February 9^th, 2017. 5:15pm.

Alex parked the SUV, not certain how she had survived the drive to Katy’s house. Part of her was ready to explode, and part of her wanted to run screaming in the other direction.

It was easy to play the calm, collected FBI agent at work. Her personal life was a whole different matter. Still, she could draw on her training to calm herself down, to regulate her breathing and settle herself in her mind. No matter what happened, she could deal with it and she would survive it.

Katy led the way inside, and Alex stopped just before the porch. Sitting there, eating out of a bowl, was a small, scraggly Siamese cat, who hissed at Alex when she got close. Katy simply smiled, then headed further into the house.

Alex skirted the cat, betting this was the stray that Katy had mentioned earlier, and headed inside. She liked cats, generally. She just had never really had time for a pet, what with the jet-setting everywhere at short notice.

Part of her felt a pang of longing for her own apartment, a few hundred miles away. It wasn’t the apartment she missed, it was feeling at home. Having someplace she belonged.

“Are you okay?” Katy’s voice was concerned, and it matched her eyes.

Alex nodded with a dip of her head. “Tired.” She smiled faintly.

Katy studied her for a moment longer, and it was strange, how much the roles had almost reversed. Alex was supposed to be the one in charge, the calm, competent agent who supervised and kept in touch with the police department.

But it was Katy who had her shit together no matter what. Alex’s gaze drifted to the ring of bruises around her neck, just starting to form. Rage built in her middle. Hopefully that prick would do jail time, or at least be taken off the street for a while.

When Katy pressed a mug into Alex’s hand, Alex frowned at her, caught off guard.

“It’s hot cocoa,” Katy said simply. “No caffeine.”

Alex studied her for a second, then nodded, grateful. There were even some marshmallows floating around on top. There was a warmth in the cocoa that tickled her taste buds, and she frowned, trying to sort out what it was.

“If you add a bit of cayenne pepper,” Katy said, “it adds a nice kick.”

“Huh.” That wasn’t something Alex had tried before. They stood in the kitchen and drank from their mugs, quiet spooling out between them. It was similar to the rest of their nights together.

It was almost strange, sleeping at Katy’s house, in the guest bedroom. But it was starting to become normal.

“Want to watch a movie?” Katy was the one that suggested it, and her eyes moved over to the living room where there was a comfy-looking couch with a television in front of it. “I’ve ordered Chinese for dinner.”

Alex glanced at it, then at Katy, and took a sip of her cocoa. “Let me go change.” Katy was a blessing, knowing how to work her way around local take-out joints.

“I’ll keep it hot for you once it arrives,” Katy promised.

Alex’s cheeks flamed in a way she hadn’t expected. She nodded instead, then headed upstairs to the guest room where her belongings were. She wasn’t certain whether she intended to change into pajamas, but she at least wanted to get some of her FBI gear off.

She shrugged off her belt, her shoulder holster. That she would take downstairs with her, just in case. Then she pulled her shirt off, her slacks, and changed into sweatpants and a ratty shirt she liked to sleep in. Worst case she ended up asleep on the couch; it wasn’t like she could be on duty 24/7.

If she thought about the fact she was showing Katy a bit of her human side, she didn’t let herself think it. That was forbidden.

She came back downstairs, the shoulder holster slung over her shoulder and her phone in the pocket of her sweatpants. Katy was standing in the same spot, even though she had obviously moved. Alex hadn’t heard her come upstairs, but she had obviously been lost in her own thoughts.

Still, Katy was in a pair of shorts and a tank top, her version of sleeping clothes. Given she lived in the Phoenix area, that made sense, even if it was winter. From what Alex knew, it wasn’t often that they had to turn the heat on before December or January, if that.

Katy’s eyebrows raised slightly in Alex’s direction. Alex looked down at herself and shrugged. She moved to the other side of the living room, putting the shoulder holster within reach of where she planned to sit. Katy had already put her hot cocoa there, so Alex sank down onto the couch with a contented sigh.

She looked up at the TV, not surprised that Katy had already gotten a movie into the DVD player and the main menu was playing. Kingsman, some spy movie that Alex hadn’t seen before. Their dinner had been delivered and two plates of Chinese were on the coffee table in front of them. Alex picked hers up, suddenly aware of how hungry she was.

“I don’t expect this to be as realistic as your job,” Katy said with a wink, moving to sit on the couch as she used the remote to start the movie.

Alex let out a surprised laugh. “It’s definitely not in my job description,” she admitted. Although she was certain the FBI had covert operations people, she wasn’t involved with them nor did she see their intel. The majority of what she was involved in was real people and real situations, not things that flew under the radar of everyone in society.

The movie started playing, drawing Alex’s attention. It was easy to forget what she was doing, just sitting there with Katy. Sometimes the characters spoke so fast with thick accents that it was hard to figure out the words, but she understood enough to laugh in the right places and raise her eyebrows in others.

She didn’t notice that Katy had moved closer until she shifted slightly and felt her feet touch Katy’s thigh. It was how Alex preferred to sit, her feet tucked underneath her, and Katy had just gotten closer. Alex didn’t want to draw attention to it, didn’t want to make it more obvious that she wanted to get closer too.

