Chapter Twelve
Jade
I was warm. I hadn’t been warm or comfortable in weeks. I hadn’t slept for more than a couple of hours in weeks. Vanilla and coco invaded my senses and I took deep breaths, taking as much in as I could. My chest ached and I didn’t want to wake from this dream. I didn’t want to wake and see I wasn’t home. I hated what my heart and body felt was home. I should have learned by now you can’t rely on people. I couldn’t trust anyone with any part of me.
Sighing, I stretched my well-rested body and slowly opened my eyes. I knew what I’d see. I knew who I’d see. I tried to muster anger, but right now I didn’t have anything left. “I still hate you.”
“Jade, I’m so, so, sorry. I love yo—”
“Don’t. Don’t you dare say it. I swear if you finish that sentence I will never forgive you.” I could handle a lot but hearing those words from him I couldn’t take, especially now.
“I thought it was me and my family causing you to get hurt and shot at.”
“Oh so it’s okay now because it was my family who was trying to kill me?”
“Yes, no. Can’t you give me a break?”
“What like you gave me when I needed you most, when I awoke in hospital all alone after being shot?” I whacked him with my cast as I still couldn’t use my other one. I don’t know why he brought out my violent side but he did.
“That was hard for me too.”
“Bullshit. You pushed your way into my life from the get-go. I pretty much begged you to stay away from me. I told you I couldn’t handle your kind of ‘love’. I can’t do this, Stephan. I won’t put myself through this again.”
“I promise I won’t ever hurt you again.”
“You’re a liar.” I climbed off the bed. “You don’t know how not to hurt me. All you’ve done since you met me is hurt me.”
Stephan got of the bed and reached for me.
“Stay back. Don’t you touch me. Don’t you ever touch me again.”
In usual Silverman style Stephan didn’t listen to me and gathered me to him, cupping my face and forcing me to stare at him. “No. You’re mine. I will always want you and I know you don’t want to hear this now but I need to say it. I love you. I will always love you, Jade. I regret the last few weeks more than I regret anything in my life. I was scared. Terrified. I never wanted this. What you and me have. Before you I hadn’t ever had a relationship with a woman or girl other than my aunties and mum. I’d seen how us Silvermans acted with our mates and I didn’t want any of it. Then I saw you and knew I wanted exactly what they had and more with you. Please, Jade, give me another chance. ”
Shit. I could feel my will crumbling and any fight I had against Stephan vanishing. Gazing into his deep blue eyes, I groaned, “I hate you.”
“You’ve said that.”
“Well I mean it.” Jerking from his hold, I paced. “You get one more chance. I swear, Stephan, that’s it. If I feel any unwanted pressure I will never, and mean never, give you another chance.”
He smiled and his damn dimples popped. I prayed I’d done the right thing.
*****
Stephan
“Man, I advise against this. You’re young to have a girl’s name tattooed on you.”
“Oh, my brother won’t regret this.” I grinned over at Derick. I told him what I had booked and he was eager to come and watch.
“If you say so, man.”
I okayed the design and laid back in the chair. The outline started, which was the most painful needles.
“So why isn’t this girl with you here?”
“She’s having a movie night with her girlfriends.” I closed my eyes and pictured her as he did his work.
“You’ve had the tat booked in for weeks though.”
“Yeah, I wanted it before her birthday. It’s Saturday. I’ve planned a huge party and my parents have bought her a car.”
“Wow, sounds like a lucky girl.”
“I didn’t know you’d had it booked for that long, Stephan,” Derick said.
“I booked it when she moved in.” I opened my eyes and looked down at Stew, the best tattoo artist in the state. “She deserved that and much, much, more.”
Stew paused and looked up.
“She been through some things?”
“To hell and back over and over. She turns eighteen this weekend and has one hand in a cast and the other in a sling from being shot and that’s just her arms.”
“Christ, man. She sounds like one tough bird.”
“That she is.”
“Well I hope she loves the tat.”
I wasn’t sure how Jade would react to the tat. The last couple of days since Jade had come back home, she wasn’t in the kitchen baking and dancing, and she wouldn’t sleep in my bed. I came to her room to sleep and she wouldn’t let me in the covers unless I at least had boxers on. She didn’t snuggle in the morning and she wouldn’t go anywhere with my family. My mother had invited her shopping, a spa day and just out to lunch, she’d declined everything. She dropped the restraining order, but avoided my touch. I needed something to show her how serious I was and there was no one else for me, I loved her.
