Chapter 27
As I sat in the pew, I thought back to the first time I’d been in San Miguel’s Church. The smell of the varnish was distinct and I wished I was sitting with Javier and not alone in the back. He’d invited me to join the family, but I didn’t feel it was appropriate.
As more people came in to take their seat, a beautiful, Hispanic woman with long dark curly hair, walked in with a little boy holding her hand. He was adorable and had on a little black suit. He couldn’t have been more than three years old. His jet black hair was buzzed short and a little longer on the top.
He had big brown eyes that melted my heart as the young woman pulled him along at her side. They went up to the front of the church hugging and kissing each family member as she walked in front of the pew.
The boy pulled away from her and ran to Javier who had just ushered in another family member. Javier swept the boy up and he kissed the top of the child’s head and then hugged him. I watched the tender show of affection and wondered who the little boy was. Probably another cousin, there were so many of them.
I continued to watch as the woman turned and approached Javier. The exchange seemed polite but no hug or kiss like what was displayed with the other family members. When she reached Javier, she tried to take the little boy from Javier’s arms. The boy screeched and wrapped his arms around Javier’s neck.
Javier held his hand up to her and she looked annoyed as she walked away and took a seat several pews back. I continued to watch the interaction between Javier and the child. Once the boy realized that his mom wasn’t going to make him leave Javier, he relaxed and released his grip on Javier’s neck.
Javier looked down at him and said something that made the boy smile. I looked harder at the two of them when I noticed the dimple on his cheek. Javier handed the boy to his mother and father and took his place next to Ricardo in front of the altar. The ceremony was about to begin.
The Mariachi’s began to play and we all stood. I recognized some familiar faces from high school in the masses of people around me. Veronica and Ricardo were truly loved by so many.
At the end of Mass, everyone began filing out, waiting in line to congratulate the bride and groom. I walked up to where everyone was standing. I waited patiently and then Alma walked up to me and put her arm around me. I gave her a hug. Neither of us spoke for a moment.
Alma was just as beautiful as ever. She was Veronica’s maid of honor and only attendant along with Javier in the wedding. She wore her hair shoulder length now and the royal blue cocktail style dress that she wore complimented her beautiful bronze tone skin. I had forgotten how exotic her eyes were and I was comforted by how familiar it felt to be with her again.
“Thank you for coming, Kayla. You are a dear friend to all of us,” Alma said.
“I wish I could have been a better friend to Veronica when she needed it,” I replied.
“Don’t sell yourself short. I am glad you are here now.” She said with a warm smile. “Did you come with Javier and Javi?”
“Javi?”
“Javier’s little boy.” Confusion filled her face.
I stood stunned for a minute. His son. That is his son? Who is the woman? Is he married to her?
I realized I hadn’t answered. “No, Javier rode with the family.”
“Are you coming to the house for the reception?”
“No. I need to get back to Phoenix.”
“Darn, too bad, I was looking forward to catching up with you.”
“I'll be in touch. I promise.” I tried to fake a smile, but deep down inside I was dying. Alma gave me another hug and then excused herself to go join her family. I continued to stand there for a few more minutes with my mind reeling. I slowly turned and walked back to my car. I got in and pulled away. After I crossed the border, I started making my way back to Phoenix.
I was in shock and wasn’t sure if I wanted to cry or have a total temper tantrum. We were apart for six years. He’d no obligation to stay celibate on my account.
Didn’t he know his son would be there today? Didn’t he think it’d be prudent to tell me he had a child? What did his son’s mother mean to him? She obviously didn’t sit with him or show any signs of affection, but that didn’t mean much.
My phone started to buzz about an hour after I left. I glanced at it. It was Javier. I set the phone down and didn’t answer. What was I going to say? That I didn’t want to meet his son?
When I finally arrived home, I carried my luggage upstairs to the condo and crawled into bed. My phone had rung about ten times on my way back to Phoenix. I didn’t listen to the voicemails. I just turned off the phone.
The next morning I called Rafael.
“Hello, hello, little lady. How was your time away?” Rafael said, as he answered the phone.
“He has a son.”
“Oh good Lord, could this saga get any deeper?”
“I think I need to go.”
“Go where?”
“I’m going back East and be with my sister.”
“I'm calling the shrink. You need a vacation in a padded room and a Thorazine drip.”
“That may be true, but I have to make this break and be done.”
“Why are you really running?”
“What do you mean?”
“Why are you running? Do you hate that he has a kid, or he had sex with someone other than you?”
I didn’t answer as I thought about the question. Why was I running away? “I’m leaving because I can’t stand having my heart broken yet again.”
Rafael sighed. “Then, you may as well stop living.”
“What is that supposed to mean? Are you telling me to end my life?”
“No, Sunshine. What I am saying is even when there is no doubt you have the love of your life, there’s still some heartbreak. You need to learn to cope with life and quit running from it. You’ll never be happy until you can walk shoulder to shoulder with someone and be there when they need you. Life isn’t all bliss, all the time. People don’t do things right all the time, Kayla.”
