ELLA

 

I force myself off the couch and rush to stare out the oversized windows. On some of my worst days, I’ve been able to calm myself slightly by looking out at the into the suburbs and the mountains in the distance. My living room windows offer million dollar views that are sometimes able to calm my anxiety. When I look out there, even at the crux of sunrise, it’s easy to understand just how many people are living in this world. By understanding that everyone has struggles and that everyone has pain, it often times makes it easier to cope with my own demons. They don’t disappear, but it does make it easier just by acknowledging pain is a part of the human experience.

I see Luke’s reflection approach in the spot-free glass before I can feel the heat of his body just behind me. There’s a severe look on his face, and his eyes are torn between hungry and haunted. He’s nothing more than a shadow looking over my shoulder, but unlike all the other shadows lately, his is comforting.

I take the initiative and lean back into his body. He’s my safe place, his body made of absolute steel and warmth. He allows me to shift against him and even goes so far as to drop a hand onto each side of my waist to hold me firmly. My head drops backwards against his shoulder, and when my eyes flash open, his own eyes are boring down into mine.

“We shouldn’t,” he says lowly, his chest heaving as he swallows nervously. “We… We…”

I shush him with a finger against his lips, and it seems to do the trick until he puckers his lips and kisses my finger. The touch of his lips against my flesh is just about enough to send me over the edge. We’re standing on the verge of something that neither of us can say no to, all the while standing right in front of a window for all the world to see, my enemies included.

He begins to caress his hands up and down my sides, his rough hands running smooth circles over the thin fabric of my blouse. He drops his head to plant a short kiss against the skin of my neck, and when I move to shift away from his touch, his mouth follows, hovering just above my flesh. He blows hot passion against me, igniting something within me that’s long lain dormant.

My entire being seems to shiver just as his lips land back upon my neck, planting a series of short, wet kisses along the curve of my neck. His kisses slowly turn into the lightest nips.

My body sways against his while my mind races, and that’s to say nothing of the way my heart seems to skip a beat every damn time he kisses me. I’m torn between giving myself to him completely and breaking away from him. It’s between two torturous extremes I’ve found myself lodged within. “I should…” I begin to mutter under my breath, but he stops me from saying another word by dropping his lips against my lips.

Smooth, wet, passionate. His tongue slips past my lips and tangles with my own tongue while one hand drops to caress me over my jeans at the most vulnerable part of my body.

The kiss—the actual kiss, the real kiss—seals the deal. There’s no going back for me. Not now, maybe not ever. There’s something about him that brings my vulnerability to the surface. Something about him that makes me not so afraid. Something about him that makes me want to surrender myself to him the way I haven’t surrendered myself to anyone else since high school.

I’m dizzied and lost in this world, and right now, the only thing I can make sense of is him, and that’s good enough for me. I press a hand firm against his cheek as he continues to kiss me, pulling me inside out with his mouth.

His fingers fumble with the button of my jeans and a split second later, his hand is tracing a path into my jeans to caress me over my panties. A soft moan escapes my throat as he gives me a chance to recover from his kisses. He pulls his hand free from my jeans and drops to his knees behind me.

I cock my head over my shoulder and watch him intently as he drags my jeans down the length of my legs. Once they’re pooled at my feet, I step out of them and rip my blouse over my head so that I’m standing in nothing but my bra and panties. I’ve been out of the hookup game long enough that I should have forgotten how this works, but he has a way in making me not feel so very alone, or naïve, or inexperienced.

He plants a series of kisses along the length of my back, and with each caress of his lips against my bare skin, he gets lower and lower until he’s peeling my panties down my smooth legs to kiss the bare skin of my ass.

I hold myself in place with both hands perched against the glass. Someone is out there somewhere, and they’re watching this, and I can’t bring myself to care. He begins to mouth me down below and I almost fall over, almost sink right down onto his body, but with two strong hands, he holds me still.

I’m close to breaking over the edge of release and the night—technically, morning—has only just begun. He finally breaks away from me, and for the shortest of moments, I’m left feeling like I did something wrong. He rises to his feet behind me and I twist to face him.

“Why did you stop?”

“Because,” he chews into his bottom lip and throws one arm over one shoulder to hold himself steady against the window pane, “there might be someone watching.” He purrs against my neck and then nibbles at my earlobe. “And call me a selfish man, but I want you to myself.”

I nod, not entirely sure what he’s talking about. He presses his body closer to mine so that I’m pinned between the cool glass and his hot body. He reaches down to grab one of my thighs and hooks one of my legs around his back. I can feel his erection fighting to escape his jeans and threatening to burn a hole right through the denim. He reaches for my other leg and does the same, hooks it behind his back, and then I follow suit, wrapping my arms around his neck before he’s carrying me away from the window and towards the bedroom.

His eyes don’t leave mine as he carries me into the bedroom. He steps to the edge of the bed and then bends slowly to place me onto the bed with great care and a level of softness I wouldn’t have expected from someone like him. There’s been an attraction between the two of us since I first laid eyes on him. I’ve tried to fight it so many times, and up until now I’ve succeeded. To do that, it meant ignoring certain things about him like the way his eyes glimmer with innocence and fire all at the same time.

