Kitty did her best to keep her face neutral and her hands from shaking as she picked up her notepad from the training committee meeting which had just finished. She pretended to drop a pencil so that everyone else would leave before her. She couldn’t cope with seeing Frank after the surprise announcement.
Commander Stephens had come straight out with it without any warning or preamble. ‘Now that it looks as if we have Hitler on the run, it’s vitally important that all staff dealing with communications of every kind are on top of their game, and that we all operate according to the same procedures, whether we’re in Land’s End or John O’Groats. I need two members of staff to attend the briefing in person in London. Lieutenant Feeny, you’ll represent your men. We need someone from the Wrens – Miss Callaghan, I’m informed it had better be you. Kindly see to it that your colleagues are up to date with everything before you go, although I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that.’
‘Of course, sir,’ Kitty had said automatically, even as her mind reeled in shock. She was going to be with Frank for this special meeting. She’d probably have to travel with him. She wasn’t sure whether to be delighted or to dread it. Could it be that he’d asked for her especially? Maybe he’d engineered it somehow. Perhaps he knew just how she felt about him after all, particularly since Christmas …
As if in a daze, she shut the meeting room door behind her, to find that Moira Butcher was waiting for her.
‘Well, looks as if you’ve got yourself a cushy number,’ she said airily. ‘You’ll be able to live it up in the bright lights. You were down there before for a while, weren’t you?’
‘Yes, I was,’ said Kitty, a little offended that this was how her colleague saw it. ‘I don’t suppose there’ll be much time to live it up, though. These meetings go on and on, you know that as well as I do. They won’t bring people from all over the place just to give them a chance to hit the West End.’
‘I’d make sure I managed it if I were you,’ said the Wren, and Kitty realised she was jealous.
‘I might try to see someone I did my initial training with who’s still posted down there,’ Kitty admitted. It felt like a long time since she’d last seen Laura.
The other woman raised her eyebrows. ‘See, I knew you wouldn’t be on duty every minute,’ she said. ‘And, by the way, don’t go thinking there’s something special about you and that’s why you were chosen. I happen to know that Lieutenant Feeny specifically asked for your superior officer to go, but he was overruled and you’re the second choice. So don’t go giving yourself airs.’
Kitty was too shocked to answer and Moira walked away, head held high, without a glance back. Had the woman hated her all along? As if she’d give herself airs about anything. But now Kitty felt sick to her stomach, knowing she hadn’t been top of Frank’s list. He would probably resent being stuck with her when he’d wanted someone more experienced with a higher rank. She was just a poor substitute. He hadn’t fixed this so they could be together – the very reverse. Somehow she’d have to get through the ordeal without revealing what she now knew. Well, she’d have to give it her all, to demonstrate she was no pushover. If Commander Stephens wanted a responsible Wren to represent the Western Approaches Command, then she would do her utmost to live up to what he’d asked of her – with or without Frank’s approval.
‘You never think I’m old enough to cope!’ Tommy complained. ‘I will be all right on my own. You don’t have to worry about me.’
Kitty shook her head. It was one thing to leave Tommy for a few hours in the evening when he got back at his regular time and she was on lates. Even then Kitty knew very well that he often went across to Dolly and Pop’s, or sometimes even to the shop. He very rarely spent many hours on his own. It would be another matter altogether to have him sleep alone in the house. He wasn’t yet fifteen.
‘Don’t you trust me?’ he went on. ‘You just think I’ll go to the pub again, don’t you. Well, I won’t. I won’t let you down.’ He was going red in the face just like he used to when he got cross as a little boy.
Kitty had wondered if he could stay with the Feenys but the place was, as usual, bursting at the seams. Maybe Rita could take him, but she’d recently decorated the smallest bedroom in the flat for Ellen and therefore Tommy would have to stay on the settee. Rita would be coming in at all hours and Ellen would wake up as likely as not. It wasn’t a recipe for a growing lad to get a good night’s sleep. Privately Kitty was unsure of how much use Ruby would be as a guardian, either.
The tension broke as there was a quick knock at the door before Sarah came in. ‘Look what I found,’ she said as she stepped inside. ‘Tommy, this is yours, isn’t it?’ She held up a scarf.