Yesterday she’d seen her doctor to check her cast and to see if she could take the sling off her other arm. Jade wouldn’t let me be in the room with her and the doctor and I worried when she took longer than the fifteen minutes I was told she’d be. Jade came out bright red and would barely look at me. I asked her what took her so long and she turned a deeper shade of red if at all possible. She was given prescriptions but refused me taking her to get them, I left the subject when she begged me to leave it alone and she promised as soon as we got home that she’d get my mum to take her to the chemist. I was curious but left it and tried to ask my mum but she wouldn’t tell me.
This afternoon when Jade had gone out with friends, I don’t even think she would have told me she was going except for the fact I came to her. I even kissed her goodbye. She was killing me. Her eyes used to hold fire, warmth, and love, but now were dull and almost lifeless. I needed my little bit back.
*****
I got a text at midnight telling me she was staying at Cassie’s house. Oh fuck no. I said I wasn’t sleeping without her ever again and I bloody meant it. Going to my car, I got in and drove to Cassie and Scott’s house. I called Scott and he stood smirking at the door when I pulled into the driveway.
“She’s in the spare room.”
Nodding thanks to Scott I went inside and up the stairs to the spare room. Not bothering knocking I opened the door and went to the bed.
“Stephan. What the hell?” Jade sat up, she wore only her bra and I could see the matching panties.
“I promised myself I would never sleep a night without you again. So we either go home or I’m getting in here with you.”
Jade crossed her arms over her chest. “Fine. Home.”
I went to the bed, picked her up, and threw her over my shoulder.
“Hey, put me down.”
I left the room, went down the stairs, and passed a laughing Scott who opened the door for me. “Can you get Cassie to bring her things tomorrow?”
“Sure, man.”
I left the house and placed Jade gently in the passenger seat. I smiled as she sat there fuming. I got in and drove us home.
“You know you’re a possessive idiot.”
I couldn’t keep the grin off my face at her fight.
“Only for you, little bit.” She harrumphed and turned from me to gaze out the window.
When we got home I went around the car, opened the door, and picked her up again, this time she laughed and my heart soared at the light carefree sound. Once in the house, I went to my room and placed her on the bed and then I stripped.
Her laughter turned into a gasp. She knelt on my bed and crawled closer to me.
“Stephan, is it real?”
The fingers sticking out from her cast came up and gingerly traced the heart and the key made with her name and sat ready to unlock my heart. “Of course it’s real.”
Tears rolled down her cheek and she sobbed. Shit, I’d hurt her. Crap.
“You’re crazy,” she hiccupped out. “You tattooed my name on your chest as a key to your heart. Are you insane?”
I sighed in relief when I realized she wasn’t crying because I hurt her. “I thought it was a good present. A way to show you how I feel. To show you you’re it for me. I will never hurt you again. I love you more than you could ever imagine.”
“Oh, Stephan,” she sobbed.
“Don’t cry. I didn’t do it to make you cry. I want you to smile. I want the light back in your eyes. I want you baking cupcakes and slices and dancing around the kitchen singing with your amazing voice. I want you with your fight back. I want you.”
“Stephan,” Jade groaned on a breathless whisper. She stood and came to the edge of the bed yanking me to her. Her mouth fused with mine and she pulled me down to the bed. I lay down and she straddled me. “You make it so hard for me. Every time I think I have my walls built high you not only knock it down you demolish it.”
“I love you, little bit.”
“I don’t hate you.”
I chuckled. “Progress.”
Jade shook her head and leaned down until her lips brushed over the tattoo. “You’re full of surprises. Thank you, crazy man.” She wiggled into the covers and I followed. Jade draped herself over me. “Good night, my crazy man.”
Smiling, I hugged Jade to me feeling like I’d won the best prize in the universe. She just called me hers.
