Lydia
January 7, 2014
FOUR DAYS.
Four days until I become Mrs. Seth Lee.
We got engaged seven months ago, and I never thought this day would get here. Now, we’re so close my anxiety over making sure everything is done is at an all-time high. I got off work early to pick up a few things for our wedding favors. Seth doesn’t make that much playing for the minors, so a lot of our wedding has been DIY. Not that I mind. I actually love doing this stuff. If I wasn’t an interior decorator, I’d be a wedding planner.
As I search through the racks of fabrics at my local craft store, I think back on mine and Seth’s relationship. I’ve been in love with him since I was fifteen. We were polar opposites and ran in different circles. He was the popular jock, and I was the studious one. For whatever reason, he noticed me and we’ve been together ever since. He’s my first everything and will be my last. How many people get to say that?
On my way home, I hum to the song on the radio. While Seth is playing, I hardly get to see him. He’s always on the road with no days off. I do my best to make it to games that are within driving distance from me, but that doesn’t leave us a lot of time to hang out together. Towards the end of the season, he insisted I stay home saying it was too hard on me traveling, and too hard on him to constantly say goodbye. It was bittersweet in that I missed him like crazy, but he warmed my heart with his thoughtfulness. Now that it’s the offseason, I want to spend every moment possible with him, so I took off work early to surprise him.
I have a good job, and it didn’t make sense for me to follow him on the road and try to start a career if he was going to be traded or moved up soon. Seth makes very little as a minor league player, so it’s not financially feasible for me to travel with him and not work. We both thought it was best I stay behind until something more financially stable comes along. That means we make the most out of the time we do have together.
Walking up to the door of my apartment, I try the doorknob, but it’s locked. Hmm, maybe he went out for a bit. I unlock the door and let myself in. Music hits my ears as soon as I close the door. It’s a little loud, but not blaringly so, and it’s coming from the bedroom. With a smile on my face, I go in search of him, hoping to catch him in a compromising position I can join him in.
I tiptoe toward the source of the noise, careful not to make much noise. When I enter, the bed is empty so I keep pushing. I round the corner to the bathroom and freeze.
Bent over the counter is my best friend, Kylie, and ramming himself into her from behind is my fiancé, Seth. I know I should move or scream or . . . something, but nothing happens. I can see both of their faces so clearly in the mirror. He has one hand in her hair, pulling her head back. Her mouth is parted as she moans and screams. His jaw tightens as do all the muscles in his body while he pulls in and out of her. Being this close, the slapping of their skin can be heard above the music as well as the sound of my heart shattering into a million pieces.
“Does she let you do this?” she asks, still not aware I’m watching.
“No, fuck, you feel amazing. Your pussy is so tight,” he says through gritted teeth.
“Are you sure you want to give this up?”
“Ahh, shit. I’m gonna come, baby. I’m gonna come.”
I think I’m going to be sick.
He pulls out of her disgusting body and strokes himself a few times before finishing all over her lower back and ass. He groans with his release as she lets out a content sigh. As soon as they stand up, they realize they have an audience.
I want to yell. I want to cuss. I want to hit and lash out at them in the most violent of ways, but I’m too broken. Because in the last few minutes, all of my dreams came crashing down. What I once thought was perfect was all a lie. A repulsive, cut you to your soul kind of lie.
“Lydia,” Seth starts, surprise clear in his voice.
I shake my head, tears finally forming in my eyes until he’s nothing but a blurry image before me. I wish I could blur what I saw them doing just as easily, but it’s imprinted in my mind. Torturing me by playing on a constant reel and I know this moment will haunt me forever.
“So, of course, I called off the wedding,” I tell Marcus. “They’d been having an affair for several months prior to me finding out. That was the reason he didn’t want me to come visit him on the road anymore. He had her with him.”
“And he was still going to go through with the wedding?” His tone is firm, fierce even. Like this story upsets him as much as it upsets me.
I nod my head. “Yep. Not from a lack of her trying to persuade him to ditch me though. She was my maid of honor and had planned all these things for me. My bridal shower, bachelorette party, all of it. And the whole time she was stabbing me in the back by sleeping with my fiancé.” I look down at my lap as I pick the lint off my clothes and try to hold back the tears. It’s almost embarrassing to admit I was so naïve.
Marcus puts a comforting hand on my knee. For some reason, it gives me the strength to get through this. Retelling it unearths all the old emotions associated with him. I feel raw, vulnerable, and completely exposed. “Did you have any idea he was cheating?”
I give it some thought. “Looking back, I think subconsciously I did. There would be times I knew he should be in his hotel room when he was traveling and couldn’t get ahold of him. It was way in the deepest parts of my mind, but I was in denial. You know, out of sight, out of mind. But I didn’t have a clue he was cheating with my best friend.”
“You didn’t notice she was gone a lot?” Coming from anyone else, I’d feel like they were blaming me for what happened, but the concern flashing in his eyes lets me know he’s genuinely curious.
I shake my head. “She used to travel all the time with her parents growing up, and as we got older it was nothing for her to just up and leave.” I shrug, feeling stupid now. “I thought nothing of it.”
“Did your dad kick his ass, because I can’t see any father taking that news well.”
I huff out a humorless laugh. “Not exactly. I never told them the truth. Not that it would’ve mattered anyway.” I mutter the last part to myself.
