Earlier that night, Lily had briefly forgotten her troubles. For a short while, she felt light with unexpected happiness, enjoying the excitement of her adventure. Here she was, a seventeen-year-old girl in a seaside town on the arm of a handsome French soldier. She had borrowed a yellow crepe rayon dress from Audrey, along with shoes that were a little too big, but with cotton wool stuffed into the toes to make them fit. Walking towards Bournemouth pier, through the heavily scented pine trees and pink rhododendron bushes, past a handful of children fishing in the stream and groups of older folk listening to Bournemouth Military Band playing in the bandstand, she thought the beach resort beautiful and, though it was obvious that there was a war on, with beach huts once used for storing swimming suits now storing decontamination suits, she did her best to push the war from her mind. She also had a feeling that though she and Jacques barely knew one another, they had made a deep connection. Putting her anxiety, her secret and the war firmly aside, Lily was determined to live in the moment, for the moment. Tomorrow she would face her problems once again. Tomorrow she would face reality.

Listening to a three-piece swing band with Jacques, at the dance on Bournemouth Pier, it was as if she’d been transported to another world. The place was brimming with young local girls and servicemen stationed in Bournemouth. There were accents from north, south, east and west, as the men and women had come from all over, and this thrilled Lily. If they were all adrift, here in Bournemouth, tonight they had found common purpose in capturing a moment to forget their troubles and enjoy being young. Sitting next to Jacques, sipping on a lemonade shot through with whisky from his hip flask, and moving her shoulders to the music, her eyes fixed on an airman who was causing a stir at the centre of the dance floor, his arms and legs moving so fast to the music he resembled a human spinning top.

‘He’s letting off some steam!’ she commented as the crowd broke out into rowdy applause.

When the airman slowed down, his expression was wild and his face glistening with sweat. He seemed surprised to find himself where he was and fell into the arms of a waiting girl. Lily glanced at Jacques to share a smile and ask him if he wanted to dance, to find him busy with a pencil and a small sketching pad.

‘What are you doing?’ she asked, struck again by his brooding good looks.

‘Drawing,’ he said, his dark eyes twinkling.

She leaned over to peer at the sketch of her profile, captivated by the dancers on the dance floor. This was the first time she’d ever seen a drawing of herself and she couldn’t stop staring. He’d captured the best version of her perfectly.

‘Drawing is my favorite, what do you say, er… hobby,’ he said, giving her a slow grin. ‘Here, I’ll sign it for you in case I am famous one day.’

He signed the sketch with his name and added a kiss, then ripped it from his pad and handed it to her. She held it, admiring the pretty woman that he’d drawn as if she was someone else, a girl with a bright future ahead of her instead of… instead of… a girl who had messed up her life, she thought darkly. Suddenly, as the reality of her situation returned to the forefront of her mind, the energy and excitement drained out of her. The music, laughter and heat made her feel queasy. The many faces around her blurred. She focused on Jacques.

‘Thank you,’ she told him. ‘It’s amazing. You’re really good. You have real talent.’

Jacques gave her an incredible smile and once again she felt he’d handed her a gift – a bouquet of crimson roses with velvety, perfumed petals.

‘Do you have a sweetheart?’ he asked quietly.

Lily tore her eyes from him and returned her gaze to the couples spinning across the floor, the girls with skirts flying so high you could almost see their undies. She shook her head. ‘No,’ she said quietly. ‘I don’t.’

Jacques reached for her hand and gently laced his fingers in hers. ‘A few days ago, I was in some kind of living hell,’ he said. ‘Now, here with you, I feel I am in heaven.’

They locked eyes, but remembering her situation she pulled back her hand. What was she thinking of? She shouldn’t, couldn’t, be here with Jacques.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said.

‘Shall we go outside?’ he said.

They wound their way through the crowds and out into the open air, where despite a brisk wind the skies were still light and blue and seemingly endless. Lily held on to the barrier at the edge of the pier and, watching the sea swell and crash against the wrought-iron pier supports, felt light-headed.

Jacques suddenly leapt up onto the barrier and took a few steps, his arms outstretched as if on a tightrope. She looked at his face, expecting him to be smiling, but his expression was deadly serious.

‘Jacques!’ she shouted. ‘What are you doing?’

‘Come up here!’ he said, fixing her with an intense stare.

‘No,’ said Lily incredulously, but she was enthralled by him.

‘Come on!’ he convinced her.

Oh why not? she thought, accepting his hand and climbing up onto the rail. Balancing with her arms outstretched, she felt her spirits lift sky-high. They stared at one another.