‘Oh, that’s my old one! I’ve been looking for that for ages,’ said Tommy, his expression changing from mutinous to relieved. ‘Where was it?’
Sarah laughed and shook her head. ‘Believe it or not, behind the sideboard. Heaven knows how it got there. Well, now you’ll have two.’ She held it out to him. ‘Careful, I tried to brush off all the dust but you’ll need to wash it, I should think.’
Tommy took it eagerly. Even if he now had a new warmer, softer scarf, he was delighted to get this old one back – you never knew when you’d need a spare. Besides, it had annoyed him that he’d lost it – just one more thing that Kitty would use in her argument that he wasn’t sensible enough to take care of himself.
Sarah realised there had been something going on before her arrival. ‘What’s the matter?’ she asked, sharp as ever.
‘Oh, nothing,’ said Kitty, at the exact same time as Tommy said, ‘Kitty’s going away and won’t let me stay here on my own.’
Sarah glanced from one to the other and Kitty gave her the details, while Tommy chipped in with his objections at every possible moment. Eventually he was satisfied that Sarah had understood his point of view, not just Kitty’s. He liked Sarah and couldn’t bear her to think he was still the little boy they all considered more of a liability than a help.
Sarah nodded, and sat herself down at the kitchen table. ‘I see,’ she said slowly. ‘Actually, you know, this might get me out of a tricky situation. As long as you don’t think I’m being cheeky.’
‘Whatever do you mean?’ Kitty demanded.
Sarah met her eye and gave her a knowing look without Tommy noticing. ‘Well,’ she said, ‘the thing is, the twins are gorgeous, of course they are, but they’re having trouble settling. It seems as if one of them’s always awake. It’s all right for Mam and Pop, they’re in the front bedroom, but my bedroom is right next to Violet and the babies and I can hear them crying all the time. I’m having trouble sleeping too, and it’s starting to affect my work. I can’t seem to make up the hours.’
Tommy looked concerned. ‘That must be awful,’ he said in his best man-of-the-world voice. ‘I know I don’t work as well when I haven’t slept properly.’
‘Exactly, I’m glad you understand,’ said Sarah seriously. ‘So, and this is the cheeky bit, I was wondering, if I could have your room while you’re away, Kitty?’ She looked at the two of them. ‘Even if it’s only for a night or two, that would let me break the habit. At the moment I just lie there even when they’re quiet, waiting for one of them to start again. If I was over here I could turn over and go back to sleep.’
Kitty raised her eyebrows. It was a clever idea. It would put her mind at rest, Tommy would think they were doing Sarah a favour and, in truth, Sarah probably could do with a couple of nights of unbroken sleep. But she couldn’t appear to leap at the idea or Tommy would smell a rat. ‘Well …’ she began. ‘It won’t be for long – are you sure it wouldn’t be more trouble than it’s worth?’
‘Don’t be silly, Kitty,’ said Tommy at once. ‘We have to help Sarah. Look at all the things she’s done for us. Now it’s our turn.’
Sarah looked hesitant. ‘If you’re sure I won’t be in your way …’
Tommy shook his head firmly. ‘Not a bit. You have to come and stay here. I insist.’
Kitty nodded. ‘Tommy, if you feel like that, then I won’t object,’ she said. ‘Sarah, you’ll be very welcome to my room. It’s all settled.’
‘It’s not fair!’ Georgie stamped his foot in an uncharacteristic burst of temper. ‘Auntie Sarah is going to stay with Tommy. I want to go too.’
‘Good heavens, Georgie, we can’t expect Tommy to look after you and Auntie Sarah, now can we?’ Nancy crouched down so that she was on the same level as her son. She wasn’t sure what all this was about. Ruefully she told herself that she’d got off lightly so far – Georgie had by and large been a compliant little boy, rarely complaining, happy to go to whichever babysitter Nancy could find for him. The only thing he really objected to was his Granny Kerrigan’s food, and she could hardly blame him for that.
However, since Tommy had moved back home, Georgie had grown to idolise him more and more. Given half a chance he’d have followed him everywhere. He’d started to ask for clothes like Tommy’s, and Nancy had caught him in front of the mirror trying to brush his hair so it looked the same. The older boy could do no wrong. Nancy tried in vain to persuade her son that Tommy had to have a bike for work and that Georgie didn’t need one. ‘Maybe when you’re bigger,’ she said with her fingers crossed behind her back. She didn’t want Georgie riding off and falling down potholes.
