and her friends planned a big night out on the first weekend in May. She’d invited Luke, because she felt sorry for him, lying home alone on her couch with only her pooch for company. She wasn’t surprised he was single—she hadn’t known him to go on a date one time since she’d met him.
Richard contacted her on Saturday morning and invited her for dinner, but she invited him out with her group, instead. It would be a good test to see if the others liked him as much as she did.
“Hey, it’s great to see you.” He kissed her on the cheek and gave her a tight hug when he walked through the door of the bar. She had to close her eyes, so she could ignore Andrea and Emily making kissing signs behind his back.
“You, too. Come and meet my friends.” She introduced him around her usual social circle. Emily had brought a date tonight, too, and Richard shook hands with Cooper as the two men were introduced.
Richard asked Jordan to dance, and he held her hand as they made their way to the area in front of the DJ’s box. She didn’t dare look up to see who was on tonight; she could imagine Fish up there, staring down at her as she danced with Richard.
“This is our third date, you know.” He had to raise his voice because of the music.
“Yeah, does that seem weird to you? We met in early January—I’m not sure we’re right for each other, if we’ve only caught up three times in five months.”
“It’s because I have to travel so much for work. I’d like to see you more often. Luckily we keep in touch by text.”
“Yes, lucky.”
When a slow song came on, they returned to the bar, and it wasn’t long before the boys were challenging each other to tequila shots. Jordan stayed well clear of the shots, drinking only wine. She hadn’t been drunk since New Year’s Eve and she wanted to keep it that way. Every time she thought of her horrific hangover the next day and the shock of waking up next to a hot stranger named Fish, she considered giving up drinking for life.
The men, however, were keen to outdo each other. Richard, Boyd, Cooper, and Luke lined up to each take their turn as the girls watched on. Every so often, someone would give a shout before they downed the next one, and the girls would laugh as they watched him choke on the heat of the alcohol. Afterward, they’d keep chatting while the next one got himself ready.
After three shots, Luke declared that he was out of the running as shot champion and came to sit next to Jordan. She patted his leg sympathetically and let out a loud whoop for Richard, who was getting ready to down what must have been his sixth. He slammed his glass on the bar and shook his head as he let out a shout.
Luke rolled his eyes and leaned in close to her. “Guess there’ll be no getting lucky for you tonight—not with him, at least.”
“Stop it, you. I didn’t come here to get lucky with Richard.”
“Well, that’s lucky.” He laughed at all the times they’d said the word “lucky,” and she shook her head at him. The three shots had gone straight to his head, and she was interested to see that he was now drinking water.
Richard had disappeared in the direction of the men’s room after downing the last drink, and he was gone for quite a while. Jordan was engrossed in a discussion about the validity of the list with Luke when she glanced over his shoulder and saw Richard reappear. She frowned as she tried to work out what was different about him, and she tilted her head and stared until Luke stopped talking and turned around to look, too.
Richard swayed his way across the room, obviously heavily affected by the tequila. Around his neck, worn proudly like a necklace, was, to her absolute horror, a toilet seat. The bar was old, and Jordan recognised the wood grain seat immediately. How he’d removed it was a mystery, and why he thought it was a good idea to wear it around his neck was even more puzzling.
The other men howled with laughter and clapped him on the back. Even Luke snickered beside her, but Jordan couldn’t think of anything, except how many germs and God knew what else might have been on that seat. She joined the girls in squealing as he came closer and demanded he return to the toilet and take it off immediately. He looked surprised at their reaction, but he lurched toward the bathroom to do as he was told.
When he reappeared, he was most perplexed when Jordan refused to sit next to him or kiss him goodbye when it came time to leave.
***
The next day, Jordan’s phone rang at three in the afternoon. She looked at the name and groaned as she answered it. “Hi, Richard,” she said in a much brighter voice than she wanted to.
“I’m calling to apologise.”
“Apologise for what?” she asked, feigning ignorance. Maybe he was calling about something else and didn’t even remember wrapping a urine-covered toilet seat around his head the first time he’d had the opportunity to meet her friends.
“You know what for. The toilet seat wasn’t as funny as I thought it would be.”
“You thought it would be funny?”
“Well, my tequila-addled brain thought it would be.”
“I hope you’ve showered and scrubbed yourself from head to toe.”
He laughed, “I have—it was the first thing I did as soon as I woke up. I would have called earlier, but I was scouring my face and neck. I barely have any skin left.”
It was her turn to laugh, and she giggled as she remembered his confused look last night when they’d sent him back to the bathroom. “That was truly the grossest thing I think I’ve ever seen.”
“I can imagine. I hope your friends speak to me the next time I see them.”
“Obviously you’re not particularly germ-phobic. That’s a good thing to know,” she said, thinking about how Matt, the bank teller, would have reacted to the sight of that toilet seat near Richard’s face.
“Actually, I’m a lot funnier about germs than my performance last night would have you believe, but in some tiny corner of my brain, I remember thinking that the tequila would kill all the germs.”
***
“, I have unusual needs.”
“Really? That sounds terrifying.”