*****
Jade
Distancing myself wasn’t working. The past week I’d tried everything, going to a different room to sleep which didn’t work because he was back to carrying me around when I said no. I tried being with Cassie and my other girlfriends, again he just invaded and they thought he was cute. Argh. Then I tried just reading and studying but the idiot would do the same beside me, touching my leg, arm, cheek or hair every chance he could. Then every time I saw the goddamned tattoo I went goo, goo. I couldn’t believe he got a tattoo with my name. It was an amazing design. The heart was on the left side of his chest just above his nipple. It had a lock in the middle and a key set in the lock that was made up of my name.
Stephan touched me all the time. He touched me before, but this last week it was like he’d up the ante. I think he wanted me to crave him so I never left him. My body felt like it was on friggin' fire. I’d been almost caught a couple of times trying to pleasure myself to help the aching coursing through me. It’s hard to masturbate when you have one hand in a cast and the other was still tender from being shot.
I swear last night I dreamed of having an orgasm and just as I was about to get there wanker moved and jolted me awake. I was so horny I couldn’t sleep on Stephan. When I’d seen my doctor last I’d asked for a prescription for the pill. I tried fooling myself for a while telling myself I didn’t need them. When I got them for myself, the first couple of days I even tried convincing myself not to take them because I wouldn’t need them. I had said I would never have sex with Stephan, but deep down I knew it was bullshit. I wasn’t ready today and I may not be tomorrow, but I knew if things kept going how they were I would be ready to make the huge step and give him me. I lay on my back staring at the ceiling in the dark room.
The sun peeked through the blinds giving light to the dark room. I didn’t want to open my eyes, but I could see the lighter shade of black. Soft lips trailed gentle kisses over my face and down my neck. I tilted my head up so the mouth could have better access. Teeth tugged on the tip of my ear sending shots of pleasure straight to my pussy. “Morning, birthday girl.”
Groaning, I opened my eyes. “Don’t I get to sleep in on my birthday?”
“Yes, if you were sleeping, but I know you were awake. Come on, we have lots to do today.”
I rolled over onto my stomach and glared at him. “Aha, no way. Today is my day. So when you say ‘we’ you mean you have lots to do. I intend to spend the day sunbathing by the pool, going to the movies, and then clubbing with my friends later. I may even come to your game.” I wouldn’t ever miss his game. I loved watching him play football and when we had our break up it was one of the things I really missed. This would be the first game I’d seen in weeks.
Stephan sat up and the cover slipped down showing his tat, I honed in on it and my heart did summersaults. He reached over and tucked my bed hair behind my ears, he lingered at my neck, the pads of his fingers stroking me. I shivered and clenched my thighs, my body melting at his touch. Stupid reaction to him. Stupid body for betraying me.
Stephan smirked and the damn dimples popped. “Well, if it’s what you want.” He got out of bed and I smiled at his rock hard erection. At least I had the same effect on him.
Sighing, I rolled back only to squeal when arms slid under me and lifted me. “Hey, put me down.” As usual Stephan didn’t listen, and carried me to the bathroom and got out a waterproof liner for my cast. After putting it on me, he turned the water on and stepped under the spray. I stared stunned. I’d seen Stephan naked all the time, but I’d never watched him shower. Fantasied, dreamed of it, yes, but seeing…argh, no. I watched as the water riveted over his muscular body. His dick was still standing at attention and all I could do was stare.
“You going to stand there all day or join me?”
Shooting my gaze up to his face, I felt my face heat. Slowly I eased into the shower shutting the glass screen. “Why?” What had changed? He hadn’t done anything like this before.
Stephan gathered me to him and the hot refreshing spray hit me. “Why what?”
“You know. You never showered with me before now. Why now?”
“I’m upping my game.” He reached for my lavender scrub and poured some on my lather sponge. “I missed you so much. I never want to be without you again. I didn’t realize how much I needed you until you weren’t here.” He rubbed the sponge over my body paying special attention to my breasts.
“I thought you were going to give me time and wait until I was ready?”
“I’ll give you time. If I do anything you don’t like or want, just tell me and I promise I’ll stop. I want you, Jade. I want you more than my next breath, but I know that you’re not ready for sex. I want you to get used to my touch. I want to know what you like and don’t. I want you happy.”
Biting my bottom lip, I nodded. He really made it hard for me not to fall for him. I didn’t want to forgive him for leaving me like he did, but when he said things like he just did and then he friggin' tattooed my name on him, I found the wall around my heart not only slipping, but smashing into a million tiny pieces, never to be erected again.