CHAPTER SIX
With both parents standing behind her, Juliana had little choice but to enter her father’s solar.
It was as if they were herding her into the chamber, as one would herd wayward sheep. She didn’t want to go; she was reluctant to go. She wandered a little and headed towards the entry door to the keep, but her mother was there to herd her back into the chamber. Foiled and frustrated, Juliana finally realized she had no choice at all.
She had to face him.
But in that frustration was the realization that, perhaps, it was for the best. If she was being forced to speak with Aland, then she could tell the man to stop asking for her hand. She didn’t want to marry him and she never would. Her father had been telling him that in, perhaps, a roundabout way. But if he heard it from her, then surely he would stop his foolishness. Squaring her shoulders, she entered the solar. She was barely through the door when it shut behind her, courtesy of her father.
“Lady Juliana!” Aland said happily. He had been standing over by her father’s table but was now heading in her direction. “It is an honor and a pleasure to see you, my lady. It has been a long time.”
Juliana remained by the door. She didn’t want to be outright rude to the man, for she held no animosity towards him, but she certainly wasn’t as glad to see him as he was to see her.
“It has, Aland,” she said evenly. “Have you been well?”
Aland came to within a foot of her. He didn’t advance any further, fearful that Val was really on the opposite side of the door and would follow through on his threat to throw him from Selborne should he upset Juliana. He wasn’t about to jeopardize this moment with overenthusiasm.
“Well enough,” he said. “And you?”
Juliana nodded, finally moving into the room and heading for the hearth simply to put some distance between them. “Well enough,” she said. “My headaches have not been so bad over the past year and that is a good thing. Oh, and Charlotte and Sophia have both gone to foster at Lioncross Abbey Castle. Do you know of it?”
Aland was following her, but at a distance. He knew she was attempting to put space between them. “I do,” he said. “I have never been there but I hear it is a massive place. Of course, anything that the House of de Lohr has a hand in is bound to be on a grand scale. Have you ever been?”
Juliana shook her head. “Nay,” she replied. “Mayhap someday. I would like to visit Wales, too. Lioncross is on the Marches.”
Aland nodded, glad that she was at least willing to have a conversation with him. But he was quickly growing impatient with the silly topic. He didn’t want to discuss Lioncross Abbey Castle, her sisters, or the Welsh Marches. He wanted to discuss his marriage offer and why she should not be reluctant to accept it. Carefully, he planned how to approach it.
“I believe the last time I saw a hint of the House of de Lohr was in London,” he said thoughtfully. “Oh, yes. I recall now. It was at Hugh de Winter’s Christmas feast about four years ago. I believe David de Lohr came much later in the evening with his wife. Do you recall that feast, my lady? There were a great many people there that night.”
Somehow, they had veered on to the very subject Juliana tried so hard to avoid. Any pleasantry she felt towards the conversation vanished as she struggled not to show it.
“I remember,” she said. “We must have left before David de Lohr arrived. He is a friend of my father’s, you know. So is his brother, Christopher. My sisters are under the tutelage of Christopher’s wife, in fact. They wrote home to tell my mother how much they love Lady Dustin. She even has a cat that sleeps with my sisters, apparently. He has taken a liking to them.”
So they were veering back to the sisters and Lioncross again. Aland decided to be more forthright with her. They could dance around the subject all day but he didn’t have the time. He’d told Val that it would only take ten minutes to convince Lady Juliana that waiting for Rhogan wasn’t worth it and the sand was passing swiftly through the hourglass as they tossed around inconsequential things.
“That is lovely to hear,” he said. Then, he indicated one of the two big chairs that were positioned by the hearth beneath those enormous antlers. “My lady, will you sit? I have something I wish to discuss with you and I would be grateful for your kind attention.”
Juliana stiffened, knowing exactly what he wanted to talk about, and she honestly wasn’t ready for it. But she had a feeling her parents wouldn’t let her out of the chamber until she did. She knew they were still at the door, probably leaning against it so she couldn’t escape even if she wanted to. With a heavy sigh, she moved to the chair Aland was gesturing towards and perched herself on the end of it.
