WHAT THE MIRROR REFLECTED WAS A LIE. What the mirror showed me was a flawless face with artistic make-up for ballroom dancing, which, like a mask, was hiding the real me ... the one who let go of her best friend’s hand when she needed me the most ...

I leaned closer to the mirror, inspecting the face before me. It appeared unblemished. I applied one last burst of hair spray to my hair. Charlotte had created a beautiful up-do with loose curls framing my face, and added miniature roses from Flowers for Fleur.

I brushed my hands down my waltz ball gown, rechecking that my chest scar was completely concealed. I turned while I looked at myself in the mirror. The coloured cascading flowers looked perfect on the white gown.

Flowers for Fleur. For Gram.

I hoped she was here to see me dance with the Prince Siegfried.

I stepped out of the make-up room and looked for Xander. He was talking to a dancer, dressed just like him. Tonight, he was the colour of red, of passion, of love, of power, of sensuality. I sucked in a shuddering breath.

The dancer’s eyes moved from Xander to me. Xander followed the dancer’s gaze and turned around to face me. He stilled, and his breath hitched. He placed his hand over his heart and bowed a little, then took two ballet steps toward me before he corrected his walk to that of the other ballroom dancers.

He stopped before me. ‘Wow!’ he said. ‘Beautiful.’ 

‘Wow, yourself,’ I said back, ignoring his use of the word beautiful. He reminded me of the world saving prince in all the fairy tales. But when I looked around the room, it was filled with princes. Maybe they weren’t so unique after all ...

He took my hand in his and kissed the back of it, his lips warm and soft. Warmth rushed through me like a warm apple cider on a freezing cold day. I wanted to capture the “Xander Effect”, bottle it, and keep it forever, for I knew it would all come to an end after midnight. 

‘Let’s warm up,’ he said. I wanted to tell him I was already warm, but I didn’t. He took my hand in his and I followed him closely, inhaling his scent of citrus with a hint of liquorice, vanilla, lavender, amber and sandalwood.

‘Does anyone here know who you are?’ I asked while we stretched.

Xander looked around. ‘There’s only one other ballet dancer I recognise. But we’ll keep each other’s secrets.’

‘You gave yourself away, Zan.’

‘When?’

‘The first two steps you took towards me were the steps of a danseur.’

‘That’s because I was distracted,’ he said.

‘By what?’

‘Whom ...’

I rolled my eyes at him. ‘Whom?’

‘You.’

I turned my face to the side as I felt my cheeks warm. I looked back at him. ‘That’s because you were waiting for me to throw a paper plane at you!’

Xander narrowed his eyes at me. ‘Yes. I had to be on alert in case of an incoming bomber.’

We warmed up and stretched for fifteen minutes and rehearsed a couple of our steps. Xander looked up at the dance call board and our names were illuminated. Our final waltz was about to begin.

Xander took both of my hands in his. ‘This is when the magic happens, when you and I become one. Don’t think, just feel ...’

I wanted to tell him the magic had already happened. But I didn’t.

Xander stood beside me and took my hand in his. The doors opened, and we stepped out onto the dance floor. An applaud echoed through the theatre and Xander dropped my hand as we separated for the start of our waltz. It would be spectacular, there was no doubt. Xander was a gifted choreographer and he had incorporated some clever ballet moves into our routine. It definitely gave our performance the “wow” factor.

I stilled in my position and waited for the music ... Once Upon a Dream ... and then it began. My nervous energy transported me into another dimension, where it was just me and Xander, dancing in a magical castle where no past existed, no future, just the present, in a way I chose to be.

Within a minute and a half our waltz had finished. I inhaled deeply, like I hadn’t take a breath during the entire performance. When I looked into Xander’s eyes, they were bright with unadulterated passion. I wanted to keep my eyes connected to his, swimming in pure delight. It would hurt to break our deep soul contact, one I had never known before. I felt like I was tied to him by an unknown force, but I had to break it, before I fell too deeply.

Xander stood from his kneeling position, stepped closer and closed his eyes, then kissed me on the forehead. ‘UN-believable,’ he whispered through smiling lips as he stood next to me while we bowed to the judges. He took my hand in his and we walked with grace across the dance floor, smiling, like seasoned professional ballroom dancers did. 

‘UN-believable?’ I asked once we were in the warm up room again. Had I done something wrong?

‘Yes. I never knew you could dance like that.’

Oh ... that ... ‘I disappeared into the music and let it transport me to another place and time.’ Away from the last three years of my life, to a time where the sun shone brightly, and no clouds ever entered my life.

He gazed into my eyes. ‘You blew me away!’

My stomach fluttered. ‘Good.’

We parted ways and I went to change into my foxtrot gown.

*~*~*~*~*

Xander was standing by the window, looking out, a million miles away.

‘Hey,’ I said from behind him. My foxtrot gown was white with a red rose vine that grew from the hem and up and over my shoulder.

Xander turned around. ‘Hey,’ he said, ‘look at you—perfect ... stunning!’

