The next few days are a blur as I go through the motions of sleeping at Holly and Mike’s to getting up and heading to the hospital to visit with Jackie. She is finally sent to a step-down unit, where visiting hours are less strict. I am able to visit more, but she is so highly sedated that most of the time she sleeps. It’s okay though, as long as I can be with her, it is okay.

I even fall asleep at one point, holding her hand, when I hear her call my name.

“Tyler,” she says.

I open my eyes to see her looking at me. “Are you okay? Do you need the nurse?” I ask her, still groggy from sleep or the lack thereof.

“No, I’m okay. What happened?” she asks, sounding more like herself.

“You were in a car accident,” I tell her.

“I don’t remember,” she says.

“It’s okay, the doctors said you probably wouldn’t. But you’re going to be okay.”

“Am I hurt bad?” she asks me.

“They had to remove your spleen and your legs are badly broken. But the doctor says you’re going to be okay,” I reassure her.

“Is it still the Fourth of July?” she asks.

“No, darling.” I laugh. “That was three days ago.”

“I’ve been here for three days?” she asks, looking shocked.

“Yes, the accident happened in the afternoon of the Fourth.”

“Why was I driving? Was I going to the store or something? I remember being at home with everyone and helping Mom in the kitchen.”

“Do you remember talking to Julie?” I ask her.

“Yeah, she and Ben showed up early. We weren’t expecting them until the weekend for the baby shower. She wanted to talk to me, she said she had something for me.”

“Do you remember what it was?” I ask her as I reach for her hand.

She lies back a moment, looking like she is deep in thought, before she starts talking again. “Letters. The letters I wrote to Jason.”

“Was that it?”

“No, there was a letter he wrote to me, but never had a chance to mail. I liked writing letters to him, but he hated to write. He always waited to just call or Skype with me.”

“Did you read the letter?”

“I didn’t want to read it in front of her. She was upset that she didn’t know about Jason and me. I tried to explain it was only because my dad would have freaked out knowing I was seeing him after he forbid me to.”

“Why was your dad so against you seeing Jason? Was it your age?”

“Yes, I was only fifteen when I started seeing him. We were finally going to tell everyone, but he wanted me to wait till he was home on leave. He never made it home.”

“Do you want to talk about it? You were very upset when I tried to talk to you that afternoon before you drove off.” I explain to her.

“I was? I don’t remember seeing you. Oh, Tyler, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, like I said, you were upset.”

“I was upset. I felt like Julie was putting me on the spot. The things between Jason and me were private. I know she was close to her brother, but I wasn’t ready to discuss it with her.”

“Did she read all your letters?”

“She said she only read a few. I guess I believe her. I didn’t want to read his letter in front of her, especially with the other box she gave me.”

“What other box?”

“A ring box. It had an engagement ring inside.”

“He was going to propose to you?” I ask, trying desperately not to be jealous.

“It looks that way,” she says before the tears start rolling down her cheeks.

I lean in, kissing them away, and holding her gently. “You don’t have to tell me any more, if you don’t want to,” I whisper to her.

“I want to. I want you to know everything.”

I sit back and hold her hand as she tells her story.

“You were right about me always stalking you. That day, so long ago, when you helped me find my brothers and sisters, you were my hero. I know I was an annoying kid, but I thought you were my Prince Charming. Even when I got to high school, I still had a huge crush on you. I did things, hoping you would pay attention to me, like entering pageants and joining the cheer squad. I even let Jason kiss me under the bleachers after one of the games, hoping it would make you jealous.”

“You didn’t like Jason back then?” I ask her, surprised by her admission.

“I liked him, and as we kept seeing each other, I did fall in love with him, but that day I’ll admit I was using him. I never told him that, or that I once had a crush on you. Like I said, I was a kid.

“Jason did the honorable thing and asked Daddy if he could date me. Well, he should have known the answer would be absolutely not. That didn’t stop us though, and we snuck around a lot. Then Jason told me he joined the Marines. He wanted to break things off with me before he went to boot camp, but I insisted I would wait for him. All through the rest of my high school years, I would write to him but he wouldn’t write back. He felt I was giving up my freedom to go out and have fun, by waiting for him.

“Every time he would come home on leave, he would try to convince me that we were no longer a couple. I know that is why he didn’t want Julie to know. At the time I was okay with that.”

“When did it change?”

“After I graduated high school. He came home on leave and I guess he missed me, so we started seeing each other again. We became more serious, if you know what I mean.”

I nod, holding back my jealously.

“Well, the last time he came home, he wanted everyone to know about us, but this time I hesitated. I was in my first year of college and I wasn’t sure what I wanted. I was still in love with him, though. I asked him to wait until his next leave before we told everyone. He wasn’t happy about it, but he agreed. Then it happened.”

“What happened?” I ask her.

“I got pregnant.” She looks at me.

I look at her in shock. “Did you tell him?”

“Yes, I called him. It was just before he was due to come home for the holidays. He was so happy about it. He couldn’t wait to come home and tell everyone. I insisted he wait, so we could tell them all together.”

“But then he got killed.” I finish.

“Yes,” she says as she tears up again. “The day before they brought his body home, I miscarried.”

“Oh, baby, I’m so sorry.” I pull her hand to my face, kissing it and holding it tightly. “You don’t have to tell me any more. You need to rest.”

“I’m okay. You see, I don’t want to tell Julie about that. Not right now when she is pregnant with her babies. I don’t want to upset her.”

“I understand and one day she will too. What did his letter say? Do you remember?”

“Like I said, he hated writing but he did it this time for me. He told me he loved me and he decided he would finish his term and not re-enlist. He knew I hated him being over there in the war. He was happy about the baby, even though it was a surprise, it was a good surprise, he said. He had always wanted a family. He proposed to me in the letter. I think he was waiting to bring it home with him and give it to me in person.”

“Does anyone else know about this?” I ask.

“My mom. I can’t hide anything from my mom.” She laughs. “She promised to take my secret to the grave, if I chose to never say anything. Of course, my dad knew too, unfortunately.”

“How did that go?”

“He didn’t give me a hard time about it. What was the point? Both Jason and the baby were gone. He was supportive, like a good dad should be.”

“I’m glad,” I say, wishing my dad was as supportive.

“Tyler, I’m sorry about the other day. I wasn’t trying to lecture you.”

“I know, we will talk about it later. No more talking, you need to rest,” I tell her as I stand and kiss her gently on the lips.

“Okay, will you be here when I wake up?” she asks as her eyes start closing.

“I’m not going anywhere,” I reassure her.

“I love you,” she whispers before falling back to sleep.

“I love you too,” I whisper as I hold her hand and sit back down.