“Thank you, my lady,” Aland said sincerely. “I will only take a moment of your time. But I feel this is something of interest to both of us, so I will be as brief as I can be.”
Juliana didn’t say a word. She watched him as he sat in the chair opposite her, smiling at her once he got comfortable. She simply stared back at him. Smile fading, Aland cleared his throat, somewhat embarrassed she wasn’t falling for his charm.
“My lady, your father has told me that he has expressed to you my desire to marry you,” he said. “He has also told me that you are reluctant and I am hoping to clear up any hesitation you may have.”
Juliana averted her gaze. “Aland, it is nothing personal, I assure you. I… I simply do not wish to marry.”
“Because of Rhogan?”
Her head shot up, her eyes narrowing as she looked at him. “Did my father tell you that?”
“He did.”
Juliana’s face flushed with anger. “He should not have told you.”
Aland put up a hand to calm her. “I am glad he did,” he said. “There is something you should know about Rhogan. I have been in touch with him since he left for France. Rhogan and I are old and good friends, you know. We have kept in contact with one another. At least, we did for a while. But Rhogan stopped communicating with me about three years ago, which I thought was peculiar. Even when Rhogan was serving in France with the king, he and I communicated on occasion. It was, therefore, strange for him to suddenly stop. I sent him a message or two over the ensuing years, but heard nothing. Finally, I wrote to his wife, the princess earlier this year.”
By this time, Juliana was literally hanging on the edge of her seat, her eyes wide as Aland spoke of Rhogan’s life since the last time she saw him.
“What did she say?” she demanded. “Is he ill? Dear God… has something happened to him?”
Aland cleared his throat. Now, he was the one appearing hesitant, although it was feigned. He wanted her to think that it pained him to tell her what he must when the truth was, had he been any less delicate, he would have shouted it at her.
“My lady, I am not sure I should be telling you this,” he said, “but because of the… situation between us, I shall speak of it. You should probably keep this to yourself.”
Juliana’s heart was in her throat. “Has something happened? Please tell me.”
Aland could see he had her utter undivided attention when speaking on another man. She’d hardly shown him any interest at all but the very mention of Rhogan had her riveted. He found himself quite jealous that he wasn’t able to elicit that kind of reaction from her when it came to him. In fact, he found himself turning that jealousy against Rhogan, a man he’d known and loved most of his life.
What was it Val had said? That the phantom of another man was standing between him and Juliana? He could see that as clear as day. He’d told Val that there was no competition between him and Rhogan, and that had been the truth at the time. But that was no longer the case.
He wanted to purge Rhogan from her very bones.
“My lady, we were all led to believe that Rhogan went to France to marry his princess,” he said. “Do you know when he met her?”
Juliana didn’t. “Nay, I do not.”
Aland took on a rather knowing expression. “The night of de Winter’s Christmas feast, those four years ago,” he said. “Do you recall that night? We were all there. She was there also, with her nurse and a few other attendants, because she was seeking military assistance from Hugh de Winter. Rhogan met her at that gathering.”
Juliana was shocked. She hadn’t known that the very woman who had ruined her chance for happiness had been at that feast on that night so long ago.
“How did she come to know the House of de Winter?” she asked.
Aland shook his head. “I do not know,” he said. “More than likely, her family is an ally of Richard’s and mayhap Richard directed her to Hugh. In any case, Rhogan told me that the princess was seeking knights to help her regain some lands that she had lost. She promised Rhogan wealth and lands of his own should he help her; that is why he went. The betrothal came after he reached France, but he never elaborated on how it came about, at least to me. I do not know if he willingly consented or if he was somehow coerced.”
