Chapter 30
Mantra was miserable and had spent a week feeling that way. She was angry with Yash for talking to her the way he did, but she finally decided to talk to him to understand his behavior and explain hers to him. It didn’t take her long to realize something about his parents triggered Yash’s anger.
It was Saturday morning, and it was pouring outside. The clock on the nightstand showed a few minutes after four. She had spent all night tossing unable to sleep just like the past few nights.
She rolled out of bed and took a shower, and when that didn’t help clear her head, she pulled out her running shoes and her rain jacket.
Mantra was about to step out of the apartment when Samar walked in fully drenched.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Samar said.
“I need to go for a run. I’m going nuts.”
“You know it’s not your fault. Why are you fretting about it?”
“I want him, Samar, and I don’t care who was at fault. I can’t walk away from him.”
“Seriously?” Samar shook her head.
“I am going to go talk to him later today… but before that, I need to shake this miserable feeling I have…”
“You are so messed up.”
“I love him, Samar, and I’m not letting this fall apart over a silly argument.”
Samar smiled and put her arms around her. “You’ve lost it.”
“I know, thank you!”
Mantra pulled her hood over her head and went to her car. She needed to go to her favorite running spot that morning—any other location wouldn’t cut it.
The rain was coming down in torrents as she drove up the small hill to the running trail. She knew the track would be in bad condition, but she needed to get away.
The soil was soft and mushy when she stepped out of the car. She pulled her hood closer and decided against running. She took a deep breath and walked down the trail.
Five minutes down the dark and lonely running trail, she realized there was no way she could walk, let alone run, without watching every step.
Her pragmatic mind said she had to turn around, but a voice told her she needed the solidarity to think. Her heart won over her mind as she continued up the hill to her favorite spot.
The rain slashed on her rain jacket, and her sneakers were soaked. She started to feel the moisture around her feet and knew it would be absurd to keep walking in the rain.
She finally came up to a large tree and stepped under the branches to stay out of the downpour. She stared into the darkness leaning against the trunk. She replayed their argument over and over again and told herself that if she could not solve her own issues in life, she would never make a good therapist.
With that thought, she pulled out her phone and sent him a text, her wet screen not making it easy to type.
Mantra: Hey.
A distant beep cut through the pounding rain, and she looked in the direction of the low sound and saw something through the darkness. A blurred but bright blob of light.
Yash: Baby.
Mantra: I want to talk to you.
It was not her imagination because she heard the beep again.
“Seriously?” she muttered under her breath before dialing his number.
He answered, and it was at that moment she caught his silhouette.
“Yash… I’m here.”
“Baby… I…” The light moved like he was looking around frantically.
“Yash,” she called out putting all her strength in her voice. She started sobbing when she saw the blob of brightness move toward her.
He was there. He was at her favorite place. Was he there because he was thinking of her?
Her eyes followed the light, and the thuds made it to her ears as he got closer. She was a mess of raw emotions as he came closer and pulled her to him.
“I’m sorry, baby. I was an asshole for lashing out at you.”
“Yash… I… I shouldn’t have said what I said… I’m sorry.”
He cupped her face with his hands to make her look at it. “Mantra, I want you to slap me hard when I’m acting like an asshole… baby, I love you.”
The beautiful words hit home, and there was no controlling the floodgates for her. “Yash, I love you, too… I should have known… I got carried away.”
“It’s not your fault… sweetheart. Please, I can’t handle the tears. Please.”
“I missed you so much I was a total loss all week.” She buried her face into his wet jacket.
He held her to him running his hand over her back. “I couldn’t sleep the past few nights and started driving along the highway. I pulled over when I saw the exit you mentioned…”
“Really? You can be sweet, you know.”
“Please don’t ruin my reputation.” He laughed,
“I promise not to discuss your mushy side with anyone.”
“Much appreciated. You have a similar reason to be here, I suppose?” His voice was soft.
“I couldn’t sleep, and I needed a reset because I was going to show up at your place to talk to you. I wanted to tell you that you were being a moron.” She lifted her face to run her lips on his chin.
“I deserve it.” He tightened his hold on her.
