Chapter Five
Brooke
I woke to the warmth of Eric next to me and sighed internally. It had been true. A night of unbelievable lovemaking that I knew I would never forget. One of those nights that would be etched into my brain. Over and over he had brought me to ever higher experiences.
Now, both of us naked, snuggled together in a warm bed on a cold day. Yes, this was also the way things should be.
Sighing, I hugged him and pulled myself closer.
He grunted in his sleep then turned over to look at me, a smile crossing his lips.
“Morning, Gorgeous,” he said. My insides melted.
“Morning, Stud,” I replied with a laugh. We both held each other’s stare then his stomach rumbled, and the moment was broken.
“Breakfast?”
“Um,” I mumbled, afraid to speak. I was going to lose this. A fact that was starting to settle in at the bottom of my stomach.
Eric smiled again he got out of bed and padded down the hall, as naked as a blue jay. The man didn’t seem to know the concept of modesty. But then, when you looked as good as that, who could blame him.
He stepped out of the bathroom in a bathrobe and gave me a quick wink. A sense of regret flashed through me. It was ending I realized. It was morning. A new day. Christmas was over, and miracles were forgotten. Now was the time for real life.
Once he was around the corner and in the kitchen, I jumped out of bed and rushed to my room for clothes. A quick glance in a mirror made me jump. My hair looked like it had been twirled in a windmill. And my eyes had bags under them for the first time in my life.
But then the memories of what we had done all night flashed into my mind and I forgave myself. But that didn’t mean I could let Eric keep seeing me like this.
“I’m taking a shower,” I yelled to him as I hurried into the bathroom.
Once I was semi-presentable, I joined him in the kitchen.
He turned and frowned at me as his eyes traveled over me. I’d put on Jeans and a T-shirt.
“What?” I asked as I looked down at myself.
“You got dressed,” he said with surprise.
“Yes,” I answered as a sense of confusion filled me. “Is that wrong?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “I guess not, but I was sort of planning on taking you back to bed and finishing what we started.”
I blushed. “We finished it five times,” I said as a part of me screamed with happiness. He wanted more.
He shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know. That just doesn’t seem like enough.”
The mocking laughter in his eyes made me melt inside and all I could think of doing was returning to our amorous activities.
“Well, I guess, I could eat breakfast in bed.”
He smiled and shook his head as his eyes traveled over me with a lustful leer. “I bet we don’t finish. Not breakfast at least.”
My very core begged for him to fill me once again. A simple look from this man and I melted into a compliant willing accomplice. How had he gained such power over me and what would happen to me when I left him.
“Go back to bed, Brooke,” he said with a smirk. “I’ll be there in a minute.”
Suddenly, the awareness of the end filled me with dread. But not yet, I told myself. I would enjoy myself until I left. The thought had no sooner arrived that it was followed by a thought of not leaving. What if I stayed here forever. With him.
No. That was impossible. I was only a passing thought in his world. He had family. He had a business. Was part of a community. I was just a quick fling. A memory to be recalled in his old age if I was lucky.
“Go on,” he said as he turned me around and gently slapped my butt.
I left him there before he could see the truth in my eyes. He mustn’t know, I realized. I didn’t want him to feel guilty. I didn’t want him regretting me. He had done so much already. The last thing I wanted was to make it worse for Eric. He deserved better.
As I undressed and climbed back into bed, I kept glancing down the hall, looking for him. Anticipating his return, my very body craving him.
At last, he turned the corner with a loaded breakfast tray. I had to smile. A girl could get used to this sense of specialness.
“Your car will be fixed by five. The guys are going to bring it by around then,” he said as he placed the tray across my lap.
My stomach fell as I scrambled to hide the feeling of hurt and fear that raced through me.
“But…” he added as he got in under the covers and took a piece of toast. “We got about a foot of snow last night, so you can’t leave anytime soon. You’re trapped here, snowed in.”
He looked at me and smirked as if the idea of being trapped with me was a good thing.
“Oh, really,” I said as I started on the scrambled eggs. “Whatever will we do to kill the time?”
Eric laughed. That deep, happy laugh that tickled my very soul. “I don’t know, but it is important to keep up our exercise. They say that exercise keeps cabin fever away.”
“Hm, interesting I’ll have to do some jumping jacks later.”
He laughed again and put a hand on my thigh as he stared into my eyes. Damn, the man was right. We weren’t going to finish breakfast.
We spent the day making love and talking. We talked about everything. Our pasts, our hopes, and dreams. Exposing our deepest selves to each other.
Later in the afternoon, Eric gently shook me awake. “Get dressed,” he said. “The guys will be here in a few minutes with your car.”
My stomach clenched up as reality returned. A sadness filled me. A realization of what I was going to lose. But there was no other way. He hadn’t said anything about me staying more than the night.
A gut-wrenching anxiety filled me when I realized that I couldn’t stay. No way was I going to be one of those clingy, stalker type chicks. The thought of making Eric hate me filled me with an even deeper fear.
No, I was an outsider and always would be. The realization twisted my soul as tight as a wrung out dish rag.
When they delivered the car I gave them my card and signed some papers. I noticed the amount was a lot less than I had anticipated. Had Eric told them to reduce the price. I looked at him and realized he hadn’t done the work for free. He didn’t want me thinking that he was paying for our time together.
I smiled sadly to myself as I folded the paper and put it in my back pocket. It was so typical of him. Kind with understanding.
“You hungry?” he asked after his employees left. “Steak and baked potatoes? I don’t know about you, but I could eat a horse. I must have worked up an appetite for some reason.”