In the cheesiest of cheesy moves, Alex yawned and stretched her arm across the back of the seat. When she dared look at Katy out of the corner of her eyes, she saw that Katy had turned her head completely in Alex’s direction and had both her eyebrows raised in a “really?” expression.

Alex shrugged, then gave in and shifted so her feet were pointed in the other direction and not towards Katy. The fact that it gave them more room to be together, more room to snuggle, wasn’t something that Alex was going to admit. Because that totally wasn’t what they were doing, nope.

It felt natural to be doing what they were doing. They were just two women who were attracted to each other who were sharing the couch. Or Alex assumed the whole attraction thing, considering Katy hadn’t run away screaming after the almost-kiss and she didn’t seem ready to run away with the whole arm-stretching thing, even if she’d rolled her eyes.

Maybe it was okay because Alex was out of her FBI gear. She wasn’t pressuring Katy. Was she? Oh God, what if her presence was making Katy feel pressured — she didn’t want that –

Her thoughts were sidetracked by the feeling of a body against hers. Katy had moved without Alex’s distracted brain noticing, to the point she was against Alex and their heads were close, their lips even closer.

Alex gave up even pretending she was watching the movie, her attention on Katy. At least both the plates and the utensils were on the coffee table. Getting stabbed by a fork during sex wasn’t sexy. Directing all of her attention to Katy was something Alex would probably regret later, the movie didn’t seem half bad, but she had more important things to focus on.

Katy looked even more gorgeous up close. She had long eyelashes, freckles dusting across the bridge of her nose, and her lips were full and pink. She was kissable, and she was staring at Alex as intently as Alex was looking back.

“We shouldn’t be doing this,” Alex whispered, the words ghosting against Katy’s skin.

Something registered in Katy’s eyes, something that looked like acknowledgment. “I know,” she said, and the words flitted against Alex’s skin like butterflies. But neither of them seemed to stop, or seemed to care.

Instead Katy tipped forward, just close enough that Alex could catch her. If you could call kissing someone catching them with your mouth. And there her brain went, running off on irrelevant tangents when she was kissing the gorgeous woman in front of her.

Katy’s lips were warm and soft underneath hers, and she tasted like orange chicken and fried rice. It took some shifting on the couch for both of them to figure out a comfortable position. Alex still had her legs tucked underneath her, Katy was on her knees, so she was the slightly taller one and could kiss down towards Alex.

It was oddly hot.

“Wait.” Alex broke the kiss, studying Katy’s face and her eyes.

Katy looked at her, waiting patiently with a look that wasn’t fear or wasn’t force.

“I don’t want you to feel pressured into doing this.” Alex’s eyes moved to her FBI gear.

“I don’t.” Katy’s voice was firm. She looked away, and her eyes got the distant look they did when she was thinking. “I just want to forget,” she said simply.

That was something Alex understood, something she agreed with. She could take care of that, get some escapism, and help someone she cared about escape from her life, too.

Then Katy was kissing her again, more aggressively this time, something that caught Alex off guard. She hadn’t quite expected quiet, calm Katy to be that forward.

She kissed back, reaching up to cup Katy’s head so that she could have some control, which she promptly lost when Katy gently nibbled on her lower lip, her teeth grating over the sensitive skin and sending chills down her back.

Alex captured her mouth again, hard, punishing kisses as she scrambled to get Katy’s shirt off of her. She wanted Katy against her, wanted to feel her skin under the pads of her fingers.

Katy fought back, her hands going after Alex’s shirt. It was like a contest to see who could get the other naked first, and they were both winners.

“Do you want to do this here?” Alex asked, catching both herself and Katy off guard. It wouldn’t be the first time she had had sex on a couch, and she wasn’t entirely certain she wanted to stop, but if Katy said so, she would.

Katy just looked at her as if she was an idiot and stood, pulling Alex with her so she could yank her pants off. Alex wanted to squawk when her underwear went with them. Katy didn’t do anything by halves, so Alex returned the favor.

It was different, kissing a naked Katy. It felt wrong in a way, something she knew she shouldn’t have been doing, but it just made the heat spin in her body even faster. Katy’s nipples were against hers, their bodies moving together as they kissed and the closeness making heat pulse between Alex’s thighs. She was wet already, and she knew it was just going to get worse.

Hopefully Katy wouldn’t mind having to steam clean her sofa.

The thought made Alex laugh, which made Katy raise her eyebrows, then she shook her head and shoved her to the couch, so she was sitting upright with her legs off the couch.

Adrenaline prickled across Alex’s skin. She could tell what Katy had in mind, what she was going for, and sure enough, Katy got on her knees between Alex’s legs.

It wasn’t exactly what Alex had expected, but Katy didn’t hesitate. Instead she parted Alex’s legs and pulled her hips forward enough that she could tilt Alex’s hips up. It wasn’t the most comfortable position, but the kisses Katy started butterflying on her thighs was more than enough of a distraction for everything involved.

“Touch yourself.”

Katy’s words caught her off guard. Okay, maybe it wasn’t going where she thought it was.

