‘I don’t know, I turn my back for five minutes and look what happens.’ Danny pretended to be outraged, but really he was heartily relieved to be back home where he belonged. He’d been longing to return ever since he got the letters, from Tommy, Kitty and Sarah, giving what he immediately realised were heavily censored versions of the events he’d missed. His first reaction was to tell his superiors he could no longer continue with the project as his family needed him, and yet he knew he should not do that. He’d been chosen for this piece of work; it was vital for what they hoped and now expected would be the final phase of the war. Besides, as the letters had emphasised, they were all right, despite everything. Yet his primal urge was to get home and see that everyone was safe, and if he could have got his hands on that scum of the earth Alfie …
Now the project had finished at last and he was due to start back at his regular post in Derby House on Monday morning. He had the weekend to settle back in and had got up early, unable to sleep in, even though it was Saturday, and had gone to the shop for a paper. He’d bumped into Sarah as he’d left and invited her round to join him for his morning toast, though really he wanted to check she was as well recovered as she’d claimed she was.
The April sunshine was streaming through the kitchen window as they sat at the well-scrubbed table. Danny produced a small pat of butter and a jar of home-made jam, which Sarah immediately recognised as Dolly’s, made from fruit from the victory garden. Dolly had been feeding Tommy more than ever, as he was now deemed a hero for saving Georgie, and had sent across a whole box of goodies for Danny’s return. She wasn’t going to turn down the offer, and hurriedly buttered her toast while it was still hot, so that the golden liquid soaked through it. She smiled broadly in appreciation, but inside she was apprehensive. To think that she’d sat at this table with Danny, day in, day out, and never thought anything of it. Today, though, she had butterflies in her stomach. It had been ages since she’d seen him and still longer since they’d been alone together. She cast her mind back to the last few times they’d spoken and knew she was blushing at the memory.
‘Where are Kitty and Tommy?’ she asked, thinking that the house was quiet.
Danny helped himself to a big dollop of jam. ‘Tommy’s still asleep and Kitty has a day off and left to go into town just before I went to the shop,’ he said. ‘Didn’t say what she was doing. It was a relief to see her last night, though – I didn’t like the sound of her getting caught up in that V2 strike. I kept thinking she was badly hurt and putting a brave face on it – you know what she’s like. Well, you’d know exactly.’ He caught her eye with a meaningful glance. ‘You’re just as bad. Saying you’d had a bit of a fright, when in fact Alfie Delaney broke in and beat you up.’ He put down his toast and his expression changed. ‘Sarah, I’m so sorry. I feel responsible. I should have been here, protecting you. Instead you had to endure all that. I can’t say how badly I wished I was here.’
Sarah didn’t quite know how to take this. Was it loaded with the meaning she’d suspected at Christmas, or was he simply sad he’d been away and unable to fight off Alfie? ‘Well, you know why she’s gone into the city centre,’ she said, trying to change the subject. ‘Has she said anything to you? She’ll be meeting Frank. Ever since they got trapped by that collapsed building, there’s been no separating them. They’re both floating on air, full of the joys of spring. The funny thing is, nobody’s in the least bit surprised.’
‘Sarah …’ Danny shook his head. ‘All right, no, I’m not surprised either. She did hint at something in her letters, and then when I reported back to Derby House last night straight off the train, Frank was there. He didn’t exactly ask me if he could court my sister, but as good as. I said to him, if he thought I had any control over what Kitty did, he had another think coming.’
‘Talk about falling for the boy next door,’ said Sarah, trying to keep her face neutral but knowing she’d let some of her true feelings show.
‘Nothing wrong with that, is there?’ Danny met her gaze full on.
Sarah didn’t back down. ‘No, nothing.’ She paused. Even now, there was one question that had been plaguing her. ‘Danny, I knew for ages that Alfie had some kind of dodgy business going on with you. What was it all about? Is that why he came round? I really want to understand.’
Danny sighed and bit on his toast to put off the moment of explanation. ‘It goes back to when we were all getting called up,’ he said finally. ‘He knew I had a bad heart – well, everyone found out after the fire at the docks. So he kept putting pressure on me to take his medical test for him, knowing I’d fail, so that he’d be exempt for the whole duration of the war.’
‘The coward,’ Sarah spat. ‘You could have got into a whole lot of trouble if you’d been caught.’
‘I know. But I hadn’t been totally on the straight and narrow when I worked on the docks myself, and he kept threatening to put the word out about me. He used pressure on all fronts – he got Tommy a pair of football boots one Christmas so we’d be beholden to him. He kept on asking even when I said no. Then I started at Derby House and he had to flee after he sold everyone that poisoned meat he got from the black market.’ Danny sat back and screwed his eyes shut. He’d come to hate the man, no doubt about it. ‘But that wasn’t why he beat you up though. He’d always had a hankering for Kitty. He’d hang around, hoping for a glance of her, make horrible comments to me about her.’
‘Yes, I know he’d come to the house expecting her to be here, and then he lost his temper when he realised it was me instead,’ said Sarah thoughtfully. ‘I don’t know what was in his mind. He was drunk – I could smell it on him. I didn’t know who it was at the time, but it all fell into place after. I’m glad it was me, not Kitty. Who knows what he might have done.’