‘Look at you—black pants and a white button-up shirt!’ I wondered if he received my sarcasm. There were a million and one ballroom dancing gowns for women to choose from with twenty million colour variations. But men could choose from suits or pants and a shirt, with limited colour variations for the waltz or foxtrot.

‘I know ... sexy, hey?’

‘On you, yes.’ I meant what I said, and took a deep breath.

He looked down at my white dancing shoes, ‘No sparkly work boots?’

‘Do you think we would get extra points?’

‘Definitely!’

I gave him a small smile. ‘Let’s go and warm up.’

‘Let’s,’ Xander said.

I wished time would slow down while we rehearsed our steps. After this dance, Xander and I had no need to see each other.

When our names illuminated on the dance board, my heart dropped. This dance would be bittersweet.

I felt Xander’s fingers wrap around mine and I calmed. ‘For Gram,’ he said.

I almost crumbled in an emotional blob. I held Xander’s hand tighter. ‘For Gram,’ I whispered.

We walked onto the dance floor and our fingers lingered in connection before they parted. I moved to the corner of the dance floor and lowered my head, and put my hand over my heart, then waited for the music ... Perfect ... I took a deep breath when it began.

For Gram.

I could barely remember where we were when the music finished. I was completely lost in Xander and his touch, his eye connection, his emotion, his gentleness, his passion, and his presence that I melted into as we danced, like our two souls had become one and we were the only people in the room. 

Xander put his arm around my waist and we bowed to the judges.

‘You nailed it, Yolande,’ he whispered, then smiled.

‘You think?’

‘I know.’ He kissed me on the forehead and we turned and left the dance floor, walking with grace to a loud applause.

I was filled with a dancer’s high. I was so unbelievably high that I never wanted to return to reality. Maybe I could just float away into the heavens and remain in that state permanently.

Xander threaded his fingers through mine when we were ushered to the green room to wait for the dancing results. I looked around at the professional ballroom dancers.

Did they know I was a fake ballroom dancer? I stilled in that moment, wondering how Xander and I were able to compete against the elite around us.

*~*~*~*~*

Xander grabbed my hand and we ran. He, in his black trousers and white button-up shirt, and me, in my foxtrot dancing gown. We stopped underneath the ancient tree in the field outside the arts theatre. I looked up at the light bulbs hanging artistically from the lower branches while trying to catch my breath, and smiled. It was beyond beautiful.

‘Take your shoes off,’ Xander said. ‘Let’s climb the tree!’

I looked at my shoes, my protection, even though they weren’t my work boots.

‘I’ll look after you,’ he said. He crouched down and loosened the buckle on my dance shoe. When he lifted my leg, I placed my hand on his shoulder while he slipped the shoe off. He did the same with the other shoe. Somehow, it felt intimate. I took a deep breath to calm his magical potion flowing through me.

The grass was cool and soft under my bare feet. It had been a long time since I had felt it, the last time being when I stood beside Mia by the ocean cliff, three years ago.

Xander rose smoothly and slowly to standing position before me, his eyes dark. My hand was still on his shoulder, something I had done a million times when we danced. But this felt different, somehow. I felt nervous. And scared. Scared of my heart being hurt.

‘You go first. I’m right behind you. I’ll catch you if you fall.’ His eyes were connected to mine like he was looking into my soul, and that curious heat travelled through me.

I looked up at the tree and smiled, feeling free. Feeling happy.

I swallowed hard, then hitched up my ball gown and started to climb, giggling, until I found a thick branch where Xander could sit with me.

Xander smiled as he inched beside me, our thighs touching, my heart melting.

‘What?’ I said. Maybe it was the thrill of climbing a tree. Or maybe he was still high from dancing?

‘I love your giggle. It’s nice to hear.’

He was right. I didn’t giggle that much, or laugh for that matter. ‘I still can’t believe we got placings in our dances with all those professionals!’

‘That’s why I chose to dance with you—the judges had never seen you dance before, so they would really focus on you. Someone new and fresh and invigorating ...’

‘And you—’

‘No. They knew I was a danseur. I saw the recognition on their faces when we walked onto the dance floor.’

‘How did we even get to dance there? It isn’t the norm for unknowns to compete with the knowns in a competition like that!’

‘I was handed a wild card for the event. And I wanted to try something different.’

‘Nice,’ I said, and smiled at him. ‘I must thank you ... I loved every moment of the ballroom dancing! I haven’t felt this happy in a long time.’

Xander lowered his head and grinned. ‘That would be the endorphins ...’

‘And you,’ I said, my voice quieter.

Xander looked up at me and our eyes met. His chest rose as he took a deep breath.

‘Do you miss performing in front of thousands?’ I asked.

He stilled. ‘Yes.’ His eyebrows gathered in.

‘Why did you stop?’

‘I need to finish my medical degree, plus I want to continue with biomedical science.’

‘Is that for you, or your father?’

Xander shifted on the tree branch. I was digging deeper in an area that hurt in his life. ‘Medicine to please my father, biomedical science for me. I want to contribute to advances in modern medical science ... I want to develop treatments for diseases—if it’s at all possible.’

