I know I should call him but every time I pick up the phone, my hand starts shaking and I have to put it back down again.
I don’t remember walking away from my friends at the coffee shop but the next thing I know, I’m in the park, sitting alone on a long bench surrounded by roses. They smell so sweet it almost calms my thumping chest but every time I reach out to touch a bloom, I’m pricked by a sharp thorn.
The pain is intense, a drop of blood beading on the tip of my thumb and dripping onto the grass. I gasp and my eyes fill with tears. I’m so angry I want to rip all the roses from the earth, throw them in a pile and burn them in a bonfire of rage.
My phone vibrates and I look at it from what feels like a million miles away.
It’s Kaden.
I consider simply not answering.
What is there left to say?
Everything we created together has been shattered in one night.
How can he possibly make that better?
I’m sorry?
It didn’t mean anything?
Of course it meant something.
Melinda is one of his best friends and she’s been in love with him forever. I’m supposed to be his partner but we barely see each other.
He said he loved me and we’ve shared some of the most intimate moments any couple can and yet he so easily let himself be seduced by Melinda.
It meant everything.
The phone stops vibrating and I’m almost relieved - until it starts again.
I press the button and put it too my ear.
I don’t say anything.
“Claire?” Kaden’s voice sounds gruff and stained. “Claire, sweetheart, talk to me.”
I sniff and feel more tears dripping down my cheeks. “Those were some nice pictures they took. Captured you and Melinda perfectly.”
He swears and I have to pull the phone away from my ear, jumping at the ferocity of his voice.
“We’ve had this conversation before,” he says. “Melinda and I are friends, that’s all. I love you.”
“You lied to me.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You said you were working.”
He sighs. “I was working.”
“Clearly.”
“Look, I couldn’t get a flight back so I was stuck in New York anyway.”
“Why didn’t you just tell me you wanted to go to Melinda’s party? You could have taken me with you. Since, you know, we’re supposed to be together.”
“I didn’t think you’d want to go - I know you and Melinda aren’t exactly friendly.”
“So you went alone. Danced with her all night. She must have been over the moon considering she’s in love with you. Is this all some big game to you? How many of us are you stringing along?”
“Damn it, Claire,” he snaps. “Do you know what you sound like right now?”
“No, why don’t you tell me?” I throw back. “How exactly am I supposed to react when you and the woman you’re supposed to be just friends with are photographed making out in a dark corner?”
He swears again. “Claire, it’s not what it looked like.”
“The people I work with knew about you and her before I did. If you could have seen the pity in their expressions.” I’m crying again. “You’ve made me into a joke. The woman too stupid to see what’s been right in front of her the whole time.”
“Claire,” his voice is softer now. “Claire, stop. Go to the apartment and wait there. I’m coming. I’ll be on the next flight to L.A.”
“Don’t bother. Give Melinda my congratulations. Not that she’ll need them. It’s clear she’s a woman who always gets what she wants. In the end.”
“Claire!” He barks. “Claire, stop.”
“No! You and me are done.”
I press the END button and put the phone back in my pocket.
Almost immediately it starts vibrating again but I ignore it.
I spend the rest of the day pretending I can’t feel the phone and finally just turn it off and toss it in my bag.