‘Lily,’ he said, ‘I survived. Out of so many men, I survived. Why me and not one of the others? Why?’

‘I… I… don’t know, Jacques,’ she said. ‘You were lucky.’

‘No,’ he said. ‘There’s more to it than that. It cannot be chance or luck. My life must have been spared for a purpose. I think this was meant to happen. I think I was supposed to meet you.’

Lily closed her eyes and shook her head in confusion. Quickly, she climbed down from the barrier, holding a hand to her forehead. The evening suddenly felt unreal and Jacques’ mood dangerously intense.

He jumped down off the barrier and faced her.

‘You’re an angel,’ he said.

‘I’m no angel Jacques. I’m really not,’ she whispered. ‘Don’t say such things, you hardly know me.’

‘To me you are,’ he said, staring at her with such tenderness in his eyes she longed to grab his hands and return to the dance and lose herself in the music, carefree and wild. But, as much as it pained her, she shook her head firmly and started heading towards the bus stop.

‘I’m not who you think I am,’ she said, the sound of the crashing waves drowning out her words.

---

Now, still wearing the yellow dress and shoes and clutching the cherry blossom in her hand, Lily was curled up on the bed. The skin around her eyes was blotchy from crying and her eye make-up had run down her cheeks and over her top lip. Her copper hair, previously carefully pinned in waves, was flat and damp from the humid weather and tears. Audrey wanted to scoop her up in her arms as if she was the eleven-year-old-girl she once knew so well, but Lily was now a young woman. Instead, she carefully took the flower from her hand, gave her a hanky and sat down gently next to her on the bed.

Lily lifted her head and gave an apologetic smile and, suddenly shivery with cold, sat up, tucking her legs under the crochet bed-blanket and holding the hanky up to her nose.

‘Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?’ said Audrey, placing the candle by Lily’s bed, watching shadows flicker and dance across her face.

‘I’m sorry,’ Lily whispered, holding the palms of her hands upwards. ‘You have more than enough going on.’

‘If we’re comparing,’ said Audrey, ‘it looks to me like you have the lion’s share of things going on.’

The corners of Lily’s mouth lifted a little. She took a deep, raggedy breath and started to talk, slowly at first.

Audrey bit the inside of her cheek as she listened.

‘I was doing war work for the Ministry of Information, as a typist,’ Lily began. ‘I worked for Daddy’s cricketing friend, a man called Henry Bateman, in the Home Publicity Division, and for a while my job made me feel like I was involved with something really important. Daddy was so proud of me. He said that all his hard work educating me in good schools had paid off because while other girls my age were waiting to get married, I had an important job where I could use my mind. It’s what he’d always wanted… it’s what I’d always wanted.’

Audrey nodded, encouraging her to continue.

‘I loved working at the Ministry. Daddy has always been so protective of me, choosing my school and my hobbies, even the books I read, but when war was declared it was as if he realised I could do something useful, and so this felt like a new, exciting chapter where I could find out who I was.’ Lily’s lip wobbled as she paused. ‘But it didn’t last long,’ she added.

‘Go on,’ said Audrey.

‘The trouble is, I got carried away with myself and I just wanted to know what it felt like to be a woman and, well, I ruined it all.’

In a low whisper, Lily told Audrey how Henry Bateman had promised her a promotion, told her he was going to join up and that he had feelings for her, and that then things had gone much too far. About how much she hated herself for being impetuous and careless and for not thinking about her future. How she had wanted to be the woman Henry had implied she was – sophisticated, independent and desirable. That she’d believed he cared for her.

‘Then he told me that he was engaged to be married and a few days later said he had to let me go,’ Lily said. ‘I was so shocked I threw ink on his desk, then I just left and didn’t go back. I felt such a fool, especially because by the time I got home, he had already been in touch with my father and made up a lie about me. I didn’t even try to tell Daddy the truth at first. For weeks he wouldn’t let me out of his sight, but one morning, when I couldn’t stand it any longer, I told him the truth about his friend Henry Bateman. We rowed horribly and that was when I decided I needed to get away.’

‘So you needed some thinking time?’ Audrey asked, but Lily shook her head, a guilty expression on her face.

‘It’s more than that. The worst thing in all of this, and the reason I had to leave London,’ she said, her voice breaking and lips quivering, ‘is that I am pregnant! I don’t want to have Henry’s baby! I hate Henry after how he treated me! I’ve never wanted a baby!’

