I’ve been staring at my computer screen for so long, I swear my eyes are about to fall out of my head. I close my eyes and cover them with my hands, trying to relieve the dryness, but it’s no use. Glancing at the time, I realize it’s seven o’clock and I’ve been at this term paper all day long. No wonder my eyes are exhausted, not to mention my brain being fried.

I quickly save the document that is due in less than forty-eight hours, and finally stand, letting the blood circulate again in my legs. I spend a little extra time rubbing my knee, realizing it wasn’t such a great idea to sit for so long. I will probably be limping around tomorrow because of it. I should know better by now.

Glancing at the clock again, I realize that the old man didn’t call me to come in today and help him at the shop. Maybe he took me serious for once, when I explained I had to get this paper done this weekend. My dad has never been a fan of me going back to school. He said I should suck up the fact that I lost my ride and get a real job in the real world. You would think he would be happy that even though I don’t have the four-year scholarship that my football injury cost me, I’m still trying my best to make something of myself.

Instead, he acts like I’m a failure and doesn’t hesitate to remind me how much my injury cost him financially and his not so subtle reminders about the second mortgage he had to take out on the house to pay all my medical bills. How I should be a mechanic and take over the shop one day. While I’m a good mechanic, it’s not what I’m passionate about, but trying to explain that to him is pointless.

That’s why I set my own goals—get a job, finish school, and pay the old man back every damn penny, just so I don’t have to hear about it anymore.

My phone starts ringing, and at first I think that the old man is psychic and has sensed that I am thinking shit about him, but I’m relieved to see it’s my buddy Josh calling instead.

“Hey, man, what’s up?” I answer, stretching to relieve the tension in my shoulders.

“Dude, are you fucking done with that paper yet?” Josh responds, not even bothering to say hello.

“Almost, I still need to run through it one more time. I don’t want to get points off because my grammar and punctuation sucks.”

“You have all day tomorrow. Why don’t you come up and go out with me and the guys?”

“I don’t know, man. I really should stay and finish up. Besides, you would have to wait on my ass.” I glance at the clock again. The truth is, I have plenty of time to be there and go out, but the problem is I just don’t have it in me to want to party.

“Come on, Ty, ever since that cute waitress dumped your ass, you have been moping around. She was pretty, I give her that, but there are many good-looking girls out here.”

I should have known that he would bring up Julie. I wish I had never told him about her. Crying in my beer one night, I let it out about my feelings toward her and I haven’t heard the end of it since. Even though she married Ben Parker just last week, I still care about her and I miss her.

“It’s not that. I really need to earn a good grade on this paper.” It’s a lie; I have a 4.0 GPA, something I never achieved in high school. Of course, I didn’t take learning seriously back then since I thought I had the world by the balls.

“Yeah, I call bullshit on that. Look, the best way to get over a girl, is to find a new one, and it’s about time you got out there and did just that. Bring your damn computer, I’m sure some little hottie wouldn’t mind helping you with proofreading over breakfast.” Josh starts laughing.

“Also, you never gave me an answer about this summer. That bartender position is open if you still want it. You can stay with me and Todd; we have an extra room. Listen, I worry about you, man. I think that Julie chick fucked with your head. It’s time to get out there and get back into the game. You still have some good years left before you settle down and shit.”

As he continues to give me a speech about playing the field and not getting too close to just one girl, I glance at the open wedding invitation—the invitation I never responded to. It was Julie’s peace offering to invite me, but seeing his name next to hers and having to witness their first kiss as man and wife—no thank you, I’ll pass. Besides, who the hell wants to drive to some hick town in Texas? I pick up the invite and stare at it, realizing that my buddy is right. I need to let it go—let her go.

“Shut the fuck up.” I interrupt him. “I’ll go if you promise to not bring her up again. Ever.” I add.

“Deal, man. I’ll see you in a couple of hours,” he says before hanging up.

Before I leave to grab a shower and get ready, I drop the invitation in the wastebasket by my desk.

The guys and I arrive at Oasis, the place I’ll be working if I decide to spend the summer here. Memories of my last visit, where Julie and I kissed on the patio, begin to flood my mind. Here I go again, torturing myself over her. At ten thirty at night, all the tables and booths are full, so we head over to the bar to grab a drink. Luckily, Josh’s friend Todd declares himself the designated driver this time, since he is currently in training and can’t drink. I’m thankful, because I really need to have a drink now. Memories of Julie and our kiss on the club’s patio are all I can think about.

We finally get the bartender to take our order, when Josh slaps me on the shoulder. “Hey, Ty, isn’t that the hot blonde we met at your friend’s bachelorette party a few months ago?” Josh asks as he points to a booth off to the right of us.