I smiled and nodded as my voice failed once again. Tomorrow morning, I told myself. I would leave tomorrow. Once the roads were open.
After a beautiful dinner and an excellent glass of wine, he took my hand and led me to the couch, so we could stare into the fire. His arm around me, my head resting on his chest.
What was he thinking? Did he regret the idea of me leaving or was he looking forward to it? Looking forward to returning to his life. Free from the damsel in distress. I twisted to stare at him but could read nothing. The man was impossible.
I settled back down and pushed away my fears. Tonight, I told myself. I had tonight.
Of course, it wasn’t long before his arm pulled me tighter as he leaned down to kiss me and once again, we were lost in each other. Slower this time. As if we could both see the end fast approaching and we wanted to make it last.
I screamed his name as I climaxed around him and pulled him to me, afraid that if I let go it would all end.
Early the next morning as the gray light started to peak through the window shade, I stared at the wall, Eric wrapped around me, snoring softly. I loved him, I realized. Two days and I was in love. The thought sent a bolt of fear and dread through me. I knew what happened with the coming of love. Loss and pain.
Sneaking out from under his arm I made my way to the bathroom, so I could cry alone.
This had to end, I realized as I wiped at my tear. I had to get away before I begged to stay. If I was to retain any self-respect I had to leave him before I became one of those crazy women that I hated.
“You can do it, Brooke,” I said to myself in the mirror. “Leave and get on with your life. One more minute and you will be lost forever.”
The girl in the mirror looked back with a sadness in her eyes that tore at me.
It had to be now. I’d leave him a note. No sad goodbyes. No regrets. No recriminations. I took a deep breath and forced myself to move before I changed my mind.
Quietly packing my suitcase, I fought with myself. A part of me was screaming at me to not do it. But I didn’t have a choice. If I tried to stay and he rejected me I would crumble into a thousand pieces.
No, this was the best way.
As I stepped out of my room with my case in my hand, I looked down the hall and saw him sleeping there. His arm thrown back. His bare chest, wide and strong. I would love him forever I realized. My ideal of what a man should be.
Sighing heavily, I turned and left. It was the hardest thing I had ever done. I placed the note on the coffee table then snuck out the front door. Terrified he would wake up yet secretly hoping he would wake up and stop me.
No, I told myself. Leave him to the life he deserves.
As I pulled away from his house a tear began to crawl down my cheek followed by another and another. My heart broke but I continued on. Slowly, I drove through town and back onto the main road headed for Seattle.
This was so wrong, I realized. Every cell in my body knew I was making a mistake, but I couldn’t stop myself.
The farther away I got the more the pain grew as if I was leaving my very life force. I must have made it about five miles when I had to pull over in some farmers driveway. I was crying so hard I couldn’t see the road.
I rested my head on the steering wheel and let the tears flow with the ultimate ugly cry of my life. My body was racked with regret and loss. I don’t know how long I cried, minutes or hours but finally, I started to pull myself together.
The pain felt as if it would never go away. But I was starting to realize I could live with it. I had a lot of experience with loss. I would live. I would hate it, but I would live.
Wiping my eyes for one last time, I took a deep breath and started the car. As I looked over my shoulder to pull out, two headlights were approaching very fast.
I waited for them to pass when a big black truck slammed on its brakes and skidded in the wet road, fishtailing back and forth. I held my breath as the driver fought to bring it under control. Finally, they managed to pull in front of me and park.
I twisted around to check the road when the driver of the truck jumped out and my heart sank. Eric. Tall, handsome and with a deep scowl approached my car.
Every part of me froze. Had he followed me? Did he think I had taken something?
“Where are you going?” he yelled as he pulled open my door.
All I could do was look up at him as my mind scrambled to find an answer.
“Why did you leave?” he added. “What is so damn important in Seattle that you couldn’t wait to get there?”
My heart raced. I didn’t like seeing this side of Eric. He was very angry and yet, I never felt fear. Just disappointment in myself for upsetting him.
“I thought …” I began. “I … We didn’t have …” I had forgotten how to talk.
He stared at me for a long moment then sighed heavily as he brought himself back under control. “We had everything. Or at least I thought so. You didn’t even give me a chance to show you.”
My mind jumped to the last two days in his bed. The man had shown me more than even knew existed in this world. I blushed as I looked down at my hands in my lap.
“I’m sorry Brooke,” he said as he squatted down next to me, so he could look into my eyes. “But really, If you give me a chance, I promise I can convince you to stay.”
I froze inside. Was he serious? And what did he mean by stay? Was I to be his mistress, some plaything in his bed. Was that what he wanted me for?
As if reading my mind, he reached in and unbuckled my seatbelt then helped me up out of the car.
“I love you, Brooke,” he said with solemnity, his eyes staring into mine to make sure I knew that he meant it. “I want you to stay here. Please.”
“Why?” I asked as I tried to regain some semblance of control over my racing heart.
He frowned for a long moment before he said, “Because a man and wife should be in the same place and I can’t leave my businesses. At least not just now.”
My heart slammed to a stop. Was he serious? Did he really mean it?
“Will you marry me,” he said, obviously understanding the words I wanted to hear. “I want the two of us to sink roots into this town so deep they will never go away. Have a bunch of kids that will drive us crazy and love each other into our old age.”
I sighed heavily as my soul came together. For the first time in my life, I had been offered the one thing I wanted more than anything. I looked into his eyes and knew that this was the man I was supposed to be with.
“Yes,” I said softly, unable to believe the sense of happiness that filled me. He smiled as he swooped me up into a hug, twisting around, throwing my legs in the air as he twirled.
Yes, this was where I belonged. In this man’s arms.