In spite of herself, a vision of the Parisian mothers searching for their babies in the bombed-out streets of the French capital flashed into Audrey’s mind. She felt a rush of anger at Lily’s carelessness.

‘You should have thought of that!’ she burst out, before she could control herself. ‘You’re not daft! In fact you’re extremely clever.’

Lily looked utterly crushed. She hung her head in shame.

‘I know,’ she said in a whisper, keeping her eyes lowered. ‘I know what a fool I’ve been. I thought Henry had taken precautions, he said as much, but I’m a fool to have trusted him…’

Audrey closed her eyes and scrunched up her face, cross with herself for speaking before thinking.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said quietly, reaching for Lily’s hand and holding it in hers. ‘Really, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. Does my mother know about the pregnancy?’

‘No,’ said Lily. ‘I can’t possibly tell her or my father. I have to protect Daddy from the truth. He can never know about this. I imagined, somehow, I would give up the baby for adoption and then one day I could go back home and he’d be none the wiser. To be honest, I don’t know what to think, or feel, or do.’

‘Does anyone know?’ asked Audrey.

Lily stared at her hands. ‘I wrote to Henry before I came here,’ she said. ‘I thought I was doing the right thing, setting him straight, but now I’m not convinced. I doubt he’ll care and it doesn’t really matter because it’s down to me to decide what to do. I can’t ignore it any longer. I’m beginning to show a little bit.’

Lily stood up gingerly and flattened her dress against her body. A very small protrusion was visible. Audrey mulled over this news. She couldn’t admit to Lily that hearing her say she didn’t want a child, when Audrey had so desperately wanted one for the last five years, was torture. Of course she understood why Lily didn’t want to be pregnant under such circumstances, but after all Audrey had been through – month after month of disappointment for the entirety of her marriage – her frustration had got the better of her. Lily leaned her head against the wall.

‘So did you tell Jacques tonight?’ Audrey said. ‘Is that why you’re upset?’

‘No,’ said Lily. ‘I couldn’t say anything. I really like him, but how can I have feelings for another man so soon after being involved with Henry? What kind of person am I?’

‘Oh Lily,’ said Audrey, affected by her stepsister’s innocence. ‘You’re so young and it’s the war, it makes people…’

‘Reckless?’ said Lily. ‘Stupid?’

‘I don’t know,’ said Audrey, shaking her head. ‘Make decisions they wouldn’t normally make. Act in a way they wouldn’t normally. Time doesn’t have the same meaning any more. People feel there are no guarantees, that they might not see tomorrow.’

Lily began to cry again and Audrey put her arms around her stepsister, stroking her hair. Though she acted as if she was perfectly calm, inside Audrey was in turmoil. She’d witnessed what could happen when a girl got pregnant out of wedlock – how they were looked down upon. Audrey couldn’t begin to imagine what Charlie’s mother, Pat, would make of having Lily in the bakery as she started to show, let alone half of the older customers who wouldn’t be able to keep their opinions to themselves – though she knew plenty had some eye-watering secrets of their own.

‘I’m here for you,’ Audrey said. ‘And you know you can stay with us.’

Audrey meant what she said. There was no way on this earth she was going to let her stepsister suffer alone.

‘What about Jacques?’ asked Lily. ‘He must think I’m a cold fish. I like him so much, yet how can I explain the truth? What would he think of me? I know he likes me, but I can’t lead him on!’

‘He knows you are a good person,’ Audrey said. ‘Jacques will leave in a few days and return to France. Until then, be his friend. Now is not the right time to be getting mixed up with another lad.’

Lily nodded and Audrey hugged her stepsister once more before bidding her goodnight.

Opening the door to her own bedroom, Audrey’s head ached. Henry Bateman had a lot to answer for, but this was also partly Victor’s fault for wrapping Lily up in cotton wool for so long. And why hadn’t Daphne equipped Lily better in the ways of men? No wonder she had got into trouble at the first sign of male attention!

Audrey undressed, put on a slip and climbed into bed, where she lay, wide awake, staring at the ceiling and mulling over Lily’s situation. How must it feel to be pregnant by a man you had good reason to despise? A man whose heart belonged to another woman?

Hours crept by, with a thousand thoughts fighting for Audrey’s attention. When it was almost time to get up again and a milky dawn slipped through the edges of the blackout blind, a seed of an idea popped into her head. It was outlandish and ridiculous and Charlie would never accept it, let alone Lily, but the idea, like wasps buzzing around an open jar of strawberry jam, would not leave her alone.