Immediately, I recognize Jackie Winston smiling, laughing, and carrying on with a couple of girlfriends. Damn, she looks good, I think to myself.

That night … how could I forget? I thought that Julie and I were finally getting closer, especially after our kiss. When she introduced Jackie, I hadn’t recognized her at first. She wasn’t the little girl in the Cinderella costume, in tears because she was lost. She is grown now and beautiful. Even though Clover is a small town, I haven’t seen her in person since I graduated high school. She was in the local paper a lot over the years, winning beauty contests every time you turned around. Jackie Winston went from being an annoying brat to a total knockout almost overnight.

The funny thing about that night was that Jackie had acted like she didn’t remember me either. I didn’t call her out on it, because I was just as guilty, mainly to keep Julie from being jealous. Thinking back now, maybe I should have made Julie jealous, since being the nice guy sure didn’t help me.

I glance over at the table again. Jackie Winston is easy to spot in a crowd. Her long blonde hair and bright smile light up a room. She has a way about her, a poise that draws your attention to her. It’s no wonder she has won every damn beauty contest you can imagine.

After the night of her sister Holly’s bachelorette party, I would see her almost every day when I was at school or hanging around town. Why I never saw her before then, I don’t know. Maybe it’s because my head wasn’t on straight. We never talked, but would just wave or say hello, that is, until Holly’s wedding. When Julie couldn’t get Ben Parker out of her head, it was Jackie who had talked to me. Even after my fight with Ben, she had run after me, just to check and see if I was okay. For once, I hadn’t minded her chasing after me.

She is smiling and seems to be having a good time. She is definitely happier than the last time I saw her, which was at her father’s funeral. That day, her sadness broke my heart.

I stand in the back, keeping a close eye on Julie as she sits with the Winston family near the grave site at Clover Cemetery. I’m thankful that one of the male family members gave up his seat for her to sit. I don’t think he knows she’s pregnant and I don’t want to be the one to let it out. I look around, making sure that Julie’s ex-boyfriend Ben is behaving himself, when I spot Jackie Winston standing off to the side … alone. Why isn’t she with her family? I wonder to myself. I continue to watch her and the hurt written all over her face is gut-wrenching.

As the minister continues saying his words, I notice she starts walking away. The crazy thing is that no one seems to be trying to stop her. Can’t they see that she’s upset? I keep watching, and when it’s obvious that no one is going after her, I decide to once again play the hero.

I start easing my way away from the crowd to follow her. I just want to make sure she is okay. I know how difficult it is when you lose a parent. I lost my mom several years ago and I still miss her each and every day. Besides, even though I thought Jackie was an annoying brat in school, she was nice to me at her sister Holly’s wedding, especially after my fight with Ben.

When I had stormed away from the reception after Holly’s husband Mike had broken up the fight, it was Jackie who had run after me to make sure I was okay, not Julie. I had wanted it to be Julie.

Jackie had driven me home, knowing I had indulged in a few drinks at the reception. She had let me go on and on about Julie and Ben. She had leant me her ear that night as I continued to get wasted at home. I must have passed out, because the next day she was gone, with not a trace of her in sight except for the bobby pins and flowers from her hair left on my nightstand. I never had the chance to thank her for talking with me that night.

I pause when I finally spot her again, standing by my buddy Jason’s grave. She is kneeling on the ground, holding on to the headstone and crying. I can’t make out all the words she is saying from here, but I’m pretty sure she’s talking to him.

My mind is spinning over what to do. Should I go to her and offer her comfort? Should I leave her alone and give her peace? Should I offer to listen to her as she listened to me weeks ago?

Suddenly, she stops and turns to look at me as if she read my thoughts. She just stares at me. This stare is different and her eyes pierce my very soul with the pain generating from them. I have no clue what to say to her, but I feel obligated to walk to her. As I approach, she stands and walks toward me.

“Are you all right?” I finally ask.

She nods as she attempts to wipe her tear-streaked face.

“Would you like me to walk with you back to the service?” I offer.

“Not yet. I need a minute,” she says as she wipes her face.

I have no clue what to say to her. I have already used the usual line of I’m sorry for your loss, earlier at the funeral home. The fact that she came over to Jason’s grave has me even more clueless about what to say to her.

“Do you want to go somewhere and talk?” She looks up at me and asks out of the blue, catching me off guard.

“I … well, I can’t right now. I have to …” I look back over at the grave site service, feeling torn between helping her and helping Julie.

“Of course, Julie needs you. I’m sorry I even asked,” she says coldly as she turns and walks away from me. But instead of heading back to her family at the service, she heads toward the cemetery’s exit.

“Hey, hold up,” I call out to her, but she continues walking away, hugging herself like she is the loneliest person in the world. Feeling obligated to Julie first, I don’t chase after her, even though my body aches to. She never hesitates or turns back as she walks away from the grave site, away from her family, and away from me.