Danny impetuously reached forward and took her hand. ‘Don’t say that, Sar. I’d have done anything to have stopped him hurting you. You were doing us a favour keeping an eye on Tommy and yet that happened – it’s not right.’
Sarah held on to his hand. ‘I’d rather he beat me up than succeeded in getting into bed with Kitty. That’s what he was after, wasn’t it? It could have been so much worse if he hadn’t realised who I was. But he did, and I’m still here to tell the tale and so is Kitty. And anyway, he can’t harm us or anyone else any more.’
She fell silent. It had been a shock, she could hardly pretend otherwise, when she had finally felt able to leave her bed after the attack to come downstairs and hear the latest news. Apparently Alfie had attempted to flee from the police who’d come to arrest him by jumping into his car and driving off, even more drunk than he’d been when he’d broken in to the room where she’d been sleeping. Having left Empire Street, he had spent hours in the pub, leaving Georgie locked up in the outhouse, staying on without realising the little boy had been rescued. The publican, when questioned, had claimed he’d had no idea that the little boy had been in there. He’d thought nothing of it – just the return of a regular customer, who’d often used the yard to park his car. It wasn’t any of his business, as long as Alfie paid for his drinks. He’d been as surprised as anybody by the police arriving and accusing Alfie of his crimes.
Alfie had done a runner and sped off in his car, weaving erratically through the narrow streets. Inevitably his car had crashed, fortunately not involving any other vehicles, but he hadn’t stood a chance. He’d died there behind the wheel of his beloved car, the bonnet buckled into the windscreen, and him not yet thirty years old.
Sarah shook her head. ‘I know we shouldn’t speak ill of the dead, but nobody’s going to miss him, are they, with the exception of his mother.’
‘It was no more than he deserved,’ said Danny hotly. ‘He was a bully, a coward, a drunk and a fool. I for one won’t miss him. To think he could have had Georgie in that car with him when he crashed. It doesn’t bear thinking about.’
‘It seems cruel,’ Sarah went on, ‘to feel so little emotion. But with all the other deaths in the war, those who’ve paid the ultimate price for serving their country, I can’t bring myself to mourn him.’
Danny stroked her fingers. ‘You’re always so kind, Sar, you see the good in everyone. Even when there’s not much to see.’
‘The things you say, Danny Callaghan,’ she protested, but she didn’t move her hand.
He gazed at her directly. ‘I missed you, you know. When I was on that course, stuck in the middle of nowhere. It gave me time to think. All the men were going on about their girls and how they didn’t know if they’d be waiting for them, or if they could trust the ones who’d joined up and were on active service themselves, meeting other men. Hardly any of them seemed to be happy; they didn’t seem to have that trust between them. I thought then, how awful that must be, not to trust the woman you love. I trust you above anyone, Sar. I don’t even have to question it. I’m sorry I never said anything before. It’s just …’ He looked away, embarrassed.
Sarah kept tight hold of his hand. ‘Danny, are you saying what I think you’re saying? You’re being all cryptic, like one of your crosswords.’ She kept her tone light but she was deadly serious.
‘All right. Yes. Sar, you’re the only woman for me, I’ve known it for ages but I never dared to say.’
‘Danny.’ Sarah gasped. It felt as if she’d waited so long for him to say this that, now he finally had, words failed her.
‘Look, Sar, the thing is, you know about my heart and everything,’ he went on. ‘I felt I couldn’t offer you anything – not when I could just go out like a light at any time. I mean, what sort of life together would that be? You’d be worrying about me all the time and I’d be worrying about you worrying about me. I couldn’t ask that of you.’
‘Danny, you trusted me to keep quiet about your condition before anyone else, so why would it worry me?’ she asked, her eyes dark with concern that he might be pulling away from her even now. ‘I’ll take you as you are, Danny. As long as I’m good enough for you. I’m not clever like you, and I’m not cheeky and funny like some of the other nurses – like Maeve for instance.’
‘Maeve? Maeve Kerrigan? What’s she got to do with it?’ Danny asked, confused.
‘Oh, I was just being silly. When she came round at Christmas, I could see you liked her.’ Sarah felt sheepish now, admitting to her fleeting fear.
‘Of course I like her,’ Danny said. ‘Like you say, she’s fun, and she’s a good friend to Rita, and she’s a pretty good nurse. But that’s all there is to it. I don’t love her, Sar. I love you.’
Sarah gasped again. He’d finally said the words she’d so wanted him to say. ‘Danny. I’m so glad. I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember. Why wouldn’t I? Your heart condition makes no difference to me – it’s part of you and that’s all there is to it.’
It was Danny’s turn to look sheepish. ‘I should have known you’d say that. I was too afraid to ask you. I should have trusted you in that, like I do in every other way.’
‘Yes, Danny, you should,’ Sarah said emphatically. ‘We trust each other about everything, don’t we?’
