I tossed dignity to the wind and devoured the food like a starving dog. After wiping my face with a napkin, I glanced at the buffet. The food was plentiful, and the line was non-existent.

I faced the group. “Is anyone getting more?”

“I will,” Dick said.

Randy poked a piece of bread in his mouth. “Same.”

Kaci shrugged. “I’m still pretty hungry.”

We filled our plates and returned to the table as a group. I expected things to seem awkward, but they didn’t. I further expected me to look at Kaci differently, and not in a good way, but it didn’t happen.

While I ate my second helping of chicken, I wondered if there was something terribly wrong with me, or if I somehow found a way to look at our having sex as being nothing more than an activity that I enjoyed.

Like a round of golf or watching a movie together.

I poked a piece of chicken, lifted it to my mouth, and paused. “Does anyone feel weird?”

“Oh my God,” Kaci gasped. “You’re not getting sick, are you? I’m normally so anti-buffet, but I thought--”

I lowered my fork. “No, not that. I mean, you know. About what we did?”

“I’m good with it,” Kaci said. “I thought it was awesome.”

I glanced at each of the men. “Well?”

“I don’t feel weird,” Dick said dryly.

Randy shook his head. “Me neither.”

“No regrets?” I asked.

The three of them shook their heads.

“Nope.”

“Not a one.”

“I don’t, no.”

Dick took a drink of beer and then pushed his plate aside. “Something bothering you?”

I set my fork on my plate let out a sigh. I hated to admit it, but there really wasn’t anything bothering me, and that was what bothered me.

“Well. It’s just. I’m oddly comfortable with what went on. I wondered if everyone else felt the same, that’s all.”

“So, you don’t have any regrets?”

“No, I enjoyed myself.” I reached for my fork, and then looked up. “I mean, maybe one.”

His eyebrows raised. “What’s that?”

Thinking about it and saying it were different. In the heat of passion, it seemed my mind found things easier to say and do. Eating dinner with the group was a much different setting, and speaking freely about sex didn’t come as easily.

“I just…” I looked at Randy, and then at Dick. “I kind of wish I would have got to have you both.”

He chuckled. “You had us both, or were you too drunk to remember?”

“No.” I leaned toward the center of the table. “At the same time,” I whispered.

He glanced at randy and nodded. “Oh.”

I reached for my fork. “That’s all.” I scanned the group. “Is that weird? Not my regret. Just everything. Is it weird that I don’t see it as weird?”

“Personally, I think it’s healthy,” Randy said.

“Me, too,” Kaci said. “It shows your maturity.”

I looked at Dick. I wouldn’t admit it out loud, but I found him far more attractive than I did at the beginning of the night. He had a rough exterior, and a badass swagger, but deep down inside, he was sensitive and caring – I was sure of it.

I could see myself fucking a man like him steadily.

Not as a boyfriend, or as a lover, but as a fuckbuddy. A man I enjoyed spending time with who could make me come at will.

A living breathing BOB.

He’d be the perfect bedside companion.

“I’m glad nobody’s creeped out by it,” I said. “That’s all that matters.”

“Does anyone else have any regrets,” Dick asked. “Anything they wish would have happened.”

“Don’t get me started,” Kaci said.

Randy stopped eating. “What is it?”

“It’s not an it. It’s a them. Or a they. Or whatever.”

“Let’s hear all of them,” he said.

She looked right at me and sighed.

I let out a laugh. “I’ve had your pussy in my mouth, and I’ve been plastered by a stranger’s cum,” I whispered. “You’re not going to offend me.”

“I’ve just got some weird hang-ups,” she said.

Dick stroked his beard. “Let’s hear ‘em.”

Her gaze fell to the table for a moment. When she looked up, her eyes were apologetic. “That relationship I was in made me hate certain things, and like other things. I don’t know. Some of them are just fantasies. They’ve never happened.”

“Dom-sub relationship?” Dick asked.

“No,” she said softly. “Just a guy that liked to beat on me.”

Randy’s sat up straight. “Excuse me? He hit you?”