“Well, it’s too late now.”
“What do you mean?”
“When I found out the little boy with him was his son, I left and didn’t answer my phone the rest of the evening.”
Rafael sighed again. “I don’t know what to say, Sunshine. You need to do some soul searching. If you love someone, then you love all of him, not pieces you want to extrapolate.”
I thought about all the advice Rafael provided. I didn’t know what to say. “I guess I'll see you at work tomorrow.”
“Ciao, baby.” Rafael hung up.
I thought more about his words of wisdom. Did I really love Javier? Could I come to terms with the past? Would I ever accept or even love his son? I sat down on the couch resting my head on my knees. I grabbed the pillow next to me and threw it across the room.
~ ~ ~
I was a zombie at work the next day, but somehow, I made it through. Dead tired when I got home, I ordered a pizza at dinnertime and tried to get more work done. The sooner this project finished, the faster I’d be able to break away from Javier Fuentes.
The doorbell rang. I grabbed the money I’d pulled out for the pizza and opened the door. When I opened it, Javier stood there, glaring at me.
“Oh my God, you scared me. I thought you were the pizza boy.” I stopped talking when I saw the anger on his face.
“Why haven’t you returned my calls? I was worried you didn’t make it back safely.”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have worried you.”
“Why did you leave? Why didn’t you tell me you were going?” The hurt in his eyes made my stomach hurt.
“I, you were busy with family and I needed to get back.” I looked down at the floor.
Javier didn’t move, didn’t say anything. He just stood there staring at me. The pizza boy walked up and Javier shoved money in his hand and took the pizza to get rid of him. He handed me the box, never attempting to come inside.
“Thank you.” I took the box while we were still standing there.
“Why did you leave?”
“I told you. I needed to get back. I’m falling behind at work.”
“If that’s true, look at me when you say it.”
I looked up. Tears were already in my eyes and I couldn’t speak.
“Why did you leave?” he asked, softer this time.
“Are you married?”
“What? Why would you think that?”
“Who was the woman with the little boy?”
Javier ran his hand through his hair and looked down in frustration. “Cecelia is my ex-wife.”
I stood there not knowing what to do. I didn’t expect this. I didn’t know how to react. I thought he’d wanted me and yet he’d been married and had a child.
“Can I come in? Do we have to discuss this in the doorway where your neighbors can hear us?”
I stepped back from the door. He stepped in and closed the door behind him. He turned back to me but I walked away to set down the pizza on the table. He didn’t follow, so I returned to find him still standing at the door. I really didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t my business to pry into his past, and frankly I could’ve lived without ever knowing any of this.
“How long were you married?” I asked.
“Two years,” he answered.
“How long have you been divorced?”
“Two years.”
I stayed silent.
“I hoped you’d meet my son while you were there yesterday,” Javier said softly.
“Maybe another time. It was a tiring day for everyone.”
“Kayla, what are you mad about? Why did you run away?”
I didn’t know what to say. There was nothing I could say that even sounded mature at this point.
“I think I just got scared.”
“Scared of what?”
“I don’t know, Javier. I’d no idea that you had an ex-wife or a son. I wasn’t prepared for that.”
He looked at me for a long moment before responding. “I love my son very much. He’s part of the package if you’re going to be part of my life.”
We looked at each other and neither of us spoke. He turned and started walking toward the door.
“Did you love her?” I blurted, not sure why I even asked the question. He married her, therefore I’d assume he loved her.
He turned back. “I thought I did, but in the end, I think I was just in love with the idea of loving someone.”
The amount of sadness in his eyes hurt my heart. “What happened? What made you realize you didn’t love her?”
“We just didn’t fit. When the glamor of the wedding and honeymoon were over, we were just two people moving in different directions, with different wants and different dreams. She was pregnant when we married, so we focused on the baby and barely talked to each other.”
A tear rolled down my face thinking about his wedding and him having a baby with someone else. I couldn’t even function without him and he went and found a replacement.
“I was barely existing without you. You got married and had a baby.”
“Kayla, the situation was different for me. You thought I was dead. I knew I was in Mexico because your dad put me there. For all I knew you were a part of it.”
“How could you ever think that? Didn’t you know me? Who I am? Didn’t you know how much I loved you? I would never have agreed to such a thing.”
“I know that now, but not as a younger man, a kid.”
A few more tears rolled down my face and I wiped them away. “I thought that we would, I mean we never talked about it, but I thought when the time was right that we would, we might,” I couldn’t get out what I was trying to say.
“That we might what, Kayla? Have children?”
I nodded because I couldn’t speak from the barrage of tears falling now.
Javier sighed. “Kayla, I don’t know what is in the cards for us. Maybe we will have our own children someday. I know that we’ve never talked about it, but we just barely reconnected again, and we are still getting to know each other again.”
I stood there looking down.
Javier didn’t approach me. “Javi is just a little boy. My little boy. I hope you can find it in your heart to accept him and maybe someday even care about him.”