Alex stared at her, and there was a quiet curiosity in Katy’s eyes. A desire. Alex licked her lips, her heart racing and her palms almost sweaty. But Katy’s eyes never faltered. She slid her hand down her body, then slid her fingers through her slit, covering them in the wetness so it was easier to move.

Katy sat back on her feet, hands in her lap and her gaze flickering between Alex’s face and her fingers making small circles around her clit. Every so often Alex would hit just the right pace and let out a small moan, one of her legs jerking. It was hard to control that, to control the way her breathing was speeding up, the desire pulsing through her.

She slid a finger into herself, her eyes half-closing.

Then she felt a hand on top of hers. Opening her eyes, she looked at Katy, who had the same dark expression. There was a question there, and it was a question Alex didn’t know. She would be saying yes blindly. Was it trust? Or was it escapism? They were both naked in the middle of Katy’s house, doing something Alex most certainly should not be doing.

What could make it worse?

Alex nodded, and Katy flashed her a brief smile.

What did Katy get out of all of this? Really, it was something that deserved thinking about. Or did, until she felt Katy’s mouth on her clit. Alex inhaled sharply, the pleasure almost painful, her hand going to Katy’s head. But Katy caught her hands and put them on the couch, shaking her head.

Alex wanted to scowl; it was harder to keep her hands still than Katy seemed to think. But she was going to do it, she was going to listen. She balled her hands into fists and took a deep breath.

Which lasted all of about point two seconds before Katy put her tongue back on Alex’s clit and then slid a finger inside of her, gently turning and bending it until she found the spot that made Alex moan.

Oh fuck. She’d forgotten how good that felt.

It was easy to let her eyes flutter closed, keeping her body relaxed as she let Katy work her magic. There were two fingers inside her now, and a third was teasing the curve of her backside. Not something that Alex was completely opposed to. Katy was full of surprises.

It had been too long since the last time she had had sex. She could already feel the wave building up inside of her, the pressure and the pleasure combining to send her head tilting back in ecstasy as her hips shuddered and she came, the only noise a breathy sigh.

When Alex came to again, she looked down at Katy, who was looking at her curiously. “You’re quiet when you come.”

Alex shrugged. She always had been, despite a few old girlfriend’s attempts to change it. It was just who she was. She tugged at Katy, until she was back on the couch.

“You don’t —”

Alex just looked at her. It wasn’t fair to be one sided. And besides, she wanted to see Katy come undone too.

Katy pulled her into a kiss, shifting so that her knees were parted. She was wet, too, and it wasn’t long before she came around Alex’s fingers, her body relaxing against hers. They ended up on the couch, Katy’s body draped over hers. Both completely naked and comfortable in a way that only someone in Arizona’s ‘winter’ could tolerate without the heating up too high.

The guilt was starting to creep in at the edges, and Alex looked around for her clothes. She really shouldn’t have done that, shouldn’t have used it as an excuse to escape. It had been what she needed, what she wanted, but she had taken advantage of a situation and of someone whose life and safety she was supposed to be guarding and instead they’d had sex and —

“Shh.” Katy kissed her cheek, then stood and went to find her pajamas. She tossed Alex’s to her, then pulled her own on. Alex stared at her for a second, studying her face. Something was off. Katy was too calm, too collected. She’d been that way the whole evening.

When Katy sat back on the couch and restarted the movie, she had her body tilted slightly away from Alex. Alex, who had put her clothes back on, checked her phone and shoulder holster, and was now sitting on her end of the couch not sure what had just happened and what she wanted to happen again.

The movie started playing in the quiet between them, and all Alex could do was focus on Katy. The way she was playing with the hem of her shirt, the way she was steadily not looking at Alex. Did she regret what had happened? Or was there something else?

It was the smallest movement, but Alex caught it. Katy slid a finger up and wiped underneath one of her eyes.

She was crying.

“Hey.” Alex kept her voice soft and nonjudgmental. She didn’t want to send her running for the hills, but she didn’t want to disrupt her either.

Katy let out a soft sigh, wiped the tears away. “I’m sorry.”

Alex wanted to raise her eyebrows, but she kept her face the same. “What are you sorry for?” It didn’t seem to her that there was any logical reason. If anyone should have been sorry, it was Alex, for she’d practically taken advantage of Katy, who wasn’t completely defenseless, but still.

“I miss her,” Katy said softly, her gaze turning to one of the photos of Tally that hung on the wall.

Alex folded her into a hug. She could only imagine the maelstrom of emotions that Katy was dealing with right now, the guilt and worry and maybe fear and who knew what else. Alex had gotten a sense of what it was like from the other parents she had talked to, but Katy was different. Katy was special.

And not just because Alex wanted to get in her pants.

“I should go to bed.” Katy’s smile was tired, and she wiped a few tears out from underneath her eyes. “You can finish the movie if you want.”

Alex wasn’t certain if that was a rejection or not, or a “hey I need time”, or whatever, but she nodded without saying anything, letting go and then watching Katy put the dishes in the kitchen before she headed upstairs. She heard the snick of the door as Katy’s door closed, and she sat there on the couch for probably way too long before she went to bed herself.

Who knew what the morning was going to bring.