Standing between my legs, he runs his rough hands up the length of my thighs. I’d think he’s content with doing nothing other than satisfying me, but I want to satisfy him if for no other reason than to show him my gratitude. I thrust upwards in bed and reach for the hem of his shirt. He understands where I’m going with this and does all the heavy lifting, tugging his blue shirt over his head in one go.

I hesitate my caress of the bare flesh of his toned and tanned chest. Looking like an inexperienced idiot, I’m sure, my hand hovers within an inch of his body but it doesn’t quite connect. He smirks, chews into his lip in a seductive manner that threatens to send me over the edge, before dropping his hand against mine and pushing me forward to touch him.

His chest is muscular and hard, but it’s nothing compared to the hard ridges that decorate his abs. I circle my hand around his belly button and the friction seems to make him shudder. He takes hold of my hand again and guides me downwards so that my hand caresses his erection through his jeans. I look up to him as I do so, wanting to watch him watching me. There’s just something erotic about the very idea.

I push myself backwards on the bed and steady myself on my elbows. It’s time. He passes me one final look, it’s as if he’s questioning if I really want to do this because he’s a perfect gentleman or something. Once he’s satisfied, he drops his hands to the button of his jeans and climbs out of them one foot at a time. Standing in nothing but tight black boxer briefs, he lowers himself onto the bed and crawls above me.

His muscular body weighs heavy against my body, and I’m almost certain he could crush my fragile frame with his weight alone, but that’s probably just me overthinking. I make a mental note to turn off whatever part of the brain processes logic and decided to just let the cards fall where they may. If I get crushed, I get crushed.

I hook one leg behind his back and travel downwards. I hook my heel under his underwear and manage to snake them down over his taut ass. He shifts above me while he kicks the thin fabric free and then holds himself steady above me. Sweat is already pooling where his forehead meets his hairline, but I reach up anyway to comb one hand through his hair.

His lips hitch into a gentle smile, a smile so damn innocent that it betrays every single part of his body. He’s built like a Greek god but still possesses enough charming boyish features to make the juxtaposition jarring.

He drags his tongue against his palm and lowers his hand to guide his hardness to my opening. When he presses against me, I close my eyes and exhale sharply, and when he begins to rock into me, I just about let out a scream. It’s slightly painful, but that’s to be expected when I’ve been out of the game for so long.

Inch by inch, he stretches me wide until he’s filled to the hilt, and then he just stays there, remaining completely still. I don’t know how he’s doing it. There’s a pained expression on his face, but it’s like he’s waiting for me to adjust to him fully before he proceeds. Steadying himself with one arm now, he drops another hand to caress my cheek softly and then lowers his lips against mine to kiss me.

I whimper against his mouth wanting him to move, needing him to move but at the same time, also not being ready for him to do anything but remain completely still. He pulls back slightly, and as his hardness shifts inside me, I let out a soft moan. I’m purring against his lips now, and it’s like he’s using his lips to quiet me and I’m completely okay with that.

He rocks in and out of me, slowly and gently. I’m not a fragile toy though and once I’ve adjusted to his width, I beg for him to increase his pace. My fingers dig into his back as he thrusts into me with a precise rhythm. He’s pulling me inside out, and I don’t think he has any idea the kind of power he has over me.

His drags himself almost completely out of me and then drives himself in with one long, deep thrust. He holds himself still as he props himself up high above me with a hand planted into the sheets on either side of my head. My chest is heaving, and my heart is racing, and I need him to move, but he holds himself still a little bit longer, swiveling his hips as he readies himself.

Nothing can prepare me for what comes next.

He pulls himself back, arching his body in the process and then slams back down into me. My vision goes black for seconds at a time as he continues to thrust into me with the same furious pace. Faster and faster, he rocks into me with reckless abandon. I’m whimpering and moaning and basically losing every little bit of control I’ve ever had. He’s stripping away the walls I’ve built around me one measured thrust at a time, and it’s all I can do to hold on.

I hook one arm behind his neck and pull him down to kiss me. He grunts against my mouth and then kisses me, and then grunts again as his pace somehow quickens even more. My hand trails to his back and my other hand soon joins in as I hold on for dear life. I’m on the edge of breaking, of shattering around him, and I find myself needing to hold onto something.

My fingers dig into his back, and while I’m sure I’m leaving marks, I also can’t bring myself to care. Not in the moment. My eyelids fold over my eyes as my head is thrown back against the plush pillows. That’s when I shatter, breaking around him. My toes curl against the cool satin sheets, and I’m torn between the two extremities of the sheets and his hot body.

He drives himself into me one last time before spending himself inside the deepest depths of me. His mouth drops open, forming a perfect “O.” His lip quivers as he rides the waves of his own release, all the while I’m still erupting all around him. He finally drops down onto me, the weight of his body pushing my back deep into the mattress. His head rests at the valley of my breasts, and with his face cocked to the side, he struggles to catch his breath. My fingers tangle in his hair, and I can’t help but to plant a quick kiss against the top of his head.

And then I hold him close to me as I come down from one euphoric high and begin to ride the waves of another. The feeling of being safe. The feeling of being wanted. The feeling that everything is going to turn out okay.

Call it a hunch, but yeah, I think I’m going to be all right.