“It’s really not, but women do freak out when I tell them.”
“Well, you’ve come this far, so you might as well spit it out.” Jordan waited to hear what fresh horror her latest date was about to inflict.
“I have a certain quirk.”
“A quirk?”
“Yes. I like things done to me in the bedroom.”
“Oh.” She waited for him to go on, her finger itching to disconnect the call by accident.
“It’s mainstream and all that, these days.”
“Are you talking about Fifty Shades-type of stuff? If you’re not, I have no idea where this is going.”
“Ahh… you know about that. Good.” He seemed to perk up on the other end of the phone. “Yes, I do enjoy a small amount of spanking. I hope that won’t work against me, since I’m totally normal in every other way.”
“Well, I guess we all have things that we enjoy.” She was frowning on her end, desperate to get off the phone and hoping he’d work it out, somehow.
“So, how about I take you to a game of baseball? It’s a date that’s a little more unusual than the a footy game, or the movies.”
Unusual like you, I’m guessing.
He’d asked her now, of course, so there was no backing out of it. “Okay. When?”
“I’ll get tickets for Saturday afternoon if that suits you?”
“Sounds good. Can I bring a friend with me?”
“Of course. I’ll get three tickets and meet you at the stadium at one. I’ll send you the details as soon as the tickets are booked.
“Okay, David. Thanks, I’ll see you then.” She hung up the phone and worried about what she’d agreed to. He seemed nice enough, had a steady job as a stockbroker, and had been nothing but polite to her.
It can’t be any worse than the guy who took me shark diving. How much can go wrong at a baseball game?
***
Emily, Cooper, and Jordan arrived a few minutes early and waited outside the entrance to the stadium. Andrea had begged off coming, so she’d had to convince Emily that she couldn’t go alone. It seemed that no one wanted to be the third wheel on a date to the baseball, so Emily had asked Cooper to come along, too, and David had been more than happy to grab an extra ticket.
David arrived promptly at one o’clock, and he kissed Jordan on the cheek. He was handsome with chiselled cheekbones, and he joked with them all about them being featured on the kiss-cam as they made their way toward the gates. It was a warm day, and the blue sky created a perfect backdrop for the game. Once they were seated, David disappeared to get himself some food, since the others had eaten on the way to the game.
Jordan’s phone beeped, and she smiled as she saw a text from Luke.
I HEAR YOU’RE ON ANOTHER DATE. HOPE THERE’S NO TOILET SEATS IN SIGHT!
She grinned and slipped it into her pocket without answering. It beeped again a moment later, and she sighed at his insistence on intruding on her date. It wasn’t him, though, but David asking her to come to the top of the stairs to help him out.
What has he bought that he could possibly need help with?
She climbed the stairs and saw him standing at the top. He’d removed his sweatshirt and tied it around his waist. He must have bought himself some kind of supporter gear, because there was a splash of red around his neck. As she got closer, her heart sank and her eyes told her something she didn’t want to believe.
He’d bought two extra long liquorice ropes, God knew where from, and had fashioned one into a collar that now sat snugly around his neck. The second one he’d attached to the first as a kind of leash. As she stopped in front of him, he smiled and handed her the leash. She was so shocked that she put out her hand and took it, waiting to hear what she was expected to do next.
“Walk me to our seats?”
“Umm… okay,” she said slowly, imagining the look on Emily’s face when she got back with her new pet in tow.
He moved past her without an ounce of hesitation, and she followed close behind, holding the leash, but wanting the earth to swallow her up. She caught Emily’s eye as they got closer to their seats, and her friend frowned at her. She shook her head and raised a finger to her lips. This was weird, but she didn’t want to embarrass David any more than he was about to be.
They had seats at the front row of their section, and David eagerly took his seat next to her. She wasn’t sure whether to hold the leash or drop it, but what he indicated next nearly made her fall off the edge of her seat. He wanted her to tie him to the rail in front.
Oh God!
Biting her lip to keep in the hysterical laugh that threatened to escape, she did as he wanted. In her pocket, she felt her phone vibrate and knew it was probably Luke stirring her even more. She wanted to pull her phone out and take a photo for him, since he’d never believe this had really happened. Emily and Cooper would vouch for her sanity afterward, though.
The game started, and Jordan found that she did enjoy it. The crowd cheered and each round passed quickly. There were quite a few breaks where the camera went into the crowd and showed some of the most ardent supporters. At half time, there was a break, and the dreaded Kiss-Cam came out. Jordan felt a mounting sense of dread as they watched the screen. This day couldn’t get any weirder; the Kiss-Cam would only top off the most awkward experience of her life.
Luckily, the camera settled on a couple three seats to their left, and Jordan could breathe a long sigh of relief. It wasn’t over yet, though. At another long break, the cameraman finally dumped her in it and focussed on her and David sitting together in the stands. His collar and leash were unmistakeable, and the crowd went crazy. He raised his arms, not at all ashamed of what he’d asked her to do.
At full time, when they spilled out into the carpark, Jordan abandoned Emily and Cooper and made a break for her car—she couldn’t risk David asking her on another date.