This was all information Juliana hadn’t heard before. She always thought she would have collapsed in sorrow knowing why Rhogan had lied to her and then left her. But she felt strangely willing to listen to the news, and to accept it, because at least now she had a reason. It wasn’t because he had hated her or had somehow wanted to hurt her. Now, she knew he’d left because he’d been promised something. Oddly, it made his absence easier to bear and four years of agony was somehow eased.
“I see,” she said with surprising calm. “But what happened? Why have you not heard from him?”
Now, Aland was delving into the heart of the situation, hoping that the next few words would finally jolt Juliana back to the reality at hand. Four years was a long time to pine away for a phantom.
“I never received an answer from her,” he said, “so I wrote to his father. You know that the man is living in Norfolk these days. He serves de Winter.”
Juliana nodded impatiently. “I know. Go on.”
Aland sat forward in his chair, looking her in the eye. “I never received an answer from him, either. But one night a de Winter messenger stopped at Hawkley Hall on his way to Winchester,” he said. “Knowing that Rhogan and I were friends as children, he told me what he had heard. It seemed that after the first year of Rhogan’s service to the princess, he was caught in a terrible fire at her castle in Kerkrade. There was a fire in the barn and when he went in to save men and animals, he was caught in the blaze and badly burned. He’d not yet married the princess but she evidently could not stomach his disfigurement, so she broke their betrothal and sent him away. No one has seen him since and it is not known if he is alive or dead.”
Horrified, Juliana stared at him. She was having difficulty processing what he’d told her and it took a moment before she was able to respond.
“He… he has been injured?” she finally said.
Aland nodded. “I am sorry to be the bearer of such news, my lady, but you must understand what has become of Rhogan.” He tried to sound gentle. “No one knows, so for you to long for the man… it is futile. You long for a memory and nothing more. The Rhogan you knew is gone.”
His words were meant to have impact and they did, but not in the way he’d hoped. He’d hoped to cleave whatever strings were still tying her to Rhogan, hoping to accomplish what her father had not been able to. But Juliana’s response suggested that wasn’t the case at all.
“He… he never married her?” she asked.
Aland shook his head. “Nay,” he said, pretending to be sad. “’Tis a shallow woman, indeed, who would shun her injured man, but that is evidently what happened.”
As Aland waited for her to come to grips with what she’d been told, Juliana went in the other direction. No such words would cause her to suddenly realize she’d been longing for a dream, something that no longer existed. All she could see was that Rhogan had been terribly disfigured and then cruelly cast aside.
Her beloved Rhogan.
Juliana wanted to cry. Was it really true? Rhogan had left her for a woman who could only love him as far as his male beauty and nothing more? Now, she felt pity for him – deep and abiding pity. It was all so overwhelming and Juliana tried very hard not to openly weep. Any reaction she would have would be in private, when she could cry painful tears for Rhogan with no one to see her.
Judge her.
She was fairly certainly she wouldn’t have Aland’s sympathy.
It was just a feeling she had. The man was trying to convince her to accept his suit. Why would he show any sympathy for the man standing between him and his wants?
“Oh…” she finally breathed. “Poor Rhogan. The poor, poor man. But mayhap he has gone to his father’s home. Mayhap he has simply gone to Norfolk.”
Aland was watching her closely, thinking she was rather good at controlling herself. He admired a woman who had some control over her emotions but, in truth, he’d been hoping for a big breakdown to signify that what he’d told her had gotten through.
“It is possible,” he said. “His father has not responded to me, so my thoughts are that he has not gone home at all. It is possible that Mayne de Garr is even now searching for his son. In any case, now that you know what has happened, surely you understand that any hope for Rhogan to return to you is useless.”
It was the second time he’d accused her of longing for a lost cause. Although his tone was gentle, his words were not. She didn’t like it. Annoyed that he should try to manipulate her so, she abruptly stood up, so quickly that Aland also stood up abruptly. They were both leaping out of their seats but only one of them was rushing towards the chamber door.