His eyebrows draw in, confusion written all over his face. “What do you mean?”
“My mom and dad don’t know what he did to me, how he hurt me. When I graduated high school, my mom and I were talking when the subject of her friend’s divorce came up. Her husband had been unfaithful, which destroyed their marriage. Instead of supporting her friend, my mom said to me, ‘What kind of woman can’t hold on to her man?’ She blamed her friend for her husband’s infidelity.” I can still see the look of disbelief and disgust on her face as she said this. I never wanted it directed at me.
“I was ashamed and absolutely humiliated by what Seth did to me. My mom is a very judgmental person and my dad is a spineless man who goes with whatever my mother tells him. I thought it would be easier to tell them it didn’t work out and I had cold feet. I never expected them to shun me for it.” The hurt from that moment returns, stabbing me in the heart. I swallow hard to push back the tears that threaten in the backs of my eyes.
“My mom informed me that I was being selfish and self-centered. I tried to reason with her when she pointed out that the likelihood my career choice would provide financial stability was slim to none, and Seth was going to be able to take care of me.”
I’m brought back to the time I told her what I was majoring in.
“Oh, don’t be ridiculous, Lydia. I didn’t raise you to be the starving artist type. Then again, I guess you could do this as a hobby since you’ll be with Seth. He’ll be able to provide for you once he goes pro, then it won’t matter what you do.”
“She expected you to be a trophy wife?” What I can only describe as disgust coats Marcus’s words and face.
I nod slowly. “Pretty much. Anyway, so after I called the wedding off, our relationship hasn’t been the same and I’ve hardly seen or talked to them since.”
He grabs my hand and laces our fingers together. His silent strength does a lot to soothe the old aches and pains of the past.
“Now you know why I was so guarded in the beginning. The thought of going through something like that again was crippling.”
“I’m so sorry, babe.” He doesn’t look at me with pity, but understanding mixed with a little anger. He leans in and gives me a hug. His warmth and comfort soothes the broken emotions that still linger, but there are things that will never heal.
He pulls back a little. “I was in a state of despair that was affecting every aspect of my life. I started falling behind at work. I wasn’t getting projects done by their deadline and it was hurting my career. I fell into this depression where I let my heartache consume me entirely and I swore I’d never let a man do that to me ever again.”
There, I told him. I’m sure that’s the piece of the puzzle he’s been looking for. I know he senses my hesitation to commit the way he has so far in our relationship. Old habits die hard.
He leans in close and cups my face with his hand. “Lydia, I get it, but not all of us are like that. I promise you I’m not.” He searches my eyes before lowering his voice to a whisper. “Let me erase your pain.”
I shake my head. “No need. You’ve been doing that since the moment I met you.” My chin quivers as I’m overcome with emotions I can’t explain. When his lips touch mine, they’re like a calming balm to my battered heart. They keep it beating and revive my soul.
Pushing the hair out of my face, he says, “I care about you so much that the thought of causing any of your tears is like a punch to the gut. You’re safe with me, babe.”
I want to believe him, and I think in time I could, but for now, I say, “Show me.”
His eyes travel all over my face before they settle in on my lips. What starts as a slow, sweet kiss quickly deepens to the kind of kiss you feel in your toes. Leaning me back on the couch gently, he explores my mouth with his tongue, leaving not an inch untouched.
It takes mere seconds before I’m feeling it in my core as it tightens and my panties dampen. Placing one arm under my knee and the other under my back, he scoops me up, causing me to squeal from the sudden movement. He carries me to the bedroom as he continues to give me the gift of his mouth.
He’s taking everything slow—almost too slow—while we stand at the foot of the bed, and I’m about to explode. I start tearing off his shirt and clawing at the button on his pants to speed things up. When we are both naked, he leans back and trails my body with his eyes, leaving a fire in its wake. There’s something so erotic about being examined in your most vulnerable state.
“Perfection,” he says. My cheeks heat up at his praise. “Don’t sit down, just hold on to me, okay?”
Curious, I nod. He drops to his knees and throws one of my legs over his shoulder. When his tongue darts out and touches my seam, I nearly buckle to the floor. It’s a near impossible task to remain on my feet—or foot—with the onslaught my center is taking from his mouth and tongue. All the sucking and licking and flicking is enough to send me spiraling into a different universe. And after a few minutes, that’s exactly what happens.
Despite my best efforts, I fall back onto the bed as I yell out in ecstasy and scream his name. He follows me, sucking my clit until he’s drained every ounce of pleasure from my body. I can’t breathe and I swear I’ve died and gone to heaven. No lie, I see stars.
My eyes are still shut when I feel him climb up my body. “Uh uh, I’m not done with you yet.”
He wasn’t kidding either. Over the next several hours, he shows me exactly how he feels about me. With each thrust and every word of affection, my heart grows closer to becoming whole again. He worships and cherishes my body, making sure I’m completely sated and then some before he chases after his own release.
I’ve been avoiding this ever since I had my heart stomped on, but as Marcus and I hold each other while our heart rates come back down, I realize maybe I was just waiting for someone like him. All the emotions I tried to shove into a box break free, and it’s liberating. I’ve been numb all this time, but nothing helped me move on.
Until Marcus.
Better than being numb, I feel alive.