‘But it’s not your passion.’

‘I won’t be able to dance forever. You know very well that one injury can end the life of a dancer. I need something else to become passionate about...’

I shook my head at him. ‘Helping people ... you’re too nice.’

‘Insult or compliment?’

‘Neither. Just a statement of admiration.’

He raised his eyebrows at me. ‘Admiration?’

‘Yes. Not gooey admiration, an intellectual admiration. I love a brilliant mind that has compassion for others.’

He breathed a sigh of relief.

‘My opinion doesn’t matter that much, Dr Alexander Parker.’

‘To me it does,’ he said, holding my gaze.

I lowered my head. If he knew what I had done, my opinion wouldn’t matter to him.

I looked up at the stars through the tree branches and swung my bare feet. ‘I wonder what it’s like being a star, emitting a bright light for all to see, all the time, with no darkness to be found within?’

‘Boring for the star,’ Xander said, surprising me, ‘amazing for us to look up at and wonder.’

I looked at him. ‘Boring? How?’

‘The star can’t see its own brilliance, its own illumination. Much like you.’

I breathed slowly. ‘Are you saying I’m boring?’

‘No. I’m saying you don’t see the bright light you emit for all to see.’

It’s because I’m dark inside ... so dark ... if you knew, you would run ...

I looked down at my hand and stretched it to push out my anxiety. Xander put his hand over mine. I had nothing to say to him. I wanted to go home now. He was making me feel uncomfortable. I wasn’t who he thought I was. We needed a topic change.

‘Would you rather be a moon or a star?’ I asked.

He pressed his lips together. ‘Hmmm ... the moon I think.’

‘Why’s that?’

‘Because it dances around the earth, showing us an ever-changing profile and light ... sometimes hiding from us. It has control of something that is so much greater than itself—the tide ... and it has a dark side—one that no one can see. What about you?’

Xander had just partly described me. I danced around life, not wanting to participate fully, and changed how people perceived me with the mask I wore ... and I had a dark side, a very dark side. I was a moon walking on the earth ... incessantly hiding my dark side. 

What would I rather be? ‘A star, I think ... because it’s mysterious. There’s more to the star than we can see and understand. Perhaps it’s not a star at all, but a planet that allows souls to walk on its sacred ground ... souls who give love and receive love, souls who have no darkness ... or evil, souls who resonate in harmony with the vibration of the universe and of our Creator and of eternal life ...’ I kept my eyes on the stars and the moon in wonder, until the clouds hid them, not wanting to share the glory of them anymore. Selfish.

A deep rumbling of thunder sounded in the distance. ‘Trees are not the best place to be during a storm,’ I said and looked at Xander.

‘Unless you don’t value your life,’ he said, and raised an eyebrow at me. Did he know something I didn’t want him to know? He started to climb down the tree, branch by branch, and I followed.

As I reached the lower section of the tree trunk, Xander put his hands on my waist like a danseur would. He helped me to a soft landing on the grass. I turned around and smiled at him.

‘A smile of relief from climbing down the tree, or are you laughing at me, Andi?’

I shook my head. ‘I’m laughing at me, Andy!’

‘Do share ...’

‘I had a vision of me in a white tutu and you as the prince, dressed in your ballet tights and a magnificent, grand coat.’

Xander tilted his head to the side a little. He placed his finger under my chin, lifting my face to his. When I looked up into his blue eyes, I felt their pull on me. My whole life came to a point, a destination, right then. I think it had always been him, even before we met.

I placed my hand on the side of his face. His skin was warm, a slight stubble to the touch. My eyes wandered to his lips—his sensuous lips. I ran my thumb over them, wanting—no, needing him to kiss me for a moment in time, where he could ignite a spark of light in the darkness inside of me. Just for a moment in time where I could feel like a normal woman again. Not this broken, damaged, self-loathing one, with a crying soul ...

I closed my eyes and his soft lips touched mine. Once. Twice. Caressing. Lingering. Sending a warmth through every cell of my body, awakening parts of me I had shut down three years ago.

And my tears fell. They trickled. Down the right side of my face, exposing me.

And I ran.

Across the field to the lights in the distance, with tears flowing and dripping from me. I wanted to run to the edge of the earth and step off into eternity, where the souls of love and light were. To that place where darkness was obliterated.

I heard Xander’s voice behind me, calling, beseeching, getting closer. I turned to see how close he was, then stepped out onto the road where the lights were—there was the sound of tires screeching. The smell of burning rubber. And the blast of a horn.

Once my heart started to beat again, I rushed to the door of a taxi, opened it and clambered inside.

‘Go ... please ... just go!’ I said through a broken voice. I looked out at Xander as he stopped on the roadside, holding my shoes, pinching the bridge of his nose.

‘Are you okay, ma’am?’ the driver asked.

‘Yes. I just need to go home...’ I said, and looked down at my bare feet.

I should have worn my work boots ...