“It may be useless to you but it is not useless to me,” Juliana said angrily. “Thank you for telling me what you have heard, Aland, but it is only rumor. You said so yourself. Men lie, or men are mistaken. I refuse to believe such tragedy has befallen Rhogan. He is too great a man for such things.”
This wasn’t how Aland had planned the conversation at all. He scurried after her, desperately. “I did not mean to offend you, my lady,” he said eagerly. “I simply meant to tell you what I had heard. I had hoped… I had hoped it would heal whatever longing is in your heart for the man.”
Juliana came to an abrupt halt by the door, turning to face him. “It heals nothing,” she hissed. “You heal nothing, Aland de Ferrers. Go back home and never return. I do not want you here. Since you seem to think I am foolish because I long for futile things, then it should be no hardship for you to forget all about me and find someone else to marry. Leave me alone!”
With that, she yanked the door open, only to be faced by the two startled faces of her parents. She looked at them with outrage, preparing to tell them what she’d told Aland, but the words wouldn’t come. She was so terribly hurt; everyone was trying to force her to forget about the man she loved and she simply couldn’t do it. If that made her foolish, then so be it – she was foolish. Bursting into tears, she fled the chamber.
As Vesper rushed after her daughter, Val remained with Aland. Watching his wife and daughter run away in tears, he turned to Aland rather accusingly.
“What happened?” he growled.
Aland heard the tone and hastened to defend himself. “I told her what I’d heard of Rhogan since he left for France,” he said. “I said nothing cruel or untoward, my lord, I assure you. But speaking on Rhogan… upset her.”
“What did you tell her?”
Aland stepped back so he wasn’t in arm’s length should the angry father strike out at her. “A de Winter messenger told me that Rhogan never married his princess,” he said quickly. “He was disfigured in a fire the first year he went to France and the princess sent him away. No one knows what has become of him. I told her that she was longing for a memory and nothing more.”
Val stared at him a moment before sighing heavily. “I see,” he finally said. “I will admit I’ve not heard that. Rhogan’s father, Mayne, served me for many years and we were quite close. But ever since Rhogan left with his princess, I’ve not heard from Mayne at all. I assumed it was embarrassment over how his son has behaved, but hearing this from you… I am shocked that Mayne did not tell me this himself. It would have been the right thing to do.”
Aland could see that Val wasn’t so angry any longer – or, at least, the man wasn’t angry in his direction. He breathed a sigh of relief.
“As I said, my lord, I only heard this from a passing de Winter man,” he said. “Otherwise, I would not have known, either. Rhogan and I have always stayed in touch with each other over the years, but I’ve not heard from him since the first year he was in France. That is why I tend to believe what I was told.”
Val sighed heavily, sadly now. “And you do not know what has become of him? Has he left France?”
Aland responded with a shake of his head. “No one seems to know, my lord. It is as if he has simply disappeared.”
“And you are certain of this, Aland? If I discover you have lied to my daughter for your own benefit, you will not like my reaction.”
The anger was back in his tone and Aland, once again, found himself in a defensive position. “I swear this is what I have been told, my lord. I suspect Hugh de Winter knows. Ask him.”
In truth, that was good enough for Val. A guilty man would not be asking others to verify his story. His gaze moved in the direction of the stairs that led to the family chambers above, thinking that he should probably go see to the emotional comfort of his daughter after having received such devastating news.
“No need,” he said after a moment. “I suppose Juliana needed to be told but I am sorry all the same.”
“You will forgive me if I am not.”
It was the answer Val had expected. He couldn’t say that he blamed the man, having waited four years for a woman who longed for another.
“You will remain for sup tonight, of course,” he said. “Forgive me for not entertaining you until then. I find I must seek my wife and daughter to offer what comfort I can.”
Aland nodded. “Understood, my lord.”
Aland watched Val head off towards the stairs leading into the upper levels, relieved that the man wasn’t going to take his head off for upsetting his daughter. But it was something she needed to know, as Val had said. It was something she would hopefully come to terms with.
Aland could only hope he wasn’t kept waiting another four years.