I remember that day vividly and I regret not having gone with Jackie. Julie had made it clear that day that we were only friends, and now that she is married to Ben and they are planning their life together, it is time to move on. Problem is, I’m pretty sure Jackie now hates my guts.

After that day at the cemetery, I would see her at school and she would go out of her way to avoid me. Long gone are the days of her eyes following me, so I seriously doubt she would enjoy me dropping by her table right now.

“Earth to Tyler. Are you going to be a pal and hook a brother up?” Josh asks again.

“Nah, she’s had a rough patch of it lately, let’s let her be. I don’t think she would be in the mood for your charms right now, anyhow,” I tease him. We find seats as the bartender finally gives us our beers and we begin to watch the basketball game playing on the TV screen in the corner. We start trash talking each other’s teams when I hear a voice beside me ordering a white wine. I recognize Jackie’s sweet angelic voice instantly.

I look over at her and she smiles. The first smile she has given me in what seems like a very long time. “Hi,” she says, catching me by surprise that she is actually speaking to me.

“Hi. How’ve you been?” I ask, turning in my stool to face her as I feel my buddy’s elbow jab me in the ribs.

“I’ve been good. You?”

I can’t take my eyes off hers, but the jab from Josh’s elbow once again reminds me that he wants a re-introduction. “Jackie, you remember my buddy Josh? And this is our friend Todd.”

“Yes. Hi, Josh, it’s nice seeing you again. And it’s nice to meet you too, Todd.”

“The pleasure is all mine, sweetness,” Josh says as he takes her hand like a cornball and kisses it. Some chicks dig that shit, but when I watch Jackie’s reaction, she looks at him indifferently and is clearly not affected by his charms.

“So, you girls taking a break from the books?” I look over at her table as her friends smile and wave.

“I had to get away for a night. Cramming for finals is killing me.”

“You too? I have one more term paper and a final on Monday, then I’m not cracking open one book until the fall,” I declare.

“Same here. Are you going to go through the graduation ceremony next week?” she asks as I keep my focus on her eyes. I don’t think I’ve ever seen eyes quite that blue. They remind me of the bluish green waters of the gulf here on the beach.

Her eyes also haunt me with a memory of something from the past. Something I try to forget but never seem able to. I shake off my memory when I remember she asked me a question. “Hell, yeah, I earned it. I know it’s not the big one yet, but it’s something. What about you?”

“My mom is practically making me. Besides, as Miss Clover State, I’m obligated to attend even if I wasn’t graduating,” she says as she starts to giggle.

“What’s so funny?” I ask her, clearly not understanding the joke, if there is one.

“Nothing. I just had a thought. Never mind,” she says.

I’m about to insist she tells me when Josh interrupts us.

“Did I hear you say you’re Miss Clover State? Like a real beauty queen?”

“Yes, I am,” she says, looking over at him and actually blushes.

The waiter brings her the glass of wine, but before she can pay, I motion to him to put it on my tab.

“Thank you. You don’t have to, it’s not why I came up to the bar,” she says, still reaching for money in her pocket.

“I know that, but we need to toast.” I wave to the bartender to ignore her attempt to pay.

“Thank you,” she repeats, holding her glass up for a toast.

“Here’s to graduating Clover Junior College and off to bigger and better things. Cheers!”

“Cheers.” She taps her glass to my bottle before taking a modest sip. She glances toward her table and I see the girls motioning for her to come back. “I better get back. I’ll talk to you later, unless you guys want to join us?” she asks, catching me off guard once again.

“I don’t want to impose—” I start, but get interrupted again.

“Sure, we’d love too,” Josh says as his elbow hits my ribs yet again. If he does that one more time, I swear I will kick his ass.

“Come on over then. I’ll introduce you to my friends.” She smiles and heads back to her booth. I watch her walk away and what a sexy view it is, with her white bikini strap shirt and pink denim mini skirt. Once again, reminding me that she isn’t a little girl anymore.

“So, are you calling dibs on her?” Josh asks before we head to the table.

“What? Who?” I look over at him.

“On blondie, the beauty queen,” Josh adds.

“Her name is Jackie, not blondie,” I scold him, not liking his nickname for her at all. It makes her sound like a bimbo.

“Whatever. Are you calling dibs or not?” he asks again.

“Why would you think that?” I look at him, wondering where he is headed with this.

“Dude, come on, I saw the way you looked at her. And she totally came over here because of you,” Josh says and Todd nods to me in agreement.

“We’re just friends,” I declare to the both of them.

“She can be my friend any day. Are you calling dibs or not?” Todd asks the question this time, as it seems both of my buds are smitten with her.