Danny nodded. It was true. He could say anything to this woman, knowing she wouldn’t be shocked or horrified or let him down. ‘There is something else,’ he said quietly.
She looked at him intently.
‘All those boffins down there, they came from all sorts of backgrounds, had all manner of connections. I happened to mention why I’d ended up in my line of work, you know, not being able to join up for the other services, and why. One of them had a brother who was a doctor based at a big hospital down that way. He got me sent there on a day off, for tests.’ His hand began to shake a little as she held it. ‘He said I’m not as bad as they first thought. My heart will never be normal, but there’s new medicine being developed all the time. Basically, unless I’m really unlucky, it’s actually not very likely I’ll pop my clogs any time soon, after all.’
‘Danny, that’s wonderful.’ Sarah could feel her eyes were brimming with tears. No matter what she said, the fear of suddenly losing Danny at a moment’s notice had been there since she’d first found out about him, almost at the beginning of the war. She knew she’d love him, no matter what – but to have the unexpected gift of a proper future with him, not one curtailed by the threat of illness or untimely death, was more than she had ever hoped for.
‘Well, I think so.’ He grinned widely, the tension broken, and then they were standing and rushing into one another’s arms, kissing as if they were making up for lost time and celebrating the time they now could look forward to together.
A noise from the hallway upstairs startled them and they pulled apart, just as Tommy came sleepily into the room. ‘Hello, Sarah,’ he said, taking her familiar presence for granted. ‘Oh, good, you’ve made toast. Don’t you want all of yours?’ he asked, noticing the pieces they’d left forgotten when the conversation became too important. ‘I’ll have it then.’ He swept the remaining pieces on to one plate and began to munch them eagerly, completely oblivious to the scene he’d just interrupted.
Nancy held the letter and stared at it, unable to fully comprehend its contents. She sank into a chair and read it again. The message was still the same. As the Allies had advanced through France and the might of Germany had crumbled, prisoners of war had been rescued and freed. Some were already in Britain, in reception depots. Private Sidney Kerrigan was one of them, at present in a depot in Amersham near London, but soon to be on his way back home, once he was in better health.
Sid was coming back. It didn’t seem real. Sometimes she struggled to remember what he looked like, it had been so long. She had photos of them on their wedding day, when he had stood there in his suit and made those promises to her, and yet her brothers had found him the evening before, out with Harry Calendar’s sister, so those words were just so much hot air. He must have changed though. She knew she had – she looked different and she’d grown up as well. What would he be like now, having spent so many years in a prison camp? Would he even want to see her? Would he be at death’s door, like the men in some of the pictures that had begun to appear in the papers? The Red Cross had passed along his letters, but they had never given much away, just asking after his mother and Georgie. He’d never been one for letters, even before the war. She had written equally basic ones back to him. Heaven only knew what his mother had said to him in hers.
Nancy got up from her seat by the window in the parlour she rented from her detested mother-in-law, and began to pace around the room. Things were coming to a head, there was no doubt. Sid’s arrival home would force the issue one way or the other.
She was pregnant again. Just like before, she’d tried to persuade herself it wasn’t true, but there was no getting away from it. She and Gary had been careful, but apparently not careful enough. It might have been that time at New Year, or more likely just before he had dumped her. Whenever it was, he’d left her with more than a broken heart. She couldn’t bank on having another miscarriage this time. She had to think, and think fast.
There was no Gloria to confess to this time either. Her best friend was entertaining the increasingly victorious troops and establishing herself ever more firmly as a household name. That was all very well, but right at this moment Nancy could have done with her back home. There was nobody else she could tell. Her mother and Rita were very strict on the subject of morals and she suspected that Kitty, Violet and Sarah would be the same. As for any of her WVS colleagues, they were out of the question. She’d just have to deal with this herself.
She couldn’t rely on Mrs Kerrigan for any help, that was for sure. She found it hard to forgive the old woman for blaming her when Georgie was taken. It was beyond belief that the woman’s first inclination was to badmouth Nancy, and only after she’d done that for some while to wonder if she could be of any help finding the little boy. That said it all – she didn’t really love her grandson.
Nancy knew now without a shadow of a doubt that she herself loved Georgie with every fibre of her being, and that love had nothing to do with who his father was. So she reasoned she would probably also love this new baby, despite Gary being a feckless two-timing louse. It wasn’t the baby’s fault that its father had disappeared into the bright blue yonder. Nancy took a deep breath. If it came to it, she’d just have to be mother and father to this child. Before the war, that would have been a terrible prospect. In all honesty, it still was – but not perhaps quite as bad. She wouldn’t be the only one. Plenty of children had lost a father, or a mother, or both parents, to the war in one way or another. She had raised Georgie with no help from Sid and precious little from his mother. Perhaps her own family would come round to the idea of the new baby eventually. If not, she’d have to manage somehow.
This was all assuming that Sid would get back and not want anything more to do with her. She had no way of telling how he would react – she’d have to pick her moment, if she told him at all. She’d have to be canny about it. But this time, she was determined. Yes, she’d had her fun and been caught out, but her baby would not suffer because of it. She was a good mother. She would just have to prove it.