‘I’ll help look after them,’ Georgie said. ‘I’m good at helping, Granny Feeny said so. And I’m old enough. I’m going to school soon.’
Nancy nodded, even though she sometimes found it hard to believe – her little boy almost old enough to go to school. In some ways she dreaded it – it was such a milestone for them both. Yet she knew he would love it as he was a sociable little chap, and it would give her more freedom in the daytime. For a moment she imagined more secret trysts with Gary in the early afternoon. Then she brought herself up short. Although of course Gary couldn’t say anything definite, he’d given her to understand he would be back in action soon. He still hadn’t asked her to come back to America with him, but she was certain he was building up to it. Perhaps Georgie wouldn’t have long to spend at his infant school in Merseyside …
‘Mam, you aren’t listening,’ he protested. ‘Let me stay one night with Tommy and Auntie Sarah. Just one.’
Nancy thought again of lying in Gary’s arms. Maybe they could snatch an entire night with each other, one last time before he went back into action. ‘All right,’ she said. ‘We’ll ask. You’ll have to be good and do what they tell you, mind.’
‘Of course,’ said Georgie, offended by the idea that he would do anything else.
‘Let me help you with your case, Kitty.’ Frank reached for the rather battered overnight bag that Kitty had brought with her on to the train.
‘Thank you, but I can manage,’ Kitty said, rather more sharply than she’d intended, but she didn’t want to feel beholden to him for anything, not even something as small as him lifting her case on to the rack. Now she knew he’d wanted someone else to accompany him on this trip, she vowed to keep her distance, or at least as much as possible, given they would be travelling together in the same small compartment of the carriage.
Frank showed no outward reaction to her refusal but inside he was seething. So she thought he wasn’t capable even of putting a case on a rack. It wasn’t as if he’d lost an arm, but she had to make her point. She still saw him as someone who was lacking in some way, and he was lesser in her eyes for it. Just when he’d thought they might be getting closer again – but no, he’d got that completely wrong. He’d misread her face in the firelight at New Year. It had been a trick of the light, not a softening towards him. Well, two could play at that game.
‘Very well,’ he said, settling himself opposite her, as for once they had the space to themselves. ‘I take it that you have your copy of the agenda for tomorrow?’
‘Naturally,’ said Kitty brusquely, reaching for her handbag, which she’d left on the floor. ‘It’s right here. Shall we go through it now?’
‘That’s just what I had in mind,’ said Frank. ‘We should make sure we’re properly prepared. I don’t want any of the London bigwigs to think we’re in any way inferior to them just because we are based in Liverpool.’
‘I should say not,’ said Kitty vehemently. ‘Well, then. Here we are. We’d best be quick as we don’t want to do this in front of any other passengers who may join us. Right, item one.’
Frank glanced up at her but she was staring at the piece of paper, the top of her pen resting against her mouth, resolutely not meeting his eyes. She was the picture of professional efficiency and he had no cause to complain. Yet every cell in his body wanted something else from her. He’d tried to make himself think it wasn’t true, that he might have had a future with Sylvia. But now he knew Sylvia had been right: he had placed a barrier in the way of their relationship, and he realised he finally understood why. He was destined to long for Kitty, no matter what happened. It was her or nobody for him. Sighing, he forced himself to concentrate on the business in hand, the long list of dry points that they would labour through tomorrow, all without the comforting knowledge that she would be waiting for him after the meeting, to laugh about it together, to take the edge off the inevitable disagreements, and to add her spark of humour to the whole affair.
Kitty kept her gaze on the agenda, trying to put her heart into the work, knowing it was vital to her colleagues that she did the best she could. However, her thoughts kept slipping to Frank, so close she could brush his knees with her own if she sat forward, and yet so far away in every other respect. She must not on any account let him guess how humiliated she had felt when she realised she wasn’t his first choice. She had to show him he was wrong, that she was at the top of her game. She was upset and angry he’d thought otherwise. She would prove to him that she was more than capable of taking part in this big meeting. She gripped her pen with determination and ticked off the points as they made their way through them. Whatever happened, she would not reveal her deep hurt.