I think for a moment. While I’m not ready to start anything with anyone, especially Jackie Winston, I realize that if I say no, they will try to put the moves on her. For some odd reason, it bothers me. I look over at her again as she is laughing and having a great time with her friends. Maybe some of her positive energy will rub off on me.

“Yeah, I’m calling dibs,” I say quickly before I change my mind.

“Fine,” Josh says and I can hear the disappointment in his tone. “Consider it my graduation present to you.” This time he slaps me on the shoulder. It never fails to amuse me that he clearly thinks he is a ladies’ man and women will fall at his feet.

We make our way to the table. Josh and Todd slide in next to Jackie’s friends and I slide in next to Jackie. It still feels awkward sitting next to her, knowing how pissed she was at me at her dad’s funeral.

“Amber, Maya, this is my friend Tyler and his friends Josh and Todd,” she says as she makes introductions. Well, at least she called me a friend.

As Josh and Todd start talking with Jackie’s friends, I sit quietly beside Jackie, not knowing what the hell to say to her. “Nice weather this weekend, huh?” I regret speaking the moment the words leave my lips. Did I seriously just start talking about the weather to her?

“Really? You want to talk about the weather?” She laughs as she clearly thought the question was lame too.

“Sorry, I’m so brain fried from that damn term paper. What have you been up to lately?” I quickly brush off my embarrassment. I usually have better game than this, but something about her has me off kilter.

“Well, I’ve been working on finals like you. I had to cram really hard after going to Texas last weekend.” Her expression changes quickly as she realizes she slipped up. “Sorry,” she says as I remain silent.

I can’t keep pretending that Julie turning me down and marrying Ben doesn’t hurt. Of course, Jackie would attend the wedding. Julie is practically family to the Winstons. “It’s okay. As long as she’s happy,” I say before taking a large swig of my beer. I could use a whiskey chaser right about now. I hurry to think of something to change the subject.

“How’s your mom? Is she doing okay after—” I stop my question mid-sentence when her eyes get wider and she immediately looks down to break our eye contact. Now I feel like an asshole for not realizing that she has to still be in mourning.

She looks at me and gives me a small smile, but I notice her eyes sparkling with unshed tears, tears my question caused. “I’ll tell you what. I won’t speak of Julie if you don’t speak of my dad. Deal?” she leans in and whispers to me.

“Deal.” I smile at her as we once again tip our beverages together. I sit back, enjoying my beer, and listening to my buddies give the girls their best pickup lines. Even though we agreed not to talk about Julie, I still can’t get her out of my head. I desperately need to get hammered and erase her from my mind.

I order another beer and then another and then another as the evening continues. I even order a round of shots. I feel Jackie’s eyes watching me each time the waitress brings me another drink.

The guys are easily making time with the girls, dancing and laughing and joking. Meanwhile, Jackie sits quietly next to me, watching as the others have fun. Her friends are being asked to dance while she is stuck here watching me as I sit here peeling labels off of beer bottles. What an awesome date I am! I’m about to order another drink when I feel her soft hand touch mine.

“Tyler, don’t you think you should slow down?” Jackie finally breaks the silence between us.

Looking over at Jackie, I can see her concern, but I ignore it. “Last time I checked, princess, I was of legal drinking age, so why don’t you stop lecturing me and join me,” I say to her as I place my hand on her knee and feel the softness of her skin. I start working my hand up her thigh. Maybe I need more than just a drink to get Julie off my mind.

Her concern quickly turns to anger as she immediately removes my hand from her knee and stands, scooting out the other side of the booth. Coming back around to look down at me, she announces, “I think it’s time for me to go. I’ll send your friends over to check on you.”

I grab her hand to stop her. “What’s the matter, Cinderella, is it midnight? Why are you leaving so soon? Don’t you want to stay and dance? Or better yet, let’s go somewhere and be alone,” I ask as she quickly snatches her hand back.

“Tyler, I wanted to dance hours ago, but I guess all you wanted to do was drown yourself in booze. It’s late and I need to finish my essay,” she scolds me.

“Whatever, princess. I see you’re still an annoying brat, just like in high school. It’s funny how now you are acting like you don’t like me, when I couldn’t get you to leave me alone at school. I knew you were just a prick tease,” I say to her before taking another swig of beer.

“Maybe I am. It’s funny, though. I could have sworn you didn’t remember me in high school or was that just an act for Julie’s sake? Hmm, I guess you no longer have to worry about pretending now, do you?” The deadly venom of the words coming from her mouth do not match her sweet innocent face.

“One more thing before I go. Don’t ever call me princess again. You’re not worthy to call me that.” She spits out before walking away. I didn’t even get the chance to fight back or to even ask her why I wasn’t worthy. Honestly, at this point, I don’t even fucking care. Who needs the prima donna anyway?