment. She would be there for him at three, and it was a formality for him to plead guilty or not guilty, and she was going to propose rehab to the judge. The faster they got him there, the better it would look, and it would impact if he was found in violation and sent to jail.

Izzie spent the morning in her office at her computer, looking up rehabs instead of working. There was a great one in Arizona, others in Minnesota and Michigan, a good one in New Hampshire, one in Connecticut, and one in Queens that looked grim but was close. The one in Arizona looked like a country club. But it was still rehab, which would sound like jail to Zach.

She got back to the apartment on time, and was relieved to find Zach awake, clean, shaved, and wearing a suit. And he looked scared stiff. The prospect of prison had woken him up. At last.

They rode to the courthouse in a cab, and were in the courtroom on time. Izzie was the attorney of record, and the assistant DA she had called had gotten himself assigned to the case, as a favor to her.

The arraignment was routine. Zach pleaded not guilty. And she managed to get the “intent to sell” charge dropped, because the quantity was minimal. So all he was charged with was possession of a small amount of cocaine. But it was still enough to get his probation revoked, and for him to be sent away. Zach had admitted to her that he had already used most of the coke when he got caught. The judge warned Zach that he could revoke his probation and send him straight to prison then and there. And then Izzie suggested rehab, and submitted the name of the one in Queens. She had called them that morning. They had a bed for Zach, and had several court-mandated cases. They had told her they could take him that night and she relayed the information to the judge, along with the fact that Zach had never missed an appointment with his probation officer. The assistant DA made no objection to rehab. Zach was given a court date for his case two months later in August, which Izzie planned to get postponed, and the judge mandated Zach to the rehab in Queens for three months, with a possible extension for another six to nine. Izzie felt relief wash over her like a tidal wave, as the judge banged his gavel hard and called the next case. Izzie strode across the courtroom to thank the assistant DA and he told her he was satisfied for now. He assumed that Zach would eventually plead guilty when his case came up. And then she went back to where Zach was standing, picked up her briefcase, and he followed her out. She didn’t stop until they were on the steps, and he looked confused.

“Okay, explain it to me in plain English. What just went on in there?”

“You’re going to rehab,” she said coldly.

“When?” He looked terrified.

“Tonight.”

“For how long?”

“Three months. Could be longer, up to nine months or a year. You got damn lucky in there,” she said as they started down the steps to hail a cab.

“Are you crazy? Three months in rehab, and maybe a year? That’s like going to jail.”

“Great,” she said in a fury, as they stopped a taxi and she turned to him. “Then go back inside and enlist for three to five years in prison. But don’t come back to me when you’re done. You need to clean up your act so you don’t do this again. I can’t do this with you every six months. If you don’t go to rehab, I’m done, and so are you.”

They rode back to the apartment in silence. She called the rehab facility and then helped him pack. He didn’t want to go that night but he had no other choice. If he wasn’t there by the next morning, the judge could revoke his probation and send him to prison after all.

At nine P.M., they were at the grim rehab program in Queens. Zach was looking daggers at Izzie, but by ten o’clock he’d been checked in and had a room assignment with three other men. When Izzie was informed that she couldn’t see or communicate with him for thirty days, Zach looked shocked at the news. This was no country club facility, but it was an acceptable alternative to jail.

“She’s my wife,” he insisted.

“I don’t care if she’s the Virgin Mary. No calls or visitors for thirty days,” they told him. Zach gave Izzie a forlorn kiss goodbye and then, with his backpack over his shoulder and a woebegone expression, he disappeared through a door. She walked out to a waiting cab and burst into tears the minute she got in. It had been a hellish forty-eight hours, but she had saved his ass. Again. And she had a lonely few months ahead of her. After a month, he could come home for visits. But until then, she would be alone. And the final blow was that the judge had sent an additional order to the rehab program, ordering Zach to wear an electronic bracelet on his ankle for the next year, so the police could monitor his whereabouts at all times.

When she got back to the apartment, she lay on her bed thinking about him, and knew she had rough times ahead. And when he got out of rehab, the probation department would want him to get a job and go to work. Zach Holbrook was about to enter the real world. But at least he wasn’t in jail.

She didn’t hear from Zach for a month after he entered rehab, and in some ways it was a relief. She saw him for the first time for an hour on a Sunday afternoon at the rehab with all the other visitors, and he took her in his arms and held her. He kept apologizing profusely for everything he’d done and telling her how much he loved her. They were going to let him come home for an afternoon the following weekend.

Izzie had avoided her family for the past month claiming she was busy working on a big merger, so she wouldn’t have to explain Zach’s absence. It had been a miserable month for both of them. But she believed him when he said he’d never do it again. Their joint life, their marriage, and her sanity depended on it.