Oh boy…

I stared at his text message for a good ten minutes, trying to figure out what I was going to do or say, weighing every possible scenario that was going to happen. Fox would likely never forgive me. He’d probably want to murder us both.

Was the reward worth the risk?

That’s what I kept asking myself.

Josh: What are you thinking? Am I crazy? Is it a bad idea?

Me: I’m thinking about a lot of things. Yes, you’re crazy! Yes, it’s a bad idea! But…

Josh: But…

Sheesh. I was actually considering it. It was thoughtless, reckless, and bound to come back to bite me in the ass. But the biggest part of me didn’t care. I wanted to run away with him, even if it was only for a night. Consequences be dammed.

My heart was pounding frantically in my chest to the point I thought it might explode. I wasn’t a risk taker. I wasn’t someone who followed my heart. I was a gut only kind of girl, and my gut was twisted up in knots. It was telling me that I was out of my mind.

Josh: Are you with me?

I rocked back and forth on my bed waiting for the queasy feeling to subside. When that didn’t work, I stood up and ran my fingers through my hair.

Me: Give me thirty minutes.

Me: Oh, and pick me up out by the street. Don’t pull into the driveway.

Josh: Yes ma’am!

What the hell had I just done?

Probably the dumbest idea ever, and I just jumped on board.

Just breathe. As if telling myself that would actually work.

I rushed over to my closet and pulled out an overnight bag from the top shelf. Then I quickly locked my bedroom door so I wouldn’t get caught in the middle of packing. Wouldn’t that be great?

I wasn’t careful about picking and choosing clothes. Instead, I just threw everything in there like I was running away from home. That’s what it felt like I was doing, running away.

Fox was going to flip out once he realized I was gone.

I decided that I’d leave him a note on my nightstand, and just text my Mom once I was already on the road. I could make up some story about hanging out with my cousin Beth over the weekend. She couldn’t exactly freak out until Fox and Obi called her, and hopefully by then we’d be far out of town.

Fox was out late, and Obi fell asleep on the couch around eight thirty. He was exhausted from wrestling practice, and I told him I’d be in my room studying for the night. He’d never expect me to leave, but boy he’d be pissed when he found out. This overwhelming guilt started to creep in. I could feel the weight of it on my shoulders like I was carrying bricks, and I wished it didn’t have to be that way. Obi was the last person I’d want to hurt, but deep down I thought maybe he’d understand. After our talk, he seemed more receptive. Maybe a trip away would be exactly what we all needed.

Oh, who was I kidding?

It was a gigantic excuse to try and rectify my wrong doings, and it wasn’t working.

This was my chance. I could run away, even if just for the night, and forget all about the burdens at home. It was a chance for me to have a tiny piece of freedom. And no matter how small it was, I needed it.

Once my toothbrush was in the bag, I zipped it up. I grabbed my phone and my charger and stuffed them into my extra-large purse. Chances are, I was probably forgetting something, but I didn’t have time to worry about it. Inside the drawer of my desk, I grabbed a notebook and pen to write Fox a note. I wouldn’t tell him where I was going, not that I actually knew, but I wanted to give him some peace of mind that I’d be all right.

Dear Fox,

I’m sorry that I couldn’t tell you this face to face, but I needed a break. I needed a chance to breathe a little, and I couldn’t do that here. So, I’m going out of town for the weekend, but I’ll be back home soon. Please don’t worry about me. I’m in good hands. Nothing will happen to me, so there is no need to worry. Just give me this space. It’s what I need. I know that you don’t understand what it feels like to be trapped, and living a life that has no meaning, but I can tell you that it’s hard. But… It’s even harder when the people trapping you are the ones you love the most. Maybe someday, when you aren’t so angry with me, we could sit down and talk like we used to. But I’m probably fooling myself. Things won’t ever be like they used to be. Will they?

There is no need to try chasing after me either, I’ll be back home when I’m ready. I’m eighteen, Fox. You’ve got to give me a little freedom, even if it means disappointing our parents.

I love you very much, and I promise I’ll be home soon.

I’m so sorry.

All my love,

Little BIRD

P.S. Don’t be hard on Obi. This wasn’t his fault.

I set the notebook on my nightstand so that he wouldn’t miss it, and then grabbed my bag. I crept slowly through the hall, and down the stairs, careful not to wake up Obi. Too bad we didn’t have carpet; cause the hard wood was not easy to sneak around on. You would’ve thought that I weighed as much as a grown man with the amount of noise I was making.

I disarmed the alarm, and gently closed the front door behind me. I was paranoid, and looking all around. Just waiting for someone to snatch me up, and drag me back into the house. My pounding heart was almost as loud as the ringing in my ears.

The driveway was mostly dark once I made it around the fountain. I tucked myself as close as I could to the hedges, and jogged the rest of the way. If Fox had pulled up and caught me, he would’ve gone ballistic.

Once I was outside of the gate, I stopped for just a second to catch my breath. I hadn’t even run that far, but it was like my body’s natural response. The adrenaline rush was overwhelming.

Headlights caught my eye, and I almost freaked out. I thought for sure I was caught. Whoever it was rolled to a complete stop, and that was when I saw the Camaro. It was a sight for sore eyes.

We did it.

I opened the car door and jumped in like my ass was on fire. I didn’t look back.

“Go!” I yelled.

His car jolted forward, and we sped off into the night.