“Yash, I know you were angry, but it didn’t make sense what would make you so angry.” She ran her fingers through his damp hair at the temples.
“I should have told you… I didn’t expect the two people I haven’t seen in almost seven years to show up at my door unannounced.
“What am I missing?”
“I hate my parents. I hate them for the kind of human beings they are… fucking selfish people.”
“Yash… why would you say such a thing?”
“You have no idea.”
“I want to know. I wasn’t kidding when I said you need me… you need the therapist in me.” She leaned in closer to whisper.
“It just leaves me with so much anger that I don’t want to talk about it…”
“Yash, you need to talk.”
“It’s not going to do any good to anyone,” he growled.
She flattened her palm on his chest right over his heart. “It’s still in there, and every time it lashes out, you are bound to hurt someone… and that someone could be me.”
“I don’t want to hurt you… ever.”
“Talk to me. I know what the newspapers and the magazines have said about you and what you did until you walked away from the dream.”
“Wasn’t my dream, and it didn’t do any good.”
“Yash, you were the youngest surgeon on a path to bring revolution to the field.”
“No… I was a kid who was doing things I was told I should be doing. I had no passion for what I was doing, and it took me a long time to realize it. I would have never done what I had done if my parents hadn’t told me over and over again what I was meant to do.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I could do anything I wanted. What I did wasn’t my choice, and it came to a head when I made the move from practicing medicine to a more research-oriented phase.”
“Were you unhappy with your accomplishments?”
“No… I was happy. I just didn’t have the attachment to the field, my parents did.”
“Yash… why did you walk away from it all?”
“It’s all I could do to save an unborn child.” He sneered.
“What?”
“My research partner at the hospital was about to have her baby aborted to stay in the program.”
“What?” She shook her head.
“My parents are both doctors who worked in the same facility in different departments. My mother is a gynecologist and knew my research partner had conceived, and they both tried to influence the research board to drop her from the program so she wouldn’t be an obstacle for their prodigal son’s research.”
Mantra gasped and held her breath unable to imagine the sweet couple she had met a week ago could do such a thing.
“I found out the day she was out, and her husband came to me. He told me that my research partner was convinced about how she would be an obstacle to my research if she were to go on a maternity leave and not be able to put in the hours she needed to at that point. She was going to leave the country to get her pregnancy terminated.”
“You’re kidding, that’s illegal.”
“Not when it’s a bunch of slime balls messing with people’s heads,” he growled, and she knew he was referring to his parents.
“What happened with your research partner?”
“It was a blow to my head at that point. I would never consider doing anything like that for my work, and it was at that moment, I walked away from it.”
“Was that the reason you don’t have a relationship with your parents?”
“Let me make this clear, I hate my parents. I still cannot forget how they had no sympathy when I told them my research partner was going to terminate her pregnancy for the research. In fact, they shrugged it off as the right decision. The very life, their sole purpose of their jobs, was to save that life, and they didn’t consider the unborn child a life worthier than their dream for their son.”
Mantra didn’t know what to say but held onto him as he spoke.
“I sent an email to the research board that I no longer intended to be part of their institution and sent a note to my parents essentially telling them to go fuck themselves because I was done.”
“Yash, I’m sorry.”
“I’m not sorry I walked away.”
“Will you let me help you get over this anger?” Her voice was soft.”
He nodded tightening his hold on her.
“But first, we need to make amends for what we said to each other.”
“I know how to express a sincere apology,” he crooned.
“Really?”
“I shouldn’t have lost my cool… I…” His words were lost on her lips as she pulled him closer to her.
“Yes,” he groaned, his fingers sliding past her waistband of her running pants to find the wetness that awaited him.
“I like how sincere you are.” She dropped her head back against the tree trunk as he pushed her waistband down and plowed into her with a deliberate stroke.
“I’m sorry I said those mean things to you,” he grunted pounding into her.
“Yash…” She grabbed his shoulders unable to handle the intensity of the moment and the strength in his stride.
“I want you… I promise never to hurt you.”
Mantra was lost in a whirl of emotions. She felt the depth of his feelings for her in the way he rammed into her while holding her to him like she was the most precious thing in his life.