She nodded.

He pushed his plate to the side. After resting his forearms against the table’s edge, he leaned forward. “Still have feelings for him?”

“None,” she said.

“Are you sure?”

“I hate him for what he did to me.” She gazed beyond him and shook her head. “From the time I was sixteen. Seven years of it before I got the courage to leave him.” Her eyes met his. “I learned how to get pretty creative with makeup, that’s for sure.”

“Do you know where he lives?” Randy asked.

Oh shit.

“Yeah. He’s in the same place he’s always been.”

Randy looked at Dick. I did the same. His jaw was tight, his eyes were intense, and the look on his face did nothing to hide his disgust for what had happened to her.

He gave a crisp nod in Randy’s direction, and then looked at Kaci. “We’ll give him a Christmas gift when this party’s over.”

Kaci’s eyes went wide. “You’re going to pay him a visit?”

“Don’t be surprised if the fucker’s eating through a tube the next time you see him,” Dick warned.

“I’m not going to ever see him again,” she said adamantly. “But it’s nice to think he might get what he deserves.”

“He’ll get what he deserves,” Dick said through his teeth. “End of subject.”

It was nice thinking that men existed who took such exception to people like Kaci’s ex. Many expressed concern, or apologized for what he’d done to her, but no one had ever done anything. To think that two men we barely knew were going to do something about it was comforting in an odd way.

If there was comfort to be found in a man getting his ass kicked by two bikers, that is.

Dick was right. The subject needed changed.

“So, what was your fantasy or hang-up or whatever you called it?” I asked.

“Oh.” Her embarrassed look returned. She glanced at each of us. “You guys aren’t going to think I’m weird, right?”

“Nothing’s weird,” Randy said. “Different strokes for different folks. Different ain’t weird. What is it?”

“I want to be covered in cum.”

Randy coughed a laugh. “Nothing weird about that. Hell, I covered her in it just a bit ago.”

“No,” Kaci said. “Covered in it.”

“Like covered?” he asked.

“Plastered. Covered.” She glanced at the two men. “Like from maybe you two, and two or three more guys.”

“Holy shit,” I said. “That’s kinda gross.”

“I knew you’d think so, that’s why I didn’t want to say anything.”

“It’s gross, and hot,” I said, hoping to retract my statement.

“You think it’s hot?” she asked excitedly.

“Yeah, kind of,” I said, even though I didn’t.

“I think it is,” Randy said.

“I’d participate,” Dick said. “But only because she’s a cool chick. Damned sure not on my bucket list.”

“What is?” I asked.

He chuckled a laugh. “Having my butthole tongued.”

“Done it,” I said.

“No shit?”

I raised my hand. “We both liked it.”

“Add me to the list,” he said. “Always wondered what the hype was about.”

Kaci looked at Randy. “What about you?”

“Blowjob sandwich,” he said.

I scrunched my nose. “A what?”

“Blowjob sandwich. Two chicks sucking me off at the same time.”

I looked at Kaci. She grinned and then shrugged. “We could probably arrange something.”

Dick looked at each of us and nodded. “Sounds like we’ve got some work ahead of us.”

My gaze fell to my plate of half-eaten food. It saddened me that we’d probably never see the two men again. After the party, they’d get on their motorcycles and ride off into the West Texas desert.

Kaci and I would be left to spend our lives wanting what we couldn’t get from men that were either incapable or unwilling.

A hand on my shoulder brought me out of my personal pity party.

“Glad to see everyone’s together having a good time,” Mister Shirley said.

“Hi,” Kaci said. “We’re finally eating. The food’s good.”

“I’m glad you’re enjoying it.” He patted me on the shoulder. “I was going to introduce you, but I see you’ve already met.”

I glanced over my shoulder. “Met who?”

“Richard and Randolph. The two new maintenance men. They start on January fourth, when we come back from break.”

Maintenance men?

Co-workers?

What?

I picked my jaw up from my lap and forced an awkward grin. “Yeah.” I swallowed heavily. “We, uhhm. We met already.”